


Home is Where the Puppy Lives

by TiggerUsername



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Idiots in Love, Jiara - Freeform, Slow Burn, True Love, puppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 127,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiggerUsername/pseuds/TiggerUsername
Summary: Four months after John B and Sarah disappear, everything in Outer Banks is strange. JJ and Kiara are hardly talking. Pope is hardly around. And storms keep coming.That is until Kiara decides to visit the chateau after work one day and finds a puppy stuck in the destruction of the night outside.Being the animal-lover that Kiara is, Kiara knows that she can't just leave him, even if he's damaged.A work of fiction working on snippets on how a puppy can change lives for the better and show two idiots in love what they could be.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 205
Kudos: 281





	1. One: What happened after...

**Author's Note:**

> As my first work of fiction, I decided to look into the pairing of JJ and Kiara because they have so much potential. This story starts straight after the events provided in the show and then looks through their lives and how happy they could be in the future. I have aged them to be seniors just to work better for my story. 
> 
> This idea came to me when I went to choose my own puppy on the same day as watching Marley and Me- saddest dog film in history.

_They can't be gone._

_It's not fucking fair._

That's all Kiara can think of. Ever since she saw the boat go into the distance, Kiara couldn't stop crying. She can't stop wondering why they didn't just hide them for a week to avoid the bad weather. They then could have made it.

Here she was, sat in the middle of JJ and Pope, waiting for Shoupe to come back with the news that cannot be good. She reaches out to both Pope and JJ, taking their hands as a way of support. Support? No. They're her only life lines left.

John B was the glue. It's hard to think about what will happen without John B being there to calm the group down when something happened. Even harder to think about how the three leftover Pogues are directionless without their moral compass. Kiara's life is undetermined. She cannot even think of a future without the good ol' leader John B.

She can read her boys like a book. She always has been able to. Back when she originally met the boys from the bad side of Outer Banks, she immediately read their personalities. John B the leader. The other two would follow him anywhere; that was extremely clear to Kiara. Pope was the brains of the bunch. As soon as Kiara met Pope, Pope rambled on about what happens to a corpse in the first twenty-four hours after death. Interesting? Sure. Creepy? Hell yes. But that is what made Pope, Pope. JJ was slightly harder to read at first. He was all over the place the first time Kiara met JJ- calling her Kie and ignoring any attempts of her real name. Kiara thought he must be the hyperactive kid in the group. Then, Kiara saw how many times JJ would show up to the chateau with bruises. Kiara then believed him to be the reckless one. Always looking for a fight. It wasn't until that night in the hot tub that Kiara understood that JJ's bruises were not always from fights with Kooks- they were fights (read: beatings) from his father. That night changed how Ciara read JJ. JJ was broken.

Kiara being able to read the boys meant that she could make a pretty good guess about what was going on in their heads at this very moment in time.

Pope keeps nodding and murmuring every time someone walks through the tent entrance. Pope is the optimist. He's thinking of all the possible ways in which John B and Sarah may have made it to safety. Because... hey! Pope doesn't believe in death until there is a body to see. There has been no sign of John B nor Sarah's bodies meaning that they can't be dead.

Whilst Kiara is crying, and Pax is whispering, JJ makes no noise. He keeps his jaw clenched and his eyebrows furrowed. Kiara knows this look. He's holding it all back to make sure that he doesn't break a strong persona that he has created. It's a look that often shows up at the chateau after JJ has been at work at the garage or has been home to make sure that his dad hasn't drowned in his own self-loathing.

Time seems to be standing still, yet everything seems to be happening at once. It feels like hours later even though it's only been thirty minutes by the time that Shoupe returns to the left behind Pogues. Shoupe seems to be having a hard time holding it together.

_Like he knows how this feels._

"We've lost the boat." It's such a simple sentence that is loaded with too much meaning. Kiara doesn't hear anything after that statement, even when Shoupe keeps trying to talk to her. It's a sentence that Kiara had been expecting, but she didn't want to believe.

_They can't be gone._

_John B is strong._

_Sarah is stubborn._

Pope keeps shaking his head, denying the truth behind Shoupe's words. JJ keeps still, completely contradicting his normal hyperactive self. Kiara cannot sit still. Kiara cannot fight the tears that keep falling. Kiara cannot think straight.

Everything after _those_ words goes by in flashes for Kiara. Shoupe trying to soothe the issue at hand. JJ finally moving. Only moving to hit Shoupe. But still moving. Pope finally letting a tear fall down his shaking body. Their parents arriving and seeing them in a mess. It's too much to handle, even with her mom's arms wrapped tightly around her and the soft whispers from her dad "you're going to be okay". 

_None of this is okay._

_..._

The emotion is high, so high that it takes all of their parents' power to pull the three Pogues away from each other. Well, Pope's parents and Kiara's parents. It is times like these that really make a show that JJ's only family is the Pogues. His only safe place is the chateau. And now, his whole family dynamic is changing. JJ's best friend- no. JJ's brother John B was gone and JJ is not very hopeful that he'll ever come home.

With Pope and Kiara going home in their respective cars, JJ is left outside the tent in the rain alone. Pope's parents had offered a safe place to stay for JJ, but JJ knows they're only offering because they had to. It was the right thing to say. So, that is why JJ is sitting on a soaked bench on his own. JJ is left with his own thoughts.

_They're gone._

_They're not coming back._

It's not entirely JJ's fault with how negative he is being about the situation. JJ has only ever had bad things happen to him. His mom runs away from him, his dad beats him- blaming him for everything, the gold being taken, the fucking Kooks taking everything from him. And now? John B and Sarah are gone. And all JJ can think about is how this is all his fault.

It was JJ that convinced John B to go for the gold. It was JJ that insisted that they needed to find the fucking gold to avenge Big John. Fuck. This all happened because of the gold. It all happened because of JJ's recklessness getting in the way of everything again. 

He should cry, he should show how he is feeling. But the tears won't come. They can't. Ever since Luke first hit JJ on JJ's fifth birthday, he knew to not show his emotions. If JJ shows his emotions, it's a sign of weakness. A sign for Luke to keep hitting. Keep kicking. Keep threatening. All because, as JJ's beloved father would say, he needed to stop acting like an emotional bitch and handle it like a fucking man. And JJ needs to be a fucking man right now. He cannot break in front of the cops that chased after an innocent person and let the real Kooks get away with everything. He cannot break in front of the passerby's that already know him as a Maybank. Luke Maybank would beat JJ until he was black and blue if he heard people around the town calling the Maybanks 'wimps'.

The rain is making JJ shiver. He knows he should probably get out of here and find a dry place to stay but the only place he can think of is his shack of a home where his dad would be waiting for him after figuring out that the keys around his neck were gone and the Phantom was missing. JJ didn't want to deal with that tonight. JJ stands to his tired feet and looks down at his messy, drenched clothes. This was going to be a long night if JJ didn't find somewhere to go.

JJ takes off, aimlessly into the night, away from all the bad drama that has come from that small tent. It should come to no surprise when he ends up outside the chateau. The chateau looks the same, obviously. But JJ still feels the sudden eeriness about how quiet everything is. Normally the chateau would be filled with laughter long into the night until the Pogues were too drunk or too high to go home and then they would sleep wherever they fell to. Tonight is not that night, however. Tonight it is just JJ stood outside the small building, all alone and broken. 

The cats ass is still sat in front of the chateau. JJ almost cringes at the sight of it. The stupid hot tub that he fucking bought using fucking stolen money. The same hot tub that he decided to stay in for hours and hours and try and wipe away the bruises from his torso. Unfortunately, those big purple marks on his torso were not paint that he could just wash away. Not even drunk JJ could pull at his skin enough for the bruises to look better. The cats ass is just another physical decision in which JJ decided on to present his recklessness. Fuck. There is no chance that JJ could go home. Stealing the Phantom was one thing; however, JJ hasn't been home since Luke found out that JJ had come into possession of 25k. Luke Maybank would definitely think JJ stole from him again. It is too much of a risk. So, JJ decides that the only thing he can do tonight is stay at the place that used to be a hiding place away from all his demons- the chateau.

...

It has been a couple of hours since Pope has been home. The whole journey home had been awkward to say the least. Pope's parents kept on about how happy they were that Pope didn't decide to go with John B and Sarah. The truth is, they didn't ask Pope. If they had asked Pope, he doesn't know what he would have answered.

_They're not dead._

_They must have made it._

Pope knows deep down that there must be a chance that John B and Sarah survived. Pope knows how death works and this is not normally how death occurs. Shipwreck seems to be a theme in Outer Banks, however. Pope must stay positive. He has to be the positive one to give some hope to the other Pogues. Pope must keep thinking of how Big John initially survived a head injury and being thrown overboard by Ward. If Big John could survive such impact, John B and Sarah could survive the storm. It all makes sense in Pope's head. John B was the one that sailed in the bad weather and made it look like child's play. And, Pope knew deep down that John B would protect Sarah with his life. John B has probably found a way to save Sarah and they will all live happily ever after.

As soon as Pope is in the house, he is asking Heyward if he can go and visit Kiara. Pope knows that Kiara was crying when Shoupe told them the news. Pope knows that he needs to be there for her. Heyward agrees and it confuses Pope for a moment before he is running out the house and on his way to Kiara.

She kissed him earlier that day. Pope remembers this clear as day. But it confuses Pope. Kiara told him that she didn't like him like that but then she kisses him. He knows how selfish it sounds, but he is very happy that it was her that initiated the kiss. Maybe he is the only Pogue that will get the girl for once. It's about time that Pope comes out on top. 

Pope reaches Kiara's door and knocks, hoping that the brunette only girl Pogue is still awake. Fortunately, Kiara is the one to open the door. Kiara has tear-stained cheeks and is still wearing the damp clothes that she was in earlier that. day.She looks at him, confused. "Pope? What are you doing here?" She says almost as a whisper.

"I needed to check if you were okay?"

"Of course I'm not ok, Pope. We just lost our friends." Kiara had tears in her eyes making Pope step forward as a way of support.

"Maybe they made it." Kiara scoffs, obviously not believing him. Pope's not surprised. "Kie..."

"I just want to be alone right now." She tries to shut the door but Pope puts his foot in the way. "Kie"

"Stop trying to protect me, Pope. I need to be alone right now and you need to go home." This made Pope nod. He understood her like no one else. Kiara is strong when she needs to be. She likes to cry alone and Pope is okay with this. 

_It's how she mourns._

_..._

It must be nearly two in the morning when Kiara shows up at the front door of the old house in which is known as the chateau. Kiara doesn't really know what drew her to the house but she knows that she couldn't sleep and she couldn't get the days events out of her head. So, here she is. Staring at the chateau that has so many memories that she cannot even count. She's scared to go in though. She knows it's empty but she still feels like she could be walking into something. She is walking into the past in which is no longer here. No longer in the now empty chateau.

Kiara takes a couple steps into the chateau before she realises that she is not alone. A sound comes from the kitchen which makes her jump. Kiara takes a small step towards the kitchen before spotting a sweater on the pull-out that looked familiar. John B. Kiara shakes her head in disbelief and keeps stalking towards the kitchen. What Kiara sees however, is not the ghost of one of her best friends but instead, sees a different friend altogether. JJ. "JJ". Kiara's voice makes the blond boy jump out of skin and drop the sandwich in which he had just made onto the floor. Kiara internally cringes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"It's fine, Kie." His voice sounds restless. JJ doesn't look up to Kiara's expressions. But Kiara can read him. Kiara carefully takes a step forward. "I couldn't sleep." Kiara whispers.

"So you came all the way to the cut?" A smirk begins to appear on JJ's mouth. Forced? Kiara is sure. It makes Kiara roll her eyes playfully, just like she always has done. "I thought you would be with Pope."

It is only then that Kiara remembers all the events of the day. All the events including her randomly kissing Pope. It makes sense to Kiara now- why Pope came to see her in the middle of the night. She doesn't know why she kissed Pope but she knows that it would only lead him on which was not her intention. Nothing has changed, she is still not into Pope in that way. Maybe she just wanted to feel like she wasn't losing anyone. But that kiss may have just led to her losing two of her three best friends all in one day.

"I'm not with Pope." JJ begins to move. Kiara for a second thinks he's about to pull her into a warm embrace; however, JJ just reaches behind Kiara to the fridge. JJ pulls out a pack of beers and makes his way back into the living area. Kiara follows, with a sudden need to not be alone. Kiara slouches down next to JJ, stealing the beer from his hands as he is about to drink. Kiara lifts the bottle up and drinks. "Come all the way to the cut and steal my booze? How Kook of you Kie." He smiles. It looks genuine and Kiara doesn't know how long she's been waiting for something to feel genuine.

"Just needed something, you know?" Kiara can feel his eyes on her but she can't bring herself to look at him. She needs to stay strong for once in her goddamn life. 

"You don't need to hold back, Kie." God, JJ can read her just as well as she can read him "I know you're here to cry. So, you can cry if you want." It's all she needs to hear before she starts crying. She needs this. 

A few moments go by with just the sounds of Kiara crying, filling the warm room in the chateau. JJ doesn't try to comfort Kiara, he knows she doesn't like to be touched, she likes to lead the touching. He just watches her cry. And then she stops. Kiara wipes away her tears before turning to JJ, who is still watching her. JJ holds out the beer in which Kiara was drinking as a way of saying 'it's okay'. Kiara smiles and takes the beer from his waiting hand. "I don't want to cry anymore" Kiara squeaks out, still trying to hold back the hiccups from the crying.

"Then we're not gonna cry." Kiara nods back at JJ and downs the rest of her drink, before reaching for another beer. 

...

It turns into a game of who can down their beer the quickest. Winner- JJ. But Kiara won't give up until she has won to prove that she can be just as good as any of the guys. They down the bottle of beer, JJ only just beating Kiara this time. "I swear you're cheating." Kiara hiccups out.

"Just admit it Kie, you will never be able to out drink the one and only JJ Maybank." JJ laughs back.

Kiara could tell that they are both getting to their drunk stage, but she didn't care. She needed to forget about the day just as much as JJ needed to. "Rematch" 

"When are you gonna give it up. You will never win."  
"Oh, I will win." They banter back and forth, drinking bottle after bottle of beer. Kiara's never even been a fan of beer, but tonight it is going down extremely well. 

They banter back and forth and JJ keeps winning over and over again. They don't realise how close they have gotten until Kiara reaches for the last bottle and almost falls on top of JJ. JJ stops laughing all at once and looks down at the girl. Kiara looks up at JJ, definitely feeling the affect of the alcohol. All the events from the day are forgotten as soon as Kiara leans forward and kisses JJ. It's a quick kiss, a kiss that JJ cannot even bring himself to enjoy. He doesn't kiss back, still in shock that Kiara Carrera- his best friend- was kissing him. As quickly as it happens, Kiara leans away and shakes off the awkwardness.

"I'm sorry" Kiara screams out, running her hand through her long, brunette locks.

"Kie..." Kiara looks back at JJ. It feels like hours, the two drunk teenagers looking back and forth at each other, trying to work out what is going on. 

They want to forget. Forget about the pain. Forget about the gold. Forget about their parents. Forget about everything. They needed something. They needed to feel at home. Even if it is only for one night. "Fuck" JJ murmurs underneath his breath before pulling Kiara back to him, kissing her deeply. Kiara quickly reciprocated the kiss, finding herself leaning to climb to sit on JJ. His lips find her neck and Kiara lets out a slight huff of air, enjoying his movements. 

Kiara pushes down on JJ until JJ breaks away from her neck and looks into her eyes, questioning "Kie..."

"Just keep going." Kiara huffs back before pulling JJ back to her. She can taste the beer mixed with the weed on his tongue and she needs more. Even just for a moment. This is a good idea. A way that they can both forget and get lost in each other rather that get lost in the sorrow of losing their friends. No. Kiara will not think of that tonight. She needs to think of anything else tonight. 

So, they don't stop when Kiara begins to pull on JJ's hair. They don't stop when JJ asks if he can take off Kiara's shirt. They don't stop when they drunkenly stumble to the bedroom. They don't stop as they finally come together. 

...

The next morning is a different story. Kiara wakes first, which is actually a shock to her saying how much of a heavy sleeper Kiara is and how much of a light sleeper JJ is. She feels sore as she looks over and sees a naked JJ spread out on the bed next to her.

_Shit. This was a bad idea._

Yes, they were able to forget about what happened in one day. Yes, they were good together. Yes, it was fun. But, no. This was a bad idea. Kiara is frozen, sat on the bed. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want that awkward _we just had sex_ chat with JJ. She doesn't want to think about how Pope is going to hate this. Shit. Pope. She only kissed Pope yesterday. It is too much. As Kiara begins to shuffle around, JJ turns over with open eyes looking up at Kiara. Kiara spots JJ and internally cringes, covering herself even though he's seen everything now. It looks like JJ cringes as well as he sits up.

"Shit." Is all that JJ mutters. It makes Kiara huff out an awkward laugh.

"Yep" Kiara replies.

"We had sex." 

"Yep" Kiara repeats. 

"Shit." 

"JJ..."

"Don't worry, Kie. We were both drunk." Kiara looks at him, confused. "Let's just forget it happened. Grief sex. That's it." Kiara doesn't know why that statement hurts Kiara as much as it does but she feels her heart drop. This was definitely a mistake. "Is this going to be weird?" JJ asks.

Kiara shrugs "I don't know, JJ." It's the truth. Kiara is not very good at this. A one-night stand and especially with a best friend. "Everything is weird." It makes JJ nod. At least they are on the same page about that. 

"I'll leave." JJ awkwardly stands up, putting on his boxers and walking to the door.

_Yep. This is going to be weird._

As soon as JJ is out of the room, Kiara lays back down on the bed feeling herself go red. Shit. Kiara had sex with JJ. She's never thought about doing it before but as soon as John B is gone, she's with JJ letting him have his way with her. Kiara keeps thinking about the fact that this was all because they wanted to forget about John B presumably being dead, but deep down Kiara knows that they'll never recover from John B.

John B was their rock. The one that kept all of them sane and kept them all from breaking up. Without John B here, Kiara cannot think about how things will be anything other than weird. They're missing the person that makes them know where their home is. And Kiara fears that this is just the beginning. They need John B and he is gone. Gone forever. 


	2. Pogues for Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been four months since John B and Sarah disappeared. Kiara is working a lot to try and ignore her emotions. Pope has come back from a trip and has news for the Pogues. And no one has seen JJ for months. A storm is brewing and Kiara is only expecting it to get worse.

It has been four months. Four months since John B and Sarah disappeared and changed all of their lives. For Kiara, it has been four months of non-stop work to make sure that she doesn't get caught up in the mess that is her life. Her parents have loved her spending the time at the Wreck away from her 'heathen' Pogues.

It hasn't even been hard. For the last four months, Pope has been out of town with his family. Kiara wonders if his parents had a similar view on the situation as her parents- John B did this to himself.

_No one knows the truth._

JJ on the other hand has been missing in action ever since JJ and Kiara slept together. They both agreed that it was a mistake, that they should not tell anyone. There isn't really anyone to tell in the first place though. Kiara knows it's probably not the healthiest thing to avoid her best friends because of the stupid mistakes that she has made. But it is something that she needs to do. For the most part, Kiara liked working in the Wreck every day as it gave her a place to be by herself and not be asked 24/7 how she was doing. She hates when people ask her idiotic questions that they already know the answer to.

Of course, this is hard. She lost two people in a fucking storm all because a drug addict Kook killed the Sheriff and it was all pinned on John B. She cries every night, reliving the same scenes over and over again. Sarah and John B on the ocean floor. Their motionless bodies haunt Kiara every moment she closes her eyes. She always wakes up trying to catch her breath as she is drenched in sweat. She should probably tell her parents but Kiara knows that they are done with Kiara moping about someone who, according to most of Outer Banks, murdered Sheriff Peterkin in cold blood.

It doesn't help that Ward is still walking free, as if none of this ever even happened. About a month after Sarah and John B disappeared, the Camerons held what they called a funeral for them. Funeral? Yeah right. They threw a fucking party for the daughter that they lost because she idiotically followed a _murderer_ into the water during a storm. Kiara was forced to go as a way for her mom to get back into the good books with the Kooks. It was fucking laughable how Anna would just laugh along with what Ward was saying and even tried to get Kiara to make nice with Rafe.

_Fucking Kooks._

The fucking Kooks are another reason why Kiara is enjoying working as much as she is. The Kooks don't visit the Wreck due to it not being up to their pretentious tastes. Kiara is left to deal with the Tourons that only know what is going on from passing comments. Even if they believe the bullshit, the Tourons are always gone after a week of their business so, it works for Kiara.

Today is a particularly slow day at the Wreck, Kiara thinks it must be because another storm has been brewing. The storms seem to be endless at the moment. Kiara is busy cleaning the counter down as her dad approaches her "You know you don't have to work today." Kiara just shrugs. There is no point telling him the truth about why she is here. She isn't too sure herself. "Go and see your friends." He's playing nice.

"I thought you didn't like my friends?" Kiara doesn't want to play nice.

"I'm just saying." Kiara thinks the conversation is over so goes back to cleaning the counter. "Those boys would normally be sniffing around here like dogs, begging for scraps." Kiara rolls her eyes, trying to get her father to see that she doesn't want this conversation.

"Pope's away so..."

"Okay, tell them to come over to hang out when he gets home." This makes Kiara snicker. Come and hang out? None of them are talking to each other, Kiara knows that neither Pope nor JJ would just show up to the Wreck where they know they would get funny looks from the Tourons as well as Mike Carrera. Hanging out with the Pogues does not sound as intriguing as it once did and Kiara knows that it is all because John B is gone. "They haven't been up for hanging out since John B..." Kiara couldn't finish her sentence, feeling the tears forming in her eyes. He must have spotted the tears because Mike is quickly by Kiara's side, throwing an arm around her. "You're going to be okay."

_Why do people keep saying that?_

Kiara pushes Mike away, wiping away her tears and trying to keep a strong face. "We're not going to be ok, dad." Kiara cringes at her own intense volume and tries to quieten herself down "they're gone. John B is gone. And I have no idea what is going to happen anymore."

"Kiara, I'm sorry."

"No. Stop it. Stop saying you're sorry." Kiara takes a deep breath. "Just let me keep working. This is the only thing that feels normal at the moment." For once, Mike doesn't fight her on it. He just nods and goes back into the kitchen, leaving Kiara to get back to the counter.

Pope being out of town is just an excuse for Kiara. She knows that he will be home in a couple of days and he will be rearing to ask Kiara question that she knows she won't be able to answer. Especially now. Not telling anyone about what happened between herself and JJ should be easy. But it's not. It's not easy pretending like nothing happened because something happened and Kiara knows that it would break Pope if he were to find out even if there is nothing going on between JJ and Kiara. Avoiding Pope entirely is the only thing keeping Kiara from breaking down entirely and ruining all of her relationships in the span of four months. It may be awkward not talking to the boy Pogues, but it is better than losing them completely.

...

Pope thinks of himself as the smartest one of the Pogues. It's pretty obvious though when looking at the other members of their group. That is why it comes quite quickly to Pope the realisation that Kiara is ignoring him. It may make him sound like an obsessive friend that needs to know where his best friends are at all times of the day but it's not the case. Pope knows that Kiara is ignoring him due to the fact that she is working at the Wreck every hour of every day. Even though it's the slow time of the year for the restaurant. He has only been home for a couple of days but he knows that something is up. Kiara hasn't ignored the Pogues since her Kook year, a year that none of them ever like to talk about. But it's not just Kiara that is acting weird but JJ as well. JJ has not been seen anywhere for months, even before Pope went away.

_Maybe they really are nothing without John B._

Pope, being the smartest Pogue, knows that they must be missing John B that much that they are breaking away from the group. But, deep down Pope cannot get the idea that Kiara is ignoring him for a completely different reason out of his head. Four months ago, Pope told Kiara that he loved her. He's loved Kiara for years, even before she had her year with the Kooks. But Pope knows that they all had a thing for her at one point. But Pope did tell Kiara that he loved her. Shit. He was a real idiot for doing that. Pope can't help but wonder if Kiara is ignoring him because she regrets kissing him. Pope must admit, it came to a surprise that she had even kissed him. It felt awkward and completely weird, saying that they were trying to help John B escape.

He still loves her, he thinks. Kiara is still the most beautiful girl that he has ever seen in his life. Pope still hopes that one day she will realise that she could learn to have feelings for him. Pope knows how selfish that sounds. But Pope knows that they could be great together, even if their first kiss was weird. He knows that they just need to talk to each other and then the Pogues would be back together. They would go and find wherever the hell JJ has disappeared to and then John B and Sarah would come home and they would all be happy once more. Because Pope knows that that is what is meant to happen. They are all meant to live happily ever after and be together forever.

That is why Pope decides that today is the day that he breaks the silent to try and get the group back together. Pope will do what John B used to do on a daily basis. Pope is going to be the new moral compass. Pope finishes off his shift at Heyward's shop and begins to head to the door when he spots someone familiar stood by his bike. Rafe Cameron.

Pope goes to turn around but it's too late. Rafe has already spotted him. "You know you guys should have tried to leave with him." Pope decides to try and ignore him and move passed him. But Rafe doesn't let that happen. Rafe snickers at the cowering figure of Pope

"You guys should have just stuck to the fucking cut."

"Just let me go, Rafe." This just makes Rafe laugh louder.

"You know my dad is being questioned by the cops because your boy spat some shit about him killing Big John?"

"He did kill Big John. Just like how you killed Sheriff Peterkin!" Rafe doesn't wait any longer to make Pope really regret his words. Rafe launches forward, punching Pope square on the face. Pope almost falls straight to the floor but forces himself to stay stood. Rafe doesn't stop. "Fucking Pogue" Rafe repeats this over and over again, making sure to keep hitting Pope with every syllable.

Pope knew all along that they shouldn't have got into finding the gold. The gold only led them to being chased by hitmen and then finding out that the gold is why Ward is crazy. If they didn't go after the gold, Sheriff Peterkin would have never had to save John B and Sarah from Ward. Sheriff Peterkin would never have been shot. They should have stayed out of the drama.

But here he is taking every punch from Rafe. Here he is taking all the spiteful words that come out of Rafe's mouth. Pope eventually falls to the ground, in pain feeling everything. "Hey!" A voice appears from the front of the shop. Hayward. It makes Rafe stop and turn to the voice. "Get the hell out of here before I call the cops."  
  


Rafe just smirks and stands straight and then leaves, looking pretty pleased with himself. He still thinks he can own everything even when his own father is being questioned by the cops and it wouldn't be too long until someone starts to realises what a phony Rafe is.

...

That evening, Pope makes his way to Kiara's house. The weather is getting back. Pope had to do a lot of convincing to get Heyward to give him a lift to Kiara's house. Going back and forth between Pope and Heyward talking, they had come to a decision. You see, Pope didn't leave town just to grieve Sarah and John B. Pope left to look at colleges. Pope wasn't sure that he wanted to leave Outer Banks but that afternoon, as Heyward patched him up after the fight with Rafe, it was decided that he was going. Pope is going to leave Outer Banks so that his parents can sleep knowing that their son is safe.

He knocks on Kiara's door, just like he had done four months earlier. And just like that time four months earlier, Kiara opens the door with a confused expression. This time though, Pope doesn't smile at her. She needs to hear what Pope needs to say. "You've been ignoring me, Kie." She just looks down.

"I'm sorry Pope" It sounds sincere.

"Why have you been ignoring me?" He doesn't mean to get angry, but he is. Pope hates being ignored and he doesn't even know what he is meant to be apologising for.

"It's just so much Pope and I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me Kie if you don't ignore me."

"I still can't be who you want me to be Pope. I can't" She's breaking down, crying uncontrollably. It makes Pope tear up as well.

"Then why did you kiss me?"

"I didn't want to lose you." It all makes sense to Pope now. She didn't kiss him because she liked him. Kiara knew she was about to lose her best friend and she needed to feel close to someone. Queue Pope. Pope can't be mad at her. He can't be mad that she doesn't love him back. He's not mad at her especially right now as Kiara stands in front of Pope, looking broken.

He knows that she doesn't want to be touched. She doesn't like to be touched. So, he stands looking at her. Taking her in. God, Pope is going to miss her. He needs to tell her. After all, there are no secrets amongst Pogues. Pope takes a deep breath before breaking the silence. "I got accepted into Duke." Kiara looks up at him. "I'm leaving Outer Banks, Kie." Kiara wipes away her tears before eventually speaking.

"You'll be great there."

"I'm leaving Outer Banks in a week." It is the news that Pope has been leading to say the whole journey to Kiara's house. Pope is not just leaving Outer Banks; he is leaving so soon. "Okay" She is trying to keep it together, Pope can tell. "Pogues for life?" She gives Pope a small smile. Because they all know, the Pogues are falling apart. It's going to be hard to keep them together but she replies "Pogues for life."

So, maybe Pope is wrong about Kiara finally loving Pope in the way he wants but he knows that Kiara will always be there for him. She's one of his best friends. And, that's okay. It's okay as long as they promise to never forget one another.

...

Pope makes the first move to repair the bridge and Kiara is relieved by this. He spoke to her even though she had pretty much shut him down. It's the reason why the No Pogue on Pogue Macking was even made. The rule made sure that if anyone had any feelings for anyone else in the group, they avoided the feelings to avoid the chance of rejection. But Pope understood Kiara. And they remain friends.

The new issue is that Pope is leaving. Another Pogue leaves Outer Banks, maybe forever. Whilst Kiara is happy that Pope has been accepted into a great college, she knows what this means. She knows that this is the end of the Pogues. It will only be Kiara and JJ left and JJ is still MIA. The week goes by quickly, with Kiara spending almost all the time making up for lost Pogue time with Pope.

It is the day before Pope leaves and Kiara decides that they need to go to the docks one last time before he leaves. Kiara even decides to go over to the garage to see if JJ is working and wanted to come and fish off the dock as a way to say goodbye to Pope. But just like how he has been missing in action with her, JJ is not at work. He hasn't been at work for a few weeks. Kiara decides to shake it off, knowing that it's a path that she does not want to follow right now. Anyways, this is a day of celebration. Pope's final day in Outer Banks.

The wind has picked up, but this doesn't stop Kiara's determination to make this a happy day. So, Pope and Kiara sit on the wet dock covered in coats and trying to not be pushed into the water by the wind. Pope is trying to fish but, just like a normal day, no fish seem to be biting. Kiara laughs at this. This feels normal. "I give up."

"Don't give up, Pope. They're just around the corner." They both know this as a joke. Pope is the worst fisher in Outer Banks, luckily something he won't need in Duke. 

"At least JJ isn't here to make fun of this." Kiara catches a breath, she doesn't know why JJ's name makes her scared all of a sudden. "He's missing his last chance to make fun of me."

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'll let him use my phone to send you jokes when you're at college." JJ is the only Pogue that doesn't have a phone. He always says that the doesn't want a brick that people could use to track him. The rest of the Pogues wanted him to have a phone for that reason. "God. I'm gonna miss you." Kiara breathes out.

"I'll come home for the holidays." Pope abandons the fishing altogether, turning to face Kiara. "And you still have JJ." Ciara scoffs. 

"JJ is in hiding."

"You know JJ, Kie. He does this all the time and then he'll come back with a massive smirk plastered on his face and a joint between his fingers." Pope tries to lighten the mood. But the wind is getting stronger and Kiara can feel herself breaking.

"I don't know..."

"Whatever happened between you two will blow over eventually." Pope interrupts. "JJ just needs time. He always finds his way back."

"Only when John B forces him to." Pope goes silent. They have an unspoken rule for the day to not bring John B's disappearance into conversation to force emotions to surface. She doesn't mean to bring him up. But she has to. John B was the leader of the Pogues. "He'll be back." Kiara isn't too sure if Pope is talking about JJ or John B; however, Kiara is doubtful that either will return. 

A wisp of wind interrupts the eery silence. Kiara thinks tonight must be the night for the storm to really hit. She can feel the floorboards beneath her vibrating through the bad weather. "I think the storm is telling us it's time to go." Pope jokes, making Kiara snicker as she watches the rain fall into the water below her. 

"It's not going to be the same."

"It's already not the same." 

_Nothing will be the same ever again._

...

Kiara drops Pope off at his house after the two stop crying in an emotional goodbye. Pope will do great at Duke but she will miss one of her best friends. She knows she should go home. The weather pushes a tree down on the drive and scares the shit out of Kiara. She should go home and watch as another storm devastates Outer Banks. But this storm is only bringing her nightmares back to her. She's wide awake, still sat in her car looking at her house in front of her. Tears are threatening to fall and Kiara closes her eyes to try and force them to stay put. By closing her eyes however, all Kiara can see is the Phantom taking Sarah and John B into the waves. 

A crack of lightning jumps Kiara into motion and she is starting the car once more. She drives even though she is having a difficult time fighting the tears away and not swerving the car. She doesn't stop the car until she is parked outside the chateau. The chateau is already feeling the impact of the storm with a tree threatening to fall at any moment. But it doesn't matter. The chateau is the only place where she feels safe. Kiara has been finding herself coming back to the chateau throughout these months after their disappearance. She just needs a sense of normalcy and the only thing that has ever felt normal is the security within the battered walls of the chateau. 

Throughout the years, the chateau has survived multiple storms and floods but every time there is a storm Kiara finds herself wishing that this won't be the storm to take the chateau. 

A sheet of lightning lights up the sky and Kiara gets a better look at the chateau. No lights are on but the door is wide open. Kiara hopes that some random person hasn't decided to break in and take everything. Kiara moves closer to the stairs and looks into the house. The place is a mess. But no messier than usual. Everything is in the same place as it was the last time she came over. She walks onto the porch, listening to the familiar creak from the floorboard underneath her. There is that normalcy that she wants. She just stands there for what feels like hours, just taking in the porch that she has spent so many hours on. Thunder rolls from the sky, waking Kiara up from her thoughts. Kiara looks out to the world being destroyed by a storm. 

_This storm is going to be a bitch._

Kiara begins to turn around but is stopped by the sound of a yelp. The yelp comes from the stairs of the porch. Kiara thinks she must be imagining things as nothing is there. But when Kiara begins to move away again, a much louder yelp is heard. Yeah. Kiara doesn't that great of an imagination. Kiara stalks back to the stairs and looks closer. Kiara reaches for her phone and turns the torch on to find out what is causing the sound. 

Scrunched in a ball, under the stairs is a small creature. It takes Kiara a moment to realise that it is a dog. Kiara goes to move closer but the dog begins to whimper, obviously scared. No. Kiara's wrong. This isn't a dog. It's a puppy. A puppy that doesn't look any older than eight weeks. The puppy has a brown and white coat, with Kiara guessing it to be a spaniel of some sort, maybe a mix-breed. The puppy is shaking and tucked completely up under the stairs. Kiara goes to the bottom of the stairs to try and get the puppy to trust her. Kiara makes herself look small. It looks as if it is working when the puppy begins to crawl closer. A sudden crash of thunder echoes and the puppy moves back to its original position.

Giving up with the idea of trying to trick the puppy to move closer, Kiara reaches under the stairs to pull the puppy out. The puppy is howling up a storm but Kiara can't leave him out in the storm. As soon as Kiara picks the puppy up, she is running up the stairs and straight into the chateau. Kiara holds the puppy tight to try and stop the whimpering. She is whispering in his ear, trying to soothe him. 

When Kiara looks down at the puppy, she notices a cut on his face which looks like he must have run into barbed wire. The puppy is obviously in pain and Kiara feels the need to heal him. She takes him straight to the bathroom to have a better look at his injuries. The poor thing is bleeding. Luckily for Kiara, no one has taken the first aid box out of the bathroom.

It takes a couple of hours, but Kiara finally heals the puppy and calms him down enough that he could go back to being on his feet. For the first time since Kiara found him, the puppy is hopping around looking happy. A genuine smile appears on Kiara's face. This time when thunder is heard, the puppy comes running at Kiara to hide behind her feet. Kiara sits on the sofa and just looks down at the puppy without a collar. He is laying down on her feet, falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The puppy makes his first appearance but JJ is still missing.


	3. Never-ending Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara cannot leave this puppy. She cannot let another being be swallowed up by the storm.

The waves are getting higher and higher. Crashing down into white foam. The normally crystal-clear calming sea now is a whirlwind of dark blue nightmares. It's a storm that no one could possibly sail through. A storm that John B and Sarah try to sail through. And it looks, maybe just for a moment, that they might make it. Afterall, John B is one of the best people in Outer Banks. Someone who deserves to be lucky for once in his life.

The waves may be getting higher, but the Phantom is the illusion of a much stronger ship that could survive any storm in the world. Luke Maybank's prized possession. It's the best hope they've got to get through the arm of water, crashing around them. It looks like they're going to make it. They keep getting further and further out until they can no longer see the land where people are praying to the gods to keep them safe. They are safe. They've made it.

It's only then that a tsunami of waves come crashing towards the Phantom. John B and Sarah cannot do anything other than stand and watch the incoming waves. The waves are now monsters attacking the boat. The Phantom begins to live up to the meaning of its name- a figment of imagination of something greater than it is. The monsters are vicious, not holding back even when the Phantom is rocking back and forth, threatening to capsize. But it doesn't. The Phantom stays strong even though the people sailing it are no longer stood with such confidence.

One more attack from the colossus monsters knock them. John B and Sarah cannot stand straight anymore. They fall, knocking their heads on the side of the boat whilst they fall deep into the water. Blood trickles behind their bodies, making the water around them form a sea of red.

They sink deeper and deeper.

Until they can no longer keep their eyes open.

...

Kiara wakes up from another restless night. She is breathing heavily, trying to continuously remind herself that it's just a dream. _But they are still gone._ It takes Kiara a moment to realise where she is. She looks around and realises that she must have fallen asleep. And then she feels a warm presence pressing down on her leg. She almost jumps but then remembers the night before. Finding a puppy underneath the porch steps is not what she had thought she would find when she came to the chateau. But here she is, looking down at the small boy.

She looks down at the pup that looks a lot smaller than he had when she had found him. His cut is still weeping but it looks like it probably will scar over in a couple of days. He's still fast asleep, probably just a heavy sleeper like Kiara is. His little snores are the only sound highlighting the emptiness of the chateau.

There is no collar around his neck indicating that he probably is a stray, longing to find a home. Kiara wonders if the shelters will be open later in the day. Maybe she could go and give him to the shelter so he could find a home. The only issue is that Outer Banks is filled with snobs. Kooks are the only people in Outer Banks to go and buy a dog and Kiara knows that no Kook will choose a damaged puppy. And besides...

_She can't leave him._

Her parents will go ballistic, she knows this. She imagines taking the puppy home with her and trying to convince her parents to take him in, to save him. Her mom would definitely say something along the lines of _'that dog will make a mess', 'he is from the cut! He's probably feral.'_ Kiara's dad would agree, just like he always does.

Kiara remembers the first time that her parents met the Pogues. Anna especially was horrified. She kept looking them up and down and hiccupping out her words. It never made sense to Kiara, as her dad was from the cut. Anna learned to love him so why couldn't she have an open mind about Kiara's friends from the cut? Mike kept asking them questions and checking that they weren't going to force her into anything that Kiara didn't want to do. Kiara remembers rolling her eyes because she has always been able to control her boys. As soon as the boys had left, Kiara overheard Anna and Mike speaking about how this was all _'just a phase', 'Kiara will learn.'_ Boy were they wrong. A small, scruffy puppy would probably be treated just like her Pogue boys if she takes him home.

But she can't leave him in the storm. It's at this moment that Kiara knows that she will have to force her parents into agreement with her. She needs to save her puppy even if it's the last thing that she does. She needs to save someone and this puppy deserves to be saves. This puppy cannot be swallowed up in a storm. He cannot be overcome by the same monsters that have already fucked up Kiara's entire life.

Tears threaten to break Kiara's calm persona as she looks down at the fragile puppy she is now dedicated to protect. Her tears cause her to hiccup back the emotions, causing the sleeping puppy to wake up and look at her. He has sad eyes, looking like he has gone through hell already in such a short life. She cries even harder, wondering what could have caused the gash on his head. Maybe someone did own this puppy. Maybe the owner was a fucked-up person in which took pleasure in seeing an innocent soul suffer. Maybe his owner kept hurting him over and over again, now the puppy can only see the pain from the world. "It's just you and me now, pup." Kiara whimpers out, brushing away her tears.

_No more pain._

_..._

The bedroom door for John B's room has been closed ever since he disappeared. It doesn't feel right to go into the room of someone who had such a massive impact to her life. With the door remaining shut, Kiara can go on pretending that everything's fine in the chateau. His door being closed makes the chateau look just like it used to when Sarah had spent the night at the chateau. This makes Kiara laugh. She can easily go on pretending that John B is not really gone if that door remains shut.

That's why Kiara finds herself heading into the other bedroom, across the hall from John B's empty room. Kiara has been visiting the chateau occasionally but hadn't been in this room since the night they disappeared. The night that JJ was there for Kiara in ways that she didn't know she needed. The room is exactly how they left it. scruffy and heaped. The sheets are thrown haphazardly on the bed, probably in the same position they ended up in when Kiara awkwardly ran out of the chateau to avoid the decision that they agreed on making. She doesn't regret it though. They needed each other even if it was just for one night. It was just two best friends engaging in sex to grieve their best friend. Nothing more.

Now, Kiara is shaking off the memories of that night to focus on her current situation. She needs to get ready for the day before heading back home to convince her parents to let the puppy stay. She doesn't really know what she will do if they say no, but she knows that she will not leave his side. She quickly grabs a faded blue t-shirt from inside the wardrobe and slides it over her head. Her parents are going to freak with her wearing the Pogue's clothes but she has no other option. She's use to the judging looks that come from parents whenever the Pogues are mentioned.

She looks at herself in the mirror. She looks a mess but it's the best she can do. She decides to keep on the shorts from the previous day, knowing that none of the boys' shorts will fit properly. Her hair is in knots and doesn't look like it has been brushed in weeks but she doesn't care. Her appearance is not the situation at hand. So, she just brushes her hand through her hair and begins to make her way back to the door of the bedroom.

"Fuck." A voice comes from the living area of the chateau. Kiara freezes. What if someone is here to rob the place? Then they see a fragile girl in yesterday's clothes and want to take everything from her? It won't be good. She stands still to try and listen out if the stranger says anything more. There is just the sound of shuffling echoing into the bedroom. It sounds like it is getting closer and Kiara doesn't know what to do.

She thinks about jumping for the window but then remembers that Big John had painted them all shut. She's stuck in the room, knowing that the person is getting closer and closer. Kiara looks down to a pile of clothes to see the puppy chewing on a thrown away sweater.

_Now would be a perfect time to become a guard dog._

But the puppy keeps playing with the sweater, not really noticing the danger that they could be in. His tail is wagging back and forth and it's the first time Kiara has seen him presumably happy. It almost makes her smile before she remembers what is happening in the chateau. She shakes off her fear to remember that she is Kiara Carrera, she cannot be afraid of the shadows that move in the dark. She can take care of herself after all. She moves back to the frame of the door to peak out and see if the stranger is still in the room. No one is there.

This confuses her. Maybe she is just hearing things again. Or maybe she is still stuck in her never-ending nightmares. But even in her nightmares, someone is usually there to end the night in screams of terror. Kiara shuffles slightly before walking into the corridor. This time, the puppy doesn't follow her as he is still contempt with the strings on the sweater.

_Definitely not going to be a guard dog._

She walks towards the kitchen before hearing a sound come from the bathroom. No. Kiara definitely isn't hearing things this time. The door begins to open and Kiara wonders if she should just attack and ask questions later. But she doesn't have to wonder this for long as the person looks to the floor and walks into the corridor. His blond hair reflects the dim light coming from the windows. It's the same blond hair she has grown up seeing. He is still not looking up but Kiara knows that this isn't an attacker. It's JJ.

Where has he been the last four months? Why hasn't he said anything to anyone? Why is he all of a sudden here, in the chateau on a day of a storm? The questions don't matter to Kiara because he's here. He hasn't fallen off of the edge of the earth. He is still here. 

Frozen, Kiara watches him. Kiara remains scared that if she speaks, she will just make him run again. He's gripping his head, eyes glued to the floor. Kiara wants him to look up. Kiara wants him to see her to see that she hasn't left either. They're both still here, frozen in time with the memories of the Pogues surrounding them. JJ shuffles slightly and Kiara lets out a breath that she didn't realise she was holding. The shuffling is slow and limp but he keeps his eyes down, almost like he is scared at looking at the walls around him. Kiara can't blame him. The chateau has pictures after pictures of memories of the Pogues, Big John, John B... memories of better times.

He keeps shuffling until he lets go of his forehead. It looks like it happens in slow motion to Kiara as she watches a drop of blood fall to the ground. She should say something. She should see where the blood is coming from. See how damaged he is this time. But she can't. She's still frozen to the spot, unable to even breathe normally.

Another droplet of blood hits the floor of the chateau and it is too much for the both of them. Kiara watches as JJ tries to step forward only to nearly fall over. Kiara rushes forward like some shitty spell has been broken given her the chance to move again to move and catch JJ before he hits the floor. The sudden touch shocks JJ as he stands straight, holding onto the wall. He stutters backwards until his back is plastered onto John B's bedroom door. He finally looks up to Kiara where Kiara can finally see the injuries surrounding him.

His sea foamed eyes are overshadowed by scurries of dark bruises and cuts. A particularly large cuts is on his forehead which makes Kiara gasp. It only gets worse when Kiara looks down to JJ's neck to see hand prints imprinted into his skin. The bruises are all faded into one, hiding the fact that some of the bruises may be old. She steps closer to JJ, wary of her movements. He's so weak that she knows he won't be able to walk alone. Kiara carefully grabs his arm and motions them to move into the bedroom to sit on the side of the bed.

"JJ..." Kiara pleads. But JJ is quick to cut her off.

"Relax, Kie."

"JJ what the hell?"

"I'm fine, Kie." He squeaks out, trying to hide the pain behind his voice. But Kiara hears it. Kiara moves her hand closer to the gash on JJ's forehead. He is quick to move away but Kiara remains determined. "Just let me help you, JJ." He presents a subtle nod and looks down the entire time that Kiara assesses his injuries. Kiara cringes at the fact that JJ doesn't react. It's almost like he is so used to the pain that nothing affects him a anymore. "Why are you here?" He whimpers out.

"I should be asking you the same question" She doesn't mean it to come out harsh but it does. "Where the hell have you been?" He doesn't say anything but motions to his injuries. It becomes obvious to Kiara. He's been going home. "Why?" Kiara needs to know.

"Why?" JJ begins to get angry and swipes her hand away from his cuts. "He's my dad, Kie. I need to go home sometime. And I couldn't come here or... or anywhere else without feeling fucking useless all over again." Kiara can see the tears forming in his eyes which is rare. Kiara has only ever seen JJ cry once. And it was for the same fucking reason.

"We're all hurting right now JJ. But you can't just go home and get a beating to avoid hurting." Kiara starts. "We need each other. We need to protect each other."

"Why do you fucking care about protecting me?" 

"Because you're my best friend!"  
  


The volume of their voices causes the puppy to skip to Kiara, making jJ jump at the sight. Kiara looks down at the small creature who is now looking up to her with pleading eyes. She reaches down to the soft ears of the puppy. "I can't lose you too." JJ is still sat straight, watching the puppy with confused eyes weary of what his actions may be. "You got a dog?" JJ asks, giving up on his confusion.

"No." He looks at Kiara, the confusion not disappearing him any time soon. "He was under the porch when I got here. He doesn't have a collar."  
  


Kiara goes on to tell JJ the whole story of the puppy all whilst he keeps looking down at the puppy, trying to take in the information. "I'm going to look after him." Kiara finishes her story.

"You can't save everyone Kie."

"I'm not trying to." Kiara takes a deep breath. "But it doesn't mean that I'm going to let a puppy back into the cut with no place to call home."

"No one from the cut has a home. He'll be fine."

"JJ. I can't leave him." Kiara is getting angry. Of course, she is going to keep the puppy. Everyone deserves a chance at life and this puppy hasn't had a chance yet. Kiara would give him a chance. "I'm not leaving him." The puppy begins to whimper when Kiara looks down at him. He's using his paws to reach up to his head and mess around with the still healing cut. JJ is watching him too. "I'll just go then." JJ stands up and begins to limp to the door. Kiara stands up after him. "You don't need to leave."

"You were here first, Kie. I don't want things to be awkward so I'll leave."

"And what?" Kiara reaches for JJ's arm. "You go home to him again and take another beating?"

"Stop it Kie."

"No JJ. I won't stop. Stop going back to him! Stop letting him hurt you over and over again." Tears are spitting out of her eyes all whilst JJ tries to ignore her. "You don't deserve it, JJ."

"Maybe I do." Kiara shakes her head. This has always been JJ. JJ has always found an excuse to why he deserves to why his dad hits him. There is always a reason to why he should be bruised or a reason why he deserves nearly being beaten to death. "You don't deserve it." Kiara repeats. She knows how hard it is to break down JJ, but today she is determined.

"You can't save me, Kie." JJ manages to get out between the tears.

"No. But forcing you to stay away from your dad is a step in the right direction." 

"Kie..."

"Please, JJ" 

...

JJ knows that if he goes home, Luke Maybank may take a real swing at him again. The cut on his head was from a knife to the face after JJ stupidly asked his dad if he needed any help with the motor he was working on. It was stupid sure. But it was JJ's fault. JJ knows that his dad doesn't need any help. JJ shouldn't have tried to help him. After the strike, JJ decided to get out of the house that he has been in for four months straight even though the storm was getting wild. He didn't want to bother anyone so he went to the place that JJ knows has a first aid box and no occupants- the chateau. He hadn't expected running into Kiara Carrera again. 

He didn't plan to ignore everyone. But as soon as JJ went home, Luke wouldn't let him leave again. If JJ tried to leave, Luke would give him a new bruise. So, he stopped fighting it. But the bruises kept coming. The beatings kept coming. JJ kept telling himself that he deserved it all. He should be feeling the pain after what he kept putting everyone else through.

JJ sits on the pull-out, waiting for Kiara to return. His gash is still bleeding and Kiara decided that it needed more than just a wipe over. Whilst Kiara was gone, JJ thought about running out of the chateau to avoid hurting her. He keeps ruining everything and he doesn't want to drag Kiara down with him. The thing that stops him is the brown and white puppy that is sat next to him on the pull-out. He smiles slightly at the sight of a similar gash on the puppy's head. It almost mirrors his own gash. This puppy is just as damaged as he is. 

The puppy must catch JJ's smile because he is moving closer to JJ. JJ loses his smile and looks down at the fragile creature worried that if the puppy gets too close, JJ will hurt him. But the puppy moves until he is leaning against JJ's perched hand on the pull-out. It's comforting. JJ lifts his hand and puts it on the coat of the puppy. Soft fur brushes up against his harsh palms. The contrast is soothing. "Who cut you up?" JJ asks and waits for a moment to see if the puppy replies. Of course, the puppy doesn't reply. But JJ can't stop thinking about how cool it would be if JJ was the reason for the first ever puppy to talk. They could do shows. The puppy gives off the biggest of yawns that JJ mirrors. "You're safe here. You can sleep." Talking to a puppy makes JJ so calm that he doesn't sense Kiara coming through the door.

"He sleeps all day." Kiara speaks, breaking JJ's attention from the dog. "I kind of like it."

"What did you name him?"

"I haven't." The puppy loses interest in JJ and waddles around the pull-out. Kiara sits next to JJ. She hesitates but then moves a piece of material up to JJ's cut. It stings him but he forces himself to keep a straight face. Keeping a straight face is a skill of his. JJ looks at her, catching her eyes with his in the process. He quickly looks away and clears his throat. JJ steals the cloth away from Kiara, continuing trying to heal himself. "Are we seriously still going to be awkward?" Kiara whispers.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Us, JJ. Are we still going to be awkward?" Honestly, JJ doesn't know. He doesn't want it to be as he doesn't regret sleeping with her. She is his best friend and they helped each other at the time of need. That's all it was. "We can pretend like nothing happened?" Kiara continues.

"Then, nothing happened." It makes Kiara smile. JJ forces out a smile and nods at her. This is the right decision. It is obvious that they both miss each other and need each other. 

It goes quiet again, with Kiara tending to JJ's cut and the puppy waddling around the pull-out. But for once, there is no feeling of something heavy in the air. Everything feels eerily normal. JJ even fakes a sting of pain when Kiara leans her hand on a bruise on his cheek. She playfully rolls her eyes, knowing that he's lying. It felt nice to be able to joke again whilst JJ laughs back at Kiara. "You're so annoying." Kiara jokes.

"And you've only just realised that?"

"Oh, no. It's something I've always known Maybank."

"And yet, you're still here Carrera."

"Yeah. Only to remind you that you're annoying." They're both laughing loudly with a puppy jumping around their laps and for the first time that day, the chateau is filled with a sense of normalcy. They'll be fine. Because they're JJ and Kiara. They annoy each other to hell but always come back for more. They heal each other at the sense of pain, asking for nothing in return.

_Everything is going to be alright._


	4. Start of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara goes home but faces her mom in a stand-off, all whilst JJ stays in her car with the puppy. Kiara must decide where home is for the puppy.

"Dude, you should name him Pogue." JJ says, getting into Kiara's car. Earlier, Kiara realised that she should probably get some clothes from her home and talk to her parents about the whole puppy situation.

"I'm not naming him Pogue." 

"Why not? He's a Pogue through and through, right?" JJ lifts the puppy onto his lap as Kiara climbs into the driver's side of the car.

"Because it's not really a name for a dog."

"Since when are you in. charge of deciding what names are for dogs?"

"Since I found him." The puppy sits in JJ's lap content and watches out the window as Kiara drives down the road. It is still raining outside meaning that the wipers are on. The puppy is fixated on the wipers, watching them moving back and forth. Kiara wonders what must be going on in the puppy's mind. Are the wipers protecting him from the wet source falling from the blue sky? Or are the wipers soldiers, banging against the weird clear barrier to try and break in? Either way, Kiara can see the excitement glowing in his brown eyes. "He so looks like a Pogue, Kie." JJ smiles at the puppy, lifting him up to look into his eyes. Brown meet blue as they stare at each other. It makes Kiara smile. They both look so innocent.

It's only now, looking at JJ and the puppy, that Kiara sees a connection between them. They are mirroring each other, both physically and hypothetically. Their cuts are almost in the same place, echoing pain that they have already faced in their lives. The cuts contrast the smile on JJ's face and the happy expression on the puppy's face. They are looking at each other with an almost clear sense of hope. Kiara knows that she can't leave the puppy, but what if JJ can't leave him either?  
  


They drive in an an almost peaceful silence, Kiara focussing on the road in front of her whilst JJ brushes the puppy's hair back and happily murmurs stories to the puppy as if he would respond. Kiara can't help but listen to JJ's stories. "You would have loved John B." JJ murmurs at one point. Kiara listens to JJ tell the puppy the story of the gold and the four Pogues. He makes it sound like a fantasy story, rather than the horror story it actually is. She can imagine JJ telling stories to his kids one day, and adapting his horror stories to make them sound like everyone lived happily ever after. But then it hits Kiara, JJ has always done this. He's adapted his stories to protect everyone from the eerie truth. He's never told the Pogues his real story about his mom for example. He just gives them a made-up story whilst he laughs it through.

The Carrera house stands still as if a storm never even rolled around this area. The white brick contrasting the red door still reminds Kiara of how different Kiara is to her Pogue friends. Her house looks like it has come out of a fucking Disney princess movie. Kiara just looks forward at the house and can feel her heart rate going up. Kiara wonders if the thumping of her chest is loud enough to echo around the car and be heard by the puppy and JJ. "Gonna get out?" Maybe JJ can hear her heart.

"You two should just stay here." Kiara takes a deep breath, avoiding the concerned glances from JJ. "I should probably face them alone."

"Good luck." JJ scoffs. Kiara should roll her eyes at his tone but she doesn't She really needs all the luck that she can get. "Me and Pogue will be fine in the car." This does make Kiara roll her eyes.

"His name is not Pogue, JJ." Of course, JJ only calls the puppy Pogue to get on Kiara's nerves but Kiara can't help but play into his annoying games.

_No way will his name be Pogue._

Kiara takes a look back at her car, where JJ and the puppy are still cuddled up on the passenger seat, before making her way into the house. She just wants to get her clothes and go back to her car. Kiara can't work out why she is struggling so much in telling her parents about the puppy. Sure, Kiara would have to fight to keep him in the house but she knows how to win over Anna and Mike. But she hasn't planned what she would say. She hasn't thought of what happens if she can't win them over this time. A puppy is a lot of work. She creeps into the corridor and begins to walk up the stairs.

"Where the hell have you been Kiara?" Anna is stood at the doorway when she spots Kiara walking up the stairs. Of course, it's her mom. "You didn't come home last night." Fuck, Kiara forgot to call.

"Sorry. I should have said something."

"Or you should have just stayed in this house." Anna has always had an issue with Kiara not being at home at night, even when she knew where Kiara was. Kiara always thought it was because her mom really didn't trust the Pogues to not kill Kiara in the middle of the night. "I know this is to do with your healing process, Kiara. But I can't keep going around acting all sad because my daughter is still grieving a murderer."  
"Oh my god mom, he didn't kill anyone."

"You're the only person that thinks that Kiara." Kiara knows the real reason that everyone thinks John B is the murderer. The Camerons. The Camerons have too much power in Outer Banks that if someone starts to notice questionable behaviour, they would stay quiet fearing what Ward Cameron could do to them. Anna Carrera is just like everyone else- obsessed with how everyone sees her, especially the Camerons. "You haven't answered my question Kiara. Where were you?"

"I was at the chateau." No point lying now. "I'm sorry mom. The chateau is the only place everything feels normal." 

Kiara walks into her bedroom, randomly picking up clothes and chucking it in her backpack. Anna rushes behind her, watching all her actions. "I'm spending another night there."

"No."

"No?" Kiara angrily turns to her mom. "I can't deal with everyone looking at me like I am crazy for being upset that John B died. John B and Sarah are dead and I hate that everyone keeps trying to talk about them!" It's unhealthy. Kiara knows that. But it's the only thing making sure that Kiara doesn't fall into pieces. Tears are threatening to fall which make Kiara hurry up, knowing that she won't be able to hold them back if her mom tries to keep her here any longer. "I need to go, mom." Kiara wipes her wet eyes. "JJ is waiting for me."

"JJ Maybank?"

_Shit._

Now, Kiara knows she'll have to fight her mom just to get out of this house. Anna Carrera has never been subtle about her detestation towards her friends. But Anna at least tries to keep her mouth shut about John B and Pop. But JJ? Anna listens to the rumours of Outer Banks and thinks if Luke Maybank is bad, JJ must be the same. Kiara always fights her mom on her front about JJ. But she will never listen and JJ will never admit that his dad beats him. It's a never-ending cycle.

"He's my best friend, mom!"

"He's dangerous." Kiara scoffs at her mom. No one knows the true JJ yet everybody judges him. Judgement runs through the whole of Outer Banks which makes Kiara wonder how many people judge her as well. "I don't want you hanging out with that boy anymore." Kiara wonders how her mom would respond if she told her that she slept with JJ only four months ago.

"He's all I've got left." Kiara cries out, giving up on fighting away the tears.

"And that's the problem, Kiara. You should have more than JJ Maybank."

"He's the best thing I've got!" Kiara snaps.

"Those Pogues. They're the reason you don't have any friends from your own school, Kiara. They have brain-washed you." She can't handle this now. Kiara shakes her head frantically and storms away from her mom, ignoring Anna's calls from behind her. The reason she hangs out with JJ instead of those fucking Kooks is because she can trust JJ with her life. Kooks would throw her away for anything new. Sarah was the only Kook that even tried to see the real Kiara. The rest wear masks to pretend like they care. But they just want to get into your pants and then they will throw you away for a new Touron or Kook. Kooks cannot be trusted. Pogues can be trusted. JJ can be trusted.

Tears cannot stop falling as Kiara runs down the stairs towards the front door. She feels like she is sprinting and her heart is beating so fast that she wouldn't be too surprised if she had a heart attack. She can hear her mom following her closely but she is too angry at her to turn around. Kiara just needs to get out of her house and get back to the chateau in which feels to her to be the only safe hideout.

Outside, the rain is falling heavier. So heavy in fact, that Kiara can hardly see her own parked car in the distance. Anna catches her at the door before Kiara can take a step into the shower. "You can't go with him." Anna is pleading.

"I'm come home." Kiara shrugs Anna off and walks into the water. Anns doesn't follow this time. At Kiara's first step, she is already drowned in the rain. She will need to change as soon as she gets back to the chateau, but she doesn't care. Kiara keeps moving forward, the tears in her eyes flood her vision but she doesn't care. She needs to get out of here.

Kiara hopes that the rain wetting her face will blend the tears and hide them from JJ as she gets back to the car. She can see him through the window. He's fast asleep with a sleeping puppy on his lap. Another picture of innocence. Kiara thinks about pulling her stuck-up mom out of the house to see how JJ is around Kiara. How JJ could never be dangerous for Kiara. She climbs into the driver's seat as quietly as she can. But JJ still wakes up suddenly. He's never been a heavy sleeper.

His sudden movements jolt the puppy on JJ's lap. A little yelp comes out of the puppy's mouth which makes JJ jump. Kiara reaches for the puppy to try and calm him down. The puppy is breathing heavily and it is not until JJ reaches for his coat that the puppy stops panicking. "How did it go?" JJ asks, still with a sleepy tone.

"I won't be telling my mom about this pup anytime soon." Anna would kill someone; Kiara is sure of this.

"Ah, I love your mom."

"And she loves you, JJ." JJ laughs, knowing the truth. It makes Kiara laugh. They have always been able to do this to each other. Make each other laugh. Even when the situation means for no laughter. It's a sense of normalcy. Something that no one- especially her mom- would ever understand.

There is a new issue on the table however. It concerns Kiara as they drive back to the chateau. She has no idea what to do with the puppy. Kiara knows that by arguing with her mom over JJ, Anna would not budge with saying no to a puppy. She could still win over her dad, but Kiara knows that Mike will always side with Anna in every decision. Meaning that the puppy would be thrown to the streets with no hope for a family all over again. Kiara cannot let that happen.

They park outside the chateau when JJ finally asks her the question that she has been asking herself the whole drive here. "What are you going to do now?" It's then that Kiara realises the best option available for her. It's been staring her in the face the whole day but she's been too blind to see it. It all makes sense to her what needs to happen.

"He'll stay at the chateau." Kiara looks up at JJ who is looking back at her with confused eyes. "He'll stay with you."  
  


...

"He'll stay with you." JJ doesn't know if she has heard him right so keeps looking at her with a confused expression.

"I don't get it." JJ dumbly says, stilling his hand on the sleepy puppy.

"You should stay at the chateau and the puppy can stay with you." It makes JJ roll his eyes. There is no way Kiara could be insinuating in any way that JJ would be able to look after a tiny puppy all by his self. He can't even look after himself. Just by looking at JJ anyone with eyes would see that JJ is incapable to look after anything. He allowed himself to be beaten up a day ago, how could he possibly keep something else safe? What if JJ turned into his own dad and ended up hurting the puppy after getting high or drunk? Or what if JJ ends up being worse than his dad and takes it too far? "No, Kie."  
"Why not?"

"Because... I can't stay at the chateau."

"Are you serious?" JJ senses her anger but he knows he's right. He can't avoid his problems and play house in the chateau with a puppy. "JJ, you can't go back to your house."

"Kie..." JJ tries to defuse her anger.

"No JJ!" Kiara snaps. "You need to stay at the chateau! You need to stay where you're safe!" JJ watches her and swears he can hear Kiara hiccup a breath. "Please just stay here."

"I can't look after a puppy."

"I'll help. I'll be here every dad. The only thing you'll be doing is providing a house for the pup."

Kiara likes to win. And, on a normal day, JJ would fight her on it. She would still win but JJ liked to play the game. Today is not a normal day. JJ can see the normally strong, fierce girl is breaking down before his eyes. Kiara looks like she could fall to pieces at any moment. He just doesn't know if it is his fault or not. He doesn't want her to cry. He hates it when she cries. She's not an ugly crier or anything, JJ just hates to see her fragile. Because Kiara Carrera should never feel fragile.

Kiara looks at JJ with pleading eyes. She won't give up until he agrees even if JJ doesn't think it's a good idea. JJ notices Kiara's eyes drop to the chilled-out puppy on JJ's lap. "If you agree, I'll let you name him." This makes JJ smile.

"Deal." JJ replies a bit too quickly, making Kiara playfully roll her eyes.

_Stupid decision, Carrera._

"You still have to run the name by me." Of course, Kiara has conditions. "Pogue is out by the way."

"Relax Kie, do you not trust me or something?"

"Only because you think Pogue is a dog name."

"You sound like the lady in the shelter in Lilo and Stitch." Kiara looks at him shocked. "You know, thee lady that says Stitch isn't a real name?"

"I didn't realise you were a secret Lilo and Stitch lover."

"It's a film about aliens and surfing." JJ smirks. "Best film ever." Kiara quietly snickers but JJ still hears it, making him smile.

"It's a film about belonging, JJ." Kiara laughs out.

"Yeah the whole 'Ohana' shit. I'm all for that." JJ watches Kiara roll her eyes. This is the type of game that JJ likes to play with Kiara. He likes being the reason for her laughing. And JJ's bored of tears. Laughter is the answer.

Inside, JJ watches Kiara- who seems to be on a mission. She rushes to the kitchen and grabs a bowl and cheerios. She puts the food on the floor for the puppy. The puppy runs straight at the bowl and almost downs the whole lot without coming up for air. JJ likes this puppy already. JJ watches the puppy for a moment before turning back to Kiara who is now looking at the random leads on the floor. "We need to puppy proof this place." Kiara picks up the leads and tosses them onto the pull-out.

JJ has never cared for anything in his life. That is why it shocks him how much changing needs to happen to the chateau. Kiara explains how puppies love to teethe on wires and then they could end up getting electrocuted. It makes JJ jump up and help Kiara makes sure that there is nothing on the floor that could kill the puppy. It shocks JJ how much shit there is on the floor of the chateau.

It takes them two hours just clearing the floor. Tossing packages. Throwing away JJ's secret stash. Cleaning up the loose wires. Awkwardly throwing away the condoms that they find under the pull-out- not knowing when they were used nor who by. Can't have a little puppy suffocating on a balloon though.

They both end up crawling around the floor at a dog's level, to make sure that there is nothing that could hurt the puppy. JJ can't take it seriously though and Kiara keeps snapping at him to get back to the job at hand. JJ still doesn't understand how Kiara could trust JJ enough to look after a puppy. Only a year ago, Kiara was having to save JJ from fights with Kooks. How could she possibly see good in him?

"Come on JJ Junior, help us out." JJ jokes, looking over at Kiara to see her reaction. She shakes her head with a sinister look glued onto her face. "What Kie? The pup is a boy. He can't be called Kiara."

"JJ Junior, seriously?" JJ laughs at her stern posture. Kiara looks like she is regretting her decision.

"Fine. Maybe not JJ Junior."

"Definitely not JJ Junior." Kiara interrupts.

"How about Pup? We keep calling him that anyways?" The name actually sounds interesting to JJ. Pup the puppy. But from Kiara's still stern face, he knows it's another no. 

"Remember when you thought I didn't trust you to name him?" Kiara starts. "I definitely don't trust you with it now." JJ looks at her with fake shock, sensing that she is joking herself. This is normal for him- getting the other Pogues annoyed until they accidentally smile and break into laughter. It's the JJ way.

Something breaks their teasing as JJ watches Kiara's smile drop completely. She looks around the living area. "Where is he?" JJ looks at her shocked and follows her eyes as she keeps frantically looking around the room.

_Shit._

It's not even been an hour and jJ has already lost him. He could be in danger and its would be all JJ's fault. Like he knew it would be. It's always JJ's fault.

They look around all the rooms in the chateau but the puppy doesn't make a sound to help them find him. What if he got out? Kiara will never forgive him. Kiara goes into the kitchen whilst JJ looks on the porch. This just proves what JJ already knew, he can't make sure anyone is safe.

JJ can feel his breathing speed up as he gets flashes of memories that he wishes he could forget. His mom ran way when he was nine years old. His dad started hitting him on his fifth birthday. He got into his first fight when he was ten. He found out his mom killed herself when he turned twelve. He realised the difference between Kooks and Pogues when he was fourteen. He lost his best friend- no, his brother- four months ago. He keeps losing. And the only one to blame is himself.

His breaths keep getting shorter, making JJ sit down on the bench. He drops his head into his hand and listens to the rain hitting the porch stairs to try and calm his breathing down. JJ needs to keep it together. Show no emotion, just like his dad always tells him. JJ's less likely to hurt someone if he remains emotionless.

When all hope seems to be lost for JJ, he hears a gnawing sound from behind the bench. JJ looks to see the brown and white spaniel puppy eating a brownie. He looks like he's enjoying the brownie so much that he is completely oblivious to JJ and Kiara stressing over him. "Found him!" JJ shouts out, still smiling down at the puppy. This dog can eat anything. This dog really is a Pogue through and through. JJ stands up and heads to the door without taking his eyes off of the puppy. "How about the name Brownie?" Kiara walks out onto the porch.

"Brownie?" Kiara questions. JJ doesn't reply, just motions to the puppy enjoying the brownie. "JJ!" Kiara runs over to the puppy and takes the brownie away.

"Relax Kie. I haven't made my special brownies in months." What a day that was. JJ remembers how Pope accidentally took one thinking they were normal and ended up trying to climb on top of the chateau. That day was full of laughter.

"Chocolate is poisonous for dogs." Another thing to add onto the list of stuff that JJ doesn't know. Kiara picks up the puppy, which is giving her pleading eyes. The poor thing just wants his brownie back.

They move back into the living area of the chateau where Kiara refills the puppy's cheerios. "Shit. Is there a book on dogs?" JJ half-jokes.

"You're asking the wrong Pogue." Kiara laughs.

"Dammit." JJ sighs. "Oh well, we'll have to learn by doing."

"Yep".

JJ smirks at Kiara. "I'm pretty good at learning by doing though." This makes Kiara roll her eyes. They both sit there in silence, watching the puppy eat his cheerios. They both have smiles planted on their faces whilst looking at the puppy. But they can't help it. The puppy is so happy. "I like the name." Kiara breathes out whilst JJ turns to Kiara, confused.

"Brownie" Kiara looks away from JJ. "It suits him." JJ can't help but smile.

"Brownie Maybank is it." JJ says, smirking. Kiara scoffs and pushes JJ playfully.

"We're not starting that debate." Kiara jokes out.

Brownie finishes eating his food and keeps sniffing around the floor looking for more. Kiara and JJ go back to watching their puppy with content smiles that they cannot wipe away. 


	5. The New Puppy Pogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara and JJ decide to train Brownie. 
> 
> Snippets into the first year of Brownie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this so far. I am really enjoying writing this and this chapter is my longest yet!
> 
> Just a quick warning: this chapter looks into the JJ's PTSD from his father and the four months he was alone. It's not much but I just wanted to warn just in case.

Crashing waves are forcing the Phantom into a different direction than expected. The waves are mountains that the Phantom cannot climb over. But it will try. The Phantom will try to climb over the mountains to protect its occupants- John B and Sarah. The Phantom will protect them through the storm.

It's a fight that no one expected. Two star-crossed lovers from either side of town are lost at sea. They are being attacked by the monstrous waves in which are three times the size of the normal waves they face. But it's a fight worth taking. Freedom is the reward. They just need to take down the kingdom of angry waves. The anger is building but the brave John B and his beautiful girlfriend do not show any sense of weakness. The Phantom. John B. Sarah. The strongest team there is to battle the wicked storm. "We'll make it." John B reassures his girlfriend. Their love is strong enough to fight through any storm.

"As long as I am with you." Sarah hugs into his side. "I know I'm safe."

Their romance is sickening but also sweet, something that everyone dreams of having. They have to make it. They're lucky enough to have each other so the luck must continue. They are safe together. They have risked so much just to be together. Fighting Ward Cameron. Running away together. Going into the unknown. A single monstrous storm cannot be the reason for their downfall.

But when the water starts to go over the side of the Phantom, it becomes clear on who has the firm foot in this war. Water crashes into the boat, sweeping John B and Sarah off of their feet. John B reaches out to Sarah but it's too late. The waves cling onto Sarah and will not let her go. John B is yelling out to her but the waves are not giving up. The waves have completely taken over. Just like they did to Big John. John B keeps trying to get to Sarah but he is held back. Sarah struggles but they are too strong for her. They pull at her until it's too late for anyone to help. Sarah is gone. Submerged into the water.

And the storm is not through. It takes another strike. And another. It keeps attacking until it finally finds the crying form of the leader of the Pogues. The great John B. The strongest person in Outer Banks. The waves pull at John B until it finally fights to get him into the water. The waves have won. They have taken everything and swallowed everything whole.

The waves keep coming. It's only then that the Phantom releases Kiara onto the deck. The waves crash against the side of the Phantom as Kiara looks around the boat, trying to find a way for this nightmare to stop. Kiara Carrera stands strong. The waves have taken her friends but she can't let the waves take her as well. She can find a way off, even if she isn't the best sailor in the Pogues. Nor is she the smartest. She is still strong. She stays strong when an army of water gets thrown into the boat. She stands strong when the boat is filled up and she is struggling to breathe. She tries to keep strong until a tidal wave of water makes her fall to the ground. 

The fear is evident in her eyes but the waves are not through with her. They keep attacking, struggling to drag her to the side of the boat. She cannot fight the force of the sea. She cannot hold on when she is all alone, on a boat that has already let her friends down. The waves climb until they are high enough to drag her to the same conclusion as John B and Sarah.

"Kie!" JJ's voice echoes around the emptiness of the boat. The waves have taken everyone from him. He doesn't care about remaining strong when everyone is already gone. The waves aim at the boat and come barricading towards JJ. But, when JJ is hit by the waves, he doesn't submerge into the water. Instead, he finds himself facing his dad in the same house that he has grown up in. "You killed them." Luke's voice is dark and sinister, JJ flinches at just the sound. JJ shakes his head at his father but this is the wrong thing to do. A swing is aimed at him from his own father, the punch landing on the side of JJ's already bruised face making him fall to the ground.

"You fucking killed them all! You worthless piece of shit!" Another hit, this time in the stomach.

"Your whore of a mother." A kick this time.

"Your best friends." A stomp.

Luke grabs a tool from his bench, leaning down hitting JJ on his head. "And then you try and take yourself?" 

"Dad..." JJ is cut off by the sound of his arm snapping. Pain erupts in JJ making him hiss. 

"Coward." Luke doesn't care about his pain. "You killed them! You fucking reckless kid!" 

JJ keeps crying out in pain. But no one can hear him. No one can even see him. After a moment, JJ opens his eyes and finds his dad is gone. The house his empty but the darkness is evident. Everyone is gone and no one is coming back . JJ is alone. And it's all his fault.

...

JJ wakes, sitting quickly to realise it was just a dream. He only knows this because here he is, sat on a chair at the table whilst Kiara is sleeping soundly on the pull-out. She's not gone. Not yet anyways. The dream felt so real. His dad's words sounded so real; his punches felt so real that JJ is shocked to see no new bruises on his own body. No blood from being hit on the head. His arm is working so it cannot be broken. It was all a dream.

But JJ knows it wasn't all a dream. Memories and nightmares mix together to create something that JJ cannot stop thinking about. John B and Sarah are gone. The Phantom is gone. A beating did come from his dad when he found out about the Phantom. Luke kept blaming JJ for it all. And JJ believes every word. He can't help himself. 'They're dead because of you', 'if you didn't give him the Phantom.' The words replay every day. And JJ cannot forget them. JJ also knows that the four months that he spent alone, he kept thinking he lost everyone. He lost himself in the meantime.

JJ cannot get that fucked up night out of his head. After Luke passed out after almost strangling JJ to suffocation, JJ grabbed that fucking gun and thought about it. 'They'd still be alive if you were dead' Luke spat at him earlier that day. That night, JJ thought about how a life without the Maybanks would be so much better. He just had to fucking pull the trigger and then... then the cops would see JJ's bruises and think it was Luke. Or maybe he could take down Luke with him, then no cop would have to deal with either of them ever again. His mom did it. Butt his dad was right back then, JJ was a coward. He couldn't fire it. He couldn't do it. So now, JJ is haunted by that night.

Every night there is a new nightmare. His dad is always there. Most of them start with the storm that took John B and Sarah. All of them end the same, JJ on the floor. Shaking. In pain. Worthless.

Windows frame the dark sky, indicating that they haven't been asleep for long. JJ looks over at a sleeping Kiara. She looks so peaceful but JJ knows that she needs to go home. Anna Carrera may be a bitch but she cares much for her daughter. And she would go nuts if Kiara spends another night at the chateau. JJ stretches and moves towards Kiara's sleeping figure. He shakes her slightly. Kiara doesn't move. JJ snickers slightly, remembering how heavy of a sleeper Kiara is. He shakes her harder this time and breaks the silence. "Kie. You need to go home." She groans and rolls over, without opening her eyes.

"What?" Kiara groans.

"You gotta go home before your mom kills you." Kiara opens her eyes catching JJ's eyes in the process. JJ gets a sudden sense of awkwardness and quickly looks away. She sits up slowly and looks down at Brownie who is still asleep at the end of the pull-out. "We'll be fine, Kie." She doesn't look up at him when she nods, keeping her eyes glued on Brownie.

The small ball of fluff looks so peaceful as he sleeps on the edge of the pull-out. JJ listens to small whimpers coming out of Brownie's mouth as his feet begin to kick. He is deep in a dream and JJ doesn't want to wake him. He deserves to be happy. But JJ still questions if he is the best answer for him. JJ is broken and a small pup shouldn't have to deal with that. It's only then that JJ remembers what Kiara said. They're in this together. JJ knows she'll be able to look after Brownie. He knows she will keep him safe.

Kiara gradually gets out of the bed, slipping on her shoes and making her way to the door. "See you in the morning Maybank." Kiara smiles at JJ. A weird feeling clenches in his core but he decides to ignore it. "Thanks for letting him stay." JJ nods.

"Better than being alone." JJ thinks Kiara is about to question his tone but she doesn't. She just turns on her feet and walks out of the chateau leaving JJ alone with his thoughts.

...

The next few months blend into one. JJ wakes up in the middle of the night from a new nightmare. The only changes being that Brownie sometimes shows up in the nightmares as well. JJ stays awake for the rest of the long nights, watching the sleeping puppy. The breaths of Brownie remind JJ that he is not alone. That the nightmares are simply that. JJ is safe now. Brownie wakes up every morning in the same matter- jumping around sniffing to find if there is any food still on the floor of the chateau. Brownie jumps around until JJ lays down his bowl of food.

To avoid the silence, JJ tells stories to Brownie every day.

"This house once held a group of friends that needed to get away. John B the leader. Pope the brains. Kiara Carrera the level-headed one. And a boy that just needed a place to fit in. The house became something that they needed, especially when days were long and hard-going. It was a place they could get together with their friends to forget about their problems. It's a safe house. The chateau is a home to the Pogues." JJ likes to tell the stories of the Pogues to Brownie, even when he isn't even listening to JJ. They're the memories that JJ will never get back but he still wants to relive them every day. "You're a Pogue now, Brownie."

These few months have been the same for Kiara as well. Kiara wakes up every morning in her own house. She gets some questioning looks from her mom. Kiara heads to the pet shop to pick up more essentials for Brownie and then heads to the chateau. She promises JJ that she'll be there every morning no matter what. She's not going to break that promise.

Every morning, JJ and Kiara sit at the table and watch Brownie try and find a new thing to wreck. He destroys every toy that Kiara buys in the week but JJ and Kiara don't care. Brownie is happy. They watch how Brownie grows and sees how quickly the gash on his forehead heals over. It shocks JJ how quickly Brownie grows. But he smiles every time Kiara mentions it.

It becomes an unspoken rule to not bring up anything that will make them feel down. So, they don't talk about John B. They don't talk about Sarah. They hardly ever even talk about Pope. They don't talk about JJ's dad- though that isn't new, the Pogues never speak about Luke Maybank. And they don't talk about the time that they slept together. To be honest, the only thing that JJ and Kiara ever really talk about is Brownie.

The chateau is now filled with doggy essentials. Every wire is taped and there is a gate between the kitchen and the living area so Brownie cannot sneak food in the middle of the night. Kiara has bought so many toys over the last few months that there are more things that belong to Brownie in the chateau than what JJ owns.

It isn't until Brownie is five months old that Kiara decides to change their everyday routine. It's after a day where JJ has been looking after Brownie. Brownie found a way to get to his food to eat double his weight. They were so angry at Brownie that Kiara ended up storming out. JJ calms down when Brownie looks up at JJ with those puppy eyes that no one can say no to. JJ is sat on the floor with Brownie jumping all over him when Kiara comes back to the chateau with a new bag of dog food. JJ can see the anger in her eyes, it makes JJ smirk. "Cooled down?" JJ jokes at her.

"Don't." Kiara snaps back, dumping the bag of food on the table.

"Sorry." JJ cannot help but laugh at how something so small can annoy someone as put together as Kiara. But nevertheless, Kiara slumps down next to JJ and starts to stroke the hyperactive dog. JJ watches her movements. Kiara keeps an angered expression, but JJ knows Kiara. She is putting up a front that is starting to break down. A smile is forming even if she is trying to fight it. "He just likes to eat, Kie." Kiara snickers quietly before shaking her head.

"This fucking dog." The dog is happily jumping around Kiara. Neither of them can stay mad at him.

"He's the best."

"Yeah." JJ can feel Kiara's eyes on him. "He really is." JJ fights an urge to look at her but the fight doesn't work as he finds himself glancing at Kiara. Their eyes lock, teasing to see who will be the first to look away. JJ loses as he clears his throat and looks back down to the puppy.

"We need to train him." Kiara breathes out, breaking a silence JJ didn't even know there was.

"Neither of us are dog trainers, Kie."

"And?" Kiara starts. "Dogs need to be trained so they don't become aggressive and out of control." Aggressive? Brownie? Yeah, right. "Normal people train their dogs every day so it can't be that hard."

"You have met us, right?" 

Kiara rolls her eyes at his attempt of a joke "I know you're not fully trained yourself, JJ." JJ scoffs at her, playfully "But Brownie needs to be trained."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Healing, sitting, walking next to us. Just the basics." JJ nods at her, giving in like he often does. 

That afternoon, Kiara forces JJ to help her start training Brownie. They decide to start with the basic command of sitting. JJ reluctantly goes along with her. They continuously repeat the command to see if Brownie would just react to it. Brownie doesn't. They are stood outside the chateau, looking down at Brownie and trying to convince him to follow command. It doesn't work. Brownie keeps eating the grass and rolling around. The look in Brownie's eyes makes them wonder if the dog even knows how to listen to them. When Kiara says Brownie's name, Brownie doesn't respond. Brownie keeps chasing his tail, enjoying being outside. "Kie, I think our dog is broken."

"Shut up, JJ."

They keep trying to teach him to sit for the whole day, but the dog is having none of it. He has issues keeping focus. Brownie finds food underneath the pull-out when they are teaching him to sit inside. Brownie keeps sniffing at a tree when they are outside the chateau. They end up giving up when they are at the beach and Brownie seems to be more focussed on the waves than the command.

JJ keeps laughing as Brownie tries to catch the waves, missing every time. JJ chases after the growing white and brown pup. Brownie ends up going into the waves and being knocked over by a small rift in the water. JJ thinks he almost has a heart attack when he sees the fear in Brownie's eyes.

_He can't be taken by the waves._

The nightmares cannot become a reality and JJ worries this every day. He quickly pulls the shaking puppy out of the water and walks back up the beach to where Kiara is talking to a guy that he has never seen before. They are laughing when JJ and Brownie join them. JJ watches as the guy's smile drops as soon as his eyes catch JJ's. "I should go." The unknown guy awkwardly says. JJ watches him confused as he gives Kiara one more soft smile before making his way down the beach.

"Who was that?" JJ turns to Kiara. Kiara rolls her eyes at him and starts giving attention to Brownie who is till coughing up water.

"We went to high school together."

"Kook?"

"So?" Kiara stands back straight, giving a death stare to JJ.

"Nothing." JJ clears his throat. "Just didn't recognise him." JJ can still feel the awkwardness between himself and Kiara and he doesn't know why it was even created. He just wanted to know who her new friend was. JJ thought he was Kiara's only friend in Outer Banks now. Kiara doesn't look at him when she takes Brownie from his arms and places Brownie onto the sand.

Brownie digs into the sand as if the worry of being taken by the waves are gone. JJ still remembers the fear though. JJ is sure he saw the same fear radiating off of Brownie that he feels in his nightmares. The fear of being swallowed up whole.

This day creates a shift between JJ and Kiara. The random guy from the beach isn't seen by JJ again but that is because himself and Kiara create a new unspoken agreement of not mentioning each other's hook-ups to each other. They avoid the one night stands that happen to avoid any awkwardness being created.

...

Four months go by with JJ and Kiara trying to train Brownie. JJ's thoughts of Brownie being an un-teachable dog prove to be wrong when Brownie quickly learns how to walk on the lead and come back when someone calls his name.

Kiara and JJ's daily routine changes through these months. Every night, JJ still wakes up from a nightmare ending with him on the floor. And every morning, Kiara comes in to make sure that they are still both alive. She still brings new toys for Brownie and still has to refill the food as Brownie still eats like a monster. What has changed is that JJ now walks Brownie every morning and then Kiara and JJ work together to keep training Brownie. Kiara is determined to teach Brownie to sit. But Brownie is still not responding to the command, his hyperactive side will not let him sit still.

Another thing that has changed is how long Kiara stays round the chateau. She used to go home before it got dark so that her parents wouldn't come hunting for her. Now, Kiara finds herself not wanting to leave the chateau until JJ has fallen asleep. She normally doesn't want to leave even then. Her own nightmares still haunt her nights and she can't help but feel safe whenever she is in the chateau, surrounded by her only Pogue left and the puppy that is growing into a full-sized dog. She often stays at the chateau until her mom or dad sends her a snotty text, asking where she is. She always lies, saying that she is at the beach. Alone. They would flip if they found out that she was staying late at the chateau every night. It's the reason she still hasn't told her parents about Brownie.

Today, when Kiara wakes up, she doesn't even bother to wait for her parents to wake up before leaving the house. She quickly grabs her bag and her keys and she leaves. Her parents judging has only been getting worse. Her dad keeps asking about her friends even though Kiara knows he's just trying to find out if she is still messing around on the cut. Her mom keeps gossiping with her Kook friends. The news of Ward Cameron's arrest for the murder of Big John has become the main subject of the gossip. Her mom believes John B framed Ward to get back at him. Kooks keep following the Camerons as if they are gods. Kiara can't stand hearing her mother's snarls about her friend that died an innocent man.

So, Kiara leaves earlier than she normally does and doesn't stop at the pet shop. Kiara feels a necessary pull towards the chateau that won't give way for a second to allow her to breathe. She needs the chateau.

When she parks up outside and walks into the chateau, she is surprised to find no JJ and no Brownie. Maybe he took Brownie on an early walk, Kiara thinks. She walks through the chateau to find another chew toy- this time a small giraffe cuddly toy- destroyed. The stuffing is all over the floor and the head of the giraffe has been decapitated and flung across the floor. Brownie loves destroying his toys more than actually playing with them. Kiara can't help but laugh at the toy murder scene.

_Typical Brownie._

Kiara goes to grab the broom from the porch where it was left after the last murder scene in which she had to clean up. She stops in her tracks when she spots JJ and Brownie outside, by the abandoned hot tub. They had to keep the hot tub that Kiara would prefer to forget. They had to keep it after a storm destroyed the side of it making it extremely hard to sell. It has been sat outside th chateau ever since that day without anyone going in it. That is until now.

Moving closer to then, Kiara stops dead in her tracks when she hears her name. She remains still, out of sight of JJ and Brown, and listens. "So, Kiara came into our lives when us Pogues were messing about at the beach. Your uncle Pope nearly drowned just at the sight of it." Kiara quietly laughs at the memory. "She was this cool, hippie looking chick that wanted to know everything about surfing. Luckily for her, she made friends with the best surfer in Outer Banks."

"Yeah right." Kiara scoffs, breaking her cover and moving from behind the tree. JJ turns to her with the biggest smirk plastered onto his face.

"You know I'm the best, Kie" Kiara playfully rolls her eyes at JJ and walks closer to Brownie. Kiara goes down to Brownie's level and starts messing with his outgrown fur. JJ leans against the open hot tub.

"Don't listen to him, Brownie. He's full of shit." Kiara plays along.

"Language, Kie!" JJ leans down to cover Brownie's ears.

"Since when do you care about language, JJ?"

"Since this little puppy came into our lives." Our lives. Kiara doesn't know why, but those two words make her miss a breath.

JJ stands back straight and takes off his t-shirt. The bruises are gone but the cuts still remain. Kiara can't help but look to check if there is any more damage. Since that night, Kiara checks JJ for bruises. She looks at any part of him that she can: his chest, arms, face. She knows he hasn't seen his dad in months but Kiara wonders how long he can keep it up- how long JJ can hide before getting another beating.

He is watching her eyes examine his body but Kiara doesn't look away. She needs to be sure that he's not hurting anymore. "Getting a good enough look?" JJ jokes, stretching and posing making Kiara look away with a hot flushed face.

"Shut up, JJ."

"No bruises, okay Kie?" Of course, JJ knows what she's looking for. His smirk is escaping his face, showing off a much more serious look. "What are you doing?" Kiara quickly asks to change the conversation. 

"My boy needs to learn how to swim." JJ replies with a duh attitude, making Kiara roll her eyes. "I don't want him drowning in the sea anytime soon."

"And you're going to teach him in the hot tub?"

"Exactly." Kiara scoffs as she watches him get into the old water. Kiara knows the water has not been changed but decides not to dwell on it. She doesn't exactly want to bring up that night.

Standing in the middle of the hot tub, JJ looks at Kiara. Kiara looks back with her stomach coiling. This is too familiar to the time JJ yelled about buying this fucking hot tub for his friends. It brings back too many bad memories of the time he cried so hard that Kiara had to climb in with him and how they stayed there for hours, not saying anything. She can feel her tears forming in her eyes by the memories that she so wants to forget. She wants to forget about the tears that she cried herself to sleep that night, thinking about how she should have saw it earlier. She should have figured it out and done something about it.

"Are you going to help me or what?" JJ breaks her track of thought. She looks at him confused as he splashes around the water. "Come on, help me teach Brownie."

"I'm not getting in that water."

"Why not?"

"It's nearly been a year since you put this water in here." Kiara is nearly sick of the thought.

"Relax Kie. I changed the water before getting in." Wow. Kiara didn't expect JJ to think of that. "I'm not that stupid." Yeah. Maybe he isn't. Kiara looks down at Brownie, thinking about it. Brownie is stood up on his two back feet, trying to look into the water in the hot tub. He's not big enough to reach yet but he looks so eager to try. Brownie looks up at Kiara with pleading eyes. Kiara sighs in defeat and takes off her shirt to reveal her bikini. She ties her hair into a bun and ignores the victorious JJ looking at her from the hot tub.

She takes off her clothes and helps Brownie into the water, passing him into the waiting arms of JJ before stepping into the water herself. She winces at how cold the water is before sitting down opposite JJ. She watches as Brownie tries to wriggle out of JJ's arms to get to Kiara. "Look, Brownie wants his mommy." Kiara jokes in her best baby voice.

"Only because he knows you cave easily."

"Says the guy that named him after a brownie he was allowed to eat." JJ shrugs and laughs.

"He just wanted to eat." Kiara snickers at him.

"Yeah, chocolate. The poison for dogs." They both end up laughing with the puppy sitting on JJ, still trying to bite the water.

They spend almost the whole day in the hot tub, helping Brownie find the confidence to try and swim between each other. He goes under a couple of times, but his tail keeps wagging back and forth showing his love for the water. All three of them spend the time splashing around until Kiara gives off an obvious shiver which JJ notices.

When they get out of the water, Kiara cannot stop shivering. JJ notices. Without saying anything, Kiara feels a thud of a sweater hitting the side of her head. She quickly looks at JJ and gives him a thankful smile before pulling it over herself. It warms her up almost immediately. 

...

She doesn't mean to do it. One moment Kiara is joking around with JJ about how Brownie will not sit. The next thing she knows, she is fast asleep on the pull-out. And she doesn't mean to stay over. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, like she always does, she notices a blanket has been thrown over he. She doesn't think much of it. But, instead of getting up and leaving like she would normally do, Kiara lays back down onto the pull-out and falls back to sleep.

The normal nightmares do not show up whilst she sleeps on the pull-out. She instead dreams of teaching Brownie to swim. JJ and Kiara are sat there in the water, watching their puppy swim back and forth. The both are smiling like a Cheshire Cat as Brownie is yelping happily, proud of himself and his new found ability to swim. The dream is the type of dream that she does not want to wake up from. That is why she is annoyed when she is woken up by the loud sound of Brownie howling at the door.

Sun is shining through the windows, providing light to see exactly what Brownie is shouting at. Kiara sits up and looks at the door that Brownie is attacking. It's then that she sees a shadow of a person stood the other side of the door. Brownie keeps shouting as Kiara gets off of the pull-out. Sleep is still full in her eyes but she stretches anyways, trying to wake herself up. The knock at the door gets louder as Brownie gets louder.

_Too early, Brownie._

Kiara makes her way to the door and gently opens it, allowing a tidal wave of light come crashing into the room. It takes a moment for Kiara to focus herself and look out of the door. "Kiara." Kiara's eyes snatch open as she looks out to where her mother is stood with her hands on her hips, looking at her daughter with the judging eyes in which Kiara is use to. She can see the shock in her mom's eyes as Anna looks down to Brownie who is sniffing at her feet. 

"Kie, what's going on?" JJ makes his way out into the living area. He comes out only in sweatpants. And his hair is all over the place. Kiara internally cringes as she turns back to her mother who has now got an angered expression pressed onto her face. Kiara knows what she's thinking.

_Fuck this is going to be fun._


	6. Gossiping Kooks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara argue with the parents over JJ and Brownie ending with Kiara needing to find a new place to stay.

Kiara wears JJ’s pelican sweatshirt. No shorts. Her hair hasn’t had a brush through it in twenty-four hours. Kiara can only imagine what her mom is thinking. And then JJ walks out of the bedroom in only his sweatpants, shirtless and with hair that matches Kiara’s messiness. To make matters worse, when JJ speaks his voice is gravely like he hasn’t slept all night. Nothing even happened, but Kiara knows that telling her mother that would not make the matter any better. With how her mother is glaring at them, Anna is acting as if Kiara is straddling JJ. They are all frozen to the spot, with Anna Carrera looking into the living area at a tousled JJ and Kiara. Kiara internally cringes at the sight of her mother’s looks.

It’s Kiara’s own fault really. She left the house without telling either one of her parents where she was going. She just left and headed straight to the chateau without thinking of the consequences. It also doesn’t help that she left her phone on the counter in the chateau without charging it all night. She probably missed all of the panicked texts coming through her phone from her over-bearing parents.

“We’re going home, Kiara.” Anna finally breaks out of the trance, glaring at Kiara. It’s a look in which Kiara knows well. Whenever her mother is ready to yell, she puts up a front to get them out of public before screaming her head off at Kiara. It’s exactly what happened at Midsummers after Kiara finally went home. They yelled at each other the whole night with Anna yelling that Kiara wasn’t allowed to see her ‘heathen’ friends ever again and Kiara yelling at her mother to stop believing the Kook’s gossip about her friends. They often yell at each other until they tire out, with no victors. Kiara goes to argue that she is safe here. She goes to argue that she wants to stay here.

“Now, Kiara. We are leaving.” Anna snaps finally, grabbing onto Kiara’s arm and pulling her out of the chateau.

Neither talk for the entirety of the journey to the Carrera house. The silence is eerie but both Kiara and Anna are too angry to break the sheet of uncomfortable quietness. Kiara watches out the window as the roads of Outer Banks fade out the broken-down houses on the cut to show the façade of the put together, houses of perfection on the Kook side. The last few years, Kiara has been able to watch Outer Banks change. The cut is getting smaller with houses being destroyed by storms and then demolished completely to make room for more land to go to the Kooks. It won’t be long until the whole area is full of fucking Kooks pretending that everything is fine, that there is no poverty and no sadness in our world. It won’t be long until the whole entire area is painted over to cover up the lies and greed created by the Kooks.

As they pull up to the Carrera household, Kiara cannot help but scoff at the obvious injustice. The fact that they live only ten minutes down the road from the chateau yet have so much more privilege is not fair. How the chateau runs out of power whenever a storm passes over, but the houses on the Kook side use their generators to power their fucking phones is just another reason why Kiara hates the Kooks. She hates even being associated with the Kooks when she sees how the people on the cut don’t live, they just try every day to do their best to survive. And most of the people on the cut don’t survive. It makes Kiara feel helpless whenever she is on the Kook side. Even if she is just helping a small dog, at least she is helping something when she is on the cut. And she is not going to give up this fight on injustice.

Anna switches off the power to the car before turning to Kiara. “I knew you weren’t at the beach.” Anna snaps. “The chateau, Kiara? With him?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kiara knows what’s coming.

“I told you to stay away from the cut.”

“They’re not dangerous, mom!” Kiara won’t back down. “JJ is not dangerous.” Anna scoffs before taking to the house. On any normal day, Kiara would sit there and wait. She would wait until she knew her mother had cooled off. But today, Kiara wants the fight. Kiara slams the door of the car before storming into the house, following her mother.

They storm into a living area where Mike is sat, reading the newspaper. “Leave your mother alone, Kiara.” Of course, her father would take _her_ side.

“No. I didn’t do anything wrong and she keeps judging me.” Kiara can feel the anger building in her. Angered tears are forming in the corner of her eyes.

“You are sleeping with JJ Maybank, Kiara.” There it is. What Kiara was waiting to hear. It makes Mike look up from his newspaper at the two angered girls in front of him. “You may not want to admit it, Kiara. But that boy is dangerous.”

“JJ Maybank?” Mike asks, obviously confused.

“And they’re playing house with a dog.” Anna scoffs.

“Oh my god, I’m not sleeping with JJ okay?” Kiara snaps, losing her cool once and for all. “We’re looking after a dog that I found during a storm.” Anna rolls her eyes at Kiara, obviously not believing her own daughter. “And so, what if I was sleeping with JJ?”

“Kiara…” Mike begins.

“No. JJ is the only one that is there for me in the way that I want.” Kiara hears her mother scoff but she ignores it. “I lost my two best friends and now? We’re all there is left.” Kiara takes a deep breath to force the tears back into her eyes. “But I’m not sleeping with JJ if that is all you care about.”

“We’re just trying to keep you safe, Kiara.” Mike tries to resolve the situation at hand. But it doesn’t work. Kiara hates that they think forcing her to stay away from the cut is the only way to stay safe, even though Kooks are just as bad. No. Kooks are the reason the Sherriff is dead. Kooks are the reason why John B and Sarah are gone. Kiara is never going to be safe.

“If you would have been normal and stayed friends with the kids in your own school, none of this would have ever happened.” Anna murmurs.

Anna Carrera is a fucking Kook. The gossip of Outer Banks is always at the tip of her tongue. Now, Anna is using the gossip against her own daughter. The fucking gossip that the Pogues are to blame for everything. Anna keeps talking “If you just stayed away from those Pogues, maybe they wouldn’t be dead…” Kiara loses herself completely as she reaches forward to her mother and slaps her across the face. Kiara has ignored every passing comment made by Anna for so long but it hurts when she uses it as a weapon. Anna stumbles back slightly, shocked. “Kiara!” Mike stands at this point, trying to break the two Carrera women apart. Anna begins to cry.

_Fucking crocodile tears._

The tears keep coming but Kiara reckons it’s just because her mother is worried that Kiara just ruined her perfect face. Kiara hardly hit her but here Anna Carrera is sobbing like Kiara just tried to kill her. Emotions run high through Kiara that she cannot come to regret hitting her. “I’m a Pogue too, mom! If you have a problem with them, it means you have a problem with me.” Kiara snaps. Anna keeps crying as Mike watches the scene completely confused. “I’m going back there.” It makes Anna stop crying for just a second. “But I’m not coming back until guys get your shit together and stop listening to the fucking gossip.”

She expects at least one of them to chase after her as Kiara makes her way to her room to pack a bag up. But no one follows. Kiara is beyond mad at her parents. How could they believe the Kooks over their own daughter- the daughter that saw what happened before Sherriff Peterkin was killed? Kiara doesn’t really look at what she is throwing in her bag; her eyes are too filled with angry tears that won’t seem to go away. The gossip that she hears from her own mother revolves around her head ‘did you know they sunk Topper’s boat?’, ‘his dad ran away. That’s why he’s died at sea’, ‘Maybank’s mother was a whore. Explains a lot’, ‘they roped the Carrera girl in, she was probably drugged.’ Every day is a new topic of gossip, Kiara is almost certain she knows that herself slapping Anna will be in the news tomorrow.

The bag in which Kiara is packing is almost full with as much as Kiara can throw in. She keeps the thousands of dresses that her mother bought her over the years in the wardrobe. She won’t need them anymore. Kiara quickly pulls on a pair of shorts but decides to keep JJ’s sweatshirt on. If her parents think they’re fucking, Kiara doesn’t seem to find any reason to take it off. She hurriedly throws some trainers on and walks down the stairs, wanting to get as far away from her parents as she can.

Her car is still at the chateau so Kiara knows she’ll have to walk there. Great.

_Today is going great._

She reaches for the door when her dad reaches for her. “Don’t bother trying to get me to stay.” Kiara snaps, with no interest for another fight.

“I’m not here to fight, Kiara.” Kiara looks at Mike confused. Mike looks around almost as if he is checking that the coast is clear. “You could have brought the dog here.”

“She wouldn’t have let me keep him.”

“I would have let you.” Mike takes a breath. “And when this blows over, come back with your dog and we’ll sort something out.”

“And JJ?” Kiara snaps. It wouldn’t be fair to take Brownie away from JJ now, even if it meant making nice with her family on the Kook side of town.

“We’re not the only people that don’t trust him Kiara.”

“It’s only because you don’t know him.” Kiara has to hold back her tongue to avoid letting out the secret about Luke Maybank. “I know him and I trust him. I don’t get how that’s not enough.”

“Kiara…”

“No. You’re just like her dad; open your eyes and you will see the truth.” Kiara decides it’s enough and storms out of the house. She doesn’t get far before her dad yells after her.

“You work at the wreck every other day, Kiara. I won’t tell your mom.” Kiara cannot hide the smile from appearing on her face as she walks away. Keeping her job at The Wreck would help, even if it doesn’t pay much.

The walk feels long but the further away she gets from the Carrera house, the better Kiara feels. She fiddles with her phone the whole journey. She looks at the texts her parents had sent last night.

**Mom:** Get home right now!  
 _Sent at 12:45am_

**Dad:** Kiara, where are you?

_Sent at 1:56am_

Fuck. If she had only read them, Anna would have never come looking for her at the chateau. Nothing would have changed. But Kiara knows that isn’t true. Kiara knows that Anna’s gossip would have eventually gotten to her and Kiara would have snapped. So, doing it this way, Kiara feels free- finally away from the negativity of living on the Kook side. She also has texts from her dad and a specifically new text that makes her smile.

**Dad:** I’m proud of you, Kiara.

_Sent at 10:37am_

Maybe she still has someone on her side after all. Kiara sends back a text and keeps on her way home to the chateau.

**Kiara:** I’ll be at work tomorrow at 10.

_Sent at 10:46am_

…

At the chateau, JJ goes by with his normal day to day routine. Brownie wakes up sniffing for food. JJ puts Brownie’s food down and then afterwards, the two go on a walk. Today’s walk is different though. JJ’s brain is spiralling with the events from earlier that day. When Anna Carrera came to visit. He thinks how stupid he was to walk out with no shirt on. Fuck. He probably made Anna really angry at Kiara. He should have never even given Kiara her sweatshirt the night before. It’s a boyfriend move, not a friend move. It will only make things uncomfortable.

JJ watches as Brownie runs around in the chateau after their walk, with JJ still not being able to shake his thoughts away. What if Anna forces Kiara to leave? What is Kiara really is gone this time? What if it’s for the best? The Carrera’s have always had an issue with JJ. It all started when JJ was fourteen and showed up to the Carrera house to force Kiara to go to the boneyard kegger with him. His face had been bruised from the previous beating from his dad but when Mike Carrera had asked what happened, JJ jokes that the grocers caught him taking cigarettes and got pretty mad at him. JJ also knows that his name is in a lot of the gossip stories around the Kooks. The gossip revolves around how JJ is an aggressive, dangerous druggy that is good in bed, just like his sorry excuse for a dad. It’s why JJ has a mixed reception of working around the Kooks. A lot of the Kook mothers want to know if the gossip is true. JJ is sure the next gossip story is ‘JJ Maybank sleeps with Kiara Carrera to rope her into the bad side.’

_Fucking Kooks._

He slumps down on the porch with a beer in his hand, looking at Brownie who is murdering another cuddly toy. “Brownie.” Brownie looks up with his tail wagging in excitement. “Sit, boy.” Brownie hesitates for a moment, almost tricking JJ into believing he’s going to do it. Brownie doesn’t sit. He turns back to the stuffing of his latest murder. Poor Mr Pigginton. JJ is sure Brownie is just being difficult now, because Brownie knows they really want him to learn to sit. Brownie is not a stupid dog; even if he likes to pretend to be. JJ goes to take another sip of his beer.

“You’re just letting Brownie destroy his toys now?” Kiara’s snap makes JJ jump, almost making his drop the bottle in his hands.

“Shit, Kie.” JJ reacts. His heart is beating so fast at her sudden appearance. She is stood by the door, arms crossed looking at JJ with daggers.

“Seriously JJ it’s not even midday and your drinking.”

“Well I’m sorry, Kie. I had a bit of a weird morning today.” JJ says in a sarcastic tone.

“Yeah. No shit.” Kiara doesn’t shake her anger as she leans to Brownie and tries to take the toy out of his mouth, only making Brownie think she wants to play tug of war. “And don’t worry. My mom won’t be bothering us anymore.”

The anger in Kiara’s eyes are like mini ticking time bombs that scares JJ. JJ knows to try and not say the wrong thing if he doesn’t want Kiara to explode. “Why won’t your mom be bothering us?” She doesn’t say anything as she keeps playing with Brownie. JJ sits up fully and keeps looking at Kiara in concern. “Kie?” JJ pushes forward.

“Can I stay here from now on?” Kiara finally glances up at him.

“What?”

“Let’s just say me and my lovely mother had words and now I’m not going back there.” Kiara slumps down next to JJ. “And no one can change my mind.”

“I wasn’t going to try.”

“Good. Because I’m done with her bullshit attitude.” Kiara snatches the beer out of his hands. JJ goes to joke about her contradicting her own statement but decides against it when seeing the fire still burning in her eyes. “She is so full of shit and still… still believes that John B deserved it. Fuck.” Kiara almost downs the whole bottle as JJ keeps watching her, concerned. She finishes the whole bottle before turning to JJ “Well, are you going to say something?” Kiara snaps in his direction.

“Nope. I was just thinking that you’ve gotten better at downing beer.” JJ jokes. It works at Kiara laughs back at him. “And how you stole my beer.”

“Whatever Maybank” Kiara playfully jokes. The fire in her eyes is burning out but JJ knows not to push her.

“And how you stole my sweatshirt. I did only mean to give it to you for like an hour.”

“You want it back?” Kiara smiles.

“Nope.” JJ clears his throat. “Your anger has burnt it anyways.” Kiara pretends to be pretended as she pushes JJ against the chair. JJ lets out a breath that seems to come out as more of a laugh. “This sweatshirt got me into a lot of shit.”

“And now we’re living together.”

“Exactly.”

“Brownie’s not going to like it though” JJ breathes out, oblivious to how close JJ and Kiara have become.

“You know, he has fun when it’s just me.”

“Are you saying I’m the boring parent?” Kiara jokes out.

“No. It’s more that you’re the mean parent.” JJ smirks at her, earning another push from Kiara. She keeps pushing him until she is pretty much leaning completely on him. JJ laughs at her struggles at the playful pushes “Okay, Kie. You’re the feisty one.”

The porch goes quiet when JJ accidentally lets his eyes wander down Kiara’s face. Her smile falls off of her face, obviously also noticing their positions. JJ thinks about leaning forward. Of course, he does. He has eyes that know how to appreciate Kiara. He thinks about the possibility of her giving into a kiss. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. JJ wonders if they would fit together better now than they did a year ago. It’s not like he could just forget that night. They were there for each other in every way possible. The way they reached pure ecstasy when they needed it the most. But then, JJ thinks of how much of a shit decision it would be. It screwed with them both after they slept together the first time. Now, they can’t lose each other. They can’t risk it.

Neither of them move. They sit there, just watching each other. Thankfully, Brownie breaks the spell that they find themselves under. Brownie jumps between them onto the sofa. He jumps and licks at both of their faces making them all burst into laughter. “Were we not giving you enough attention, Brownie?” Kiara says in a baby voice. JJ shakes off how cute it sounds to him. “I’m going to live with you.” Kiara makes Brownie move onto her life as they look into each other’s eyes. “I’m going to live here.” Brownie licks at Kiara’s face which has the big smile plastered on her face- a smile that only Brownie knows how to create.

…

JJ is in the kitchen when Kiara corners him later that afternoon. “If I’m going to live here, we need to set some ground rules.” JJ should have guessed. Kiara loves her rules. The number of fucking rules she created for the Pogues to follow to make sure they all stayed best friends forever were still endless. It shouldn’t shock JJ that she wants some rules for them being roommates. JJ on the other hand, hates rules. He hates being forced to not be himself because of a set of rules. It may be because he never really grew up with any clear rules. The rules he followed when he was a child changed every time his dad got high or drunk.

“Why do we need rules?”

“Because I’m worried, we’ll end up killing each other if we don’t have rules.” Kiara looks at him dumbly. JJ just nods, not wanting to fight her clear mind set on rules. “Rule number one- we don’t use John B’s room.”

“Wasn’t planning on using it.” It’s John B’s room. It will always be John B’s room even if he is gone.

“Next rule?”

“Okay. We don’t talk about either of our parents. I don’t want their shit becoming our shit.” Another rule JJ can agree on. He has no interest of ever seeing his dad again, but he doesn’t want to involve Kiara if that day ever does come when they meet again.

“Rule number three- whenever you have a girl here, tell me beforehand so me and Brownie can get the hell out of here.”

“Wait. What?” JJ snickers slightly. “Why?” Kiara rolls her eyes and gives JJ a ‘you know why’ expression. JJ smirks. He wants her to say it.

Kiara takes a deep breath “You like it loud, JJ. And I don’t want to hear it, okay?”

“You weren’t complaining when it was you.” JJ jokes but cringes almost immediately realising what he said. God he could be so stupid sometimes.

“And that brings us to the final rule.” Kiara continues, ignoring the embarrassing comment that JJ is still cringing about. “We don’t talk about that night. Nothing about it. Not John B’s disappearance and definitely not the time we had sex.” JJ just nods, not trusting his words at the moment. “And it doesn’t happen again.”

“I think I can handle myself, Kie.” JJ says slightly annoyed. It’s like she doesn’t trust him being close to her and it irritates him.

“I know JJ.” She scrunches her eyes slightly “I just don’t want things to get weird.”

“Then things won’t get weird.”

…

For the next two months, Kiara and JJ follow these rules tightly:

No going in John B’s room…

No mentioning the parents…

No loud guests without warning…

No mentioning that night.

The rules are easy to follow because they try to stick to their own space and go back to the routine that they have been so used to over the year and a bit, where they don’t talk about much other than Brownie. The last two months, Brownie has grown again and is almost the size of a normal sized spaniel. The cut on his head shows a phantom line to remind Kiara of his injuries. And, as Brownie’s injury heals, so do JJ’s.

But Kiara knows it won’t be forever. She still is scared of the time that Luke Maybank comes looking for JJ- when Luke Maybank runs out of money or is just looking for anyone to beat up. That is why an argument breaks out between JJ and Kiara when JJ comes home to the chateau one day with a bruised face. “What the hell, JJ?” Kiara shouts at him as soon as he comes through the door. He ignores her, going straight to Brownie and giving him a treat.

“I’m fine Kie.”

“No. What happened?”

“Relax Kie, I said I was fine so just drop it!”

“I’m sorry I worry about you JJ.” Kiara sarcastically snarls when JJ rolls his eyes.

“Jesus Kie! It’s nothing”

“Did you go home or something?” JJ stays quiet and Kiara knows the answer. “JJ!”

“I don’t want to deal with this right now.” They shout the night away until they both tire out and JJ slams the door of the bedroom.

Three hours go by before JJ comes out of the bedroom. Kiara is lying on the pull-out facing a sleeping Brownie who is lying next to her on the pull-out. His little button nose lets out a loud snore with every breath and Kiara spends the time counting the freckles running along his nose. Kiara imagines Brownie dreaming of running in the meadows. Kiara wishes her dreams are as innocent as Brownie’s dreams seem to be. Her dreams are still filled with high waves crashing into the Phantom. She keeps watching Brownie sleeping as JJ drops down onto the pull-out the other side of Brownie. He lays on his back and stares up at the ceiling. Kiara tries not to look at him. She doesn’t know if she could look at his injuries again.

“I didn’t go home, Kie.” JJ breathes out. For a moment, Kiara isn’t sure if she actually heard him say anything or not but then JJ continues. “I saw him getting involved in a deal. I tried to step in but then walked away with the bruises.” God Kiara hates this. How helpless she feels every time she hears about the hell that one man can have on JJ’s life.

“I’m sorry, JJ.” They keep their voices down to try and not disturb the sleeping Brownie in between them.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that got into a fucking fight.”

“Only to try and help your ass of a dad.”

“Still a fight.”

"I don’t care.” Kiara feels the bed move as JJ turns to look at her. “You shouldn’t have to get into fights for him. You don’t deserve the crap he puts you through.” JJ nods subtly at Kiara but Kiara knows he still doesn’t believe her. “Can we make a new rule?”

“Another rule?” JJ gives Kiara a fake smile making Kiara roll her eyes.

“We always tell each other where we are. No exceptions.” Kiara doesn’t know who needs this rule more: her or JJ. She knows that she needs to know that he isn’t going to almost get killed. Kiara has seen JJ hurt too many times and every time Kiara feels hopeless. She doesn’t want to feel helpless anymore.

“Well you know me, Kie. I’m pretty good at sticking to the rules.” JJ jokes making Kiara laugh.

“You’re the worst you know that, right?” Kiara sighs. “You laughed about my Pogue rules the whole time.”

“If I remember Kie, both John B and Pope admitted to being in love with you which breaks the whole no macking on Pogues rule.”

“But then we slept together so…”

“You made the first mood there.” JJ laughs. “But John B kissed you so he definitely broke that rule.” Kiara cringes at the memory of that kiss. God it was weird. “Actually, John B is the only one that broke the rule. Because you kissed Pope.”

“Are you insinuating that I have broken the rule the most?”

“I think that’s what you’re insinuating actually.”

“Not my fault people keep kissing me.”

“As I said, John B was the only one that kissed you. Even though he’s probably the only one of us that you actually wanted to kiss.”

_What?_

Kiara leans up slightly to fully look at JJ over their Brownie. “What’s that supposed to mean?” JJ looks away quickly and shakes his head.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” JJ clears his throat and sits up in the bed. What just happened? “This is breaking the ‘no talking about that night’ rule.” JJ awkwardly stands up and walks onto the porch, leaving Kiara extremely confused. Sure, once upon a time Kiara had a crush on John B. But it can’t come to that much of a surprise. John B was the one that introduced her to the Pogues and sure Kiara had dreams of John B introducing Kiara to the Pogues as his girlfriend. But that was a short-term crush. After her Kook year, Kiara saw John B as something like a brother. It’s why Kiara was shocked when John B kissed her.

The sound of Brownie’s snores fills the empty room again as Kiara tries to work out what exactly just happened. Why JJ brought up John B and Kiara’s kiss. Kiara can hear a loud thumping as she tries to work out if it is her heart in which is beating so fast or if it’s Brownie’s heart. She pretends it is Brownie’s heart as she reaches forward and starts to stroke the stray hairs on Brownie’s ears. Over the last two months, Kiara and JJ have been continuing to walk Brownie every day, the only difference is that Brownie can now run. Fast. Much faster than both JJ and Kiara. Because Brownie is still struggling with the sit command, catching up to the running pup can be hard. JJ normally does the running. The last two months, Kiara has also learned how JJ is clueless when it comes to what dogs are allowed and what they are not allowed. Kiara ended up putting a list on the fridge of all the foods Brownie is allowed and there are big red crosses to show JJ the foods that could kill Brownie. The last two months have worked well for Kiara and JJ with them taking turns using the bedroom, unless they have hook-ups planned. Which are becoming less common.

…

“I want us to all wear these.” Kiara says to the thirteen-year-old Pogues in front of her. She holds out three bracelets. “I made them.”

“When did you get in the bracelet making business, Kie.” JJ jokes. Kiara looks at the thirteen-year-old and tries to avoid staring at the massive bruise on his neck.

“Since I wanted us to all wear matching bracelets.”

“We’re girls JJ, that’s why.” John B adds to JJ’s joke as Pope laughs at the three friends stood by him. It’s the day after JJ is released from hospital after he broke his arm when he fell off a Kook roof. Kiara wanted to make sure they all were smiling so got to work making matching friendship bracelets. She knows they will wear them forever. “You will wear them, right?” Kiara pleads.

“Of course, we will Kie.” John B grabs the bracelet from Kiara and puts it around his wrist. Kiara smiles back at him.

They have only been friends for a few months, but Kiara knows that this is it. This is the only group of friends that she will ever need. JJ and Pope follow their leader John B and put on the bracelets. “Pogues for life.” John B puts his hand in the middle of the group. The all follow suit as Kiara looks down happily at their wrists presenting the four matching bracelets. The four bracelets for the four Pogues.

Kiara quickly realises that this is just a memory. They are no longer the four thirteen-year-olds promising ‘Pogues for life.’ Waves appear before her eyes as she watches the Phantom go into the storm with his true love Sarah Cameron- someone she was planning on making a new bracelet for.

The waves are building around the Phantom. The fear is evident in the eyes of John B and Sarah. An army of water spills onto the deck of the boat and pulls at Kiara’s best friends. It doesn’t take much for the tsunami to take over. They struggle against the waves but they are not strong enough. They are not strong enough to fight against a colossus storm. They are not strong enough to fight against being swallowed up by the water.

The water pulls them until their struggling bodies hit the water like a tonne of bricks. They both find themselves submerged in the water before they are able to scream for help- even though no one is around to hear them.

And then it all goes quiet. The waves still as the bodies of Sarah and John B sink to the bottom of the water. They are gone. Beads float to the top of the water. The friendship bracelet destroyed by the storm, no longer highlighting the importance of ‘Pogues for life.’ Because there are no Pogues without John B. There is just Kiara.

…

Unlike other nightmares, Kiara doesn’t wake up with a need to scream. She isn’t drenched in sweat from the fear of the night. Instead, Kiara feels her cheeks wet from tears flowing from her eyes. The promise of being a Pogue forever was something that Kiara needed back when she was thirteen. She never really thought that the same words would be so needed now, six years later. She looks down to her own friendship bracelet that she has been wearing ever since that day. It’s tattered and worn out but Kiara knows that she can’t get rid of it. She doesn’t even take it off.

Her tears keep falling and she cannot hold back the loud gasp of air that she lets out, trying to calm herself but it only makes her cry louder. Kiara creeps out of bed with a need to know if John B kept his. Maybe he took it off but kept it here in the chateau. Maybe it isn’t lost at sea just like his body. Kiara is careful to avoid the creaks of the floorboards as she makes her way down the corridor to the room opposite where JJ is sleeping calmly. A sound comes from behind Kiara and Kiara knows straight away that Brownie is following her. She hushes the pup and continues until she reaches the door, holding her breath to avoid her cries waking the sleeping JJ.

The door is stiff as Kiara uses her entire body to break it open. Dust escapes the dark room in which hasn’t been open in over a year. Kiara steps into the dark room and immediately regrets it. The ghosts of Big John and John B- father and son both lost at sea- creates a cold effect in the room. Her whole body is shaking as she looks around the room filled with so many memories. She can still see John B waking up from the bed and stretching before going to wake the rest of the Pogues. “Morning Kie.” His voice rattles around her mind and she can’t shake it. “You’re my best friend, Kie.” She can’t stop the tears now. Kiara stands in the middle of her best friend’s bedroom, fiddling with the bracelet around her wrist whilst she shakes uncontrollably.

“It’s not fair!” Kiara yells to the memories of the room. “It’s not fucking fair!”

Her sobs get louder and louder until she finds herself struggling to breathe. It’s not fair on any of them. “Kie.” It’s a different voice that makes her miss a breath. She turns to the door and sees JJ stood watching her. It only makes her cry louder. He steps closer into the room and Kiara feels a rush of embarrassment, she woke him up. “I’m…” Kiara can’t finish her own sentence as another sobs comes out of her mouth.

“Kie.” He repeats, staring at her in concern.

“I… I can’t stop” Kiara tries take a breath but her tears won’t let her. She can’t breathe. “I...”

“It’s okay, Kie.” JJ motions to move closer, making sure to keep his space. “You’re okay.” JJ goes to touch her but changes his mind at the last moment, knowing Kiara hates being touched when she’s upset. “You need to breathe, Kie.” She can’t. Her breaths are getting shorter and she is struggling to control anything.

She ends up looking around the frantically but it only causes her breaths to get shorter, with the memories of John B. “Breathe, Kie!” Concern floods in JJ’s eyes as his warmth is felt by Kiara without the two actually touching. Still out of control, Kiara feels as her legs almost give up on her. She gives in and throws herself at JJ. JJ doesn’t wrap his arms around Kiara for a moment, obviously shocked by her actions. As soon as Kiara cries into the crease of his shoulder, JJ wraps his arm around her waist. Kiara cries and cries gripping onto JJ as her lifeline. “Please Kie, just breathe.” Kiara feels JJ’s warm breath on her own shoulder. His voice breaks slightly indicating that he is crying as well.

“Count with me, Kie.” JJ speaks into her shoulder, trying to remain strong. Kiara whimpers but nods into his neck. “1, 2, 3…”

“4, 5, 6” Kiara joins in, feeling her breathing start to return to normal. She hiccups every number and her chest hurts with every number but it’s helping. She isn’t letting go of JJ and JJ isn’t letting go of Kiara.

“7, 8, 9…”

“10.” They repeat the numbers, still tightly gripping to one another with JJ’s hand gliding up and down her spine. Kiara hates feeling weak. It’s why she hates being hugged when she is upset, always telling the hugger that she deals with it on her own because she doesn’t need the help. But here she is clinging to JJ. And her breaths are returning to normal. “I get them too, Kie. The nightmares.” JJ whispers to her. All Kiara can do is nod and lean her head further into his neck. Kiara thinks back to the ways in which have calmed them down before, remembering very clearly the stories JJ tells to Brownie when he is upset.

“Can you… tell me one of Brownie’s stories?” Kiara whimpers into JJ’s neck. She hears JJ clear his throat before feeling the nod.

“Once upon a time, there was this group of friends. The Pogues. John B was the leader. Pope was the brains. The boy was there to provide a joke here and there. They were out surfing one day when the weather was roaring. The waves were high but they were great surfers. The ride a nice wave when they spot her.” Kiara begins to smile, feeling the tears beginning to calm in her eyes “Kiara Carrera. Stood on the beach with a board in her arms. She was looking at the waves with wonderous eyes, as if she had never seen waves before. Pope fell from his board straight away whilst John B and the boy ride another wave right up to the shore. She smiled at them; her smile was pure when most people on the island glare at them with disgust. She quickly became a Pogue. John B brought the girl into the group of Pogues. She is the demanding Pogue.” JJ snickers at the last comment making Kiara punch his side playfully. “No. She’s the Pogue that they didn’t even know they needed.” Kiara catches her breath for a completely different reason this time. “The end.” JJ finishes.

Kiara takes these words to lean away from the crack of his neck. Kiara keeps leaning into him, until their foreheads are touching. Her heart is beating for a different reason as she looks up at JJ. His eyes are dark, with an obvious crystal overlay showing he’s nearly in tears himself. His touch is soft as she feels his fingers stroking her waist. She feels a pull towards JJ as her heart beats faster. She goes to lean into JJ and close the gap but he steps away from her. She already misses his warmth. "We shouldn't be in here, Kie." All Kiara can do is show a confused nod. JJ takes her waist and helps move them both out of the room. "You should take the room." JJ awkwardly murmurs before walking to the pull-out where Brownie is watching them, concerned. 

It takes Kiara a few moments before she makes her way into the bedroom. It takes Kiara a few moments to realise that she just broke her own rules. And she wants to break more of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Now to be honest, I keep getting technical difficulties with this site and it's driving me up the wall but oh well, I'll power through.


	7. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pope comes back from college and sees how close Kiara and JJ are.

**Pope:** I'm coming back to Outer Banks. I'm coming home.

_Sent at 11:33am_

"Sit Brownie." Here Kiara and JJ are once more trying to convince their one-and-a-half-year-old dog to sit.

"He won't do it, Kie"

"Oh, he will." Kiara woke up on this morning extra charged to finally get this dog to sit. They are stood in the kitchen with Kiara holding out a sausage, right in front of Brownie's nose. She won't give him the sausage until the puppy finally sits down. Brownie doesn't sit down. 

"Let me try again." JJ gets onto his knees and takes a sausage from the table. "Brownie. Come." Brownie quickly turns from Kiara and runs to the other side of the kitchen where JJ is crouched. "Sit" JJ tries to do the command. Kiara watches as Brownie tilts his head. Kiara can only see the back of Brownie's head, but she is sure he's giving JJ his best puppy dog eyes. Brownie doesn't sit. JJ smirks up at Kiara as he passes the sausage to Brownie anyways.

"JJ."

"Relax, Kie."

"No. He won't learn if you just give into him."

"He knows the command. He's just playing with us." JJ moves to Kiara, pulling her in for a quick hug. Ever since Kiara broke down in John B's bedroom, Kiara hasn't shied away from any physical contact (Read: JJ's physical contact). He even kisses the top of Kiara's head for good measure before releasing her. Kiara takes a deep breath before going to Brownie's level. "We just want you to sit on command, Brownie." The pup stares up to her with probable same puppy dog eyes that he gave JJ before Kiara rolls her eyes and gives in as well. Kiara lets Brownie take the sausage from her hand.

"Kie, he will eventually do it." Kiara rolls her eyes at JJ. JJ keeps telling her this every time they try and teach him the command. Kiara just wants to know when Brownie will listen. "He's just stubborn."

"Yeah, no shit JJ." Kiara laughs back.

It has been a month since Kiara broke down in John B's bedroom. They didn't speak about the break down. But over the last month, instead of dealing with nightmares alone, they find each other before they can no longer breathe. Kiara's nightmares happen every other night. Every time she wakes up with the feeling of losing her breath, she finds JJ's arms and they count to return her breaths. JJ has more nightmares. He tries to push Kiara away every time by saying 'I'm fine'. They know each other too well now. Kiara knows he's never fine. To calm JJ down, the two take a quick walk around the cut in almost silence. Kiara leans into JJ when she senses him pulling away. Living together has given them both the sense of peace. They find themselves safe in each other's arms. 

Ever since KIara broke down, JJ has forced Kiara to stay in the spare bedroom. She argues with him every night, stating that they promised to take it in turns to share the room. JJ doesn't give in to Kiara though. JJ tries to avoid the fights every night by pretending to fall asleep on the pull-out before Kiara can force him to take the bedroom. Brownie acts as the buffer in the arguments in the night with JJ telling Kiara 'Brownie will miss me if I don't sleep out here.' Normally, Kiara argues back that 'Brownie doesn't get a say.'

However, even when Kiara gives in and takes the spare bedroom, JJ and Kiara both find themselves waking up and finding each other on the porch where JJ tells stories about the 'Fierce Pogues versus the Cowardly Kooks' to Kiara until they eventually fall asleep. Brownie often finds them asleep on the couch in the middle of the night. Brownie often joins them on the couch, snuggling up between them.

This morning, Kiara was woken by the hyperactive spaniel. She groaned out 'sit' and just for a moment, Brownie looked like he was going to follow command. So, his movements make Kiara go into training mode after making up a batch of sausages to use as a momentum to learn. Not even the sausages can teach this boy. "Let's just go to the beach." JJ whines, obviously getting as bored from the lesson as Brownie.

"JJ."

"Please Kie. Neither of us are working today and we need a break." Since Kiara moved into the chateau with JJ, JJ has been working at the garage whilst Kiara works with her dad at the Wreck. They work to make enough money to keep the chateau alive. On days the restaurant is particularly slow, Mike sneaks Kiara money. "Brownie needs his walk anyway and then we can come back and keep torturing this poor boy to sit."

"Fine." Kiara gets to Brownie's level. "Want to go for a walkies, Brownie?" Kiara mimics a baby voice whilst stroking Brownie's ears.

JJ smirks up at Kiara whilst talking in a mirroring baby voice "Pup always wants to go for a walkies".

Kiara hasn't told JJ about the text she received earlier in the day from Pope. Pope is coming home today after his short-lived time at college. She's not sure how JJ will react to Pope's return. Kiara is scared they'll fight with JJ having the view that Pope abandoned them. Kiara worries that Pope's return will create an awkwardness between the three of them. Just like the awkwardness that was there before Pope left- before they found Brownie.

The sky is painted grey when they get to the desolate beach. A gale is building in the wind but they don't care. Brownie loves the sea. His tail wags back and forth as he runs towards the shore with JJ chasing after him. Kiara watches the two. They look so blissful to be out of the chateau. They look so at peace as they run between the waves as Kiara stands in the sand, not wanting to get wet this time. This is their spot. The spot where Tourons don't visit because they don't know about it. It's the closest sandy beach to the cut so the Kooks are too stuck up their own asses to travel this way. It's perfect for them. Somewhere where they know they won't hear the gossip of the Kooks- with the new story being 'Kiara Carrera finally snaps and becomes just like the rest of the Pogues.' Kiara tries to not think of the gossip. She tries to not think about how her own mother is still believing the gossip.

Kiara tries not to watch how the waves are crashing into the shore. They haven't surfed or even been out far into the water since John B and Sarah disappeared. The waves are nowhere near as high as they were on that dreadful day, but Kiara cannot look away as they crash down destroying the sand underneath them. The waves are calm before the storm. A storm that Kiara cannot see coming.

_No._

The waves are bringing back the nightmares. Kiara looks around the beach frantically, trying to find anything that can get her out of the trance she has accidentally entered. But Brownie and JJ are not by the shore like they were only a few minutes ago. She has a sudden feeling to run. To run back to the safety of the chateau. But a pull forces her to keep looking at the surge of waves tracing the shore. What if the waves have taken them as well? What if Kiara is the only one left? Kiara can't control how her heart speeds up as she is frantically looking around the beach. But the beach is empty. Just like it always is. The only difference is that she cannot see JJ and Brownie.

Her legs are shaking beneath her as she almost falls, stumbling backwards. She cannot be alone. Not again. Kiara's eyes are filling as voices of JJ and John B surround her. What if she has lost him again? She keeps looking down to the sea as she backs up to try and get a better view. Her back crashes into something strong before she can fall to the ground. "Kie?" It takes her a moment to put a face to the voice but a small whimper from the pup looking up at her tells her who it is. JJ.

"Where were you?" Kiara cries out. She tries to remain angry but her voice betrays her. 

"I had to chase after Brownie." JJ watches her, concerned. Kiara falls to the ground and throws her arms around Brownie. She holds him tightly as the pup licks at her shoulder. Kiara thinks it's Brownie's way of saying that they're still here. She feels a hand on her shoulder as her body keeps shaking. "What happened, Kie?" JJ's voice is soft, something that Kiara needs. Kiara stands back up, fighting the urge to crawl into a ball. Her arms find his neck, clinging JJ to herself in a tight hug.

"It's stupid." Kiara breathes out against his neck.

"What do you need?" His hand is tracing her spine in the way he knows soothes her.

"Can we go home?" Kiara looks up at JJ who is still staring down at her with worry. He just nods at her and motions for them to move.

Home. It's a word that slips out of Kiara's mouth when she is thinking about the chateau. She doesn't remember when she started thinking of the chateau as her home but deep down, Kiara knows that the chateau may have always been her home. They walk back to the chateau with Brownie walking closely to Kiara's side and Kiara continuously clinging onto JJ as if she would fall over if he isn't holding her steady. Her hands are clinging to the loose material in which JJ is wearing. It isn't until they are halfway back that Kiara feels strong enough to ask "Why are you so wet?" Kiara doesn't look up at him. She doesn't need to look up at him know he's smirking.

"Brownie wanted to swim a bit deeper today." Kiara smiles.

"Of course, he did." Kiara fiddles with the material. "And you let him."

"Of course, I let him. But then I had to swim after him."

"You had to?"

"Oh, I definitely had to if I didn't want to be killed by his mother." Kiara playfully hits him and goes to pull away from the hold, only to feel JJ's arms wrap tighter around her. She cannot hide the beam of light shining from her face.

...

**Pope:** I'm coming back to Outer Banks. I'm coming home.

_Sent at 11:33am_

**Kiara:** Okay. We'll be at the chateau.

_Sent at 1:27pm_

Pope comes home after being away for a year and a half. He comes home because, even if he won't admit it, college wasn't what he had thought it would be. He is not sure if it's because the last year of being in Outer Banks changed everything about him or if it's because of how every day he felt guilty of being in a secure location of a college after leaving his friends and his family after his best friend dies. Every second Pope was either in his dorm or in a classroom, Pope couldn't help but feel out of place. He missed the Pogues the most. And hated the idea that he ran away from them.

As soon as Pope reaches Outer Banks, he finds himself going straight to the chateau with a sudden need to see JJ and Kiara. Pope didn't see JJ before he left. But Kiara had texted Pope how terrible the situation for JJ was. How bad JJ had been affected by John B's disappearance. How JJ had gone home and was forced to stay there for four months. It only made Pope feel like a worse friend that he already thought he was.

The chateau looks completely different from the chateau that he has spent so much of his childhood in. It finally looks like a house. Pope thinks it must be because Kiara has made JJ get his shit together. Kiara sent picture after picture of the puppy to Pope over the last year and a half. It's hard to imagine JJ and Kiara looking after a puppy. But, as Pope looks at the porch of the chateau, he starts to imagine it. The porch has thousands of toys littered around the floor. Where there used to be glass bottles of beer on the coffee table on the porch, there is now packets of different god treats alongside a fluffy rabbit that is missing an ear. The ear of the rabbit is flopped on the floor next to a water bowl that is half full (or half empty if you're asking JJ).

When Pope tries to open the door to the chateau, he is shocked to find it locked. He looks through the window and almost gasps at how clean the place looks. Pope notices how the old, loose wires of the chateau are taped together and out of the way. The pull-out is put together, with a small dog bed at the end of it. Fair enough Pope can only see a small element of the chateau through the window, but Pope cannot see a bottle or a blunt in sight. It's as if JJ bought a maid.

_JJ does live here, right?_

Kiara had texted Pope earlier in the day to say to come to the chateau but they are not here. Where the hell could they be? Pope begins to walk off of the porch when he hears her voice. Kiara is laughing to something. It's a laugh that Pope had missed so much. A laugh that Pope wants to hear for the rest of his life. He freezes when he finally sees her. Kiara is strolling towards the chateau clinging onto JJ as their dog is walking in front of them. Their arms are around each other so naturally that Pope can't help but feel the jealousy build in himself. He knows he shouldn't be jealous. He knows that what happened between himself and Kiara was weird. It was like kissing a sister. But he can't help be shocked with seeing how close JJ and Kiara are. Pope can't help wonder why no one told him.

Kiara and JJ.

Since when?

They are in their own trance when they move closer to where Pope is stood. Pope keeps watching them as Kiara reaches up to wipe something away from JJ's face. Pope keeps watching them as JJ whispers something into Kiara's ear and her whole face lights up. Their trance doesn't break until the dog spots Pope and runs at him. The dog jumps around Pope's legs, almost knocking Pope completely over. Finally, JJ and Kiara glance over to the dog that is now barking at Pope playfully. "Pope?" JJ looks over at Pope, shocked. Pope can't help but wonder why JJ is so shocked. He did text Kiara. "Dude what the fuck are you doing here?" JJ smiles as he runs over to where Pope is still tripping over the dog.

"I'm home, JJ." Pope explains as JJ hugs Pope.

"Welcome home, Pope." Kiara smiles as she moves closer to the two hugging boys. She doesn't join the hug.

Pope ignores the thud in his heart as he watches JJ and Kiara smile at him. He can't ruin the Pogues because he is jealous over nothing. They make their way into the chateau as Pope is bombarded by questions. 'Why are you not at college?', 'Where are you staying?', 'Are college chicks hot?' Most of the questions come from JJ but Pope answers them all. 'I didn't fit in', 'I'll be back in with my parents', 'College chicks are the same as High School chicks, JJ.'

It isn't until that evening, after a lot of alcohol, that Pope gets annoyed watching JJ and Kiara's secret touches and glances at each other. Whilst JJ is out on the porch with Brownie, Pope turns to Kiara. "Why didn't you tell me that you and JJ are together?" The question seems to shock Kiara.

"We're not together." The answer shocks Pope more.

"You've been flirting and touching each other all afternoon."

"So?"

"You don't do that with anyone else." Pope can't help but feel anger in his tone.

"We're just close, Pope. We're not together." Kiara lets out an awkward laugh. "Me and JJ? There's nothing there."

"I don't believe you, Kie."

"Well believe it." Kiara rolls her eyes. Pope is sure he sees Kiara's cheeks begin to turn red as she looks away from him. For normal people, touches may be platonic. But Pope knows Kiara. Kiara doesn't like to be touched by anyone. Then, all of a sudden, Kiara is begging to be touched by JJ.

He tries not to concentrate too much on them. But every time Pope looks over at them, JJ is fiddling with her hair or Kiara is poking into his side. JJ and Kiara look at each other in the exact way that Pope used to dream that Kiara would look at him. He really tries to not concentrate on it but when Pope looks around the chateau, he can't help but see how JJ and Kiara worked on the chateau to make it their home. He remembers the porch.

He remembers seeing the treats in place of the bottles and can imagine Kiara telling JJ off for drinking when looking after Brownie.

Pope remembers seeing the pull-out neatly made and can see Kiara helping JJ in the morning, making the bed with Brownie jumping around their feet until they fall on the newly made pull-out laughing.

He wonders if, whilst making the chateau their home, they have almost closed the gap- tiptoed over the line separating friendship and feelings.

Or maybe they're oblivious. And that would be worse. Oblivious feelings for one another can only mean trouble down the road. Pope thinks back to the night he got high and told Kiara that he loved her. Sure, it was awkward as hell and it happened at the completely wrong time. But if Pope didn't tell her, he would have never found closure in hearing her say the love wasn't reciprocated. Telling Kiara that he loved her broke his obsession over her. Maybe that's what they need. JJ and Kiara need a push to see what is going on. Pope could be that push.

...

They drink the whole evening until JJ spontaneously decides they should go to the boneyard even though they are too old for keggers now. But Pope and Kiara agree and they find themselves at the boneyard with Brownie on the lead. JJ does his normal party act by disappearing into the crowd of people, this time taking Brownie with him. Pope and Kiara are left by the fire pit near the keg.

They sit in silence whilst watching the flames dance along to the quiet music from the other side of the beach. Pope watches Kiara as she looks around the beach with unreadable eyes. Pope decides to break the silence first. "Do you remember the first time I got drunk?" She looks up at him. Pope still can't read her. "I think I was fifteen, JJ made me his special drink and I got drunk after one sip."

"I think I remember" Kiara smiles. Fake smile? Probably.

"Well, a Touron girl was actually flirting with me and I wasn't scaring her away with my normal chit-chat." Pope laughs at the memory. "It was going really well until... I threw up on her."

"You threw up on someone?" Pope sees Kiara's genuine smile. Finally.

"Yeah I did." Pope snickers. "All over her."

"Poor girl."

"No. Poor me. She ended up going home with JJ anyways." Kiara loses her smile. "He's always been the one to get the girl."

"Don't compare yourself to JJ, Pope." Pope isn't but he lets Kiara continue. "You're both great in your own ways. You also both have flaws but you're only human." Pope smiles at the girl in front of him. It's obvious why they all had a thing for Kiara at one point. Pope thought he was in love with her because she was the only girl that gave him attention. The only girl that tried to get to know the real Pope Heyward. 

"I know you have a thing for JJ." Pope doesn't mean to blurt it out but he does. Kiara doesn't even bother to look up at Pope as her eyes keep searching through the crowd of dancing people. "And I'm not mad at you or anything. I mean, you live together."

"I'm not..."

"You have both been all over each other when you don't let anyone else touch you, Kie. It's pretty obvious that something is going on between you two." Pope keeps going. "If you just tell him..."

"No Pope!" Her sudden show of anger shocks Pope. "Me and JJ are close because we're the only two left. We have to be there so neither of us fall apart. You left us Pope. And you didn't see how we had to learn how to fight through our nightmares."

_Shit._

They really have been hurting. Pope didn't think about how moving away would make them feel lost. "I'm sorry, Kie."

"It's okay. We're fine now." Pope watches as Kiara takes a deep breath. "I just can't lose him." It's the same thing Kiara had told Pope before he left. But there is more emotion behind her words. They all have lost so much that the effect of another loss could destroy any of them.

"You won't lose him."

"You don't know that, Pope. I already lost him once." Pope watches her, confused. Sure, JJ went silent for four months after the disappearance. But he shut everyone out because of John B, not because of Kiara. Pope keeps quiet as he watches Kiara put her head into her hands. "We slept together after John B disappeared..." Pope freezes, not hearing anything that comes after those words. They slept together? The same day Pope and Kiara kissed? Pope watches as Kiara fiddles with the friendship that she made all those years ago. The friendship bracelet that started the Pogues.

Only a few days after Kiara gave out the bracelets, they made the Pogue rules. The Pogue rules that they have all broken over the last few years. 'No secrets amongst Pogues', 'No Pogue on Pogue Macking.' These rules were sacred. But now? They're meaningless. They've been broken too many times by all four of the Pogues.

"So, I can't lose him." Pope regains his control and goes back to listening to Kiara.

"You slept with JJ?" Pope can see her tears forming. "On the same day that we kissed?" 

"I'm so sorry, Pope." Pope just shakes his head in disbelief. "We had to be there for each other."

"By sleeping together? Kie, if you don't have feelings for JJ you're leading him on. He definitely likes you!"

"I..."

"You two slept together and now you keep touching him. You're messing with his head by making empty promises for more. Unless I'm right and you're in love with him." Pope wants to keep venturing forward but the conversation dries up when they hear a dog bark in the distance. Brownie. Pope and Kiara look in the direction of the dog and see JJ talking to a Touron. He has a smile as big as a Cheshire Cat's grin and the girl is playfully stroking JJ's arm, obviously flirting. An instinct takes over Pope as he glances to the girl beside him. Kiara has her mouth wide open as she watches the Touron girl with JJ. Her eyes are glassed over and her cheeks are burning.

_Fuck. Kiara really is oblivious._

Kiara watches JJ as Pope watches Kiara. "Kie" Pope breaks the trance, reaching forward to try and comfort Kiara. Kiara shoves his hand away.

"It's nothing." Kiara almost cries out, still looking forward to JJ and the Touron girl. Pope turns his head to look back at the smiling JJ. Brownie is by his feet, jumping at him slightly. It's only then that Pope notices JJ's smile is directed to the dog and not the girl. Kiara obviously hasn't spotted this. Pope keeps watching intrigued when the Touron girl goes to lean in, only for JJ to take a step back. They have been to so many boneyard keggers in their lifetime and Pope has often been the audience member for JJ's hook-ups. But Pope has never seen JJ take a step back. He has never turned away a hot girl in front of him. That is, until now.

"I think I get it now." Pope announces as he watches JJ turn and find Kiara's eyes looking back at him. Brownie must spot Kiara as well because it doesn't take long for Brownie to be throwing himself at Kiara. Pope keeps watching as JJ almost skips to where Pope and Kiara are still sat. JJ's smile is back. But instead of him smiling down at Brownie, he's smiling at the only girl Pogue. Kiara. "You'll realise eventually, Kie." Pope whispers to Kiara as he stands up. JJ finally reaches them, looking slightly out of breath.

"Are you here to tell me you're going to have a loud night with the Touron?" Kiara almost spits out.

"No. I think I'm over the casual hook-up thing."

"Ditto." Kiara smiles up at JJ and Pope finds himself feeling the third wheel. He smiles at the two oblivious Pogues then turns to make his way up the beach.

They may not want to admit it, but it's obvious to Pope. JJ and Kiara need each other in ways that Pope can't even understand. It's just JJ and Kiara. Kiara and JJ. Two pieces of the puzzle coming together and finally making sense.

...

"You're in love with him." Pope's words are all Kiara can think about that night. Pope has it buried in his brain that Kiara and JJ are in love with each other, which is stupid. Kiara wonders the whole night where Pope might have gotten that idea. Sure, Kiara and JJ have gotten close. Sure, Kiara is calmed with just a simple touch of JJ. Sure, living together normally means something. But they're not together. It's the safe option in which Kiara is happy to live with.

The morning comes and Kiara is still thinking of Pope's words. Because sure, other people have been thinking that they're together but when Pope- someone who knows them so well- thinks there's something going on it intrigues Kiara. Sure, Kiara and JJ once had a flirtation during Kook year. And sure, Kiara may have flirted back with JJ all those years ago. But then the hunt for the gold changed everything. The flirting stopped and Kiara realised that friendship is what she needed. Kiara could live with the idea that JJ and Kiara once flirted openly but then stopped because it was just innocent flirting that meant nothing.

_Nothing._

Her feelings keep spiralling when Kiara leaves the bedroom to the smell of brownies. Kiara walks to the kitchen to find a shirtless JJ next to the oven. No. Kiara is not in love with JJ. Sure, she lets her eyes wander. She lets her eyes fixate on his abs and his v-line. And sure, she doesn't look away when she sees his messy bed hair. And it's not Kiara's fault that her mind wanders. She has felt him before. She has seen him naked before. She has run her hands over his body before. She has felt his body pressed against hers before. She even has kissed her way down his body before. There isn't much left for the imagination as she watches JJ stretch. 

_The rules are there for a reason, Kiara._

Kiara keeps shaking her head as images of JJ flood her vision. It takes a moment before she feels strong enough to stand in the same room as him. "What are you doing?" Kiara almost laughs as her voice makes JJ jump.

"I'm making brownies." JJ holds up the bowl to Kiara with his normal JJ smirk on his face. Kiara pretends to be disgusted. "Relax Kie, they're not my special brownies." Kiara moves closer to the bowl before nodding.

"Why are you making brownies?" JJ just looks down to Brownie the dog. "JJ. Look at the fridge; it literally says on there in bold letters no brownies for Brownie."

"I'm not that stupid."

"Doubtful." JJ looks down and lets out a slight snicker that makes Kiara smile.

"Hey. Everyone knows I'm the second smartest Pogue."

"God, no." JJ's laugh only gets louder.

"Just. Taste it." JJ holds out the bowl with an untrusting smile on his face. "Trust me, Kie."

Stupidly, Kiara goes along with JJ and drops her finger into the bowl to take a taste. She avoids his eyes as she takes a taste. Kiara regrets hit almost immediately when she almost pukes the mixture straight up. She glances at JJ who is chucking. "What the fuck JJ!" Kiara tries her best to sound angry. It doesn't.

"It's doggy brownies." JJ laughs. "I felt bad for Brownie so I found a recipe for Brownie to eat." Kiara feels her core twirl, her smile disappearing off of her face. "Relax. Brownie will love them."

_Oh, Brownie will definitely love them._

Kiara feels her legs giving up from underneath her as JJ softly glances at her. She feels a sudden need to get away from JJ before she does something stupid. But JJ seems to spot it. JJ moves closer to the frozen Kiara and Kiara is sure that someone will hear how loud her heart is beating. She watches his movements as JJ keeps moving closer, expressionless. His eyes are stormy and she figures her eyes must be matching. Their eyes are locked to each other, teasing to see who will look away first. But JJ keeps moving closer. Her heart is thudding. There is no way JJ can't hear it. "Kie" His voice is questioning. She subtly nods, almost scared that he may not see it. But then he is leaning closer. His hand moving up to her face.

Heartbeats loud.

Eyes locked.

Lips so close.

She closes her eyes as she feels him move even closer but it's not his lips that land on hers. Kiara opens her eyes to see JJ has a spoon to her mouth. A spoon with the doggy brownie mixture. "JJ!" Kiara laughs as JJ tries again.

"You'll love it, Kie." 

"No. I won't" They're both laughing as Kiara grabs for the bowl, dipping her hand into the bowl to get some of the mixture. "Why don't you try it?" Kiara asks before moving her hand closer to JJ. JJ shakes his head as he moves the spoon back to Kiara.

"Kiara Carrera. Where are your manners?" JJ holds her hand away from his mouth. They are both playfully fighting each other, trying to force the other to taste the mixture until jJ gives up aiming for her mouth and dumps the spoon onto her cheek. The mixture spreads onto her face as Kiara looks at him in shock with JJ uncontrollably laughing.

"You're so dead, Maybank."

"Fuck that." JJ laughs as he speeds past her into the living area with Kiara chasing after him.

Laughter fills the chateau as Kiara keeps chasing after JJ, still with the mixture glazed onto her face. Brownie jumps into attention and chases with Kiara after the guilty JJ. "Get him Brownie!" Kiara commands.

"No, sit Brownie!" JJ jokes. Of course, Brownie doesn't sit. Brownie runs at JJ, knocking him onto the pull-out. Kiara leans down over JJ and finishes the fight by dumping the whole bowl onto his head. The mixture lands on his forehead and in his hair. Kiara can't help but laugh at what he looks like. She stays on top of him as JJ sits up, still laughing.

Something rushes over Kiara as she looks down to see JJ so close to her. So close again. Their hearts beating in time. She can't breathe but it's for a different reason this time. A new reason. Pope's words come crashing back to her. 'You're in love with him'. No. The words can't be true. Because if they're true, Kiara knows she'll lose him. She'll lose JJ if those words are true. "Just breathe Kie." Kiara gasps for air again, trying to listen to JJ's words. "Count with me."

"1, 2, 3..."

"4, 5, 6..."

"7, 8, 9..."

"10". His hand strokes through her hair as Kiara finds her breaths going back to normal as she looks down into his eyes.

She can't admit it.

She can't lose him now.


	8. 1, 2, 3...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A storm keeps JJ and Kiara in the chateau with a stressed pup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone that has taken time to actually read this story. I am really enjoying writing it!
> 
> This chapter is very heavy on JJ's POV and his PTSD particularly. This chapter does mention abuse and attempted suicide. Just wanted to put a warning out there.

A single bullet is needed.

One shot. That is all that is needed.

It's not even hard to work out where to aim. On shot is all that is needed for everything to be over. For the world to be free from JJ Maybank. Two shots and the world can be freed of the Maybanks entirely.

It only takes seconds. Any idiot can do it. Just aim the gun. And shoot.

His breathing speeds up as he looks into his dad's eyes. Luke's eyes reflect every hit, every beating that JJ has had to take. Luke's eyes reflect the pain that he causes JJ with just his voice. Sometimes, Luke's words hurt the most. The words echo something that JJ learns to believe and they hurt. Four months of JJ learning to live with the fact that his dad will never love him- that JJ can't be loved- all surround this one night. The night that JJ has had enough of it.

It's the night after Luke has returned from a bender with only one thought in his head. 'JJ deserves to feel pain tonight.' It's the night that Luke goes for the boy in his bedroom who is half asleep. He reaches for JJ's neck and holds on, making sure to leave marks.

JJ was five years old when he learned to never fall into a deep sleep. It was the night he fell asleep and was woken to his dad snapping his arm in half. JJ remembers the pain as he screamed and his mother tried to run to him, but his dad wouldn't let her get close without hitting her onto the ground. The rest of that night, JJ's mom held him to soothe his tears. JJ's mom had put JJ's arm in a homemade sling and was resting a bandage on her cut head. JJ was struggling to breathe. "Count with me JJ bean." His mom rocked him back and forth as he tried to remember to breathe. "1, 2, 3..." She started.

"4, 5, 6..." JJ joined in.

"7, 8, 9..." 

"10." Never again will JJ fall into a deep sleep.

The hold on JJ's neck makes JJ worry how far Luke will go. But as his dad keeps a strong grip on his neck, JJ wonders what would happen if Luke were to snap it. Finally take the last swing to finish him off. But Luke doesn't finish the job. He leaves when JJ passes out with Luke's words surrounding his thoughts. 'I did everything you piece of shit!', 'You're just like your whore mother', 'No one loved her either.'

When JJ finally gains back consciousness, he can't fight back the tears that he knows will cause him a further beating from his father. 'Stop crying like a bitch!' He can imagine his dad saying. His head spirals as he finds himself struggling to breathe. It's then that he gets the idea. That is a lie. The idea planted itself in JJ's head as soon as John B showed JJ the gun in the motel. It acted as a safety net the whole time they hunted for gold. But JJ always knew it could be his way out. However, only now is that way out needed.

Just one fucking bullet.

And JJ would be out of this world forever.

Just like his dad always wanted.

Just like the gossip from around the Kooks wanted.

JJ grabs the gun from underneath his clothes in his drawer. His eyes are filled with tears but he fights through it, knowing it will be all over in only a moment. He thinks of how life could be different. He thinks about how his life won’t change the lives of others as he holds the gun up to his head.

"1, 2, 3..." JJ cries through his counting.

"4, 5, 6..." JJ cries through spiralling voices of his parents.

"7, 8, 9..." JJ cries through the last memory of John B and Sarah.

"10." JJ cries as he pulls the trigger.

But the gun does not go off. JJ is breathing heavily as he lets the tears fall from his eyes. He goes to give up but the burning sound of Luke Maybank’s voice fills his mind. ‘You can’t do anything right!’ The counting starts again.

"1, 2, 3..." JJ focuses. But it doesn't work. His voice echoes the numbers as he finds himself counting with Kiara.

"4, 5, 6..." It still isn't working. Kiara flashes in front of his eyes again, her own breathing becoming short.

"7, 8, 9..." The counting doesn't help JJ as he watches unfair tears form Kiara's eyes.

"10." The gun is heavy in his hand as he looks around his empty room. No one is here. It's just JJ and the loaded gun. The gun is loaded with the spiteful words from his father. The gun is loaded with every hit that JJ has faced. The gun is loaded with the fucking storm that took everything unfairly. He can’t help but shake as he looks at down at the weapon that could take his life.

A thud comes from the other room in JJ’s house. Shit. His dad is awake. JJ feels himself as he hyperventilates and stuffs the gun into his backpack. JJ can hear his father’s movements with his harsh voice breaking the silence “Boy!”.

...

_Shit._

JJ bolts from the bed, standing and backing against the wall. He moves his arms in front of his body, anticipating the pain his dad will create. But his dad isn’t there. He isn’t even in the house in which he grew up in. The walls around him are put together by the love of the Pogues. The Chateau is the home to the Pogues. The only place that they can feel safe. JJ scrunches his eyes together to try and settle his breathing, forcing away the tears to try and remind himself that he hasn’t seen his dad in almost two years.

Even if it has been two years, JJ can’t fight the monsters in the night. Leaning against the wall, JJ strikes his head back wanting to get that night out of his head. It doesn’t work. The pain is suddenly soothing, something he has grown up feeling. Something he knows he should be feeling. JJ goes to strike his own head again but stops before any pain floods through him when he notices the porch door is open.

Did JJ really forget to close the door? Kiara would kill him if Brownie got out, if Brownie ran away. He makes his way to the door, feeling the crisp night air hit his sleepless figure. That’s when he sees her. Kiara is sat on the porch couch, looking into the night sky with Brownie slouched on her lap. Her eyes are wide with wonder as they trace the stars in the sky. A soft smile is plastered on her face as her eyes keep looking out into the world out there. Kiara has always cared for the environment. JJ likes seeing her eyes go wide whenever she talks about the world with such a positive nature, even if JJ has only been shown the negative side of the world. JJ likes to try and imagine the world that Kiara paints. It always sounds soothing.

He just watches Kiara as she mindlessly strokes the calm Brownie. They look so innocent as they sit there, in the cut, where most people feel at discomfort. JJ observes as Kiara turns to Brownie and hugs him tightly. Her eyes eventually glance to the porch door, to where JJ is stood. He looks away awkwardly, trying to pretend like he wasn’t watching her. “Nightmare?” JJ coolly asks.

“No. Just couldn’t sleep.” Kiara sits up, wordlessly letting JJ know that he can sit. JJ hesitates for a moment before moving to sit next to Kiara. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“No. I couldn’t sleep either.” What JJ says technically isn’t a lie. It was a memory, not a nightmare- a memory that he keeps reliving through sleep. He can sense that she doesn’t believe him. But Kiara doesn’t say anything.

“When do you reckon we’ll be able to sleep through the whole night?” Kiara breathes out.

“Never.” JJ half-jokes. She half-laughs back.

“It’s getting better, right?” No.

“Yeah.”

“So, maybe the nightmares will finally go away.” No.

“Sure.” JJ clears his throat to ease away the tension that is building. “Only the best people get nightmares anyways, Kie. It just means we’re the best.”

“Whatever, JJ.” JJ can hear her smile forming.

“It can’t be that hard to understand.” JJ smirks as he looks up at Kiara. Her eyes are still soft as she smiles back at him. “I am the best Pogue.” It makes her laugh as she rolls her eyes, jolting the pup sat on her. Brownie stands up on the couch as he watches JJ and Kiara laughing.

“Best Pogue?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“Maybe in your dreams, JJ.”

“Oh, you’re always saying that I’m the best Pogue when I am dreaming Kie.”

“You think you’re better than me?” No. Of course, Kiara is better than JJ.

“Just admit that you know it’s me.”

“Not a chance.” Kiara laughs. “Maybe we should ask Pope in the morning, see what he’s got to say.”

“Not fair, Kiara.” JJ fakes an accent. “We all know that he was in love with you.”

“Exactly.” Kiara motions to herself. “Best Pogue.”

_Oh, Kiara wants to play._

“Well, if we’re asking Pope, we should probably ask Tourons as well.” JJ can’t control the smirk on his face.

“Sure. Let’s ask them.” He looks up at her, confused. “They will probably still say I’m the best.” Yeah, they would. Over the years that Kiara and JJ have been friends, JJ has been with a few Tourons. But, in the morning, the Tourons would wake up and Kiara would help get them away. JJ would come off as the dick that he is and Kiara would be the girl that let them see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Whatever.” JJ mumbles as Kiara smiles at him, victoriously.

“Is that you admitting that I’m the best Pogue.” JJ just shrugs.

“It’s whatever like, it doesn’t matter.” JJ takes a deep breath. “Because I definitely know that I’m your favourite Pogue.” Her smile drops as she looks away from him with an unreadable face.

_Fuck. Shouldn’t have said that JJ!_

Change the subject. JJ feels a need to talk about anything else, keep it as far away from talking about the Pogues and John B as possible. But he can’t find the words. JJ can’t even look away from the girl sat beside himself. Her eyes are jolting back and forth with obvious confusion as her cheeks are turning red, probably trying to find a way to change the conversation as well. “So, Pope’s back in town.” JJ finally finds something to say, even if it is stupid. Of course, Kiara already knows Pope is back.

“Yeah.” Kiara uncomfortably replies. “We should go surfing with him tomorrow or something.”

“No, we can’t. A storm’s coming.” Kiara looks at him again her eyes burning into him almost as a way to try and force him to keep saying stupid shit. It forces. JJ to abruptly stand up. “A storm is coming so we can’t surf.”

“How did you know…” Kiara begins to stand up but JJ interrupts her.

“We should probably just go to sleep and think about what we can do.” JJ rushes out his words before turning and heading back into the chateau.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. ‘I’m your favourite Pogue’ Why the fuck did JJ say that? JJ cringes about the memory of Kiara looking away from him awkwardly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He should have just kept his mouth shut instead of going along with their game. Their games often lead to stupid decisions. Sleeping together- that was from a stupid game that Kiara definitely regrets. And then what does JJ do? Jokes that he is Kiara’s favourite Pogue even though he knows her favourite is John B. The Pogue she probably pines after as she is stuck in her favourite Pogue’s house with JJ. Just plain JJ.

...

JJ is right about the storm. When he wakes again in a panic that his dad is coming for him, he looks outside to see a whirlwind of rain falling onto the ground around the chateau. JJ can see out to the marsh where the waves are climbing. Unlike all the other nights where his nightmares wake him up, JJ doesn’t go onto the porch. He already knows Kiara slept out there He internally cringes at the memory of making awkwardness between himself and Kiara all over again. Fuck. He should have never said it, even though he knows he only said it because she is his favourite. JJ likes to pretend that maybe… maybe Kiara likes JJ the most. It’s doubtful.

Water will start leaking through the old roof of the chateau, there is no doubt. The previous storm made the whole roof shake. JJ was worried it was going to fall in on itself. But it didn’t. The chateau still stands strong. The chateau is an honorary Pogue. It holds the group together, almost like a clubhouse.

JJ used to like hiding in the chateau after his dad and mom argued the night away. Younger JJ always knew that their arguments would end with Luke hunting JJ down and leave his mother crying. That is, until JJ hid at the chateau for the whole week and Luke kept looking for him but he couldn’t find JJ. Luke found JJ’s mom instead. Apparently, Luke had almost killed her but she ran away. And then she never came back. If JJ had only been in the house, his mom may have never left. She may have never taken herself out of the world. After JJ’s mom left, the chateau was used less as a place to hide and more of a place to survive.

Brownie breaks JJ’s train of thoughts as he runs into the chateau, wet from his obvious walk in the rain. Brownie jumps around the room, letting the water from his fur fall onto the floor. JJ happily watches as the wet dog jumps onto the pull-out. This dog could do anything and JJ could never be mad at him, even as Brownie reaches the middle of the pull-out and shakes. Water splashes everywhere. JJ cannot help but laugh. “Kie’s going to kill you.” The pup head dives into the mattress and rubs himself against the covers. JJ can feel the water through the covers.

“You were right about the storm.” JJ finally looks up to see Kiara stood by the door.

Her crop top is drenched, tightly clinging to her figure. Her hair is all over the place looking like storm happened in her hair. But JJ can’t look away from Kiara. He watches as she moves into the room, not caring about the uncomfortable wetness she must be feeling, as she ties her wet hair into a bun. The water clings onto the side of her neck but it doesn’t seem to bother Kiara. God. It bothers JJ.

_The fucking rules, JJ._

No. JJ can’t risk anything. JJ shakes the thoughts out of his head as he fixates on Brownie who is still trying to get comfortable on the pull-out, laying next to JJ. “Well what can I say, Kie? I guess I should become a weather reporter or something.”

“Maybe.” There is no humour in her tone.

“Listening to me would have helped you.” JJ lays his head back against the pull-out pillow and starts to close his eyes. The sky is dark outside, showing it can’t be early in the morning yet. He thinks she must have left as the room falls quiet with just the sound of JJ and Brownie’s breathing being heard.

He doesn’t open his eyes until he feels the mattress below him move slightly. One eye opens to see Kiara perching on the end of the pull-out. “How did you know about the storm?”

“I’m just that smart, Kie.” JJ tries to joke. “I guess I have a sixth sense about shit like that.”

“I’m serious, JJ.”

“And maybe I’m being serious?” JJ watches her eyes in which are filled with no humour. Shit she really is being serious. Kiara subtly shakes her head, obviously getting annoyed. “Fine.” JJ sits up, pulling Brownie to his lap. “Maybe John B taught me how to tell.”

“JJ…”

“it’s something to do with the sky or some shit like that. You know John B- he was obsessed with the sky.”

“So was Sarah.”

“Makes sense saying they were perfect for each other.” It makes Kiara look down. Shit. She still likes him. “I’m sorry Kie, but they perfect for each other before they even got together.”

“Why are you apologising?” She almost snaps at JJ. “Of course, they were perfect for each other. They were perfect.”

“Perfection is boring anyways.” JJ tries to make nice; it seems to work as Kiara smiles at him.

“Sure.” Kiara stretches as JJ tries not to watch her. ”Speaking of boring, maybe we should do something saying Pope won’t come over in the storm.”  
“Pope will never come out in a storm.”

“Exactly.”

“Such a wimp.” JJ jokes as he watches Kiara laugh back, even though he knows that he shouldn’t.

...

“Boy!” His father’s voice thunders through the house. JJ quickly stuffs the gun into his backpack and finds himself pinned up against the wall.

“Dad I…” It’s all that JJ can whimper out before he is thrown to the other side of the room by the stronger man stood in front of him.

“Where did you put it?” Luke slurs his words. “My pills. Where the fuck are they?” It’s only then that JJ remembers the pills. The pills that his dad had been taking from the pharmacy without them knowing. When Luke runs out, he often blames JJ for taking them. “Are you selling them?” JJ tries to shake his head, but it’s too late. His dad takes a swing at him, hitting his rib cage. JJ is sure he hears a break. But he can’t cry in front of him. Not again.

JJ takes every swing as his dad keeps coming back for more, every time asking JJ where the pills are. JJ is on the ground when he can’t take any more hits. “I’ll get them!” JJ silently shouts out, struggling to really make any sound. He feels his stomach twirl, feeling the sick build in him telling JJ one thing.

He needs to get out of here.

“I’ll go and get them and then I’ll come back.” JJ is not sure where to get the pills, he just knows that he needs to get away before Luke finds the gun in his backpack and turns to the gun to keep the fun going.

“You better get them quickly.”

The words from Luke make JJ run faster, even though his body is weak with the pain from the never-ending beatings. The faster JJ runs, the closer he is to being free.

“1, 2, 3…” The numbers have always soothed JJ as he keeps running down the cut.

“4, 5, 6…” He chants the numbers louder when he can no longer feel the legs beneath him, running him to his destination.

“7, 8, 9…” It shouldn’t come to a surprise that JJ finds himself outside the chateau. But it does. It has been almost four months since…

The Chateau remains strong even if the Pogues that used to be there every waking hour are falling apart. A tree has fallen into the hot tub in which is still in front of the house. The hot tub that looks just like JJ feels- worthless. He makes his way up the porch before spotting a girl lying on the couch.

“10”. Kiara.

Frozen. JJ looks at the sleeping position of Kiara. Her head is leaning against the side of the couch. It’s obvious to JJ that she hasn’t been asleep for long. Her face is tattooed with littering tears. It has been almost four months since he last saw her- last saw anyone that wasn’t trying to hurt him. JJ thinks about making himself known but as he looks down at Kiara, he knows she won’t want to see him. She ran away the last time they were together. And then... he left. Just like everyone else did.

JJ slumps into the Chateau, putting his backpack behind the pull-out before finding a ratty blanket, in which smells of weed, tossed on the pull-out. It will have to do. No. Kiara can’t know he’s here. He can’t make a new nightmare appear in her dreams. He has to sort it out by himself. So, JJ walks back onto the porch and places the blanket on the sleeping Kiara.

God, he misses her.

But it’s for the best if she never sees him again. If only he could swap places with John B and Sarah. The best he can do is go back to his house and never be seen again.

...

Every night, JJ’s nightmares are becoming more like memories. This specific one was a full memory. A tear forms in his eyes as he remembers it as if it was only yesterday.

A rumble of thunder brings JJ back to reality. He is lying on the pull-out that he doesn’t remember falling asleep on. The last thing he remembers is playing ‘go fish’ with Kiara after boredom strikes them. JJ reckons that was a few hours ago. JJ goes to move, but he can’t. Hugged up tight to JJ’s side is Kiara, fast asleep. The pelican sweatshirt that got Kiara into so much trouble with her parents, is slung across her body. Her head is resting on his chest as his arm is slung around her shoulder. JJ knows it’s not right, but he smiles at the sleepy Kiara whilst brushing a stray hair off of her face. Brownie is messing around by the side of the pull-out.

JJ is sure his heart skips a beat when he realises what Brownie is pulling at. The backpack. Fuck. JJ thought his dad had found the backpack and stolen it. But here it is, the backpack with the gun.

Luckily, Kiara is a heavy sleeper. It doesn’t take much for JJ to softly lift her arms away from him, setting him free. He watches as she turns more into the pull-out. The backpack is half-stuck underneath the pull-out, looking like it must have buried itself deep under the bed over the years. It’s the same backpack that JJ used every day during the hunt for the gold. This backpack has been home to their only gold, the stolen money from the motel, all sorts of weed, and the gun. The gun that he had spent the last few years trying to forget. 

Brownie is still trying to attack the backpack by the time that JJ stealthily tiptoes to him. JJ shakes his head in confusion. It can’t be the same bag. He would have noticed it. But on the base of the bag is a name tag with ‘JJ Maybank- Aged 10’ sewn into it. Shit. This is the bag. His heart is thudding against his chest as he keeps observing the bag. It is heavy in his hands as he lifts the bag to the sky, trying to use the outside light to get a better view. He shakes as he sticks his hand into the bag to pull the gun out.

The gun is heavy in his hands.

Rain is falling hard. The wind is howling up against the side of the chateau, forcing the water droplets to slam against the roof of the porch. But JJ ignores the obvious change in weather, looking only at the gun in his hand. This can’t be real. Oh, but the gun feels very real. A strike of lightning lights up the small chateau, with the thunder strike happening almost immediately after. Brownie runs to hide under the pull-out, howling the storm away. Brownie has always been bad in storms. But JJ still can’t ignore the gun in his hands.

Frozen to the spot, JJ ignores as Brownie cries louder as thunder and lightning surround the chateau. The entire room rumbles as Brownie’s cries echo down the corridor. But JJ is paralyzed by voices.

_‘Your momma left because of you.’_

_‘JJ Maybank- just like his father.’_

_‘Boy!’_

_‘Fucking Pogue!’_

_‘You’re beginning to look like your dad.’_

_‘Worthless piece of shit.’_

“Why do you have a gun?” The last voice comes from the room itself. JJ turns frantically to see Kiara staring at him. Her eyes are glassed over as she glances down to the gun. “Oh my god JJ. Why the fuck do you still have that gun?” Her voice ricochets through the room. Brownie begins to howl louder as the storm keeps getting heavier.

“Kie…”

“JJ! Why is the gun here?” Her words screech as the anger comes out. JJ doesn’t know how to answer, his eyes fixate on the weapon that is still in his hands. “How long has it been here?” Kiara keeps asking questions.

“The whole time.” Her eyes are flooding but JJ is still motionless.

“The whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god JJ! You’ve kept the fucking gun here the whole time and didn’t tell me? Were you ever going to tell me?” Honestly, no. JJ wouldn’t have told Kiara.

“I don’t know Kie.” He can’t help but force out a laugh, to try and change the tension. “You knew I had a gun.”

“A stolen gun.” Kiara spits.

“Still a gun. You can’t throw these types of things in the ocean.” He laughs again. “I thought you were all for the environment and shit, Kiara.” JJ cringes at his choice of words. He only ever uses her real name when they’re joking around or fighting. This is definitely not a joke.

“You need to get rid of it.” Kiara demands.

“No.” Definitely the wrong thing to say. Kiara storms to where JJ is stood and tries to fight the gun out of his grip. JJ doesn’t let go, not giving in this time.

“Just give me the gun!”

“No!” Brownie is still howling in the corner of the room, adding volume to the already loud situation.

“Why do you even want to keep it?” Kiara gives up on the fight, taking a step back. The anger in her voice makes her pitch go up and a scratching noise take over. “JJ.” It almost sounds like a plead.

“So that when I get too much, I go.”

_The world would be free of JJ Maybank._

Kiara looks to the ground as her breaths become more like sobs. JJ can feel the tension in the air as Kiara finally looks up at him with questioning eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?” The conversation is not over.

“Nothing Kie. It’s just…”

“Just what JJ?” JJ thinks about just giving in and telling her but he knows she shouldn’t have to hear it.

“You don’t want me to talk about those four months.” JJ hiccups out.

“Talk about those four months, JJ.” JJ doesn’t know if anger is laced in the words, or fear.

“They break our rules.” JJ tries to find an out.

“I don’t care.” Kiara will not give in. “Just tell me, JJ!”

“Those fucking four months I lost myself okay?” JJ doesn’t mean to yell but his sudden change in volume even makes Brownie glance at him. “Every day, my dad pushed me and then one day he pushed me so far that I nearly did it. I nearly pulled the fucking trigger just like my mom did.”

“JJ.” Kiara can’t stop the tears now. But JJ feels naked all of a sudden, with all his secrets hanging free. He hates the feeling.

“This gun is the only thing keeping me from ever turning into my dad. I’ll get rid of myself before that ever happens.” She just stares at him in complete shock. “Happy now, Kiara?” JJ snaps one more time before storming passed her and into the spare bedroom, leaving the stunned Kiara alone.

_He needs to get out of here._

_..._

Kiara can’t move. She can’t even think straight. Kiara knew that JJ was broken, but not this much. When Kiara had asked why the gun was here, she was expecting JJ to reply ‘because it’s my gun’ or ‘I like the way it feels in my hand.’

Kiara can’t help but think that it’s her fault. She knew it was bad for JJ ever since the day in the hot tub where he shouted about his family, and how he could have killed him, and that he can’t take it anymore. Kiara should have forced her parents to move him in. Or found a way to force him to stay with John B or Pope. Kiara should have spent those fucking four months trying to find JJ before it was too late.

But she didn’t.

And now she’s worried it’s too late.

The storm is loud, but Kiara’s thoughts are louder. She can’t lose him. She really did almost lose him before. She knows she needs to fight for him; fight against the shadows in his nightmares. God! Why didn’t Kiara ever ask him? She could have tried to help. She could have made him feel better. Kiara lov… no, likes JJ. She won’t lose him again. Brownie goes back to howling when lighting strikes the sky. “Brownie! It’s just a storm.” Kiara doesn’t mean to yell at the pup but her emotions are all over the place.

The door to the spare bedroom is shut but it doesn’t stop Kiara’s train of thoughts. “JJ!’ Kiara bangs on the door, hoping that he hasn’t jumped out of the window and ran away. “Please.” Kiara goes to hit the door again, but is stopped by the door swinging open to show JJ stood in front of him with his backpack slung over his shoulder. “No. You’re not leaving, JJ.”

“It’s just better if I go, Kie.”

“No, it’s not!” Kiara wants to hit him. He can’t leave. Not now. “You… you can’t just run away again.”

“I’ll hurt you. I can’t let that happen.”

“You could never hurt me JJ. You’re not your dad and you never will be!” It’s what it all comes down to. Kiara knows JJ’s fears. Kiara knows he thinks he’ll be his dad.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” She takes a deep breath, to try and get her emotions in line. But the volume coming from the howling Brownie stops her from thinking straight. “Your dad hurts everyone, even the people that he should love. You have no bone in your body that could actually, purposefully hurt anyone. You will never be him because you would never hurt the people that you love. So, you need to stop running from the people that love you!”

Love. What a word. A word that Kiara knows JJ has never heard in his life. Not even from his mother who was too afraid of what Luke may do. Love. The word that Pope seems so confident to use when he describes Kiara and JJ’s relationship. Love. The word that Kiara just blurted out to him, when she doesn’t know if she should be angry or upset.

Brownie jumps around again as the storm rages on. His howls are almost as loud as the rumbles of thunder. “Brownie! Please.” Brownie doesn’t listen to Kiara as he runs back to the window to bark again. “JJ.”

“I can’t keep doing this Kie.” His voice sounds dark, almost like he is trying to make Kiara scared. She’s not scared.

“What?”

“Pretending like everything is fucking normal! Pretending like the nightmares will ever go away.” JJ reaches into his backpack, pulling that stupid gun out of his bag. “This is my fucking nightmares, Kie. And no one understands them.”

“I want to.” Kiara instinctively steps forward. “I get nightmares too.”

“I know.”

“Then let me into yours.”

“No.” JJ stutters out before trying to get away from Kiara. But Kiara will not let him. Not again.

The broken boy has a fight or flight response to everything. He wants to run away again, as he is used to it. It frustrates Kiara to another level. “Oh my god JJ!” Her voice is loud, but is still overshadowed by Brownie’s cries. “For once in your life just fight it! Fight your fucking demons or at least try!” She doesn’t think her words are getting through as Brownie gets louder. JJ watches her as Kiara finds herself feeling flustered as the pup keeps barking into the window. She could never get her point across if Brownie keeps going at it. “Brownie! Just sit!” Kiara screams out.

And he does.

He sits. His howling stopping completely.

Silence fills the chateau as JJ and Kiara stare at Brownie in shock. Kiara thinks she must be seeing things. But no. Brownie just sat on command. “Did I just…”

“You got him to sit.”

“He’s fucking sitting.”

“You got him to sit.” They are both stunned but smiles can’t help but form on their faces.

“I got him to sit!” Kiara celebrates as JJ turns back the girl. Almost as if the fight never happened, Kiara can’t help but jump into JJ’s waiting arms as they celebrate their dog. “I actually did it.” Kiara exclaims into his shoulder as his arms tighten around her waist, lifting her from the ground.

“Okay let me try.” JJ keeps holding Kiara as he slightly steps to look at Brownie. “Brownie, come.” The pup trots to JJ. “Brownie, sit.” And brownie does.

JJ looks like a little boy excited for Christmas as he jumps up and down at the sight of Brownie sitting. Kiara laughs on with him. JJ pulls her in again for another hug, this time turning them as Kiara is in the sky. They are laughing and for the first time that day, laughter fills the chateau instead of shouting.

When JJ finally puts Kiara down, Kiara can’t help but keep leaning into him. She leans her forehead up to rest against his as their smiles are replaced with long stares into each other’s eyes. Kiara could stay like this forever. In his arms. Safe. She tries to push away Pope’s words from the other days as she stays in the moment with JJ. “You can’t leave us.” Kiara speaks softly, keeping her forehead pressed against his. “You can’t leave me.” He responds immediately but not with his words. JJ leans forward and catches Kiara’s lips with his own. He moves his hands to her cheeks and Kiara feels free as she kisses him back with just as much urgency.

_Okay._

This kiss feels different to the one that Kiara remembers from that night. To begin with, neither of them are drunk. But the emotions are so high. The intensity behind the kiss shows how they have waited for so long just for this moment. As everything feels right in this single moment.

The moment takes away every thought that revolves around Kiara’s head for every hour or every day. The moment makes her forget about the worry about what happens next. Especially after the day they have had. This kiss promises that everything is going to be alright.

Kiara can feel a smile forming on her lips as she feels tempted to deepen the kiss and see if the moment can continue but it isn’t long until JJ is pulling away. “We shouldn’t…” JJ’s voice is strangled but the words create a sinking feeling in Kiara. He doesn’t want this. “It’s against our rules.”

Those stupid rules. As soon as Kiara made them, she knew they would bite her in the ass. She won’t admit it out loud, but she thinks she only made the rules to avoid feelings and avoid the sinking feeling in herself that he may turn her away. But the sinking feeling isn’t there now. “I don’t care about the rules.” He looks at her confused but Kiara doesn’t give JJ time to speak as she grabs JJ’s neck and pulls his lips to hers.

They move together with such urgency that anyone could probably hear the movements screaming 'Finally!'. They grip at each other as if they had been thinking about doing so all day. And maybe they had. For once, they blend together and find sense in each other as if they are the only two people in the world. Kiara can't hold back the moan as JJ deepens the kiss. His move up and down her body as Kiara strengthens her grip on his hair. She needs more. She needs him. 

It doesn't take long for their hands to start drifting under the little clothes that they are wearing. JJ loses his t-shirt as Kiara tries to ignore the smirk that screams typical JJ by kissing it away. The intensity doesn't go away as JJ silently questions if he is okay to continue. God yes, JJ is okay to continue. He asks her if it okay every step of the way. Kiara didn't expect him to ask and she can't help but melt every time he asks. 

When they finally look at each other with such intensity, they silently agree to move to the bedroom. The groping continues as JJ looks at the pup that is watching them, confused. "Brownie, sit." JJ jokes before pulling Kiara with him into the bedroom.

And Brownie does. Brownie sits down. 


	9. I can't lose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara worries when JJ is not in the room when they wake up.

His lips move against hers as if they are the sweetest things in life. His lips peck at her neck and her shoulder before creating a trail to capture her lips once again. Kiara cannot stop smiling as his body moves against her as it urges her over the edge. One of JJ’s hands is bracing himself above her as his other hand is tightly clenched to her own hand. It doesn’t surprise Kiara when JJ keeps repeating sweet nothings into her ear as he finally takes her as his own.

It’s at this moment where the world makes sense. That everything feels real and nothing can break them from their own little trance. Not the storm verging on outside. Not their fucking parents. Not the Kooks and their gossip. Not even the memories of John B and Sarah. For the first time in almost three years, it’s just JJ and Kiara. Kiara and JJ. And that is okay.

_Everything is going to be okay._

Dreams fill Kiara’s night for the first time since the night that changed everything. Dreams where life is weightless and nothing can go wrong keep Kiara asleep until light shines through the window of the bedroom of the chateau. Kiara doesn’t even open her eyes to need to remember what happened the night before. The smell of cheap deodorant mixed with salt water remind her of the night. Remind her of JJ. It’s the same smell that Kiara has been used to for years, but is now just noticing it. For the first time in all those years, Kiara is surrounded by JJ in every way possible. And she is okay with it. More than okay, in fact.

Light fills the small room as Kiara debates keeping her eyes closed for longer. No rain echoes through the chateau showing that the storm has past and made room for the light. It is times like these that Kiara remembers the Pogues in the chateau. She can’t help but think about the many mornings where she was woken by the rooster’s loud morning wakeup call. It was something that she grew fond of quickly. She tries not to think about how the reason why she was so fond of the rooster was because she woke up and so did JJ whilst the others claimed they didn’t hear the rooster. They would joke the early morning away, snickering and telling each other to be quiet to not wake the other Pogues.

‘You’ll wake them!’

‘Says you. You’re fucking shouting.’

‘Hey. I’m quiet as shit, Kie.’

‘I seriously doubt that JJ.’

Their voices would surround the living area of the chateau where they would make fun of each other and unconsciously flirt with one another. Kiara came to learn that JJ loved the rooster just as much as she did.

With the rooster gone, this morning is different. Kiara isn’t woken to the sound of the rooster’s call but instead is woken by the sound of birds chirping through the window. Kiara can’t help but cringe about how cliché this morning is. How cliché it is that everything feels right and that they have found the end of a seemingly endless tunnel.

When Kiara decides to open her eyes, she finds the other side of the bed empty. It makes her heart drop for a moment before remembering that this is JJ. The same JJ that doesn’t sleep a whole night through. The same JJ that always wakes up before her. Kiara sits up to find her clothes haphazardly thrown around the room. Before leaving the bedroom, she quickly throws on the pair of shorts that are by her bedside and the pelican sweatshirt in which she was wearing last night. The pelican sweatshirt has only a faded smell so distinctively JJ due to how much Kiara has been wearing it. It makes her smile.

The living room tells story of the night in the storm. Cards are randomly tossed on and around the pull-out from where JJ and Kiara had played ‘go fish’ before falling asleep on that very pull-out. Bowls have been left on the dining table. Brownie’s toys are chaotically abandoned all over the floor from how JJ and Kiara had to distract the pup from whining the storm away.

Brownie is playing with a squeaker toy elephant in the middle of the room. “Brownie.” Kiara gets to Brownie’s level as Brownie bounds to Kiara, still with the toy in his mouth. The toy in his mouth is one of the first toys that Kiara had been able to find that seems to be indestructible. The elephant is missing an ear. “We need to cut your hair.” Kiara laughs out whilst fiddling with the fur on Brownie’s ear.

The chateau is quiet. Kiara can’t help but look around concerned. She makes her way through the chateau, checking every room for any sign of life. But the only life that Kiara finds is herself and Brownie. No JJ. She wonders if she is still asleep and that one of her dreams has turned dark. But as Kiara pinches herself, Kiara finds herself still stood with only Brownie by her side.

Her heart thuds as Kiara starts to think about where JJ could be. The backpack. Everything from the day before comes crashing back to Kiara. Whilst the night ended well, Kiara can’t ignore how they got there. That fucking gun. That fucking gun that Kiara hated from the moment that JJ and John B had shown her it after going into the motel. The same fucking gun that JJ carried everywhere, even to the outdoor cinema. Kiara remembers thinking that it was typical JJ- reckless about everything. But now? Kiara doesn’t know what to think. She is all of a sudden very much aware of how little she knows of the real JJ. The JJ that spent four months thinking of how the pain could be over.

Kiara hadn’t expected that JJ would have kept the gun after all that time. After everything that had happened to them. But the gun is still very much in his life. In the very same backpack that JJ used to carry around everywhere.

Kiara finds herself hunting around the chateau for that backpack to try and force herself to calm down. JJ is different. He wouldn’t have just left. Kiara tries to suppress the sinking feeling that JJ made promise of his words last night to leave. Fight or flight. That is JJ. Last night, Kiara was sure he was to fight. Fight for everything. Now? Kiara worries he has changed his mind. That he couldn’t fight his demons and is now giving into them.

The backpack is nowhere to be seen. She hunts high and low but no backpack is found. No gun is found. And no JJ is found.

_He can’t be gone._

Tears fill her eyes as Kiara feels her face turning red. The previous night showed Kiara some of JJ’s demons. That night had showed Kiara that JJ’s demons have been with him for years. Kiara is sure that JJ has more demons than he is willing to show and it scares Kiara. If JJ has the gun, he could do anything. And she doesn’t know where he is.

She won’t lose him too. It all comes down to that. Kiara will not lose any more people to the demons that surround her because if she loses anyone else, she may lose herself as well. She hunts through the pull-out to pull out her car keys before frantically running to the door. “Brownie, sit.” Kiara shouts out before running out of the chateau. And Brownie does sit.

Kiara doesn’t know where to go. Did JJ go home? Is he down by the beach? Has he gone to the Kook side of town? Kiara doesn’t know. She finds herself aimlessly driving around Outer Banks, hoping that he will just be walking down the street. Hoping that JJ is still safe. Kiara can’t help but think it’s her fault. She knew he was at flight risk. JJ is always at flight risk. She can’t help but think that it’s because she slept with him. The first time that happened, Kiara had pretty much freaked at JJ before running away from him. Maybe he thinks she will freak again.

This issue is, Kiara doesn’t know how to deal with the situation. They were filled with emotions when they came together the night before. Now, Kiara can’t help but worry that they won’t be able to grow from this. The rules are there to stop awkwardness- to stop the two falling apart. But now, JJ is gone. And Kiara thinks that it must be because of her- because she let herself break her rules… again.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

Kiara can’t bring herself to go to JJ’s house. She can’t physically bring herself to drive to the man that heartlessly beats his son to almost death. To the man that makes his kind, lovable son think he’s so worthless that he is better off dead. Instead, Kiara finds herself parked outside the garage where JJ works. Kiara walks in, hoping that JJ’s boss has any better understanding of where JJ hides. JJ’s boss is no help.

No. Kiara can’t lose him. Kiara looks around frantically as she feels her heart rate going up as her breathing becomes shallow. ‘Just breathe, Kie.’ She can hear his voice. Just the idea of his voice begins to calm her. Kiara knows that she needs to be strong. She needs to find JJ and be the fucking strong one for once because JJ will need someone that can hold their ground. Kiara needs to be the person for JJ.

It is hard to calm herself down. The words of JJ always calm her down. Kiara has found herself being so dependent on JJ’s words every time she breaks down. But he is not here to soothe her. ‘Just breathe, Kie.’ Kiara closes her eyes and imagines JJ being there, running his hand up and down his arm as he whispers the soothing words. ‘Count with me, Kie.’

Kiara counts with her eyes remaining shut. Tears burn the inside of her eyes and she tries to focus on that. She tries to focus on anything other than the idea that JJ could be go… no. Kiara won’t let herself think about that.

Her whole body is shaking as she remains stood at the front of the garage counting to herself. Kiara remains scared that if she tries to move, she will just fall over into a tight ball. She needs to stay strong. She needs to stay strong for him. Stay strong for JJ.

“Kie?” Kiara keeps her eyes closed as JJ’s voice echoes around her. “Kiara!” This time, Kiara opens her eyes to see JJ running over to her, concern written all over his face. It almost makes Kiara fall over by just the sight of him. He’s here. He’s not gone. “Kie, what’s wrong?” JJ asks when he gets close enough to the shaking girl.

“Where the fuck did you go?” Kiara hiccups out, trying to remain angry.

“I had work.” She can’t control her tears as he keeps moving closer to her. JJ reaches to her face, batting the tear off of her cheek. JJ is here. Even though his boss had said he wasn’t.

“Your boss is a dick then.” Kiara still can’t control her tears.

“Yeah.” JJ laughs out.

“You… you can’t just leave like that!” Kiara snaps whilst shoving JJ’s hand away from her. “We promised each other we would tell each other where we were.”

“I tried but you were fast asleep Kie.” Of course, he tries to joke here.

“I’m serious JJ.”

“Kie, I’m fine.” He tries to reach for Kiara but she steps back before she knows what she is doing. It makes Kiara cringe when confusion appears on JJ’s face before he nods. “Right. No touching.” His eyes fixate onto the floor. Awkwardness abruptly fills the air. The same awkwardness that was there back the first time they had slept together.

She can’t help it. She can’t help feeling the sudden urge to stand back from JJ before she hurts him more, which will only inevitably hurt her. Kiara can’t deal with any more pain. “What’s going on, Kie?” His question sounds pained but it only confuses Kiara. “You here to talk about last night?” Heat surrounds Kiara as her cheeks begin to burn.

“We can talk about that later.”

“It went against your rules, I get it Kie.”

“JJ…”

“No Kie! If you want to just pass it off to another mistake then just tell me now. I can take it.” Anger builds in him. “We can’t break your precious rules without talking about them.”

“Can’t we just talk about this later?” It’s only because Kiara doesn’t know what to say.

“Kie. It’s fine. I can handle it, okay?”

“I…” Kiara remains speechless. “I don’t know.” Kiara eventually spills out, her emotions still forming a storm within her. Time is what Kiara needs. Hell, it’s only been a few weeks since Pope told her that he thought JJ and herself were in love.

The storm inside her suppresses the fact that she may not even know what love is. She just knows that she can’t lose JJ. As JJ’s eyes remain glued to the floor, Kiara can’t control her own movements as she pulls JJ to herself, connecting their lips in an emotion-filled kiss. It’s a hard kiss where their tears are mixing together. But nevertheless, Kiara feels JJ kiss her back as his arms snake around her waist.

The kiss is full of need, from both participants. Kiara tries to express everything in the kiss whereas JJ kisses her back with just a sudden urge. Neither deepen the kiss. When they come up for air, JJ keeps his arms around Kiara and Kiara leans their foreheads together. “What...?” JJ begins

“I…” Neither can find the right words.

“What does this mean, Kie?” Sound almost doesn’t come out of JJ as he watches Kiara, puzzled.

“I…” Kiara stops before her before she aimlessly shouts out love. “I’m just scared, JJ.”

“Of me?” His face is pained but Kiara instantly shakes her head. No. Kiara could never be scared of him.

“Of losing you.”

She can’t lose him.

The words seem to be the wrong thing to say as JJ steps away from Kiara, dropping his hands from her. What did she say? His face is pained as a single tear falls down his face. “You don’t want to lose me?” JJ says plainly.

“I don’t, JJ.”

“The same thing you said to Pope.” The pin drops. Shit. It’s the reason she gave for why she kissed Pope. ‘I didn’t want to lose you.’

“JJ…”

“Is that the reason you kissed me?” JJ lets out a spiteful laugh. “Why we fucked?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“We sleep together so you don’t lose me. You fucking just kissed me Kie because… because you’re scared that I’ll leave.” JJ is back to looking down. “It’s the exact same reason to why you kissed Pope.”

“It’s different with you.”

“How is it different, Kie?” Kiara is speechless once more.

“I don’t know.”

“Exactly.” JJ shakes his head. “You won’t lose me. I’m not going anywhere so don’t you worry Kie, you can stop messing around with me to get me to stay.”

...

She should say something. She should declare that she likes him. She should shout after him that she needs him more than she has ever needed anyone. But she doesn’t. Kiara just lets JJ walk away.

Kiara has never been great with expressing how she feels. Kiara has never been able to understand herself in what she feels. It’s the reason she probably led all three of her best friends on at one point. It’s why, even when Kiara knew she didn’t reciprocate the feelings towards John B, she didn’t shut him down completely. It’s why when Pope tells her that he loves her, Kiara finds reasons to why they can’t be together and then stupidly kisses him. Could it also be why she slept with JJ? Just to keep him around?

Her feelings are all jumbled as she decides to spend the rest of the day at work at the Wreck. It’s déjà vu as she avoids any form of feelings by working through the hours. Kiara ignores any questions about the Pogues that her dad throws her way. She avoids the stupid Tourons talking about the fucking Cameron case. And it goes well. The day moves quickly as she manages to avoid everything. Everything, until she begins to shut up shop.

**Pope:** want to meet?

_Sent at 3:55pm._

**Kiara:** sure. Meet at the Wreck?

_Sent at 4:45pm._

The door rings as she finishes cleaning the last table. She needed to talk through everything with someone that won’t judge. JJ would normally be that person, but this is about him. This time, she needs Pope. “Thank god you’re here.” Kiara speaks without turning her back to face him. “I did something and I don’t know what to do now.” She knows he will laugh and say that he expected it. Pope will say that ‘of course, you two are in love’ and Kiara will roll her eyes.

“Where’s my boy?” Kiara freezes, keeping her back to the person that is obviously not Pope. It’s a voice that Kiara has only heard a maximum of five times in her life. A voice that makes everyone around him tremble. A voice she thought she would never hear again.

_Luke Maybank._

Kiara trembles as she turns to see a swaying Luke. His eyes are flickering and blood-shot. High? Probably. Drunk? Probably. Angry? Definitely. “Where’s my boy?” Luke slurs out.

“I don’t know.” Kiara plucks the courage to say.

“He’s coming home.” He spits. Kiara tries not to react as Luke stalks closer to her. She can’t break. She can’t let him get to her. “You’re one of those Pogues, right?” Kiara can only manage a nod as Luke locks onto her wrist. “Then you fucking know where he is!”

His hands cut the circulation off for Kiara. And his grip only gets stronger. Kiara should have known that he would come after JJ. He has probably run out of money or something and needs JJ (read: punching bag) back. With the pain shooting up Kiara’s arm, she can only imagine how JJ spent eighteen years of his life with the recurring pain from his own father. “Where is he?” Luke shouts into her face, the fear making Kiara jump.

“I… I can go get him.” Kiara feels a sudden urge to get away. To flight. It’s the only thing that gets Luke to let go of Kiara’s wrist. He nods at her before stumbling into a table. She thinks he’s about to pass out.

Kiara runs out of the Wreck, not looking back at the man that has brought so much pain to JJ. Someone she lo… is friends with. She keeps running until she crashes into Pope who is stood by his car. “Let’s go.” Kiara squeaks out, trying to remain emotionless.

“Kie?” Pope questions her.

“Let’s just go, Pope.”

...

He knows he shouldn’t be angry at her. JJ shouldn’t be angry that Kiara wants JJ to stay. But he can’t help but be pissed that she leads him on with no feelings involved. Almost like she doesn’t care. Obviously, JJ knows Kiara cares. It’s the reason why she is even staying in the chateau with him. They just got carried away. The day was full of high tension that needed to explode. And Kiara let him explode.

JJ doesn’t calm down until he is back at the chateau with Brownie. Brownie is running around like a manic springer when JJ gets home. He has obviously been home alone all day. JJ rolls his eyes when he watches Brownie sit down. “You know, I don’t think I’d be in this shit if you disobeyed like you normally do.” JJ strokes Brownie’s fur. It felt so great to see Brownie sit. To finally do the thing that they have been begging him to do. And of course, it lightened the mood ending with JJ kissing Kiara. No. She doesn’t like him like that.

They sit in the chateau alone for what feels hours before Kiara finally gets home. Something is off as soon as Kiara and Pope walk into the chateau. He expects it’s because of JJ. “Kie. I’m sorry.” JJ stands up but watches as Kiara keeps clutching her wrist and avoiding eye contact.

“I thought you were working.”

“I finished early.” JJ sees Kiara cringe. “I’m sorry about earlier on.” JJ almost whispers, realising that Pope is stood in the room.

“It’s okay.” She still doesn’t look up, still clutching her own wrist.

“You need to tell him, Kie.” Pope speaks, watching Kiara concerned.

“Kie?” JJ steps closer when Kiara puts her hand behind her back.

“I didn’t think you’d be home, JJ.” Kiara whimpers.

“Okay. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” JJ moves closer. “Your wrist.” JJ points to Kiara whilst Kiara rolls her eyes. “Kie.” JJ observes Kiara hesitate before putting her hand out to him. He can’t help but gasp with what he sees. A hand mark is around her wrist, purple and blotchy.

“Who?” JJ warns, deeply.

“JJ, I…”

“Who, Kie?” He is seeing red. Kiara is hurt and nothing else matters.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll go back to him.” He almost doesn’t hear her. But he does. And nothing else matters as JJ drops Kiara’s wrist before running to his backpack. His dad did this. Because of JJ. “JJ!”

JJ ignores as Kiara and Pope try to pull him back, with Brownie barking at their feet. He finds his way outdoors with Kiara and Pope close by. “You can’t go there, JJ!”

“He did this because of me, Kie.”

“Doesn’t mean you should go back.”

“It’s better if I do.” Everything will be better if JJ leaves.

“No. I can’t…” Kiara keeps trying to pull at JJ but he keeps fighting through.

“I know Kie, you can’t lose another best friend.”

“No!” JJ pauses slightly, seeing the tears appear in Kiara’s eyes. It’s all because of him. She is only hurt because of him. “I can’t lose _you_ , JJ.” She is still holding his arm. JJ is done with those words. He shakes off her hold and keeps storming to his bike.

“I can’t lose the person that I’m in love with!” Kiara screeches after him.

Love. Did Kiara just…? No. He must have heard wrong. But she did say it. Love is a word that JJ has only heard once or twice. And it was always in a jokey way with John B and their brotherly love. He couldn’t have heard it right. No one can just love JJ. 

So, JJ doesn’t turn around. He keeps walking to his bike, hearing Kiara trying to shout out to him. JJ is a man on a mission. No one can hurt Kiara.

...

“I can’t lose the person that I’m in love with!” Kiara blurts out.

That’s different. Love. Kiara has been ignoring those words for weeks, ever since Pope told her that that is what she feels. She becomes light as soon as the words are said, almost as if they have been waiting to be released. But that’s how it’s different. She couldn’t lose Pope because he’s her best friend. She can’t lose JJ because she loves him.

Shit. She loves JJ Maybank.

She tries to watch for a reaction from JJ but he gives off nothing. He stutters slightly before continuing to walk to his bike. She feels as she breaks down. “No, JJ.” She cries out but he doesn’t respond. Kiara tries again. “JJ don’t do this!” She is practically screaming as he gets onto his bike.

The bike is moving by the time that Kiara tries to run after him, only being stopped with Pope holding her back. “Let go, Pope!” Kiara cries.

“He will come back, Kie.” Pope tries to argue.

“What if he doesn’t?”

“He will, Kie.”

Time is a concept. Something that moves on its own and cannot be stopped. There is no such thing as a pause button nor a fast forward button. Hell. Kiara wishes there was such thing as a rewind button. She could go back and save the world before the world even began to fall apart. She could save Sarah and John B by making sure that Rafe never killed the Sherriff. She could stop every fight between a Kook and a Pogue. In this moment, Kiara wishes she could go back and save JJ from his dad. Maybe even save his mom.

Time is the ultimate enemy- destroying people with just a tick, tick, tick. Time is something that everyone seems so obsessed with. ‘What’s the time?’, ‘If only we had more time.’ Time controls everything. And time is the ultimate killer. Something that cannot be changed.

Kiara wishes she could change the time. Or at least make it move faster. JJ has been gone for three hours and thirty minutes. But time creates a persona that it’s a lot longer. Kiara hasn’t left the porch steps. Neither has Pope nor Brownie who are still sat beside her. “He’ll come back.” Pope the optimist repeats over and over again. Kiara isn’t sure if the words are for her or for himself.

_He has to come back._

_No._

_He needs to come back._

Every other minute, Kiara goes to stand up only to be pulled back down by Pope. She thinks to fight him. But every time, Pope just looks at her and says “let’s wait a few minutes.” Brownie is whimpering the other side of her obviously sensing who is missing.

Ice is resting on Kiara’s wrist. But she doesn’t care for the pain. There is only one thing on her mind. JJ. JJ. JJ. She spends the time thinking back to the times that JJ had probably taken a bruise for his friends. She remembers the time that the Pogues went to JJ’s house unannounced. They spent the day drinking with JJ watching the door. They thought he was watching the door to make sure that his dad didn’t call their parents. They didn’t know that he was watching the door to make sure that his dad wouldn’t catch and hurt the rest of the Pogues. The next day, JJ met up with them with a burn on his arm. He said it was from playing with fire. It wasn’t.

It’s Brownie that brings them back to attention. Brownie bounds off of the porch and into the direction of the bike that parks up. Kiara stands nervously, rearing herself with what she could be about to face. JJ jumps off of the bike, keeping his eyes away from Pope and Kiara. He instead storms straight into the chateau. Kiara nervously looks at Pope who is holding Brownie back. “You go in, Kie.” Pope softly speaks from his seated position.

Kiara takes a deep breath before lightly walking into the chateau. JJ is leant by the pole, with his eyes still down. “JJ.”

“I need your phone, Kie.” His voice is strangled. Kiara moves closer, trying to get an idea of where JJ could be injured. But she sees no bruises, no cuts, no blood.

“JJ…” Her words drop when JJ pulls the gun out of his backpack.

“I just want to look up how to get rid of a gun.”

“What?”

“You can’t just throw it away.” JJ half-jokes. Only JJ would make a joke in this situation. “I just won’t be needing it anymore.” JJ finally looks up. No bruises.

“Are you okay?” Kiara steps closer. All JJ does is nod. “Your dad?”

“It’s over Kie.” A small smile forms on JJ’s face. Something that Kiara has grown fond of. “I won’t be scared of my demons anymore.” Kiara remains wary but she can’t help but smile whilst stepping closer to JJ. “So, can I find out how to get rid of a gun or what?” Kiara just moves closer, taking the gun from his hands. This time, JJ doesn’t fight to give Kiara the gun. 

She wants to ask him. She wants to know what he means by it all being over. She wants to know what happened between JJ and his dad. But she is scared he'll run. 

Kiara places the gun on the table before turning back to JJ. He takes her wrist. His touch is a soothing contrast to his own father's touch. JJ is light as he lightly glides over the bruises. It's nothing in comparison to the bruises that JJ has had to face. "I'm okay, JJ."

"I'm sorry, Kie."

"You didn't do anything." Kiara moves into his touch, bringing the two of them comfortably close. Kiara feels stupid of how oblivious she was to it all. Of course, it's JJ. He'll always be there for her and she won't lose him. Because that's love. It's so fucking obvious. She wipes away a tear that is rolling down JJ's face. Everything feels right all over again. 

"Did you mean what you said before I left?" He did hear her. She wasn't sure at the time, but now it's too obvious to ignore. She can't live without JJ and their pull has always been different that the rest of the Pogues.

"I meant it" Their eyes lock and neither of them want to look away with the hint that there will be more. "I meant it, JJ." Kiara repeats with a bit more confidence. He doesn't reply with words. But he does lean down with Kiara meeting him half way.

Their lips meet in the middle and Kiara feels like she's floating. It all makes sense for the first time. Love is real. She was just blind. Moral to Kiara's story: always listen to Pope. But this is only the beginning to their story.

Pope really is the smartest Pogue. 


	10. Those Four Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look into the first two years of JJ and Kiara being together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this. Just a quick note to say that this chapter marks that we are over half way there (unless anything changes).

Love is a strange concept.

Pope always thought he knew what love was. He watched his parents interact with such love that Pope thought that that was love- the only type of love. A love of similarity. It’s why he thought his love for Kiara made sense. They were so similar to one another. Both optimistic in every situation. Both cared about the world and wanted to help everyone in every way possible. He thought their love was inevitable. That everyone would end up coming to the wedding of Pope and Kiara and then a year later, to the christening of their baby. Pope never thought he could be so wrong.

But he was.

Love comes in all shapes and forms. Love doesn’t have to be obvious from the start and sometimes the two in love don’t find out until it could be too late. Love is not one colour. Especially when he looks at JJ and Kiara.

Perfecting imperfections. That is the love between Kiara and JJ. The broken JJ meets a beautiful, strong-willed, seemingly put together Kiara. They as so different. JJ gets angry and uses his fist to show it. Kiara lets the anger disappear through tears. Whilst Kiara is the optimist, JJ is the pessimist. JJ is the cut-out stereotype of a boy on the cut whereas Kiara is full of adventure, as if she cannot stay in one place for too long. But Pope sees their magnetism whenever they are together. They learn from mistakes, build on their imperfections and become something that is bigger than them all. Because, even if they are so different, Kiara and JJ find sense in their dissimilarities.

It hurt Pope at first, seeing how hopelessly involved the two of them are. But through every denial from Kiara, Pope’s certainty of Kiara hopelessly loving JJ and vice versa gets stronger. When JJ sees the bruises on Kiara’s wrists, Pope thinks of intervening. But he knows there is no point. JJ’s dad hurt the one he loves. Nothing can stop JJ, not even the pleading from Kiara.

When Kiara yells out ‘I can’t lose the person I’m in love with!’ Pope’s hunch of romance between Kiara and JJ becomes concrete. Her eyes are pleading, with such need for JJ just to stay safe. Their connection is real. Kiara had just been hurt but she can’t afford to let JJ go. She is willing to forget about what happened just to protect the one she loves.

They hardly speak when JJ is gone. The only words that Pope can say are just to try and calm the shaking Kiara sat beside him. She doesn’t sit still. Not for the four hours that JJ is gone. Her legs are jumping up and down whilst her hands are chaotically fiddling with her hair.

It’s then that Pope looks back at what love really is. He thinks back to when they were just kids, messing around on surf boards on a good wave day. Kiara had only been in the group for a couple of weeks. The waves make the four Pogues watch with such awe as Kiara jumps in to take the wave. When she comes out of the water, Pope was sure he saw JJ staring at her with such joy. Pope was sure that he saw JJ look Kiara up and down before growled saying ‘Wow Kie, when are you going to learn to surf?’ Pope told him off, thinking JJ was about to scare Kiara away. But Kiara just smirked and replied ‘Like you can do any better, Maybank.’ Back then, Pope just thought they were just trying to make everyone laugh. Now, Pope is sure that they were flirting in their own unique way- through games where there could only be one victor. It’s the same game they have been playing for years.

By the time that JJ comes back to the chateau, Pope has made himself sure that Kiara and JJ have been obliviously in love with each other for a lot longer than initially thought. Pope just watches as JJ storms into the chateau. He thinks about going in after him- try to calm his best friend (brother) down. Even Brownie can sense the tension as he tries to run after JJ. But no. It has to be Kiara. Pope makes sure to hold the pup back before saying “You go in, Kie.”  
  


_It has to be Kie._

It’s hard to not watch in. Pope tries to stay on the porch, focusing on Brownie. But he can’t. He needs to know that JJ and Kiara aren’t so oblivious that they have just gone back to arguing. When Pope looks through the window, he sees Kiara and JJ stood so close with his hand resting on her bruised wrist. Their movements are so delicate as if a slight wrong touch, would break them completely. With all of Kiara and JJ’s differences, Pope can’t ignore how similar they look whilst they calm each other and keep each other from breaking.

Love means finding similarities in a haystack of dissimilarities. Love is about making up and being there for when differences become too much.

...

A month goes by. Kiara and JJ have a new normal. They now wake up in the same bed with Brownie trying to jump onto the bed with them. Kiara has completely stolen the pelican sweatshirt in which used to be JJ’s favourite. When light shines through the window, Kiara finds herself actually waking up in his arms. He hasn’t left. He may have even slept through the whole night.

Nights are easier. Sure, there are still nightmares that flow into their sweet dreams from time to time. But mostly, they don’t wake up until the sun wakes up.

For someone who hates clichés, Kiara can’t help but love mornings now. She can’t help but love waking up wrapped completely in the warm body that is JJ. It’s so fucking cliché, but she can’t help it especially when the light shines to show his sleeping face that is breathing soft snores into the pillow beneath him.

_A complete fucking cliché._

But she can’t help it. Kiara can’t deny that she loves JJ anymore. It has now become so obvious and is becoming stronger every time they wake up together. It’s not to say that their bickering doesn’t happen. But they always find each other after the fight. They always make amends before finding a chance to run away.

He won’t tell Kiara what happened with his dad. He just keeps repeating over and over again ‘It’s over now.’ Kiara can’t help but be scared of what he means and she can’t help but worry that JJ is wrong- that Luke Maybank will return. But she tries to ignore the doubt. She tries to ignore anything that will bring back his demons.

For this specific morning, Kiara finds herself shocked to wake up before JJ. His chest is rising and falling along with the sound of quiet snores. JJ’s smirk is still plastered on his face but his eyes remain closed. On his forehead, there is still a slight scar of where JJ was cut up by his dad before JJ moved to the chateau. Scars still scatter his body but Kiara remains relieved that none of them are new. They’re his battle scars from the eighteen year war with his father. A war that Kiara likes to think that JJ won. Her hands uncontrollably move to the scar on his forehead and runs along the rough line. JJ doesn’t react so Kiara moves up to lay a light kiss on the line. She won’t let him deal with the scars alone.

With his eyes still closed, JJ grumbles. “I think I have more scars.” Kiara watches as the smirk gets better which makes her roll hey eyes playfully.

“More scars? Where?” Kiara plays along.

“Here’s one.” JJ opens his eyes before pointing to a line by his ear. With a quick roll of her eyes, Kiara leans to his ear to kiss the scar away. “You call that a kiss, Carrera?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Then I have one here as well.” This time, JJ points to the corner of his mouth. “If you want to continue.” Kiara won’t let him win. She pushes JJ to lay on the bed before leaning over him and kissing the corner of his mouth making sure to not get caught in him.

“Your move, Maybank.” Kiara smirks as she watches JJ go tense, his eyes darkening and his smirk disappearing. This is only going to end one way. But Kiara won’t be the first to move.

“Fuck, Kie.” He sounds pained, not giving up either. Kiara finds a boost of confidence before leaning more into JJ. She doesn’t even know how long she’ll be able to keep it up.

Neither look away from the other’s dark, lustful eyes. JJ’s hands are playfully stroking through her hair. Kiara runs her hand up and down his arm in the way that she knows JJ won’t be able to ignore. They press into each other, trying to get the other to crack. But both put up a strong fight. Kiara leans forward until their foreheads are almost touching. JJ moves his hand to Kiara’s neck where he knows a love bite is still shining from the last time they played their game. They are so close that Kiara can feel both of their heart beats thumping through the silence.

“You know what” JJ doesn’t even finish his sentence before pulling Kiara closer claiming her lips with his. It’s rushed and hard, just like how most of their games end. She goes willingly when JJ pulls Kiara so close that she has to straddle him. It’s times like these that Kiara really feels like an idiot. If only she wasn’t so stupid for years, she would have him and nothing more would be needed. They would have each other. Kiara moves to JJ’s neck, flicking her hair to a side to make sure that JJ’s view isn’t blocked. It’s her turn to make a mark to show that she won. “You know…” JJ strangles out. “There are more scars you can take care of further down.”

“Just shut up JJ.”

“Okay.” JJ laughs. “But I’m just saying, you did start this.” Kiara doesn’t respond, instead she just leans into kiss JJ once more. Kiara feels JJ’s hands begin to tease the base of her t-shirt. It’s like a dance between JJ and Kiara, something that they have practised and learned to perfection. Kiara knows every move that JJ takes and is invested in the steps every time.

Like most times that JJ and Kiara play their game, Brownie runs into the room jumping onto the two of them. Brownie snuggles up between Kiara and JJ, breaking them up from their own trance that they have entered. “Brownie.” JJ shouts in pain when reacting to the obvious misplacing of Brownie’s steps.

“He’s the alarm clock.” Kiara is tempted to just push Brownie away and continue with JJ. But she can’t. Even though Brownie is no longer a puppy, he still acts it in every way- especially through his jealousy when he is being ignored.

...

Their pull to one another goes on for months. It’s as if a spell has finally been lifted and Kiara and JJ can finally see each other in a new light. Everything that the other does causes a reaction where they end up undressing each other quickly before falling deeper into their own world.

Against the counter after JJ makes pancakes.

In the car when Kiara puts her hair up into a bun.

Against a wall after JJ comes back from Brownie’s walk, wet from the rain.

And then on the pull-out when either is just in a mood.

The only issue is that as Kiara and JJ’s nights get easier, Brownie can no longer sleep through an entire night. He howls the night away or at least until one of them wakes up to be with him. Kiara keeps worrying that someone will complain about the noise, so she often wakes up and takes Brownie on a walk in the middle of the night. On this night, Brownie howls until Kiara walks him around the cut. But something’s not right.

Brownie walks slower with a limp that makes him fall.

Brownie is laying on the ground whimpering when Kiara feels the fear of losing Brownie. She finds herself rushing back to the chateau where she wakes JJ before they hurry to the vets. Kiara drives as JJ holds the crying Brownie. Worry is evident in both of their eyes. The vets look just as busy as any hospital. They are told to wait.

The whole time Brownie is being assessed, Kiara cries into JJ’s shoulder whilst he holds her. “He’ll be okay.” JJ tries to be the optimist for once- tries to be strong for Kiara. They prod and poke Brownie over and over again and every time, Brownie yelps out in pain.

The vet ends up telling JJ and Kiara that Brownie was bit by something. But it’s treatable. Kiara hugs Brownie, crying with happy tears the whole time. Because he’s apart of them now. They can’t lose Brownie.

After the injury, Brownie spends most nights sleeping in the same room as Kiara and JJ. Kiara just can’t come to terms with how a small thing can change their lives forever- that in a blink of an eye, she could lose everything.

...

It’s Christmas by the time that Brownie is no longer walking with a limp. It’s the first Christmas that Kiara is determined to show that she isn’t just some dumb waitress from the Wreck- she can cook too. It’s JJ that amazes Kiara though. He is jumping around the living area like he is a kid waking up with such energy that needs to be released. He almost is like a kid, waking up to find if Santa came. He keeps jumping on the bed. “Dude, what’s going on?” Kiara ends up asking, sitting down.

“It’s Christmas, Kie.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” JJ jumps before laying on the bed beside her. “What is it?”

“Christmas is the best.” JJ huffs out, obviously out of breath.

“Do you want to see if Santa Claus came or something?”

“Oh, he definitely came Kie. I have been extremely good this year.” Kiara watches as JJ licks his lips slightly. “You’re the one that should be scared.”

“Oh really?”

“I don’t know if you’ve been good enough.” JJ moves closer to her. “Maybe you should show how good you are.” She thinks about leaning in and closing the gap. But Kiara doesn’t.

“I’ve got festive food to cook.” JJ lays back onto the bed, laughing. “I can cook.” Kiara pushes at him before making her way out of the bedroom.

It’s a day full of laughter and festivities. Pope comes to the chateau early to help with the meal, but he ends up being Uncle Pope to Brownie. Pope has bought toys and antlers for Brownie that he ends up playing with them for the rest of the day. Brownie’s leg still trembles when he jumps on Pope. But he’s getting better. And that is all that matters to Kiara.

Every ten minutes or so, JJ corners Kiara in any room she is in, quickly saying “Mistletoe, Kie.” Of course, there is no mistletoe. “Got to kiss otherwise it’s bad luck.” She just rolls her eyes before giving him the peck that he wants.

_Cliché, cliché, cliché._

The kisses keep getting more intense every time JJ corners her. Kiara pushes him back playfully each time. She won’t tell him this, but every time he says ‘mistletoe’ Kiara just wants to push JJ into the bedroom. Kiara holds herself steady, knowing that Pope won’t want to catch them… again. It keeps happening. On days where Pope is around, Kiara can’t help but notice how he is the third wheel. Pope has caught them three times now, each time Kiara almost turns the colour of tomatoes. “Shit Carrera, you need to stop standing under mistletoe.” JJ breaks her trail down memory lane.

“Mistletoe?” Kiara looks up playfully.

“Yeah.” JJ moves closer, pushing Kiara against the counter.

“I don’t see any.”

“It’s definitely there.” Kiara smiles as she leans forward, already getting bored of the game. JJ pushes Kiara until she has to be lifted to sit on the kitchen counter, making her forget about the food that she is cooking. “Merry Christmas, Kie.” JJ whispers against her lips before deepening the kiss further. His hands tease the skin under her loose top whilst Kiara loses her legs to pull JJ as close as humanly possible.

God, Kiara loves Christmas.

...

Pope gets used to being the third wheel pretty quickly. He has now caught them at it four times.

The first time, he walked into the chateau where Kiara and JJ were nowhere to be seen. Stupidly, Pope decided to venture into the bedroom just in time to see JJ moving down Kiara’s half-naked torso. The second and third time were pretty much the same, just with him seeing too much of Kiara and definitely too much of JJ. They don’t talk about it but Pope pretty much had to bleach his eyes from the memory of two people that he sees as family having sex, on the floor of the bedroom. The fourth time, it was completely their fault. Christmas. They knew that Pope was in the other room playing with their pup whilst they were going at it on the counter of the kitchen. Pope walked to see JJ’s bare ass with Kiara clinging to him as if she couldn’t afford to let go.

It's definitely their fault as karma comes to take revenge. Kiara spends the day watching the food as Pope stays with Brownie. But Brownie is still a dog. Brownie gets the smell of the food and will not leave her alone. Pope laughs when Brownie jumps up and finds a way to snatch the food out of her hands. The meat falls to the ground, Brownie gets the Christmas dinner. "Karma's a bitch, Kie." Pope shouts into the kitchen after watching Brownie run out of the kitchen with the turkey in his mouth, tail wagging. 

It’s New Year’s Eve where Pope feels like it will never happen. They decide to go to the boneyard where they hear there is a small gathering around a bonfire before fireworks are to be released. Pope is sat, watching the fire as he ignores Kiara and JJ who are dancing along to the music. It’s not that he’s jealous of JJ. He’s just jealous that they have found the meaning to love.

The boneyard is filled with people that are younger. Definitely not Pope’s scene anymore.

At one point, Kiara and JJ stop making out for a moment to bring Pope up to another seating area where a kegger has been tapped. Pope just watches JJ and Kiara as they stare at each other with so much love. God, Pope wants that. It’s the same thing that John B and Sarah had- just not as cheesy. A girl which long, brunette hair waits for the three Pogues to fill up her cup. Her freckles are spotted under her eyes. Her eyes are the colour of the sea. “Thanks.” She has a southern accent, obviously a Touron. Pope stutters as a response.

“What he is trying to say is ‘Hi, my name is Pope. What’s your name?’” JJ jumps in.

“I’m Zoey.” She smiles at Pope; Pope can’t help but smile back.

“Where are you from?”

“I just moved here, actually.” Shit. Pope probably doesn’t stand a chance with a non-Touron. “I should probably get back to my friends.” Pope just nods at Zoey and watches her walk away on the sand.

“Dude.” Kiara leans her arm onto Pope.

“Go for it Popey.” JJ leans on his other arm. No. Pope isn’t the type of person that can just walk up to a stranger and ask them out. No. It’s not Pope.

“She’s into you.” Kiara smiles.

“Definitely.”

“I don’t know how to talk to girls.”

“Then take Brownie.” JJ passes Brownie’s lead to him.

“Guys.”

“Just go for it, Pope.”  
  


With a small push from JJ and Kiara, Pope walks in the direction of Zoey. They talk for the rest of the night. Apparently, she’s interning at the hospital and when Pope speaks of dead bodies, Zoey doesn’t react with disgust. She seems intrigued to hear more. When midnight hits, Pope doesn’t expect much. He looks back to see JJ and Kiara smiling and giving each other small, loving kisses. “Are you going to kiss me or what?” Zoey ends up asking Pope. So, he does.

Maybe this year will be better than the last.

When Pope awakes, he finds Zoey laying by his side on the pull-out with Brownie sat at the base of the bed. It makes Pope smile that is- until he looks up to see JJ and Kiara smirking down at him. Shit.

For the amount of times that Pope has caught JJ and Kiara, they look too smug as they stare down at a half-naked Pope next to a half-naked Zoey. Pope pushes his fellow Pogues onto the Porch where they burst into laughter. “What the fuck, guys?” Pope tries to keep his voice down.

“Dude, I am so proud of you.” JJ pats him on the back. It just makes Pope roll his eyes.

“I’m hungover.” Pope lies.

“Funny. Saying you didn’t drink last night.” JJ counteracts.

“Admit it Pope, you had fun.” Kiara joins in. Boy. Pope had fun. Zoey is like a boy version of himself. It’s something that Pope can’t help but be attracted to.

“You guys need to leave”

“We live here.” Kiara states.

“I don’t care.” Pope pushes Kiara and JJ until they fall off of the porch.

“Love you too, Popey!” JJ yells. Pope just rolls his eyes as a reaction. But truthfully?

Pope loves his Pogues.

...

JJ and Kiara have been together for a year. But the year hasn’t been easy. They fight every other day. Always arguing over the same thing. JJ thinks he is not good enough for Kiara, Kiara arguing that no one could be any better than JJ. They’re not perfect. But they never walk away from each other, instead they find each other and Kiara spends the night whispering ‘I love you’ into his ear.

It has been almost five years since John B and Sarah disappeared. And even when the nights get better, they still can’t keep the nightmares away. JJ wakes up once a week. Kiara holds him until his breaths go back to normal. They then find themselves walking to the beach in silence.

Kiara holds his hand the whole way with JJ looking down to the floor. She says that she loves him almost every day. And Kiara isn’t scared that JJ hasn’t said it back. Him still being here is enough for JJ as JJ has never seen love before. She always thinks to ask JJ what the nightmares consist of, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to hear about how his dad destroyed his life and every night since.

When they sit on the sand, neither of them says anything. They listen to the calm waves crashing into the shore. The stormless sky creates a backdrop for the glistening waves. It brings back every memory of surfing when the sun is barely rising. How every surfing session lead to the Pogues watching the sun rise before making their way to the Wreck or to the docks where they would spend the rest of the day out on the Pogue. It’s memories that Kiara never wants to forget.

“I told my dad that I wouldn’t grow up to be him.” JJ breaks their easy silence. “When I left, I told him I wouldn’t be like him.”

“You’re nothing like him, JJ.”

“I know. It’s just. I can’t stop thinking about how I could have tried to change him- save him from himself.”

“He’s a dick, JJ. You couldn’t have changed him.” Kiara takes a deep breath. “You’re so much more than your dad.” It becomes clear that the nightmare was about his dad. Again. “Just listen to your own stories, they’ll tell you everything.”

“My stories?”

“The Pogue stories." They're the stories that shine the light through some dark memories. 

His stories always make them happy. They’re the memories that they want to remember forever- even the story of the gold. “Once upon a time, a group of Pogues went out into the marsh to mess around and have a great time. It’s the day after a storm where the boy tells his friends that they’ll be a ‘whole lot of fish tonight’…” Kiara looks at him confused. The boy. It’s something that JJ says every time he tells a story.

“Why don’t you just say your name?” Kiara cuts him off. “You’re the boy.”

“Yeah.”

“Then, say ‘JJ’.”

“It’s boy in my stories, Kie.”

“But why?”

“Because the stories are better without the Maybank.” He’s broken, beyond repair. But Kiara will keep trying because JJ deserves it. JJ deserves to be in the stories.

“Oh my god, JJ.” Kiara says, trying not to sound annoyed.

“It’s just a story, Kie.” JJ tries to laugh.

“No, it’s not! It’s our lives.” Kiara tries to compose herself. “It’s not stories about ‘the three Pogues and a boy’. It’s stories about the _four_ Pogues: John B, Pope, Kiara and JJ.”

“Kie…”

“No JJ. We’re not the Pogues without you. You as JJ. You’re not just a boy that is a filler for the rest of the group. We’re the Pogues: John B, Pope, Kiara and JJ. Repeat that.” JJ looks down. “Say it, JJ.”

“We’re the Pogues: John B, Pope, Kiara and JJ.”

“And we’re important.”

“And we’re important.” JJ repeats.

“We’re nothing without you, JJ. I’m nothing without you.” Kiara grabs his face to make sure he is looking at Kiara. He slightly nods and Kiara hopes he has seen his meaning.

“We’re five Pogues with Brownie, Kie.” JJ smirks.

“Of course.” Kiara playfully rolls her eyes, letting go of his face. “Six if you count Sarah.”

“I count Sarah.” It makes Kiara smile.

...

The next morning, Kiara and JJ decide to go out on the Pogue to get over their nightmares. They are waiting for Pope to show up with Brownie who he was looking after for the weekend. Kiara and JJ haven’t seen Brownie all weekend. They stand on the dock and look out to the Pogue. “Thanks for last night, Kie.” JJ breathes out.

“You needed to hear it, you idiot.” Kiara smiles as he mirrors her emotion. “I just care about you. I guess you can say that I love you.”

“I love you too, Kie.” JJ replies instantly, almost shocking Kiara to fall over. “It’s always been you, Kie.”

“Good.” Kiara steps closer to JJ. “Took us long enough to work it out.” JJ replies with a peck to her lips.

Love is a strange concept.

It can take two people over five years to work out that it’s them or nothing. Love takes them by surprise when neither of them have ever felt anything like it before. Love eventually makes people open their eyes and see that this little thing called love has been staring at them for years. It just takes one moment for everything to click.

Brownie and Pope are five minutes late, making JJ and Kiara joke at their tardiness. They hold onto Brownie as if they haven’t seen him for months. It’s only been two days. All four of them are hugging, smiling at the bright sky and the Pogue that is waiting for a new adventure. When they climb in, everything feels right with the world. Kiara decides to look back at the dock before walking into her new life.

Kiara looks around before fixating on two figures moving closer to the Pogue. A brunette boy and a blonde girl move closer and Kiara can feel her heart thudding. “Kie?” JJ obviously spots the unease on Kiara’s face. She tries to say something but she can’t. She can only watch as the two figures move closer. Because it’s them. The star-crossed lovers. The Pogue and the Kook. 

John B and Sarah.


	11. Four Years, Nine Months and Twenty-Seven Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since John B and Sarah died. But did they really die?

Four years, nine months and twenty-seven days. It has been four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since the last time that John B stood in Outer Banks. Four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since he had to leave everything behind. His chateau. His job. His Pogues. His life. He had to leave everything behind except for her- Sarah. It has been four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since John B and Sarah left Outer Banks for the better.

Together, they fought through the storm battling every wave that they faced. Together they stayed tightly knitted, protecting one another. It was the only thing that kept them from being lost at sea. They saved each other. John B knew that they were going to survive the storm as long as they had each other.

Together, they clung to each other until a ship passed by to help in the fight against the waves. They clung to one another all the way until the word 'Bahamas' was said. The Bahamas. The place where the gold was taken. The place that had stolen the Pogues’ future away from them. John B had to listen to Sarah when she stated ‘We need to be smart.’ Plans went poorly back in Outer Banks, John B and Sarah would not make the same mistake in the Bahamas.

They had planned to get to the Bahamas and locate where the gold was straight away. But they didn’t. Sarah and John B were still in the same wet clothes from the storm. They instead found somewhere to stay- making sure that no one recognised them. But then when they found a small apartment in the Bahamas, they almost forgot about the gold altogether. They were living a new life as Valerie and Vlad. They even got haircuts and made sure not to wear any of the same clothes that they would have worn in Outer Banks. It got to a point that John B and Sarah didn’t even use their real names when in private.

Vlad found a job cleaning windows whilst Valerie tried to hunt down a job to help children. Vlad was great as his job and even made enough money for the apartment to look somewhat liveable. A month in, Valerie found a job reading fantasy books to kids.

The apartment was small- with only three rooms. A bedroom. A living/dining area. A bathroom. But it was all that they needed. When they were not at work, they spent the time working out what they wanted to do with the apartment. They ended up painting all the walls and buying a crap tonne of Bahamas souvenirs.

They found themselves in a routine. Vlad wakes up early. Vlad goes to work whilst Valerie sleeps in. Vlad cleans windows for the Bahamas’ version of the Kooks. Valerie wakes up. Makes lunch. Vlad comes back for lunch. Vlad and Valerie spend their lunch break laughing, having fun. Valerie then goes to work whilst Vlad goes to the beach to surf.

An easy life for Valerie and Vlad.

Until it wasn’t.

Six months into living in the Bahamas, Vlad was walking along the pier until he found himself frozen from the sight in front of him. The Camerons. It was only then that everything crashed back to reality. He wasn’t Vlad- he’s John B. John B. The man wanted for the murder of Sherriff Peterkin. The man that was thought to be lost at sea alongside Sarah Cameron- not Valerie.

Thankfully, the Camerons didn’t spot him. John B ran back to the safety of the apartment, hoping Sarah would be home. “Your family is here.” John B had sweated out.

“What?”

“They’re here, Sarah.”

“Shit. The gold.”

The gold. They had forgotten about the gold. The Camerons obviously hadn’t. It was then that John B recollected himself. He needed to get the gold before Ward Cameron took everything from him all over again.

John B found himself watching the Camerons closely for the next five months. They knew where the gold was and John B needed to find out. He watched as Rafe strolled around the Bahamas as if he owned the place. The thing that confused John B was that Ward was nowhere to be seen. The Camerons were only: Rose, Rafe and Wheezie. There was no sign of Ward Cameron. John B watched as he saw Rafe make a dodgy handshake with a dodgy looking guy- obviously the Bahamas version of Barry.

John B watched Rafe the whole time they were in the Bahamas, but Rafe never went to find the gold. So, the Camerons went home. And John B was left confused.

Over a year went by and John B got restless with finding the gold. His determination caused argument after argument with Sarah. “Why are you still so obsessed with this gold?”

“It’s why we’re here, Sarah!”

“No. We’re here to stay out of trouble. The fucking gold is trouble.”

“I need to find it.” He knew she was right. The gold was illegal and if anyone found John B trying to find it, he could be behind bars. But he couldn’t think about anything other than the gold.

“You’re turning into our fathers.” It made John B slam the door in her face. She had no right comparing Big John to the murderer Ward Cameron. Over the year, John B had found a way to understand why the gold was so important to Big John. The gold was a promise of a new, better life. Sarah would never understand that.

So, John B kept hunting the gold even when Sarah tried to pull him back to safety. He had to find the gold. He hunted around the entirety of the Bahamas with his father’s words haunting his every movements. “You’re losing yourself, John B.” Sarah said to him after he returned to her at the apartment one afternoon.

“It must be here.”

“Or it was never here in the first place.”

“It has to be here, Sarah.” John B felt tears building. “It just has to be here. Otherwise I failed him.” She held him that night as John B couldn’t control his tears.

It was Big John’s only purpose in life. The gold. And then, it was taken from him before his own life was taken from him. John B knew that it was his mission to complete what Big John had started. Nothing could change John B’s mind about it.

It was not like John B had completely forgotten Outer Banks; he just knew that his mission was in the Bahamas. But it didn’t stop him wondering what was happening to the Pogues that he left behind. Did Pope go to college? Did JJ leave his dad? Has Kiara left Outer Banks and gone on her own adventure? John B’s thoughts often appeared at night when he was wondering what life in Outer Banks looked like.

For the next six months, John B and Sarah kept thinking back to Outer Banks and the friends that they left behind. One night, they even asked each other about Outer Banks. “We should go back.” Sarah said.

“You know we can’t” John B took a deep breath. “You know I can’t.”

“I miss them.”

“So do I.”

“Then, let’s make a promise.” Sarah sat up from the bed. “We find information about my family, take them down, and then return.”

“They’re Kooks, Sarah. And Kooks get away with everything.” It was a bleak thought from John B. But they both knew it was true. Never had the cops believed a Pogue. But they always believed the Kook.

“Well it’s a good thing that I’m a Kook then. You finally have a Kook on your side John B.”

Information didn’t come easily to John B and Sarah. They tried everything to be subtle when collecting their information, but no one was letting anything go to some random Vlad and Valerie. That’s why, years go by and they still couldn’t find the necessary information that could take down Rafe and Ward for good.

Word got around that Ward Cameron was being investigated for the death of Big John and was most likely to be arrested for it. This made John B optimistic that maybe the Kooks will finally get what they deserve.

Then, word got around that Ward Cameron was going crazy in jail. He was losing his mind because he was haunted by what he did. When John B and Sarah heard that Ward was crazy, they decided that it was nearly time as Rafe wouldn’t be able to stand tall and mighty without Ward making up shit to keep him from his demons.

It has been four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since they last saw someone that knew their real names. The last time they saw someone that knew the real them. They walk along the dock that John B remembers so well. They keep looking out at the water, scared that someone may spot them and tell Shoupe. Sure, they are nearly free. But they’re not free yet.

The dock looks the same. John B hopes that the Pogues still use it as much as they once did. Maybe they could all go out there again. The dock is empty, other than a few workers, so it isn’t hard to spot the Pogue that is sat in the same place it used to be. And there, right in front of the Pogue are the rest of the Pogues. Kiara. Pope. And JJ. They are all untying the boat, just like how they used to.

It feels like John B and Sarah never even left.

...

“Kie?” Kiara hears JJ call out to her. But she is frozen to the spot. She can’t say anything. She can’t even look away from the two moving figures. It can’t be them. They’re gone.

_Wake up, Kie. Wake the fuck up._

But Kiara can’t make the figures go away. They keep moving closer to where they are stood and she can see them clearer. John B and Sarah. An older John B and Sarah. This can’t be real. Shoupe said their boat went under- that the _Phantom_ went with them. She tries to steady herself but can feel her legs beginning to give way. Everything is going dizzy as she vaguely hears JJ’s voice once more “Kie, what’s wrong?” She still can’t say anything.

Kiara thinks she is about to fall to the ground as her heart spikes and her eyes can no longer focus on the people that look too much like John B and Sarah. Kiara doesn’t fall to the ground though. JJ catches her, making sure that she stays on her feet. His hands stay around her waist, which Kiara is thankful for.

When Kiara eventually looks around, JJ is still looking at her, concerned. But Pope is looking straight forward to where Kiara was just looking. He is looking at John B and Sarah. “Kie.” JJ almost whispers. Kiara tries to say something but no words come out. Shaking, Kiara looks back towards John B and Sarah. “What’s with you two?” JJ eventually asks both Kiara and Pope, obviously not spotting them yet.

“Pogues!” The person that looks like John B shouts from the distance. It makes JJ look around.

“John B and Sarah.” Pope hiccups out.

...

JJ runs to catch Kiara before she can fall to the ground, whilst Pope rushes behind him. She must be about to faint or something. But JJ can’t think why she would. “Kie.” His voice is full of concern as she shakes in his arms. Her eyes are fixated forward but JJ can only look at her.

Turning to Pope, JJ sees that Pope is now looking forward as well. They are both frozen and shaking before his own eyes. What they hell had he missed? “What’s with you two?” JJ eventually asks.

“Pogues!” It is then that JJ freezes. That voice. It’s the voice that JJ has nightmares about. A voice that keeps reminding JJ that their death was all his fault. A voice of the ghost of a brother. John B. JJ turns slowly to see what Kiara and Pope are frozen, looking at. Sure enough, it is him.

“John B and Sarah.” Pope struggles to say but JJ doesn’t really listen to him. Because they’re here, they’re stood right in front of them. It has been four years, nine months and twenty-seven days since JJ didn’t take the blame, or didn’t get the Phantom fast enough, or didn’t say something before they disappeared.

He is stunned to the spot as John B and Sarah move until they are standing opposite the rest of the Pogues. They have smiles planted on their faces as if they haven’t been gone for almost five years. John B has cut his hair, so much that he almost looks like a fucking Kook. He is even dressed like one. Sarah also has shorter hair, but other than that she looks the same. Together, they look like any couple on the Kook side- any couple that John B used to hate.

They look so well put together, as if they have not been hiding for almost five years. Anger builds in JJ before he even knows what is happening. It’s not his fault. They look like they have not even worried, not even cared that they left everyone- _JJ-_ behind. “You guys look old.” John B even has the decency to joke right now.

“I have missed you guys so much.” Sarah joins in. But it doesn’t look like any of the other Pogues are ready to talk. Pope is watching them with his jaw wide open. Kiara has a scrunch in her eyebrows as JJ can see her eyes turning glassy. JJ though, he can’t stop shaking his head and letting hot air escape his nostrils. “Anyone going to say anything?” Sarah asks.

“You’re here?” Pope breaks the tension.

“Yeah.” John B speaks.

“You’re alive.” JJ doesn’t mean for it to sound like an attack, but he can’t keep his anger at bay.

“Yes.” John B finally loses that fucking smile it makes JJ let out an angered laugh.

“Well, that’s… good for you.” JJ manages to snap.

“JJ.” Kiara’s cries out.

“Where the fuck have you been?” JJ ignores Kiara.

“The Bahamas.”

“Oh, was it a nice fucking holiday?”

“That’s not fair.” Sarah jumps in.

Not fair. They don’t get it at all! JJ thinks back over the five years. He thinks about how many tears he has shed for the two people that knew him, that knew that he wasn’t the same shit as his dad. “We were hiding in the Bahamas.” John B adds.

“Five fucking years!”

“Not five years…”

“Four years, nine months, twenty-seven days.” JJ jumps in. “And you don’t find a phone or a piece of paper in all that time?” Words flow out of JJ before he can control himself. “We thought you guys were dead! We were told you guys went down but you’ve been alive this entire time.”

“I was looking for the gold, JJ.” John B tries to step closer but JJ doesn’t care. They left him.

“I don’t give a shit about the gold.”

“JJ.” Kiara reaches out for JJ but he can’t control himself. Not even with her.

“Fuck you guys.” JJ spits before storming down the dock.

_They’re alive._

_..._

They’re alive. How the hell did they survive that storm? Kiara wonders if this is all still a dream, or a nightmare. But JJ’s anger is real. They were in the Bahamas the entire time- the times that Kiara and JJ couldn’t stop thinking about their death. No wonder JJ is angry at them. “We’re here guys. Everything is fine.” John B tries to lighten the mood.

“You were gone for a long time, John B. We can’t just pretend it never happened.”

“How are you guys back, anyways? What about Shoupe?” Pope adds.

“Ward’s in jail.” Sarah speaks up. “So, it won’t be long until Rafe is there as well. I’ll go to Shoupe and tell them that I saw Rafe kill Peterkin and my dad won’t be able to save his ass this time.” Kiara tries to listen to Sarah, she really does. But Kiara can’t stop staring daggers at John B. She doesn’t even understand her own anger. But it definitely is there.

“Why didn’t you call?” Kiara can’t stay quiet, and act as if nothing happened.

“Kie…” John B starts.

“You could have found a way to tell us.” Kiara tries to compose herself. “We mourned you. We cried for you and we hurt for you. You were alive the whole time.”

“We were hurting as well.”

“Not in the same way. Every night was surrounded by nightmares, John B. JJ still gets them and it’s been five fucking years!”

“I had nightmares.” John B adds fuel to the fire.

“What about? How you were alive?” Kiara practically yells. “Oh my god, John B we thought you were dead!”

“I’m sorry but I’m not dead, Kie. We’re all okay.” John B tries to calm Kiara down but it’s no good. He thinks everything will be okay? The once leader of the Pogues has no idea what they have been through.

“We’re not okay!” Kiara screeches. “The first four fucking months had us all breaking apart and you haven’t even asked about them.”

“What happened, Kie?” Sarah is guilted into asking.

“JJ went home.” She shows no obvious emotion but Sarah only looks at her confused which makes her pull out a harsh laugh. “I forget, you guys were getting all romantic when JJ was arrested and then beaten up by his dad. Then you guys were still nowhere to be seen when he had bruises all along his torso. I forget that neither of you ever even cared about his fucking bruises!”

The anger is there. The anger towards John B and Sarah but also the anger towards herself. None of them asked JJ questions. They all walked around thinking he must have been in a fight with a fucking Kook. None of them asked where the bruises came from.

What surprises Kiara is when John B looks at the floor, without mirroring the confusion on Sarah’s face. “Did you hear me, John B? JJ’s dad beats him.”

“I already knew.” Wrong thing to say, John B. How could someone know about the abuse and not try and put a stop to it?

“Of course, you did.” Kiara pretty much spat. Kiara takes a deep breath to calm the tears in her eyes. “Did you also know why he kept the gun?” This makes John B show confusion. “Let’s just say that we all suffered, sure. But JJ was fucking tortured.”

Brownie obviously feels the anger as he comes running to Kiara. Kiara watches as Brownie eyes John B and Sarah before starting a low growl. His tail doesn’t move as he eyes them up and gets louder with his growl, trying to scare them away. It’s the first time that Brownie has done this. It’s the first time that Brownie looks like he is going to attack.

“Brownie.”

“Brownie.” Pope and Kiara sat at the same time. John B looks down at the dog, with a mix of confusion and fear plastered on his face. Brownie stops growling as he looks back up at Pope and Kiara with an innocent look.

“Whose dog is this?” John B doesn’t look away from the dog.

“You need to wake up, John B.” Kiara ignores his question. “None of us are okay.”

Kiara loses her patience with hearing John B trying to turn this situation positive. She needs to find where JJ went. She needs to see someone who can face reality.

It’s not like Kiara is not happy to see that they’re alive. The shock masked every other emotion but she can’t help but be happy that they are alive- that maybe the world isn’t as broken as she had thought. But they could have told the remaining Pogues. Nightmares fill every sleep and it’s all because of the uncertainty of that one night.

When Kiara finds JJ, he is stood by the Wreck kicking at something on the floor. She doesn’t say anything as she moves over to him and pulls him into a warm embrace. He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this shit that he has had to put up with in Outer Banks. Kiara can only hold him as he puts the information into the right order. He doesn’t say anything as he pulls Kiara closer to him. She can feel him shaking against her so she just brushes her fingers through his hair in the way that she knows he likes. “They’re alive, Kie.” It’s only then that Kiara recognises his tears as happy tears. Because she knows, even if they are angry at them not telling the Pogues, John B and Sarah are alive. They are alive.

They make their way into the Wreck which is now empty and about to close. They need to get away from the high emotion of John B and Sarah. There are still so many unanswered questions that Kiara needs to find out from John B and Sarah. But right now, she needs to calm down and see all the good in her life.

Brownie had followed her to the Wreck and is now not leaving JJ’s side. The calmness of Brownie calms the whole situation down almost entirely as they enter the Wreck. Brownie whimpers until JJ leans down to pat his head. Kiara watches with a smile as she sees how the normally hot-headed JJ is put out with just the light touch of the pup. It has been four years, five months and ten days since Brownie came into their lives. Brownie came to save them. And it worked.

Kiara’s dad comes out from the kitchen and looks at them confused. Not often do they come to the Wreck unless Kiara is working. “You’re not working today, Kiara.” His presence makes Kiara smile. Sure, she is still mad at her mother, but her dad is always there. No matter what.

“Just came by.”

“Hey, Mr C.” JJ leans over to shake Mike’s hand. It always made Kiara glow when JJ played nice with her parents. It’s why she doesn’t understand how her mother can listen to the gossip about JJ rather than see who he really is. Mike does look JJ up and down before turning to Kiara and nodding. Kiara wonders what he is thinking. But she doesn’t need to wonder this for long.  
“So, you’re here to finally ask if you can marry my daughter, JJ.” Kiara is sure she burns up straight away as she looks down at Brownie just for something to do.  
“Dad!”

“Mr C…” JJ laughs out.

“Because if you’re here to ask, I will say yes.” Kiara knows she’s the colour of a tomato as she turns just to see JJ’s reaction. “Just don’t tell my wife.”

“Oh my god, dad.” Kiara pulls at JJ’s arm as he is stunned to the spot. His face is just as red as her own. Kiara watches as Mike laughs at them but Kiara is too embarrassed to say anything as she pulls herself and JJ out of the restaurant.

...

John B didn’t expect their reunion to be so tense. He didn’t know that the news around Outer Banks was that himself and Sarah were dead. But they’re not dead. And they’re home, hopefully forever.

As soon as Kiara storms away from them, John B wonders if she has gone after JJ. Even before the gold hunt, Kiara had always gone after JJ after there was a fight within the Pogues. She just cares so much that she can’t let anyone be alone. So, just like the good ol’ days, John B is stood alongside Pope walking down the dock to try and find the rest of the group.

They haven’t aged. Pope and JJ even wear the same clothes that they have always worn. It is almost as if they were frozen in time when John B and Sarah were away. Kiara’s hair is still curly as hell and JJ still wears that cap. The only difference that John B can’t seem to ignore is the pelican sweatshirt that John B is sure is JJ’s is being worn by Kiara. What the hell did he miss? Another difference is the dog that seemed to be very protective of the Pogues. Where the hell did dog come from? It left with Kiara, maybe the Carreras got a dog? It would make sense saying that Kooks are the only ones that can really afford to look after a dog.

_What is going on?_

John B, Sarah and Pope walk in almost silence, with John B looking at the world around him. Outer Banks is everything that he remembers. They keep walking and John B starts to realise exactly where they are going. The Chateau. That makes sense. It means that someone must have been staying in the chateau to make sure that it didn’t get taken by the storm.

They walk straight up to the chateau which straight away looks different to the chateau that he used to live in. It looks perfect. Not a beer bottle in sight. It’s as if he never even lived here. “They cleaned it up when you were gone.” Pope states. They? Two people have been staying here. Maybe there are some new Pogues or something living here in the old home of the Routledges.

“Who’s being staying here?” Sarah asks the question that John B is thinking.

“JJ and Kie.”

“JJ and Kie?” John B jumps in. It doesn’t make sense to John B. No way could they live in harmony together. JJ’s jokes would eventually get to her or Kiara’s Kookiness would mean she couldn’t stay.

“They’ve been living here for a few years now, JJ and Brownie longer and then Kiara joined them.” It’s the information that John B needs. Brownie? The dog? So, it’s JJ’s dog. He guesses it makes sense; Kiara would have wanted to be the aunt to the dog making sure that it was well fed.

Kiara has always been an animal lover. John B remembers when Kiara had disappeared when they were out by the boneyard all because she had seen turtle eggs. She stayed with those eggs until the hatched and made their way back into the ocean. She has always cared like that and seen how to protect anything from a bad situation. Maybe this dog is the same. She is protecting the dog from the world around it.

It does confuse John B why JJ would have a dog. He has never been able to take care of anything before. He steals which often ends up with his own life being in danger. If JJ can’t look after himself, how does he look after a dog?

He wants to ask Pope questions and see exactly what he has missed these last few years, but his questions run dry when they get closer to the porch. John B’s confusion of the last few years only grows when he sees JJ and Kiara sat on the bench. Their foreheads are pressed together as they stare down at their intertwined hands. JJ’s dog is sat, resting his head onto JJ’s lap. They look like a family. A family that John B never really saw coming.

They have all had a thing for Kiara once in their lives. But JJ’s thing for Kiara looked just the same as his thing for every girl with a heartbeat. But here he is, resting up against the girl that only ever highlighted the importance of the rules. They are all coupled up, with his dog watching them. But the rules. The reason why she turned him down.

They make their way onto the porch but they are still lost in their own little world that they don’t notice them. It takes Pope to clear his throat for them to look up. John B watches as Kiara shuffles awkwardly on the porch before looking at JJ before looking back at them. “Why are you guys here?” She snaps out.

“We’re sorry, Kie.” Sarah speaks up as John B keeps watching at the two that seem to be in a couple. “We’re sorry that we didn’t tell you guys where we were but… but we can’t change the past now.” Kiara nods before breaking into a smile.

“I’m just happy that you’re back now.” Kiara says.

“For good.” Sarah smiles before looking down at the dog that is still resting on JJ. “Now, who is this?” John B watches as Sarah gets to the dog’s level.

“This is Brownie.” Kiara leans and both of the girls are fussing the dog in front of them. Brownie.

“So, he’s yours?” Sarah asks.

“Mine and JJ’s.” There’s the answer that John B was fearing. They had been playing house with a dog. JJ and Kiara have been playing house.

“So much for no Pogue on Pogue macking.” John B can’t help but scoff out. It makes everyone turn to John B. He knows he’s out of line. But he can’t help but wonder how this even happened. There were no clear signs, John B doesn’t think. Hell, he would have been less shocked if he had found out Pope and Kiara had gotten together.

“John B.” Sarah warns.

“I’m sorry, but this is a lot.” John B tries to keep his anger at bay. “What happened to the rules?”

“The rules were fucked up, man.” JJ finally speaks.

“They’re still the rules!” Kiara scoffs at John B before shaking her head violently. It confuses John B. The rules were so important before he went away, what had changed?

“You didn’t have a problem breaking them when you kissed me and you didn’t have a problem when Pope told me that he loved me, no offence Pope.” Kiara spits.

“Don’t worry.” Pope jumps in.

“But you have a problem with JJ?” Kiara rolls her eyes as she stands from the bench. “We’re together, okay? And you don’t get a say about the fucking rules because you never followed them when you were here.”

“Kie…”

“You’ve missed so much John B! So, you don’t get to judge.”

“She’s right, John B.” Sarah speaks up. 

"I'm sorry, Kie." John B gives in, feeling the dagger eyes from his own girlfriend. "It will just take time but I want to understand."

...

It all makes sense to Sarah. The last few years finally pushed a couple together. She had always thought it was weird how a group of friends as close as the Pogues never had a relationship blooming. Maybe she’s a hopeless romantic. In the movies, Sarah always wants the two oblivious friends to finally get together. Maybe this is that movie.

Of course, she seems to be the only one that saw this coming. Pope looks like he worked it out but Sarah believes she has always known. It makes sense to Sarah that it is JJ and Kiara. She read a lot of fantasy books back in the Bahamas but none of them reflected reality. JJ and Kiara are the new romance story. A broken boy meets an adventurous girl that can fix him.

Later that same day, Sarah sits next to Kiara on the pull-out. Sure, her own boyfriend is an idiot about but Sarah is not the same idiot. “So, you and JJ?” Sarah says at one point.

“Yeah.” Kiara breathes out.

“Finally.”


	12. Pogue Tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's JJ's birthday and the Pogues celebrate one of their favourite traditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally so happy that Outer Banks got renewed that I ended up writing this chapter and it turned out to be a lot longer than predicted. So sorry if it's too long.

It has been a month since John B and Sarah came back from the dead. It has been a month of awkwardness with them staying to themselves to avoid arguments whilst still being in the chateau with JJ and Kiara. Whilst JJ is okay with just moving on from the argument, Kiara is not. For the last month, Pope has become the owl between Kiara and John B. JJ is shocked every time Kiara scoffs at John B. She has always been the quickest Pogue to move on until now.

JJ understands- he really does. But it’s John B. His brother. His brother that he thought was dead only just over a month ago. John B is there every time JJ has to yell and he is there for everything that JJ asks. JJ became the broken boy when John B and Sarah _died_ but it’s as if a band aid has been stuck across the breaks knowing that they’re back. That they didn’t die.

So, JJ just forgives them.

JJ forgives John B.

The month has counted down the days to today, JJ’s birthday. JJ’s birthday is something that he normally hides from the Pogues. He would say that he was working or he was hungover from the night before. He would always make an excuse to make sure that they didn’t ask questions when he turned up the next day with a bruised eye or a limp to his step or a cut down his arm. As his birthday was always the day where his dad made a much more direct hit at JJ. He never understood why it happened on his birthday. But every time, JJ would wake up and have to deal with his dad being extra precise with his hits and making sure to not drunkenly collapse like usual before JJ begged him to stop. The last few months have been different, but JJ can’t help but remember the past.

His thoughts are interrupted when he feels light kisses travelling up his neck. Kiara is pressed up against him, in the same position they fell asleep in. JJ still can’t believe that his dreams became a reality. How could someone as broken as JJ be with the most sexy, coolest girl in Outer Banks (read: the world)? JJ keeps his eyes closed as Kiara smirks into his neck, kissing his neck with a bit more need. “Not subtle, Kie.” JJ says, his voice gravelly from the morning with his eyes still shut.

Kiara leans further forward, catching his lips with her own. His brain almost explodes entirely as she climbs to straddle JJ. “Birthday, morning sex. Really, Kie? I’m twenty-three now.”

“I never promised anything about sex.” Kiara smirks before moving to his neck once more. JJ feels as her fingers fiddle with the hair on the back of his neck. God, she knows him.

“You say that but…” JJ leans back to joke but she cuts him off.

“Do you want me to stop?” JJ just shakes his head before sitting them up to get better access. It makes her smile as JJ leans forward to kiss her. “Happy birthday, JJ.” Kiara gets out still against his lips.

_Happy Birthday, JJ._

They are the words that used to be only said with a malicious undertone before a fist hit him. Kiara’s words have a completely different tone to the words spat by his dad. Luke’s words, JJ is sure he never wants to hear again. Kiara’s words he could hear over and over again and not be able to stop smiling.

Kiara keeps smiling as she moves to lean her forehead against JJ’s forehead. JJ is sure that his smile is the same as hers. Kiara shifts closer on his lap until their noses are pretty much touching, testing the boundaries to see who will win their game. With all the drama that has come from John B and Sarah coming home and Rafe being arrested, JJ is happy that neither Kiara nor JJ have run away but have tried to stay close to one another. “What do you want?” Kiara seductively whispers making JJ almost give into her game straight away.

“One track mind, Kie.” The game must keep going. Kiara just rolls her eyes.

“Shut up, JJ.” Her response is just like any response during a game.

“You know I am more than just sex.”

“Then push me away.”

Of course, JJ doesn’t push her away. Instead, JJ pulls Kiara closer to suck Kiara in. He doesn’t care about winning the game when Kiara is his opponent. They are so close that when JJ falls back down, Kiara is pulled down with him letting a small laugh out. “What do you want?” Kiara breathes against his lips whilst JJ fiddles with the material of her shirt. It doesn’t take long for Kiara to shove off her shirt and then return to him. “JJ?” Kiara manages to say.

“Kie?”

“What do you want?” Kiara says in between kisses, slightly breathless just like he is. He just pulls her back to him and runs his hands through her messy, morning hair.

If they could freeze in a moment, JJ would choose this moment exactly. Sure, the Pogues are falling apart. But he can’t help but be selfish with all that he has in this one moment.

“Marry me.” JJ says against her lips. _Stupid. What the fuck was that?_ His words come out before he can even think of what to say. He hopes she didn’t hear what he just said but Kiara quickly sits up, pushing JJ back to the bed. “Shit. Kie. I didn’t… I’m…” JJ is stuck for words.

It’s all because of her goddamn dad. It’s been a month since Kiara’s dad joked about Kiara and JJ getting married. The words played on JJ. JJ has never thought about marriage ever in his life. It’s not something someone from the cut would do if it wasn’t for pregnancy. Because, why would someone like Kiara- a Kook at birth- marry a Maybank- the scum of the Cut? But her fucking dad goes out and gives permission? Sure, it was a joke. But he can’t stop thinking about it.

The words had slipped out of his mouth without even thinking about them. “What did you just say?” Kiara is still sat on his lap, but she looks down at him with complete shock.

“Kie.” A nervous laugh escapes JJ. “Can we just…” JJ motions zipping his mouth “Zip? And move back to…” JJ tries to pull her back down but Kiara is quick to push him back down.

“JJ.”

“Kie. It’s… I said nothing. Okay?” JJ watches as her eyes flicker back and forth before she looks away from him. “It’s fine, Kie. I don’t know why…” _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ That’s why he said it. JJ is fucking stupid.

“Just shut the fuck up for a minute, JJ.” Here it goes, she’s about to completely embarrass him. “Did you mean it?” JJ can’t help but be embarrassed as he cringes at how quickly he pinks up.

“Kie…”  
“Did you mean it?” Kiara’s voice gets louder. It makes JJ stutter even more. But he knows he won’t win this war. JJ hesitates but eventually nods at the raging girl above him.

“Y… yeah I meant it.” JJ has never been stunned for words. That is, until now. One wrong move and she would be gone.

He can’t read her face. She is still on him, which must be a good thing. Maybe they could just forget about his fucking stupidity and move on. “Ask again.” Her words are soft that JJ thinks he’s imagining it.

“What?”

“Ask me again, JJ.” She finally looks back at JJ. There is no humour behind her expression. JJ cautiously moves to sit up when Kiara doesn’t push him back down this time. When he sits up, he moves one of his hand to her waist to make sure she doesn’t fall over and moves his other hand to her cheek. Her hands remain pressed against his bare chest.

“Marry me, Kie.” Their eyes connect and JJ realises how serious he is. And he’s not scared for once in his goddamn life. Her eyes flicker as a small smile appears. Not everyone would notice the smile, but JJ does. And JJ smiles back which makes Kiara nod.

“Okay.” She puts simply.

“Okay?” JJ’s still not sure if she’s just playing with him. He needs to know but he is cut off by Kiara planting a soft kiss onto his lips. It tells him everything he needs to know.

...

Kiara is not like other girls. Most other girls that Kiara knows would spend years dreaming about the perfect proposal, the perfect wedding and the perfect life. Kiara has never thought about it before. It’s why she likes being friends with boys. The Pogues would never talk about the girly crap that Kiara was bored of during her Kook year. The only time that marriage ever came up in the Pogues was when they made fun of John B being hopelessly in love with Sarah or when Pope thought he met the one. Never was marriage a serious topic for the Pogues- Kiara included.

That is why it shocks Kiara when JJ mutters those words out. It’s why Kiara needs to make sure that he isn’t just joking, like JJ normally does. But it becomes very obvious that this isn’t a joking matter.

The fairytale that many girls dream about is their own true love getting down on one knee in front of the sun setting down at the beach. But Kiara is not one of those girls. Until she hears JJ say those words, Kiara thinks she is going to be one of those girls that don’t get married. But, as soon as JJ asks her, she knows her answer without having to think about it.

When she kisses him, Kiara is sure that this is what all those girls say they want to feel. She kisses him to give her answer, answering with the emotion and love behind a soft kiss. Because, neither of them are really articulate when it comes to talking about their feelings. It makes them, them. When he smiles against her lips, Kiara can’t help but try and continue what she had started a few moments ago. JJ doesn’t seem to object as he throws Kiara over so he is on top and begins to kiss down her almost naked torso. “Happy Birthday to me.” JJ jokes against her abs as Kiara rolls her eyes.

“JJ.” Kiara breathes out, impatiently.

“Already begging my name, Kie? We’re just getting started.” He looks up at her and Kiara can see the humour behind his eyes. But this is JJ and she can’t help but buck up at his delicate touches. He keeps looking at her with dark, blown out eyes as his hands reach down to her night shorts and he kisses just above her waistline. It makes her lift slightly, trying to not break eye contact.

_Making up for lost time._

It’s what Kiara keeps trying to tell herself when she asks herself why she has such a pull towards JJ. They have known each other for years but found out late that they were in love. So, they are just making up for lost time. She just knows that all it takes for either one of them to be in the right mood is a simple touch. A simple touch and it’s game on. Heat feels the room as JJ keeps teasing to go deeper. She can feel his hands teasing to pull at her shorts.

He goes to move them off of Kiara but is pulled to a sudden stop by the sound of people swinging their bedroom door open. They both jump making Kiara accidentally push JJ onto the floor when he lets out a soft “shit.” as she looks to the door to see Sarah and John B stood looking at them. “What the fuck?” Kiara manages to shout as she covers herself with the sheets.

“I did knock.” Sarah tries to reason.

“That doesn’t mean you can just walk in!” It keeps happening. JJ and Kiara keep being interrupted or walked in by the other Pogues and it is getting on Kiara’s nerves.

JJ stands up awkwardly before trying to make his way to the door. “No.” Sarah snaps at him, blocking JJ from leaving the room. He looks just as flustered as Kiara feels. “You’re not going anywhere. You guys are going to talk through your shit.”

“What?” Kiara scoffs but Sarah just pushes John B into the room. “No. We’re not talking.”

“Yes, you guys are.” Sarah snaps making both Kiara and John B roll their eyes. “Pope is waiting for you guys in the living area where you guys will get your shit together and stop being moapy about each other.” Kiara wants to argue, but no words come out. “Now man the fuck up and become the Pogues again.” Kiara watches as Sarah scoffs before making her way out into the living area, before yelling back. “And happy birthday, JJ.”

“Yep. Thanks.” JJ is still shirtless but filled with embarrassment. Kiara kind of wants to laugh.

She has to be pulled out of the bedroom by JJ to talk to John B. Kiara likes to think that she is normally the first Pogue to let arguments between the Pogues go. But this is different. It reminds her of her fight with Sarah. They both broke her trust and left her out of the biggest events of their lives. The others may be able to move on from this easily, but Kiara can’t. She can’t forget that for almost five years, she thought John B and Sarah were dead. Dead. And they didn’t do anything to make Kiara think otherwise. She had to spend the five years having nightmares every night as she watched her boyfriend have even worse nightmares. They both blamed themselves for John B and Sarah’s deaths. Kiara can’t help but be angry with the fact that whilst JJ, Pope and Kiara were stuck with nightmares, John B and Sarah were alive.

Adding to her anger over the disappearance, John B had the nerve to judge Kiara and JJ. Judge that they broke the fucking rules that none of them have ever kept. Why can’t he just be happy for her? Kiara learned to be happy with John B and Sarah.

In the living area, Pope is sat on the pull-out with Brownie as John B is leaning over the table. She knows they need to sort it out, but she can’t shake the anger. Kiara rolls her eyes when John B looks at her. She would run away, run back to the bedroom but as she turns, JJ blocks her way and pushes her further into the room. “We need to sort this out, Kie.” Pope the mediator speaks as JJ joins him on the pull-out.

“I’m not apologising.” Kiara snaps.

“Neither am I.” Of course, John B won’t fucking apologise which Kiara scoffs at. Why couldn’t he just admit that it hurt them? Sarah admitted straight away and apologised. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Kie.”  
“You left us and then didn’t tell us that you were alive.” Kiara lets out an annoyed laugh. “Oh, then you came back to yell at me for breaking the fucking rules.”

“Kie…” JJ warns.

“No. He needs to hear what he has fucking done.” She doesn’t mean to yell at JJ but she cannot shake her anger. “We went through hell, John B! And those two idiots may have forgiven you, but I can’t. Not until you see how much we hurt for you.” She can’t fight the tears from forming in her eyes. It’s all because of _him._ John B dies and then she can’t keep her emotions under control. “Five fucking years, John B. Did you know that in all that time, we couldn’t go in your room without breaking down?”

“No. I didn’t know that.”

“We couldn’t even talk about you without falling apart.” Kiara wipes away one of her tears before continuing. “You were gone and we couldn’t do anything about it.”

“I can’t change the past, Kie.” John B steps forward. “I’m sorry but I don’t know what to do! I can’t change anything other than keep telling you that we’re here. I’m not dead, Kie.”  
  


The words soothe her. It reminds her that even when her anger gets the better of her, they didn’t die. John B and Sarah are alive. And Ward is in jail. Rafe is being questioned. Everything is going to plan. Her rage is only small in the midst of the bigger picture.

“And we’re Pogues, Kie.” John B smiles, seeing her breaking her angry persona. “Pogues are for life.”

“Pogues for life.” Kiara breathes out before smiling at John B. John B moves closer to Kiara before doing the Pogues handshake. Maybe everything can go back to normal.

“Pogues for life.” Pope repeats.

“Yep Pogues for life and all that shit.” JJ quips in. “But can we stop this weird Kooky intervention session and be Pogues again. Get drunk or high and fucking live our lives?”

“You’re 23, dude.” Pope speaks up.

“And still young.” It makes them all laugh because it’s the Pogues. And Pogues could never fight forever.

With it being JJ’s birthday, the Pogues decide to celebrate Pogue style. On a Pogue’s birthday, the group go out on the Pogue into the marsh and spend the whole day drinking, dancing, fishing and swimming until one of them has to throw up. It’s an unspoken tradition in which the Pogues partake in for every birthday. Normally, it would be the four of them but this year, they are joined by Sarah and Brownie- but they’re really Pogues anyway.

They are all lying on the Pogue with a beer in their hands when Kiara thinks about the last time that they did this. The last time they had a traditional Pogue party was on Kiara’s eighteenth birthday, about a month before the gold hunt began. Kiara was the last to turn eighteen and the rest of the Pogues kept making fun of the fact. They kept joking ‘Finally, baby Kie reaches adulthood.’ And JJ would joke ‘you’re getting old Kie.’ That was five years ago. And now they are all turning twenty-three and still pulling the same crap they did back then.

“This isn’t as fun now it’s legal.” JJ mutters before taking a sip of his beer.

“It’s called growing up, JJ.” John B pipes in.

“Try it some time, JJ.” Pope joins in making Kiara laugh. It’s as if those years didn’t even happen. That the Pogues hadn’t almost fallen apart.

“No thanks, Popey. I’m alright not being a grandpa like the rest of you.” JJ sits up before reaching into his bag to pull out an already rolled joint. It confuses Kiara where he even got it. “Who wants a hit?”

“Dude you’re twenty-three!” Pope laughs out.

“And I already told you today, I’m still young.” JJ reaches into his bag again and gets his lighter. The same lighter that he has always had. His name is even engraved into the side of the lighter.

“JJ.” Kiara breathes out just like she always has when he gets his lighter out.

“Relax Kie.”

They spend the entire morning day drinking and talking about the shit from their lives- reliving the past Pogue adventures and telling stories about the last five years. The boat is filled with laughter and light-hearted quips at one another. They play drinking games as if they are still the young teenagers they were when they started this tradition. It doesn’t take long for the group to get tipsy- no, Sarah and Pope are drunk. “I’m borrowing Brownie tomorrow!” Pope slurs out.

“Dude, stop stealing our dog.” JJ laughs. Pope has been having sleepovers almost every night with Brownie, calling himself Uncle Pope whenever he is around the pup. Even on the boat, Brownie is happily sat between JJ and Pope. Kiara feels a jealous peng that she is not Brownie’s favourite nor second favourite Pogue anymore. “Zoey likes the dog.”

Of course, he is using the pup to get the girl. Zoey has been hanging out with Pope ever since they hooked up at New Years. She is the literal girl version of Pope in every single way possible. “Pope. You don’t need Brownie to impress her.” Kiara sits up when Brownie hears his name and comes running to Kiara, jumping all over her. “Just be yourself.”

“But Brownie makes it easier.” Pope hiccups out. “Brownie’s the best. You… you two should get another dog!”

“No.”

“Not a chance.” They love Brownie, they really do but he’s a lot of work for just two people. Brownie will be there only dog.

“They don’t want another dog before they have a kid.” Sarah slurs out. It makes JJ and Kiara freeze. “Oops I said that out loud.” She hiccups.

“Yeah, you said that out loud Sarah.” Kiara and JJ just laugh it off. Everyone has been drinking. It doesn’t mean anything.

“Money on Sarah being the first to throw up?”

“I’ll take that bet.” John B joins in.

They dance and swim for the rest of the afternoon, Kiara feeling the effect of the alcohol even more throughout the day. Kiara keeps her mouth shut, trying her best to not say anything about what JJ said this morning.

It has been five years since Kiara has been deep in the water. Her nightmares were always about drowning that she was always afraid that they would come true. With John B and Sarah being back, the fear has disappeared. Kiara and JJ jump into the marsh water when the sun makes their clothes stick to their bodies. They look back to the boat to see Brownie looking over the side, whimpering after them. The water is calm and refreshingly cool to contrast the heat from the burning sun. It’s nothing like the water that used to surround her nightmares. She leans her head back to wash the heat away from her hair but is pulled back by JJ. She screams before realising who it is. “You scared the shit out of me JJ!” Kiara tries to sound angry but places her arms around his neck as JJ holds her in the water.

“Scare easily, Kie?” His words are filled with laughter but his eyes hold an intensity that Kiara recognises from that morning.

“Maybe.” Kiara tries to joke but can feel the intensity in her own eyes.

“You meant it, right?” Kiara knows what he means straight away.

“I meant it JJ.”

“Good.” Before they can say anything else, JJ pulls Kiara closer catching her in a kiss.

God, she means it. If this is a glimpse into her future, she is looking forward to it. The birthday traditions. The jokes between the Pogues. JJ being there with their pup watching them, missing them. In the kiss, JJ mutters against her lips “My Mrs.” It makes Kiara shiver as JJ goes to deepen the kiss.

“Get off.” Kiara quips before pushing JJ under the water which only makes JJ pull her with him.

Small touches continue until Kiara forces herself to sit on the opposite side of the Pogue from JJ to stop herself from jumping on JJ at any given time. She watches as JJ laughs at Pope’s drunken act of walking on a tightrope. His smile lights his entire face up, dimples going deep into his cheeks. His eyes are bright as he moves to playing tug of war with Brownie. When JJ leans his head back, Kiara can’t take her eyes off his overstretched neck. It’s as if she is hypnotised just by looking at JJ. She struggles to sit still when JJ runs his hands through his wet hair before looking towards Kiara. Her heart skips a beat, Kiara is sure of it. And she is sure that her heart is beating so loud that they must hear it as JJ walks over to her.

Kiara tries to not look at him. She really tries. But when he sits next to her, Kiara can’t stop glancing towards him. “What’s wrong?” JJ eventually whispers to her; Kiara almost jumps at him just from his voice.  
“Nothing.” Kiara tries to act put together. It doesn’t work as she can feel JJ’s eyes looking her up and down. It makes her even more fidgety that she already was.

“Pretend to be sick?” JJ smirks, obviously noticing why she’s so fidgety. Kiara turns to look at his intense eyes.

Kiara quickly turns to the rest of the Pogues. “Let’s go to the Wreck.” It’s better than just saying she’s sick, she reckons.

...

So, they move to the Wreck and find a table outside. But Kiara doesn’t sit down, she stays stood and ends up making a lie about going to the bathroom as she pulls JJ into the Wreck with so much need. They make their way quickly through the Wreck, trying to find the bathroom.

She needs to not be interrupted for once. She needs him. More than anything. Kiara keeps tugging at JJ, trying to look inconspicuous to the other customers at the restaurant. It almost works until they reach the door next to the kitchen when her mother walks out.

It has been a while since she last saw her mother. “Kiara.” Kiara tries to ignore her as Kiara tries to pull JJ along with her closer to the bathroom. “I hear you’ve been working here so it means you must have forgiven your dad.”

“I was never mad at him.” Kiara sighs, realising she won’t let her past.

“I’m sorry Kiara. Your father has made me see that I was wrong.”

“Whatever.”

“Just forgive me Kiara so we can move on.” Her voice is stern. “Please. Your birthday is in less than a month and I want my daughter back.” Kiara just nods, trying to find the end of the conversation so she can get back to JJ who is stood next to her awkwardly. “I want to do something for your birthday, Kiara.”

“Whatever, sure.” Kiara says just to get Anna to move. It works.

“I’ll see you then Kiara.” Anna almost smiles. “and JJ.” Her smile disappears before walking away.

Kiara doesn’t think about what just happened with her mother as she pulls JJ into the single lock bathroom. As soon as the door is shut, Kiara is clawing at JJ’s t-shirt as she forces him onto the wall. “Getting too old for this, Kie.” JJ laughs before taking his t-shirt off.

“If you want me to stop…” Kiara doesn’t finish her sentence as JJ traps her against the wall in a searing kiss.

“Don’t you dare stop.” It makes Kiara smirk before she feels his lips on her neck.

It doesn’t take long for JJ to lift Kiara up and pin her against the wall. It doesn’t take long until they are as close as they can be when JJ makes Kiara gasp for air. Kiara should be embarrassed. A quickie in her dad’s restaurant? It’s a horny teenager move. As his lips find hers before their breaths become one, she doesn’t feel embarrassed at all.

_It is making up for lost time._

When they are finished, JJ can’t wipe the smile off of his face as they make their way back to the group. Kiara may not be smiling, but she is feeling the same way as JJ for sure. “Shut up, JJ.” Kiara whispers quietly enough that the distant group don’t hear her.

“I wasn’t the one that pulled you into the bathroom for a quickie, Kie.” JJ whispers back before kissing her cheek.

The group are all laughing at something when JJ and Kiara reach them. As soon as they get there, the group look up at them stopping their laughing as they look them up and down. Kiara knows why. JJ’s t-shirt is twisted and his hair looks like it has been pulled in different directions- in which it has. Kiara looks no better. She can feel the hickey forming on her neck that she is trying to hide using her hair.

They make their way to sit down on the bench, Kiara leaning forward to steal a fry but the rest of the group keep looking at them in shock. Even Brownie is looking at them. “Kie?” Sarah breaks the silence.

“What?”

“Your shirt is inside out.” Sarah’s words make Kiara burst into embarrassment as she turns to a laughing JJ. “Wow. You two can’t keep your hands off of each other!” Sarah erupts into laughter as Pope and John B make gagging noises and John B throws a fry at JJ.

“I’m going to throw up.” John B jokes.

“Wait until you walk in on it, man.” Pope adds making Kiara roll her eyes.

“Okay. It’s not like we’re going at it like bunnies.”

“I’ve caught you two five times.” John B gags again whilst shaking his head.

“JJ? You going to say anything?” Kiara turns to JJ, trying to take the pressure off of herself but he just shrugs.

“When you’re good…” JJ smirks.

“That’s predictable.” Kiara rolls her eyes.

“Don’t worry Kie, you’re good too.” JJ adds making Kiara cringe as Pope and John B turn green.

“Stop, JJ.”

“Just stop.”

“Relax, guys. They’re in love.” Sarah tries to defend them, but her laughter breaks through and soon all of them are evoked with laughter.

...

The Pogues. JJ’s true protection. The group of people that are so alike yet so different at the same time. JJ can’t help but feel safe when they are all laughing at some random shit. And now, they are all back together again. For the first time in JJ’s life, he feels untouchable.

But all good things must come to an end.

They have been at the Wreck for an hour when Shoupe shows up. JJ’s laughter dies straight away. Just seeing Shoupe makes him think that he’s in trouble even though he hasn’t done anything at all. To try and not cause any further trouble than what is already there, JJ leaves the group before any of them notice Shoupe.

Because, Shoupe is there for JJ. Not any of the other Pogues. He’s the trouble in the group. “I promise, whatever you think I’ve done I haven’t done it.” JJ approaches the Sherriff.

“You haven’t done anything JJ.” Shoupe has never said those words to JJ before. He has always done something in the eyes of the law- in the eyes of the Sherriff. “It’s about your father.”

The words sink JJ. Luke Maybank hasn’t been seen for months. JJ hasn’t seen him since he told him to stay away. JJ hasn’t seen the monster since he cursed away all his demons.

“He’s dying, JJ.” Shoupe’s voice is filled with sadness because (just like everyone on Outer Banks) he doesn’t know how Luke is a true villain in all of JJ’s stories.

“What?”

“Your dad had a stroke and he’s in the hospital. He won’t make it JJ. I’m sorry.” Even with all the pain that Luke has brought to JJ, JJ still feels the sudden need to cry for his dying father. His monster is dying.

“Why are you here to tell me?” JJ asks.

“I thought you should know. His stroke came from a suspected overdose.” A sigh comes from the sheriff.

“You should go and visit him before it’s too late.”

Go and visit him? The monster that beat him and made him feel worthless every day for eighteen years? JJ should just scream out that it’s his fault that JJ can’t sleep at night, it’s Luke’s fault that he uses aggression as a defence mechanism. It’s Luke’s fault that JJ’s mother is dead. It’s Luke Maybank’s fault! But as much as everything is Luke’s fault, it is also JJ’s fault. An overdose. Did JJ leaving cause it? Were JJ’s last words to his father the final push? ‘I won’t be like you’, ‘I won’t be scared of you any longer’.

He thinks about going to see him. He would be sober and with doctors and nurses around so he can’t get to JJ. He wouldn’t be able to hurt JJ. As JJ walks down the dock, he thinks it over and over again. Maybe Luke will apologise as his last dying words escape. Maybe Luke will tell JJ that he wasn’t a useless son of a bitch- that he loves JJ. The words are just empty thoughts, though.

Even if Luke would say JJ is worth something, Luke has spent twenty-three years making JJ feel like he is nothing. So, JJ can’t bring himself to go to the hospital where his sick father is dying. Because, dads don’t behave like his father does. Luke Maybank is just that. Nothing that JJ needs in his life.

JJ does however stop at the house in which he used to call home. It is littered showing how Luke lived without JJ being his abused maid to clean Luke’s shit up. The porch is cluttered with empty pill and beer bottles as well as tools. Luke’s only prized possessions in life.

JJ remembers his eighteenth birthday, a particularly bad day at the Maybank residence. JJ remembers telling Luke it was his birthday and feeling so happy when Luke said ‘Happy Birthday, son.’ He remembers feeling hopeful that his dad maybe could still be normal. But something must have been said because after he said those words, he had grabbed a wrench and wacked JJ across the jaw stuttering JJ back. JJ remembers his hands on JJ’s throat as JJ struggled to breathe. He remembers how Luke kept hitting him until JJ fell back into the glass coffee table and how he kept spitting ‘Happy fucking birthday.’ When JJ came back into consciousness, he hid in his bedroom for the rest of the month- only coming out on Kiara’s birthday. He told the Pogues he fell off the roof.

As JJ walks into the house though, JJ remembers seeing his dad before he stole the Phantom. JJ remembers worrying that he would have to fight Luke to get the keys. But he didn’t have to fight. He remembers as Luke told him all the things that he had always wanted to hear including those three words ‘I love you’. Of course, JJ knew even back then that his dad wouldn’t remember saying it. And none of it mattered after Luke realised JJ took the Phantom.

The floor is sticky from the alcohol spills that his father has never cleaned up and even more pill bottles line the living area forcing JJ to remember the amount of times that JJ would have to lie to a doctor to get the pills for his father- how many times JJ would have to deal with the drug dealers to spare his father paying. Those memories enrage JJ as he looks around the room a final time before picking up an empty bottle of beer and throwing it against the wall.

Any happy memory that may have lived between the walls of this house are blanketed by the memories of his dad beating him. JJ grabs another bottle before throwing it again. Glass shatters as soon as it hits the wall bringing the memory of his dad throwing a bottle at his mother forward. JJ throws another, this time a memory of Luke hitting JJ over the head with a bottle comes to mind.

JJ keeps throwing bottle after bottle, trying to get every memory out of his head. It doesn’t work. This place is plagued with memories that JJ doesn’t want to remember but is forced to. He eventually tires himself out as he looks around the house, seeing broken glass mixed with the empty pill bottles and paper thrown everywhere. A mess. His dad. Something that JJ can’t become. JJ walks to the door, looking one more time at the place he used to call home.

“Goodbye Dad.”

...

JJ disappeared from the Wreck, and Kiara still doesn’t know where he went. She waits at the table hoping that he’ll come back, but he doesn’t. She worries that she said something, or one of the Pogues said something that made JJ run away. Kiara keeps having to remind herself that JJ is not like that anymore, JJ doesn’t run away anymore.

Kiara remains calm as she makes her way back to the chateau. It isn’t until she notices the blond boy in the hammock that Kiara finally lets out a breath that she doesn’t know she is holding. Kiara wants to storm over there, demand to know where he has been. But, when she watches him, the anger disappears.

On the hammock, JJ is laying with Brownie on his lap. Melancholy is painted on his face as he watches the waves in the water. Kiara hesitates but eventually moves towards the hammock, seeing his pale face with tear stained cheeks. “Where did you go?” Kiara calmly asks, making JJ jump slightly before looking at her.

“I had to go home.” It shocks her. He promised he wouldn’t go home again. What changed?

“JJ…”

“My dad’s dying. He’s in the hospital, Kie.” JJ doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve having to hear his dad is dying and having to feel torn over how to react.

She doesn’t know how to respond. Luke is the man that had hurt JJ over and over again and never got punished for it. And now, Luke gets to die before facing his day in court. It’s not fucking fair. Instead of saying anything, Kiara climbs into the hammock with JJ moving Brownie slightly so she can also lean on JJ. Kiara leans her head on his chest as she feels JJ’s arm wrap around her and his chin find his seat on her head. Brownie licks at her knee, obviously annoyed at being moved in the first place. She holds onto JJ, hugging him to prove that he is not alone in this. That there is someone that loves him.

“I won’t be like him, Kie.” JJ lets out the strangled words, making Kiara lift her head up to look at JJ.

“You could never be like him, JJ.” She may have to say it a million times, but she doesn’t care. As long as Kiara can make JJ believe in those words, she won’t stop saying them.

‘They want me to visit him.” JJ’s chest jolts at a hiccup as Kiara keeps watching him with comforting eyes. No. He can’t break over this fucking man again. Instead of arguing the case, Kiara leans up and kisses JJ.

“Let’s not talk about that right now.” Kiara comforts JJ.

So, Kiara makes JJ forget about his monsters. She eventually leads JJ off of the hammock and doesn’t stop until they reach the bedroom. Small kisses are what he needs. She whispers in his ear at every move ‘I love you.’ He needs to hear it. Because that is what JJ longs for. Love. And he will never get the love from his dad but Kiara won’t let him forget about the love he has in his present and what he will have in his future.

The next morning, Kiara wakes early and goes to the living area. Kiara finds John B already making breakfast in the kitchen. They make breakfast and joke about the rest of the Pogues and everything feels normal once more. It’s like having her brother back in her life- the brother that she thought was gone. At one moment, John B asks “Do you love him?”

“Yeah, I do” Kiara quickly replies.

“Good. Because even if I don’t get it, you’re good for each other. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before.”


	13. Hysterical Reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Kiara's birthday and she can longer control her emotions. Her anger builds when she realises that living with all of the Pogues is hard. Her lust for JJ continues as he becomes a hopeless romantic. But her anger returns when her mother forces her to go to a Kook party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for your comments and Kudos! I love reading what you guys like and honestly am so overjoyed that you guys are enjoying this story. If anyone does have any suggestions about the story or suggestions of how I can make my writing better, please comment as I love reading reviews. 
> 
> This chapter is long again. Sorry about that again. It's been a bit different editing two things every day or so with it being Jiara July but I think it's worth the wait. 
> 
> Thank you guys again, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Living with the Pogues is a lot more stressful than what Kiara would have ever imagined. She may have lived with JJ for five years, but she never had to live with the rest of them. Pope bunks in the Chateau almost every night and Sarah and John B have nowhere else to go. Kiara should love spending time with the Pogues saying that John B and Sarah have only just returned to her. But she can’t love spending time with them when they are so needy.

John B finds a job working on yachts in Figure Eight so is not in the house as much as expected, Kiara’s problem is annoyingly Sarah. She doesn’t mean to get annoyed at her best girl-friend but she can’t help it. Sarah likes to moan and groan about John B and gossip about every little thing that life has to offer. And Kiara just has to sit and listen to it. She has to listen to everything that John B had done during their five years in the Bahamas and Kiara has to listen to Sarah explain every detail of their sex life. Sarah even finds an urge to ask Kiara what her sex life is like.

They haven’t told the Pogues about getting engaged. They just haven’t found a need to say it. And Kiara is not about to just out their secret just because Sarah wants a good gossip session. Sarah is exactly as Kiara remembers, a girl that is the complete opposite of Kiara. But that’s what makes them best friends.

Living in a full house has made it hard to have any privacy. Whilst Pope normally takes the pull-out and Sarah and John B take John B’s bedroom, there are no boundaries when it comes to the nights. Therefore, it is completely their fault if they all of a sudden walk into JJ and Kiara’s room to something that friends don’t want to see. It is definitely not Kiara and JJ’s fault. JJ normally jokes it off whilst John B automatically gags at the sight. Kiara on the other hand, yells to hide her own embarrassment whilst Sarah jokes about how they can’t get enough of each other.

And the mere amount of people that are in the chateau annoys Kiara the most. Every morning, she falls over Brownie or a sleeping body of a hanging Pope or John B. Her anger cannot be held back when they make her fall over.

The issue with living with all of the Pogues is that she shouldn’t be shocked when anything out of the ordinary happens.

It’s the morning after the Pogues- apart from a working Kiara- go drinking until three in the morning. Kiara wakes up normally, seeing that JJ is already gone on the probable dog walk with Brownie. The normal sound of birds chirping fills the chateau just like the light of a brand-new day. With the light, Kiara thinks that it probably is the perfect day for a morning walk along the sea. She is quick to head out of the bedroom before realising her mistake. Kiara falls to the ground when a knocked-out Pope is sleeping in the corridor connecting the bedrooms to the bathroom. Pope can sleep anywhere- this is proof. “Too early, Kie.” Pope groans out before turning over and heading back to sleep. It makes Kiara angry as she leans over the sleeping body and shakes him.

“Get the fuck off of the floor!”

“Lower your voice, I’m not ready for that shit this morning.” Pope struggles to say.

“Yeah Kie, your voice is too loud.” JJ’s voice fills the corridor as he steps out of the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand.

“Well, maybe you guys should grow up and stop drinking until the early hours of the morning.” Kiara accidentally snaps, she doesn’t know why she snaps.

Kiara is quick to turn back into the corridor to make her way to the other bedroom. She needs to wake these twenty-three-year olds to realise that they are not acting their fucking age. She ignores the muttering as she hears JJ say “Mama’s mad” behind her back. Kiara ignores everything as she moves to open the door. Maybe she shouldn’t ignore everything though as when Kiara opens the door, Karma is a bitch.

On the bed, Sarah is lying underneath a very naked John B. It makes Kiara shriek before stepping out of the room, slamming the door shut in the process. “Why can’t we be fucking normal for one morning!” Kiara screams out, making sure that Sarah and John B can hear her through their door. Kiara knows that Sarah will want to gossip about her new sex life later with Kiara but Kiara no longer needs the fucking description of what she saw in that very room. When Kiara steps backwards, she almost falls over Brownie who has decided to lay down directly behind her. “Get out of the fucking way, Brownie!” Yet again, Kiara doesn’t mean to snap.

It takes a moment before they are all sat around the kitchen table. John B and Sarah have barely put up an effort to even pretend they weren’t fucking only five minutes ago. Pope has his head on the table, obviously trying to catch his sleep. JJ just watches Kiara with a mix of concern and confusion planted on his face. Kiara has her arms crossed whilst her face tells the story of an angry Kiara.

“Well, I’ll start.” JJ begins as he sits up straight and looks around the group. “I think we are all gathered here today to talk about… breakfast?” JJ looks at Kiara, questioning her.

“Shut up, JJ.” Kiara mutters before rolling her eyes. Is she the only one getting annoyed with living with everyone?

“Okay, I’m wrong about talking about breakfast. Lunch?” JJ smirks.

“We’re not here to talk about food, JJ.” Kiara barks. “We’re here to talk about boundaries.” They all look at her, still confused with the situation. Yep, it looks like Kiara is the only one annoyed with living with everyone.

“So, we’re here to talk about how many times we’ve walked in on you and JJ?” John B asks, stupidly. God, Kiara is going to have to spell it out for them.

“No!” She practically shouts. “We’re here to talk about every boundary from you guys sleeping on the floor of the chateau to you guys just walking into rooms without knocking to just filling the chateau with all of your shit.” Kiara rambles on. “If we have boundaries, I don’t have to walk in on you two again.” Kiara motions to John B and Sarah.

“You didn’t knock.” Sarah just shrugs.

“I didn’t know that the room was going to be filled with horny teenagers.”

“We’re not the only horny people in this chateau though Kie.” John B cringes when he looks at a laughing JJ.

“That’s the problem!” Kiara stands up, not holding back anything anymore. “Pope, you don’t even live here so why are you here all the time?”

“Kie…” JJ tries to warn.

“And you two, are we going to have to fight over the chateau or something?” Kiara motions to John B and Sarah once more, as if they are only one person.

She knows she is being unreasonable. They don’t have anywhere else to go. But something in her can’t hold back her tongue any longer. She can’t take one more day of having to hop around the other Pogues. “Well it is my house, Kie.” John B half snaps out and it only makes Kiara roll her eyes.

“Fine. We’ll be out of your hair in the next week.” Kiara storms to the bedroom, ignoring the calls from all of the Pogues behind her. It’s as if she cannot control herself. But in this moment, Kiara can’t find herself to care.

JJ finds her in the bedroom as soon as she leaves the living area. “What the hell was that?” JJ half-jokes as soon as he shuts the door. Honestly, Kiara doesn’t know what it is going on.

“We’re fucking trapped here with them not taking boundaries.” Kiara screeches.

“Kie…”

“It’s John B’s house, like he said. So, we’ll go.”

“We’re not going anywhere, Kie. That’s just fucking stupid.”

“I can’t stay here with them any longer.”

“Okay. Where are you going to go?” Kiara doesn’t even think that far. Her brain is very heavy on the now. “That’s what I thought Kie.” JJ takes her silence. He knows her too well that she can’t stay mad whenever he is around.

“I don’t know what’s going on.” Kiara admits, feeling herself shake. JJ just smirks and pulls her into a tight hug.

“You’re just jealous that we’re not the only ones getting caught making too much noise now.” JJ snorts out at the cost of Kiara pushing him away, playfully before laughing with him.

...

Of course, they don’t move out of the chateau.

The chateau is the home to any Pogue. Sure, it is under John B’s name, but the Chateau takes place to home anyone that needs it. The chateau provides what every Pogue needs- safety from the painful world that they keep facing. Kiara has used the Chateau for five years to avoid the gossiping Kooks that she used to know so well. Maybe the other Pogues need to use it to find sense in Outer Banks once more.

When Kiara wakes up on her birthday, she is pleasantly shocked to not trip over a sleeping Pogue or walk into a room where Sarah and John B are going at it. The entire chateau is completely empty. The only living thing in the entire chateau is their pup, Brownie. Brownie is in his own little world chewing on the end of the pull-out. “Brownie.” Kiara breathes out before running over to the pup. “Stop.” She tries to pull the pull-out covers out of his mouth but Brownie quickly thinks it’s a game of tug of war. Brownie pulls back with the same amount of power as Kiara pulls. “Brownie! This isn’t a game!” She yells at the pup that is still tugging on the covers

He keeps pulling at the cover so much that Kiara can feel herself spiralling. Confused tears flood her vision as she keeps pulling at the pup. “Brownie!” She screams one more time before yanking the covers completely out of his mouth. A small yelp comes from Brownie as Kiara realises that she probably pulled too hard. She watches as Brownie hops backwards until he is in the corridor. Kiara just watches in shock for thinking that she hurt him. “I’m sorry, pup.” Kiara cries out before bringing Brownie into a hug. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Waterworks begin as she sobs into his coat. She doesn’t know what’s going on. All that Kiara knows is that she can’t control it.

She cannot control herself.

Her sobs fill the chateau as she buries her head against Brownie’s head. The pup’s pants help Kiara calm herself down. Maybe her emotions are out of control because of the pressure of the Pogues. Maybe it’s because it’s her birthday. Maybe it’s because she’s engaged to her best friend and is keeping it secret. A lot has happened in the last few months that everything is spiralling for Kiara now. Spiralling so fast that Kiara has not been able to catch up with the life that she is living.

When JJ comes back from the shop, Kiara has run out of tears. She doesn’t want to make him think anything is wrong because truth be told, she doesn’t entirely know what is wrong. JJ comes in with a massive grin planted on his face. He carries a grocery bag which confuses Kiara straight away. “You’re awake early.” JJ mentions as he walks through the door.

“And you’ve been shopping?” JJ is not the normal boy that just goes to the shop without Kiara telling him to.

“It’s your birthday Kie. So, I’m making dinner.”

“Oh, no you’re not.”

“Yes I am.”

“You don’t cook.”

“I cook doggy brownies for Brownie.”

“Exactly. You cook dog food JJ.” In the five years that they have been living together, Kiara has not allowed JJ to cook anything. One of her fears is that she will burn the chateau down and they would be forced to move in with her bitch of a mother.

“Do you not trust me, Kie?” She can tell he’s joking as he moves closer to Kiara with the JJ smirk planted on his face. “Because, if we’re going to get married, I think you should learn to trust me.”

Hearing those words make Kiara flutter. ‘if we’re going to get married.’ Kiara remains scared that JJ will wake up one day and realise that he has literally signed himself over to Kiara. Marriage is a big step for any relationship. Marriage for JJ is the biggest step in his life. Marriage is a Kook thing in Outer Banks. With the cut, people are lucky to even find a forever relationship. Pope’s parents are the only people that Kiara knows to work so, Kiara can’t help be worried that JJ will run as soon as he realises that this all means commitment.

“My brownies are the best, aren’t they Brownie.” Kiara is brushed out of her thoughts by the sight of Brownie and JJ. JJ has leant down to Brownie’s level and Brownie is pressed completely into him. They always say that a dog is a man’s best friend. Maybe that really is true with JJ and Brownie. When Brownie shakes, JJ shakes with him, mimicking the pup’s moves. Something in Kiara makes her almost melt at the sight.

“He’s still a dog, JJ.” Kiara shakes to return to their conversation.

“But he has better taste than you.” JJ doesn’t look up from Brownie.

Something in Kiara can’t help but wonder where they would be without Brownie. Sure, JJ and Kiara would have still slept together after John B and Sarah disappeared but what would have happened after that. Would JJ have stayed with his dad? No. Kiara can’t think about that. He should have escaped his demons a lot earlier than he did.

A few days ago, news travelled around Outer Banks about the death of Luke Maybank. Outer Banks looked like it was celebrating his death with laughter and parties all whilst Kiara had to hold JJ through a particularly bad nightmare. The nightmare made JJ argumentative. “You shouldn’t be stuck with me!” JJ had shouted at her. He spat as if he was venomous, but Kiara just blamed his dad.

“I’m not stuck with you, JJ.” Kiara remembers trying to calm him down.

“But this isn’t what you want.” They argued the night away until Kiara had to literally shake him to come back to her. The rest of the night, JJ kept tearfully apologising to her. He did nothing wrong. That night made Kiara wonder how many times Luke Maybank made JJ beg for forgiveness even when JJ did nothing wrong. JJ has never done anything wrong.

They joke the day away with Kiara trying to avoid anything that may make her tear up. She doesn’t want to cry anymore. JJ jokes about what they would be doing if they ever do find the gold. JJ jokes that “We’ll get a maid to do all the cooking for us.” And Kiara laughs with him. The gold is another tricky conversation. She once mentioned about travelling the world with the gold. But her dreams have changed. Travelling the world was the decision of a Kiara that already had riches from her family. Now she doesn’t have the riches, her only thing that matters is that they keep each other safe and she finds a way to protect everyone no matter of race, sex, sexuality and age. She just wants to save the world.

Whilst JJ cooks that night, Kiara can’t help but watch closely over his shoulder to make sure that he doesn’t set fire to the curtains or some JJ shit like that. Kiara is relieved to see that JJ is only going as far as making a basic stir fry. “Quit hovering over me, Kie.” JJ jokes at one point as he knocks into Kiara.

“I’m just making sure that you don’t burn the place down.”

“Trust, Kie. Trust.” JJ smirks before returning to the stove.

“More like hope.” Kiara returns a joke.

Some would say that JJ is nothing but a commitment phobe, stereotypical Maybank but in this moment, JJ is a fucking hopeless romantic. He lays the dinner table out and even manages to put some flowers in a vase. Kiara watches him and has to sit tight forcing back the sudden need to rip off the cute little apron along with the rest of his clothes and lay him across the table to completely forget about dinner altogether.

JJ is hurriedly rushing through the living area where the table is arranged out and the kitchen. He hums a little song that sounds too much like the It’s a small world theme song as he moves between the rooms. He ends with a slight skip in his step as he moves the food to the table. _Don’t pull him over the table, Kie_. Kiara has to mentally tell herself. “Shit.” Kiara almost laughs at his sudden murmur from the kitchen. “Forgot fucking beer.” She doesn’t know if he is talking to her or just to himself.

“Dude.” Kiara laughs out.

“I can run to the shop quickly and get it.” JJ even heads to the door but Kiara is quick to stop him by kissing him sweetly.

“We don’t need fucking beer, JJ.”

“Good because I don’t really want to go back to the shop again.”

“Then don’t.” Kiara pecks JJ one more time before letting him go before she loses her control.

The meal goes to plan. Kiara actually complimenting the chef, then regretting it straight away. The entire time that they eat, JJ makes comments about how he should be the chef from now on. The chateau is filled with the normal atmosphere created through JJ and Kiara. Pure happiness. Brownie’s small whimpers are also heard as he keeps begging for the food on their plates. JJ giving in every time that Brownie makes a sound. “You need to stop falling for that.” Kiara tells JJ as she watches him pass Brownie yet another piece of bread.

“He’s still growing, Kie.”

“Oh, he’s definitely done growing, JJ.” She may moan when JJ passes food over to Brownie, but seconds after Brownie whimpers by Kiara’s feet she gives in and gives Brownie exactly what he wants. Maybe they can spoil him together.

There are no games between JJ and Kiara this night, Kiara is too far gone in JJ’s quicksand to play the whole ‘how long can we go without jumping each other’ game. Kiara pretty much jumps JJ as soon as they finish tidying the table. She lets her emotions take over as she lets him do everything that he wants to do. The night is long and perfect in every way that is humanly possible.

The night is more perfect than anything else in life.

In the morning, perfection is broken.

Kiara wakes to a sudden twist in her stomach. It leads her to run to the bathroom to avoid puking all over the floor. “Morning, Kie.” Sarah says as she leans against the bathroom door. Kiara wants to move but worries that if she takes her head out of the toilet, she won’t be able to hold anything back. “Big night?” She can hear the smirk on Sarah’s face.

“Don’t… just don’t.” Kiara speaks into the toilet.

“Hangover?” Sarah puts simply.

“Nope.”

“Too much sex that your stomach is paying the price?” Of course, now is the time that Sarah wants to gossip about sex.

“Sarah.” Kiara achingly lifts her head up, groaning at the girl stood by the door. Sarah gets the message as she laughs before turning to head into the living area of the chateau.

Back to normal chateau rules it seems. Whilst her stomach keeps squelching, Kiara knows that she can’t keep her head in the toilet for the entire day. The Pogues want to do the tradition tonight, she can’t be sick for the tradition. She blames JJ. Food fucking poisoning. She knew she shouldn’t have let the hopeless boy cook. How can a boy as clueless as JJ make that many mistakes on something that is as easy as stir fry?

To make matters worse, when Kiara crawls back into bed to try and sleep away food poisoning, her phone wakes her up from her restless sleep. She thinks about ignoring it as she throws her head against the bed once more but the phone lights up again. “Fuck.” Kiara breathes out when she looks at the text on her phone.

**Mom:** Remember your party tomorrow night. 7pm. Do not be late, Kiara.

_Sent at 9:25am._

Kiara had completely forgotten about the party. “What the fuck mom?” Kiara lets out before falling back onto the bed.

_This is going to be fun._

_..._

The night after Kiara’s birthday, JJ finds himself on the pull-out bed as punishment for giving Kiara food poisoning. Kiara spent the entirety of the day being sick, so sick that they couldn’t take part in the Pogue Tradition. So, JJ understands when Kiara tells JJ that he will never cook for her again. JJ will stick to dog food from now on.

It doesn’t help JJ’s matter on getting on Kiara’s good side after he finds out that Anna Carrera has invited Kiara and JJ to a party for Kiara’s birthday. Kiara didn’t stop swearing the day before from her idiocy from saying yes to her that day where JJ was pleased to be pulled into the bathroom of the Wreck by Kiara. Carrera parties have always been a tradition between the Kooks where the Kooks would get together to spread the gossip of Outer Banks. JJ knows that this party won’t be any different, especially considering the new developments with the Camerons.

When Kiara tells JJ that he has been invited to the party, JJ can’t hide the smirk that earns him a glare from an angered Kiara. Even though JJ has technically been to the Kook galas before, he has never technically been invited. He used to work the scene all the time. JJ would be the basic waiter that would often end the night either under the sheets with a Kook girl or in a fight with the Kook boys. Like the last time where JJ crashed the midsummers gala where he ended up being cornered by Rafe and his bitches. JJ vividly remembers Rafe snarking about Kiara which set JJ off even more than he had expected.

Kook galas are something that JJ hates crashing. Even when it is one of those nights in which he ends with a Kook, the Kooks often says that he has to go through with them because JJ only has a job at the gala due to their money. Fucking Kooks only ever care about their money. It’s why JJ is in hysterics when Kiara tells him that he got an invitation. Because it is laughable that after all the years that JJ has been friends with Kiara, the Kooks are actually inviting a Maybank into their world. 

The night of the party, JJ is sat on the bed where he is trying to work out how to put his bowtie on. It embarrasses JJ how he had to ask Sarah to find him a suit. He would ask Kiara but he knows that she will make a joke out of it. “You know, we don’t have to go.” Kiara storms into the bedroom wearing a purple slip on dress. JJ feels like a horny teenager boy as his eyes catch her figure.

“It’s for your birthday, Kie.” JJ shakes off his teenage thoughts.

“I know but we don’t have to go.”

“Kie…” JJ begins as he gives up on the bowtie completely. “Your mom is trying to say sorry.”

“And what a stupid way to say sorry. We shouldn’t have to go to her materialistic, bullshit of an apology Kook party where having money is more important than the truth.” Kiara paces in front of him. “We’re not going.”

“They’re your parents Kie.”

“No. This is just an idiotic party where my parents- no my mom- can show her Kook friends that she still can control me.” Kiara stops in her tracks. “They can’t control me.”

“I know. No one can control you.” JJ murmurs under his breath, hoping that Kiara doesn’t hear him. When Kiara rolls her eyes, JJ knows she heard him.

He thinks about giving into her. JJ doesn’t exactly want to go to this party either. But it’s her family. The family that Kiara never sees anymore all because Kiara chose to live with JJ instead of them. “I’m not going.” He watches his stubborn girlfriend as she puts her hands on her hips.

“Kie. We have to go. And besides, it’s the first time I’ve ever been invited.” JJ snickers. “I mean they have actually invited JJ Maybank to a Kook party.”

“Lucky you.” Kiara snarls.

“Thank you. I’m just saying Kie, your mom must really want you to forgive her if she has put up an effort in inviting me to her party.” JJ watches as Kiara’s eyes look to the ground- a classic cue for Kiara to start breaking her hard shell. She knows he is right. Now, JJ just has to wait to see if she will own up to it. “And it will be fun.” JJ adds. He doesn’t believe those words but the Kook parties must be better now that the fucking Cameron boys are behind bars and he has Kie to fend off the thirsty Kook girls.

“We could just have fun here.” JJ’s smile drops when Kiara begins to move closer to Kiara. Sensing her actions, JJ begins to shake his head frantically knowing that he is terrible at saying no to Kiara.

“It won’t work Kie.” His voice accidentally goes high. His backstabbing voice. Kiara senses his uneasiness as she keeps moving closer to JJ. JJ looks at her as if it is the first time, he has seen her. Her beauty shines through even with her unnecessary makeup and the Kook dress that she has on. Any type of Kiara can turn him on.

When she moves to lean over JJ, she begins to fiddle with the buttons of his shirt. JJ is sure his heart skips a beat. “Oh, I think it will work.” Kiara keeps fiddling until she undoes his top button. JJ wonders if Kiara notices his eyes darken as he feels himself get tighter.

“Fuck.” JJ unintentionally breathes out.

“We can stay here.” Kiara’s voice is low and full of seduction as she moves to peck the skin below his ear. JJ can only gulp as she presses further into him. He wants to stay strong for once. Wants to get his point across and go to the party to try and make nice with his future in-laws. _Wow, that sounds weird_. Her lips ghost his and he unconsciously shuffles the slightest bit forward, still making sure to not give in and close the gap.

Her eyes are fire as they remain close with Kiara standing in between JJ’s legs. His eyes accidentally move to her lips and it is all Kiara needs to close the gap between them. JJ kisses back with the same intensity as she moves to hover over his lap. Kiara is back to the buttons of his shirt before JJ notices what is happening. Today, JJ needs to be the good guy. “We have to go, Kie.” JJ moves away from Kiara’s lips making her groan in annoyance. “Make nice with your mom.”

“No.” Kiara swings off of JJ with an eye roll. “Fine. We’ll go to this fucking party, but I’m not talking to her.”

“Kie…”

“She tried to ruin my life JJ! I can’t forgive her just like that.” He understands her. It’s why he just nods and agrees to go but to not speak to her mother. Maybe it’s for the best for them two to not speak any longer. If a woman brings hell to Kiara, the woman is not worth it.

“Now. Can you teach me how to fucking do this bowtie thing?” JJ lightens the mood, pulling Kiara into a hug. Kiara just leans her forehead against his and lets out a soft laugh.

...

When they arrive, JJ feels Kiara clutch his hand and hold on tight. The plan to avoid Anna Carrera looks like it is going to be easy as they see the number of guests piling into Kiara’s old house. JJ ignores as he hears the Kooks whispering and ignores when he is sure he hears his name and then his dad’s name. Kiara must hear them as well as she leans to JJ’s ear and whispers. “You’re not your dad.” He needs to hear it.

“And you’re not your mom.” JJ just replies simply as they make their way into the house.

JJ has only been to the Carrera residence a few times in the entirety of JJ and Kiara’s relationship. But it doesn’t look any different than what he remembers of it. The living area has a massive television pinned to the wall that JJ bets has hardly ever been used. All the guests seem to be outside where the main part of the party is. “We don’t speak to my mom.” Kiara reminds him which JJ just nods along with.

Kooks force Kiara away from JJ as they begin to talk about what Kiara has been up to. The awkwardness gets to JJ who decides to leave Kiara to catch up. He ends up walking into the main part of the party. But there is something in which JJ cannot ignore. It’s the rumours about the Camerons in which catch JJ’s attention.

“Those Pogues put the blame entirely on the Camerons and are getting away with everything.”  
  


“The Routledge kid worked for Ward, that’s how he spun his manipulative web.”

“I just feel sorry for Rafe. That boy has a heart of gold.”

“I’m sure the Cameron girl just has Stockholm syndrome or something. It’s the only reason why she would stay with a murderer that framed the Camerons.”

None of the Kooks believe the truth. They fill the silence with their gossip that is all related to the lies spread by Rose Cameron. JJ knows it’s Rose that is spreading the rumours. She can’t stand to have her family’s reputation tarnished by the truth that her boys are murderers.

...

Pope isn’t sure why he ends up at the Kook party. His invitation came from nowhere saying that he knows that John B and Sarah were never invited. Pope wonders if maybe Anna had just forgotten about John B and Sarah being alive but then remembers that Anna listens to the gossiping Kooks.

The party is filled with Kooks and Kook kids in which Kiara may have been friends for during her Kook year. It’s not Kiara. That is why he spends the party just standing in the corner to avoid the racist Kooks from asking if Pope can fill up their refreshments. “Can you fill up my drink?” A drunk woman approaches Pope.

“Not staff.” Pope blankly states for the fifth time that night. The woman just walks away.

_Fucking racist Kooks._

“Fucking Kooks.” It takes Pope a moment to realise that it is not his voice that says those words. He looks around to see JJ picking at the food on the table nearby.

“Tell me about it.” Pope just nods along. It looks like Pope and JJ are the only two Pogues in a sea filled with Kooks. If Rafe were still here, Pope would be running in fear.

“They think Ward is innocent. Fucking Ward Cameron.”

“They also think I’m staff just because I’m black.”

“Shit.”

“Yep.” It’s the twenty-first century and people like the Kooks still only see black people by their colour and just suppose that they must be fucking staff. Pope hates these types of parties. It’s the twenty-first century and Pope knows that he still has to be careful with what he says and does when he is with the rich, white folks. It’s never-ending at the parties and it is never-ending in his day to day life where he is just seen as the black Pogue from the cut.

It doesn’t make sense to Pope. He’s not the only black person in Outer Banks but just because he is associated with the cut, he has to be treated differently than the guys in Figure Eight. “Where’s Kie?” Pope changes the conversation.

“Off avoiding her mom.” It makes Pope laugh. Of course, the stubborn Kiara doesn’t talk to her mom even at her own mother’s party. “I’m also avoiding her mom to avoid the fucking awkward conversations.” Pope turns to JJ, confusion written on his face.

“Awkward conversation?” Pope asks. JJ just nods as Pope keeps looking at JJ in confusion. Sure, Anna has always hated JJ but he got invited. It can’t be that awkward.

“Shit.” JJ gasps as if he has just remembered something. “I forgot to tell you. I proposed to Kie.”

_What?_

He tries to say that out loud but Pope is stunned, his mouth hanging open and his eyes remain wide. JJ Maybank proposed to Kiara Carrera? No. No way is the first Pogue to propose going to be JJ Maybank. No. No he must have heard wrong. No. JJ proposed? JJ. The same JJ that freaks out at any chance of the day. JJ. The same JJ that once told a girl he was dying just to avoid committing to her. No. There is no way that JJ proposing is possible.

Pope goes to say something but is quickly cut off by JJ. “Shit I see Anna Carrera. Got to go.” And with that, JJ runs away leaving Pope completely confused.

_What the fuck?_

No. Pope can’t think about this any longer. There is no way he proposed to Kiara. Maybe he’s just high or some shit like that. Pope can’t shake the obvious confusion from his face as he heads further into the party to find the girl JJ supposedly proposed to. He ignores the Kooks as he continues on his mission. Now, Pope knows that JJ is kind of an idiot. Maybe he said it during sex or as a joke that he thinks means the same thing as asking. Or worse, JJ is just playing Pope to see if there is a reaction. Oh, there is a reaction.

The girl in question walks out of th bathroom right at the time that Pope walks past. Pope is quick to grab Kiara by the arm and pull her into a quiet corner. “What the fuck, Pope?” Kiara shouts as Pope keeps pulling at her. “What’s going on?” Kiara asks obviously concerned by Pope’s confusion.

“JJ proposed to you?” Pope just simply lets out, wanting to get to the get to the end of the conversation as fast as humanly possible. He watches as her face turns red. Did it really happen? Did JJ really propose?

“Oh my god that idiot told you?” So, it did happen. JJ proposed to Kiara. Never in a million years would Pope predict that JJ would be the first to ask a girl to marry him. To be honest, Pope always thought it would be either Pope or John B. John B is the hopeless romantic that would make a perfect date into a perfect proposal. Pope thinks of himself as someone that cannot hold anything back. Pope would feel the need to propose and just do it.

“It’s true?” Pope’s shock only grows.

“Yeah. We just weren’t telling people yet.”

_Wait._

Shock turns to confusion once more. Because Kiara’s words… no. There’s no way that Kiara Carrera would say yes. Shit. These last five years have confused everything. Every dynamic is changing with JJ finding the balls to propose and the girl that always said that she hates wedding actually said yes? Nothing makes sense to Pope. And Pope thinks of himself as the smartest Pogue.

The confusion gets to Pope as he eventually bursts out. “You said yes?” It comes out louder than expected.

“Oh my god Pope, keep your fucking voice down.” Kiara’s anger boils over.

“But you said yes, Kie.” It’s a statement more than a question because the confusion sets down now. Because it is clear that when JJ asked Kiara, Kiara said yes. Maybe Pope is now the oblivious one.

“Yes Pope. I said yes.”

“When were you going to tell us?”

“I don’t know.” Kiara snaps. “Maybe we just didn’t want you guys to fucking judge us.”

“It’s just a lot to take Kie.”

“I know.”

“I mean, you’re going to marry JJ Maybank.” Pope lets out an airy laugh. JJ and Kiara Maybank. That’s different.

“What did you just say?” A new voice enters the conversation and hell practically freezes over.

...

“What did you just say?” Her voice is evident. Kiara knows who is stood behind her even before she turns. Kiara watches as Pope looks at her mom with wide eyes because

_Yes Pope, you just told Anna fucking Carrera._

“You’re marrying JJ Maybank?” Kiara can see the disgust in her mother’s eyes that Kiara feels a sudden urge to hit her mother all over again. Kiara is in no mood to be judged by her own mother all over again. “Kiara.” Anna pleads.

“Yes. I’m marrying JJ Maybank.” Kiara almost snaps. Kiara knows the new rumours around Outer Banks but she ignores them, she knows her mother could never ignore gossiping Kooks.

“Pope. Can I speak to my daughter? Alone.” Her voice is tense as if she has a leg to stand on for being annoyed at Kiara. Kiara keeps thinking over and over again that she hasn’t done anything. Even if her mother thinks she has. Pope awkwardly walks away but not before Kiara can stare daggers into him.

She knew it was going to happen eventually. She couldn’t just keep an engagement a secret forever. But at her own party? To her mother of all people? Kiara is distraught. As soon as Pope is far enough away, Anna grabs a hold of her daughter’s wrist and pulls her into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. “I don’t need to explain myself mom.” Kiara snaps.

“You’re marrying a Maybank.”

“No. I’m marrying someone I love.” Kiara is bored of having to defend JJ against the hypocritical people of Figure Eight. But as Kiara tries to leave the room, Anna blocks the exit.

“I’m just worried about you, Kie. We all know that his father scared away his wife and the word is that JJ is just like his dad.”

“No!” Kiara can’t take it anymore. “JJ is nothing like that monster.”

“He gets into fights, Kiara.”

“To protect his friends.” Her mom needs to understand.

“Are we arguing over JJ again?”

“Only because you’re still judging him because of his surname.” Judging mother. Kiara knew they shouldn’t have come to this fucking party.

“I only judge by what I have seen. And I have seen that bruised more times than not.”

Anna’s words rile up Kiara’s emotions. Bruised? JJ hasn’t been bruised in years yet he is still tarnished with Kooks thinking he’s this violent monster- when it really is his father. “Have you seen bruises on JJ since his dad died?” Kiara snaps before really hearing what she means.

“No but it’s only because he has been busy proposing to you.” Anna snarls only building Kiara up more.

“Oh my god mom! Those fucking bruises were from his dad!”

It’s as if a pin just dropped. Kiara watches as her mother’s expressions lighten up. Kiara feels bad for a moment that she just outed JJ’s biggest secret, but it’s the only way her mother will understand. JJ is not the monster of Outer Banks.

“That’s a big assumption, Kiara.” Of course, Anna doesn’t want to believe it.

“It’s true and you know it mom. His dad hit him whenever Luke Maybank was high, drunk or just bored. And JJ blamed himself for every hit. Luke Maybank broke JJ!” Tears prickle her eyes.

“I didn’t know about that.”

“Nobody knows. They just judge JJ and don’t ask questions about what he has been through.” Kiara takes a deep breath to try and soothe herself. _Count Kie._ “I know he won’t hurt me because he is nothing like that abusive man.” Her mom just looks down in obvious guilt. “And I won’t just toss him aside like everyone else does.”

“Kiara…”

“I think it’s my time to leave.” Kiara announces before trying to push past her mother once more.

Kiara doesn’t make it far however as she feels a rush of sickness come over her. Dizziness overtakes Kiara as she quickly runs to the toilet before making an embarrassment in front of her mother. She doesn’t hold back as she feels a second wave coming. It comes as no surprise; Kiara is going to kill JJ when they get home. Kiara has no energy to push her mother away as Anna holds her hair back.

When she is finished, Kiara sits down against the toilet and avoids eye contact with her mother. “I get what’s going on now.” Anna just nods at her daughter.

“It’s food poisoning.” Kiara’s words make Anna laugh which only confuses Kiara.

“Did JJ get sick?” Kiara just shakes her head, only because JJ could eat anything and not be affected in any form of way.

“Kiara. It’s not food poisoning.” It makes Kiara look up at her mother. “Anger. Stubbornness. Unavoidable vomiting. I was just the same.”

“What are you talking about?” Kiara snaps.

“You’re pregnant Kiara.”


	14. A Mother's Intuition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara can't control a breakdown forming as she waits the inevitable pregnancy test whilst she thinks about whether or not she should tell JJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally just writing to say thank you all so much! I love, love, love all of your comments. They literally make me feel so positive to write more! 
> 
> Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this next long chapter which is full of angst.

“You’re pregnant Kiara.”

No. _No_. That can’t be it. _Surely_. Surely Kiara’s mom’s words can’t be true. Kiara didn’t even think about that. It has to be food poisoning otherwise Kiara doesn’t know what she will do. Numbness fills Kiara all at once as she feels glad that she is on the ground and has nowhere to fall. Being sick in front of her stuck-up mother is one thing, but for her to think that Kiara is pregnant? Kiara doesn’t know how to react.

Those words revolve around her head as she forces herself to stand from the cold floor. Kiara avoids her mother’s judging eyes as she steadies herself on her two feet. Anna hasn’t seen Kiara properly in years. Years. Anna no longer knows Kiara so how can she just come here and drop those words to her? It doesn’t make any sense. “Kiara.” Anna’s words echo the room that will not stop spinning. Because Kiara can’t be pregnant. She just can’t be pregnant. She can’t do that to herself and she definitely cannot do that to JJ.

“I have to go.” Kiara dizzily gets out before falling out of the bathroom.

The roaring party is now lit up in the darkness of the sky. Lights drape down the walls as Kiara makes her way into the garden where all of the guests are gathered. Kiara has to close her eyes to adjust to the new strobe lights that is doing nothing for Kiara’s sudden need to be sick all over again. But she forces herself to hold it back.

Because she can’t be pregnant.

Kiara’s head is turning with the lights and the loud music making her feel drunk as she stumbles to where her two Pogues are stood. JJ and the other fucking Pogue that blurted out her secret to her mother. However, Kiara has a sudden urge to make her way as far away from this party as she can before someone else insinuates something that will make Kiara spiral. “Kie I am so sorry.” She hears Pope sincerely say but it’s no longer what is making her emotions stumble over one another.

“Can we go home?” Kiara ignores Pope’s apology as she looks straight at JJ. The party holds so much gossip about her friends and the Camerons that she cannot afford her name to fill the Kook’s mouths as well.

“Yeah, of course.” His eyes are full of concern but Kiara can’t tell him what her mother said. She can’t even play with that idea. No. _No_. It can’t be true.

The drive home is silent. She can feel JJ’s eyes on her but Kiara can’t bring herself to look back at him. Instead, Kiara stares out of the window and watches how Outer Banks changes, only feeling comfortable when they make their way over the line that separates the Kooks and the Pogues. Kooks bring trouble. The only difference with tonight is that it is trouble that Kiara could never have expected. “Kie.” JJ’s voice remains soft and Kiara knows that he is concerned. But she can’t look at him.

“I’m just not feeling well.” Kiara whispers out.

A ringing noise cancels out the sound of JJ asking Kiara question as she makes her way into the chateau, not waiting for the confused JJ to walk with her. She doesn’t stop in the living area where John B and Sarah are huddled around a laptop watching a movie. The ringing only gets louder the further she makes her way down the corridor to the bedroom. She knows they are all looking at her. Looking at her probably trying to work out what is going on. But Kiara can’t work it out for herself let alone tell her friends what is going on.

What would they say if they knew what could possibly be going on with Kiara? Pope pretty much freaked out by just finding out that JJ had proposed. The universe cannot do this to her; they can’t make her pregnant when the last few months has uncontrollably spiralled leaving Kiara full of questions. Never in Kiara’s entire life has her mother been right. Not about Kiara’s friends. Not about Kiara’s future. Definitely not about Kiara herself. This. _This_ can’t be something that Anna Carrera has right.

Burying her head into the pillow, Kiara still can’t shake her mother’s words. ‘You’re pregnant Kiara.’ With her head scrunched against the pillow, Kiara remains still when she senses JJ walk into the bedroom. It’s something that she cannot face. She cannot face the possibility of her mother’s words because it’s not something that she ever thought about- especially when she got with JJ. So, she cowers out in turning to JJ when he falls down onto the bed next to her. “What’s going on Kie?” He pretty much breathes out but Kiara can’t find her words. She cries further into the pillow as her response. Coward. Kiara remains a fucking coward.

They stay silent in the dark room as JJ rubs the small of her back, Kiara melting into his touch instantly. Kiara’s cries calm down the longer he is here with her. Almost enough for Kiara to look up at him but she still can’t find a way to push through the nerves. Paws hitting the hard floor stop Kiara’s tears entirely as she feels Brownie nudging her arm. “Brownie.” JJ blows out. But Kiara ignores it and moves slightly to let Brownie jump into the bed. His eyes look into Kiara’s eyes as if he knows what is exactly on her mind. Brownie just lets out a small whimper before cuddling up under Kiara’s chin. His warmth mixed with JJ’s light touches drift Kiara into a calming sleep.

...

_You’re pregnant Kiara._

_Anger. Stubbornness. Unavoidable vomiting._

_I was just the same._

The waves crash back and forth whilst Kiara watches from the shore. Waves are giants, threatening to move closer and closer until they can reach her. It won’t take long for the waves to get too close and take her away completely. Every time a new wave hits the shore, Anna’s words echo around the beach. Her judging Kiara every step of the way gets louder and louder as more waves hit the shore.

_You’re pregnant Kiara._

When Kiara moves away from the beach, Anna’s words surround her with every gust of wind. Anna’s words where she judges her friends over and over again as she listens to the gossip within the Kooks become the whooshes of wind.

Endless second-handed insults fill the emptiness around Kiara.

Even when Kiara returns to the chateau, the silence is replaced with buzzing mixed with her mother’s voice. The buzzing keeps getting louder and louder whilst her mother’s insults turn to being about JJ and his dad.

_JJ is just like his dad._

_You’re pregnant Kiara._

_I only judge by what I have seen._

_You’re pregnant Kiara._

_You’re pregnant Kiara._

_Kiara._

When Kiara opens her eyes, Anna’s voice drips back into silence as Kiara remembers where she is. Darkness continues to pour from the outside into the space of the bedroom where Kiara is lying beside Brownie and JJ. JJ’s eyes remain closed and Kiara can’t help but smile as Brownie and JJ’s snores become one. Her own words echo through her mind ‘JJ is nothing like that monster.’ JJ could never be anything like his father and his openness to both Kiara and Brownie cements her view.

The sudden thud in her stomach brings back the dream. The dream that was filled by her mother’s spiteful words. Whilst the ringing gets louder, Kiara knows that she can’t hide it forever. Kiara climbs out of bed, trying her hardest not to wake the light sleeper that is JJ. When JJ doesn’t move, Kiara smiles at herself at how she is getting better at not making a sound.

Her legs tremble as she moves into the corridor before wondering exactly what her plan is. Fortunately, the living area is empty with no sign of Pope anywhere. She can’t let any of the boys know, terrified of how they would react when Kiara can’t even control herself. It’s why Kiara finds herself moving silently into the room opposite hers where she sees John B and Sarah hugging into each other. They look like they come from every romantic movie ever to be made. How they intertwine and won’t let go throughout the entire night. Star-crossed lovers that fight through the darkness to find each other. It’s the reason she finds herself waking up the new girl Pogue.

With Sarah loving her gossip, she had once let out that she had to take a pregnancy test when she was in the Bahamas. Sarah thought that she might be pregnant even though she wasn’t. When she moves to Sarah, Kiara gently shoves Sarah to wake only her. The Pogues can’t know. They can’t know anything. “Kie?” Sarah groans out, waking up slowly.

“I need your help.” Kiara just pleads before watching as Sarah nods.

They make their way into the porch before Kiara begins to pace back and forth, finally feeling safe away from the Pogue boys finding out. “Kie, what’s wrong?” Sarah asks obviously feeling concerned for the pacing girl.

“I need you to tell me that story about that time you thought you were pregnant.” Kiara manages to burst out without taking a break to breathe. She just needs to get it out.

“Well, it’s not much to tell other than what I’ve already said.”

“Please Sarah.” Kiara cuts in.

“It was Christmas when we just forgot to use a condom and then a couple of days later, I realised I was late.” She states plainly. “You know, Kie. Just normal cues to being pregnant.” Normal cues. Huh. “Thankfully, when I took the test it came back negative otherwise, I would be completely different right now.”

“How many did you take?”

“It’s a really weird time to have a gossip session Kie. And anyways, I thought you hated the gossip.”

“I…” Kiara freezes up with the sudden realisation that she does not know what to say. She should have planned something before pulling Sarah out of bed. “I think… maybe can we… can you make John B take the boys away from the chateau tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“Please Sarah. Please just get them to stay away from the chateau tomorrow.” It comes out as a snap accidentally. But the urgent need to talk freely to Sarah about this comes first.

“Okay, Kie. Sure.” Sarah speaks unconvincingly.

...

Kiara likes to think of herself as an optimist. Someone that can see the good in a very bad situation. But Kiara is having a hard time working out how to find the light in this tunnel. It’s something that Kiara doesn’t want to even think about. But she has to. Because if she doesn’t go and find out if her own mother’s words are true, Kiara can feel herself spontaneously combusting.

The boys are kicked out to go fishing really early in the morning where they take Brownie with them. Kiara overhears Sarah whisper to John B “just stay away from the chateau today” before the boys take off. A thudding heart feels like it is going to explode as Kiara and Sarah are left alone in the empty chateau. The room feels heavy as Kiara feels Sarah’s concerned eyes turn to her.

_Now or never._

“I need you to get me a pregnancy test, Sarah.” Kiara puts bluntly as her eyes remain glued to the floor. She knows what’s coming. Questions. Question after question from Sarah- the girl that loves to gossip.

“Kie.” Kiara hears Sarah breathe out. “you’re p…”

“Don’t say it” Kiara quickly cuts her off. “I don’t know what’s going on and I just need to rule some shit out, okay?”

“Have you told JJ?”

“I’m not pregnant, Sarah!” Kiara practically yells before cringing straight away. “I can’t be pregnant, Sarah.”

“But what if you are?” It’s then that Kiara looks up to Sarah. Sarah remains sat in her seat but her eyes have changed to worry as she looks back at Kiara.

“Well I just need that pregnancy test to know now don’t I.”

Pregnancy is a big step. A step in which Kiara never felt like she was going to take. Then boom. That step has been taken for her, or it may have been taken for her at least. Kiara knows that she should never have gone to that fucking party. She knows she’s not pregnant because she can’t be. But then her mother tries to say that she is. Kiara has no chance of controlling herself after that. The dreaded party becomes her nightmare. A nightmare that will keep happening until she finds out for certain.

“He is a lot better than he was a few years ago Kie. You should tell him.” Of course, Sarah isn’t finished with this conversation.

“I’m just being stupid Sarah! It’s just my hormones or something but I just have to know, okay?”

“Kie…”

“It isn’t me, Sarah. I can’t be the first one to get married let alone pregnant!” Kiara hardly hears her words before they come spitting out.

“Hold on…”

“Sarah…”

“You’re getting married?” Her face turns from worry to excitement. Sarah has always loved weddings. It actually shocks Kiara that when Sarah and John B came back from the Bahamas that Sarah wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and calling herself Mrs Routledge. “Oh my god Kie. Shit. You’re getting married to JJ Maybank! And you may be having his kid? This is literally a movie story line.”  
“Okay whatever you say Sarah.” Kiara scoffs before rolling her eyes. JJ and Kiara? A movie storyline? Yeah right. The most that they could ever be is the side relationship to the main relationship that is Sarah and John B.

“We should go wedding dress shopping.” Kiara becomes frazzled at Sarah’s words.

Wedding dress shopping? Only moments ago, the two girls were worrying about the chance that Kiara may be pregnant and now all of a sudden, it’s all about playing dress up for a wedding that may never happen if she is pregnant. “Don’t you think there’s a bigger issue at hand here?” Kiara snaps out.

“Oh please. Ten seconds ago, you were saying that you’re overreacting about this whole pregnancy thing. The wedding is definite.”

"I wouldn’t say that Sarah. It is still JJ.”

“The wedding is definite Kie. Now come on, we’re going shopping.”

With that, Sarah grabs Kiara’s arm and pulls her out of the chateau. Wedding dress shopping. Another thing that Kiara never imagined doing. But here she is being swooped away to go looking at wedding dresses all whilst avoiding the anxiety that may in fact be pregnancy.

No. There’s no pregnancy to worry about because there is no pregnancy.

...

JJ is bad when it comes to guessing cues. He likes to think that he has gotten better at recognising them whilst he’s been with Kiara. But then he looks back and sees how he didn’t recognise when Kiara wanted him to not leave because she was in love with him, he didn’t recognise when Kiara wanted to marry him and right now, he doesn’t recognise when there is something obviously going on with Kiara.

Being kicked out of the bedroom when Kiara went down with food poisoning should have been JJ’s first clue that something was up.

Being shunned at Kiara’s birthday party by the birthday girl herself should have been JJ’s second clue.

Kiara not talking to JJ that entire night should have made JJ see that something was up.

But the newest clue is the first one where JJ seems to notice that everything is not alright. Being roped into a boy day as far away from the chateau (read: Kiara) as possible is where JJ notices things. His mind starts to wander to the other clues that he should have seen. Kiara remaining distant from him and all of the other Pogues and then eventually snapping at them for just staying at the chateau evidently showed that something was up. Maybe these clues are all pointing at the same thing.

The fact that Kiara no longer wants to be with him.

One of the biggest clues pointing to this fact is that whilst JJ seems to be in the dog house with Kiara, their actual physical dog seems to be all in which Kiara is okay with. Hey, listen to him. JJ is jealous of a fucking dog.

But the fact that JJ is here with their dog brings some light and hope to JJ. Kiara must still trust JJ with Brownie otherwise she would have forced JJ out of the chateau and kept the pup with her. They could have easily ran away leaving JJ behind. No. JJ knows that Kiara would never do that. She gets so scared when she thinks that JJ is about to leave that there can’t be a chance for her to leave him with no word.

It all goes down to one decision then. Kiara is probably going to break up with JJ and then leave or make JJ leave.

So, like any confused man, he pretends like his entire world isn’t spiralling as he plays catch with Brownie along the dock whilst John B and Pope fish. JJ has complained three times since they got to the dock that he is cold. John B shuts JJ down each time, telling him to play with Brownie to warm himself up. JJ isn’t as much of an idiot as the others may believe. He knows that they are just keeping him away from the chateau. It’s probably just so Kiara can talk to Sarah about how to let JJ go without there being any tears involved.

Whilst JJ plays with Brownie, he can feel John B’s eyes watching him. Maybe John B knows about Kiara’s plan as well. No. If this is going to be his last day, JJ wants to enjoy himself. “Brownie!” JJ calls after the pup that has decided to sniff around the old, wooden planks of the dock. It still amazes JJ how this dog has been in their lives for more than five years. This dog is only four months younger than when the gold mission all went to hell. JJ likes to believe that if they had a sniffer dog back then, finding the gold would have been a hell lot easier.

“Dude I really am sorry about what happened last night.” Pope eventually looks up from his fishing pole as JJ throws the ball once more for Brownie. Kiara’s birthday party had been a bad decision. Whilst JJ and Kiara spent the entire night avoiding Anna Carrera, it all blew up in their faces anyways. JJ knows that there probably would be some new gossip in their Kook’s gossip newspapers by the morning. News moves fast through Outer Banks. Especially when it has anything to do with the kids from the cut. A Maybank in particular.

“What happened last night?” John B obliviously asks, another Pogues that JJ just stupidly forgot to tell about the proposal.

“I told Pope that I proposed to Kie and then he blurted it out to her mother.”

“Shit.” John B mutters, before patting Pope on the back. “You really do have a way with words, Pope.”

“Kiara’s mad at me, isn’t she?” Pope cries out.

“I don’t really know saying that I think she is mad at me.” An awkward laugh releases from JJ.

“Shit. How the hell is Kiara still our friend?”

John B’s words make JJ freeze and look towards him full of confusion. John B hasn’t said a word about the proposal. Hell, Pope almost had a mini breakdown when he found out. “Are you really not going to mention the part where I said I proposed to Kie?”

“No offence JJ but you have always been the reckless one.” A smirk forms on John B’s face. “It just doesn’t surprise me that you asked her.”

“She said yes though.” Pope shouts out, obviously just as surprised as the night before.

“Kie’s always been daring. Still doesn’t surprise me.” John B just shrugs.

Seriously? Is John B really insinuating that JJ and Kiara’s relationship makes sense? JJ himself isn’t even sure he fully understands the relationship. “Well not to burst any of your bubbles, but I think Kie’s going to dump me.”

“There’s no way.”

“That’s not happening JJ.” Both of them are quick with their replies. But JJ remains sceptical. Why else would Kiara be acting so strange around JJ?

Silence fills the dock as John B and Pope go back to fishing whilst JJ sits down with the tired Brownie and watches them. Fishing on the dock is covered with memories of the three of them fishing and bragging about who was better at fishing. Every time, John B won that battle whilst JJ only really ever managed to catch the one all whilst Pope caught a rock. JJ can’t help but see how much the three of them have grown from these memories. Because every memory of fishing is planted with the memory of drinking the day away or getting high without talking about anything serious like marriage or breakups and definitely nothing to do with love. Now, the three same boys are here fishing whilst talking about their futures all whilst JJ is looking after a dog that he shares with a fiancée. Fuck. JJ has actually grown up.

“Who’s going to be your best man?” Pope asks at one point. Both of the boys look at JJ whilst waiting for an answer that JJ can only laugh at. He could never choose between his Pogues.

“Brownie of course.”

“Shut up.” John B mutters out.

“Brownie is the best of us all.” JJ jokes, fussing the half-asleep pup in which is by his side.

“Best pup in the world.” Pope joins in the joke, fussing Brownie until his tail starts to move.

“He really did save you, didn’t he?” John B breathes out.

“Yeah.” JJ nods.

Brownie really did save him.

...

All a perfect romance story needs are two people that are destined from the start (even if they don’t notice it straight away), an arc (how the relationship builds and then is almost broken before building once more) and something that is worthy of happily ever after.

As soon as Sarah found out about JJ and Kiara, she knew that they were the perfect romance story. How the two friends came together in a time of need before being thrown into life itself as they work through their differences to look after a hurt puppy. Romance blossoms when they realise that they are meant to be all for them to finally make the move from friends to dating and then all the way to engaged.

That is why Sarah makes it her mission to race Kiara down to the mall to have a look at wedding dresses. Sarah likes to believe that it won’t be long until John B plucks up enough courage to ask her. But whilst she waits for her happily ever after, Sarah can enjoy making sure that Kiara’s happily ever after is perfect. Finding a perfect wedding dress will really help the occasion.

Wedding dresses are full of elegance. The white creating an image of purity- even if neither Kiara nor Sarah are pure any more. The necklines remain so unique that it’s like finding the perfect dress that can only be special to the person wearing it. The use of a veil to re-introduce the bride to waiting, loved up groom as if the veil is re-introducing them to the future itself. Wedding dresses have their own language as if they can only speak to the bride in which they have been made for. Sarah likes to think that she can speak the same language to help the Pogue girl choose the perfect dress for the Pogue boy.

Sarah smiles at the sight of the wedding dresses before turning to the bride herself. Kiara remains pale as she looks at the wedding dress wall. “Beautiful dresses, aren’t they?”

“Sarah.”

“Just try some on and I promise that you will feel so much better.” Wedding dress shopping is always an easy fix to stress and anxiety. With Kiara stressing about if she is pregnant, Sarah knows that she needs to help her best friend, just like Kiara would do. “You don’t have to buy anything Kie.”

“I just don’t know…”

“Relax and pick a dress. Forget about the entire pregnancy scare and just try on some beautiful dresses.”

It makes sense why Kiara may be so scared about this pregnancy thing. For if Kiara is pregnant, none of these dresses will fit by the time she begins to show. Having a pregnancy scare herself, Sarah knows that Kiara must be feeling a range of emotions from pure terror all the way to the feeling that maybe it will be worth it. Kiara may say that she has never thought about having kids but Sarah doesn’t believe that for a second. Kiara and JJ care for Brownie in such a parenting way that Sarah can’t help but smile thinking that it may happen to them completely. By having Brownie, JJ and Kiara are already like three steps ahead of John B and Sarah when it comes to looking towards the future.

Kiara does end up picking out a wedding dress to try on. A dress in which Sarah would never pick out for the stubborn bride but Kiara just snaps and tells Sarah that it is the dress that she wants to try on. When Kiara returns wearing the wedding dress, Sarah smiles about how right she was. The dress doesn’t fit Kiara to begin with. “Okay I tried on the fucking wedding dress now can we just go home?” Kiara’s temper has been growing ever since they took step in the mall.

“Kie this is to calm you down. You needed to get away from that chateau.”

With the word chateau, Sarah watches as Kiara quickly turns as white as a ghost before stuttering forward and fiddling with her loose curls. “I’m going to throw up.” And Sarah sees the worry all at once in Kiara’s eyes before they run towards the toilets, Kiara still wearing the hideous wedding dress.

They make it just in time for Kiara to heave into the toilet whilst Sarah holds her hair back. When Kiara mentioned the pregnancy scare, Sarah just presumed it was like her own. A missed period after not using a condom. It’s only now as she looks at her best friend that she sees how serious this situation is. Kiara remains with her head in the toilet as Sarah just ties Kiara’s hair up before standing straight. “You stay here Kie. I’ll get the pregnancy test.” A subtle nod of Kiara’s head is all that Sarah needs.

Sarah makes her way through the mall quickly because her best friend needs her. 

She needs help to find out if Kiara is pregnant.

...

It’s all embarrassing. Kiara keeps her head in the toilet as she leans completely on the floor with the wedding dress creating a pool around her. Embarrassment revolves around Kiara all over again. Because here she is twenty-three years old, sat in a bathroom of a wedding dress shop whilst wearing a wedding dress crying because it’s that time of the day again where Kiara loses all control of her emotions. Anger. Sadness. Sudden need to vomit. Kiara feels hopeless with her lack of control to even understand herself.

A pregnancy test will at least answer her questions.

The embarrassment is not only for this moment in time however. Because if Kiara finds out that she is pregnant, Kiara has to live with the fact that she doesn’t even remember when she got pregnant. They never forget to use a condom. The condom never breaks. Nothing makes sense and it’s only embarrassing that she can’t even understand basic sex education.

But embarrassment is trumped by guilt. Because the question that keeps revolving around her head is: What will JJ think? His mother killed herself. His father beat his own son. JJ blames himself for everything that happened to his parents all whilst he worries that he will become his own father. What if Kiara is pregnant? Will it push JJ over the edge all over again as the memories of his father are all bought back into the open? JJ is only just getting better. Only just finding a way to fight away his demons but Kiara can’t help but worry about how a baby could bring those demons back. JJ is nothing like his parents. Kiara will remind him that every day if she needs to. But if she is pregnant, what if the words just simply are not enough?  
  


When Sarah returns with the pregnancy tests, Kiara’s heart beat speeds up. This is it. Time to find out everything. “I took five when I had my scare.” Sarah advices as Kiara steps back into the cubicle. If Sarah took five, Kiara needs to take six all to make sure that whatever the answer is, it’s pretty much certain. If even one of them is different to the others, Kiara will look for a seventh opinion.

Peeing on a stick is a lot harder than the movies make it out to be. She needs real precision and accuracy to make sure that she does it right. Kiara can’t be that stupid girl in which ends up in the hospital for finding a way to mess up taking a pregnancy test.

Kiara’s heart beats faster when she stands next to Sarah after changing out of the wedding dress and waiting for the pregnancy tests to be ready to look at. Whilst Kiara is normally not someone that needs to be touched, she finds herself being really thankful that Sarah is here to hold her hand. Kiara wonders if she is hurting Sarah but Sarah makes no noise of pain. She is just there for Kiara. “I’m sorry I made you come wedding dress shopping.” Sarah speaks whilst they are waiting. Kiara’s emotions play with her as she lets out a giggle.

“At least I know what dress to not go for.”

“Yeah that’s true.” Kiara watches as Sarah smiles. “Just know Kie. If these tests are positive, you’ll have your Pogues and me and Brownie by your side every step of the way no matter what path you decide to go down.”

“You and Brownie are Pogues.”

“Not like you and your boys though.”

_Pogues for life._

The timer on Sarah’s phone goes off to indicate that the tests are ready. Kiara lets a tear drop before stepping closer to where they are laid out on the sink. She feels her entire life flash in front of her eyes as she looks down and shakes to pick up the first test.

_Positive… Positive… Positive._

All six of the tests read positive. Fuck. For the first time in Kiara’s life, her mother is right. Kiara is pregnant. The ringing returns as she looks at the mess of herself in the mirror. Her face is all blotchy whilst her hair remains in a messy bun in which Sarah had thrown up. But Kiara can’t see the messiness in which is normally herself. All she can see is her pregnant self. _Pregnant._ “Kie, it’s okay.” Kiara thinks she hears Sarah speak but it’s too late.

Kiara runs out of the wedding shop and doesn’t stop running until her legs feel like they are going to give way. Kiara Carrera is pregnant with JJ Maybank’s kid. They have done it all the wrong way. It’s not supposed to go like this. Kiara’s story is meant to be about herself getting married to JJ and then deciding to maybe possibly have children one day.

Running, Kiara finds herself at the Wreck. A sudden rush guides Kiara straight into the restaurant with the sudden need to see her parents. She needs them now. Like she has never needed anyone before.

Luckily, Anna is stood by the door to the kitchen as Kiara makes her way in. Without thinking or listening to her mother, Kiara throws herself into Anna’s arms and lets her sobs take over. Her mother is right about everything and it breaks Kiara. Whilst still in the hug, Anna strokes at her hair before softly speaking. “Kiara.”

“I took a test.” Kiara steps back before looking around the empty room of the Wreck. “I’m…’ She still can’t bring herself to say those words.

“It’s okay Kiara. Everything is going to be okay.”

“No it’s not! It’s not meant to be like this! I’m not meant to be like this.”

“Kiara…”

“He’s going to leave mom. He’s going to leave and it’s all my fault.”

“Now.” Anna ends up grabbing Kiara by the shoulders and shaking her lightly. “You know that’s not true Kiara. It’s just your emotions talking for you. Have you told him yet?” All Kiara can do is shake her head through the waterfall of tears. “That’s step one Kiara.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Well Kiara welcome to life. Life doesn’t go to any plan or any format like we all wish it would. There is a way for you to look past this pregnancy and write it off but I don’t think you have it in you Kiara.”

Abortion. It crosses Kiara’s mind. A way out if JJ needs it. “You need to tell JJ.” It’s the reaction that Kiara is afraid of. How will JJ react once Kiara ruins his entire future? Nothing makes sense to Kiara let alone what she can think about JJ. She knows that JJ is a great person that cares about everything and everyone. Just the mere sight of him with Brownie makes Kiara know that JJ would be amazing at everything. But Kiara can’t help but wonder if abortion could be the best thing for them all.

It isn’t until Kiara walks out of the Wreck that Kiara knows that she can’t go through with abortion even with how tempting it is. She can’t help but watch a young family as they pull their boat out of the dock. Kiara even has to do a double take when she notices that the father is a Kook back from Kiara’s Kook year. His family are all smiling whilst they pull the boat out into the marsh. The kid looks to be only four maybe five but it’s their smiles that makes Kiara sigh with delight. She may have never thought about having kids, but plans never seem to go Kiara’s way in the first place.

She knows that she can’t turn her back on her own kid. No matter what life ends up throwing their way.

...

When Kiara returns to the chateau, she just lays down on the pull-out thinking over what she needs to say to JJ. She almost laughs just at the thought of telling him. This isn’t normally something that Kiara thinks about planning. The ‘I’m pregnant and it’s yours’ speech. But she knows Sarah and her mother are right. Whatever the decision with the baby is, they must be in it together.

Kiara and JJ against the world all over again.

She tenses as soon as she hears voices on the porch. All three boys. Her Pogues and the little barking pup that came into their lives so unexpectedly. She remembers the day she told JJ that she found the pup. Kiara remembers JJ telling her that she can’t save everyone. It’s only now that Kiara thinks he was only really talking about himself. Kiara likes to believe that they have come a long way since that day five years ago.

Laughter erupts the place when the three Pogues jump into the chateau. Kiara sits slightly and makes sure to look only at JJ. Even when Brownie tries to jump on her, Kiara’s eyes stay on him. The boy that she’s about to change forever. “We should…” Kiara hears Pope and John B awkwardly mutter before they make their way back out of the chateau. Kiara cringes at how she just scared them away as she lays her head back down.

With her eyes closed, Kiara senses JJ as the bed moves with him sitting down. She looks over to him. JJ remains looking down at Brownie who seems to be enjoying a nice fuss. “I’m guessing you want to talk.” His voice is dark. Maybe he has already guessed it.

“Yeah, I do.” Kiara looks back to the ceiling to avoid the uneasiness feeling that surrounds them.

“Look Kie. If you’re breaking up with me, just say it. I’m sorry for anything I did and I know that something has been going on and I don’t want you to think that you’re stuck with me. So just break up with me, I will try not to cry.”

“What?” Kiara shoots up to sit next to JJ.

“I know you’re getting sick of me.”

“No, I’m not.” It makes JJ release a pained laugh.

“You’ve been ignoring me Kie. I get it. I promise and I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologising JJ!” Kiara grabs his face to make sure he is looking at her. “I’m not breaking up with you, you idiot.”

“Oh.” His words return to being soft.

“Then what’s been going on Kie?”

“I’m the one that should be apologising to you. I didn’t mean to ignore you, okay? It’s just I’ve been a little snappy and out of control lately.”

“Yeah.” He admits making Kiara roll her eyes playfully.

“But it’s not because of you.”

Shock spreads all over JJ making Kiara feel like the worst human being ever. Her actions made him feel like he wasn’t good enough whilst it’s Kiara that’s not good enough for him. “I’m sorry JJ.”

“Kie, you can tell me.” She trusts him completely as she tries to bring herself to say it. But just by looking into his eyes, Kiara cowers out and lays back down onto the pull-out. Hesitation is massive as she tries again.

“I’m…” A sudden urge to be sick all over again brushes over Kiara. But Kiara keeps it down and looks back to the ceiling as she finds confidence deep in herself. “I’m pregnant, JJ.”

Kiara doesn’t need to look at JJ to know that he has been frozen by her words. Pregnant is a big step. “I’m really sorry JJ. I… I don’t know what to do.” Tears splatter her eyes as she remains staring at the rotting ceiling above her. She can’t bring herself to move and see his reaction. He probably hates her. JJ probably wants to run. And Kiara wouldn’t blame him.

But he doesn’t run. She hears him take a deep breath before laying down next to Kiara. It’s only then that Kiara turns her head to face him. “We’re all okay, Kie.” A smile appears on his face whilst Kiara expected a snarl. “And we’ll work this out together.”

“JJ…”

“Whatever we decide to do, we’ll do it together.” And Kiara believes his words. Relief floods Kiara as she moves closer to rest her forehead against JJ’s forehead whilst still laying on the comfort of the pull-out. “What are you thinking about doing?” Kiara hasn’t really thought about herself in this situation. But now she is forced to.

“Maybe we could keep it.”

“Then we’ll keep it.” JJ repeats instantly making Kiara lean forward and kiss JJ before her out of control emotions can say anything else.

Because they’re going to do it. And even if Kiara felt scared before. Here in this moment with JJ, she knows that they can take on anything. It’s them against the world forever. “We’re really doing this?” Kiara sobs against his lips as she feels a smile grow on his lips.

“We’re really doing this, Kie.”

And he sounds confident.


	15. Everything that happens unexpectedly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara forces JJ to break the news of her pregnancy to her father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry that this chapter is a little later than normal! It's been a weird weekend of me going back to work and looking after my puppy. But I should be able to get the next chapter out on Friday. 
> 
> This chapter is a little bit of a filler but it's really important for what is to come. I have also planned again and have worked out that this story will have a minimum of 22 chapters. I may change this depending on how everything flows. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading so far and just so you know, I am also planning on my next story for when I finish this. 
> 
> Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Nine weeks?” JJ questions. A week after finding out that Kiara was pregnant, JJ had insisted on going with her to a doctor’s appointment just to find some more clarity on the baby that is literally growing inside of Kiara. “Nine weeks?” He questions more to himself as he keeps walking towards the Wreck side by side with Kiara.

“Yes, JJ. Yes. Nine weeks. Like the doctor told us twenty minutes ago and what I have been telling you ever since.” Okay, fair enough JJ has been particularly repetitive today but it’s only because Kiara has been particularly stubborn and snappy today.

His repetitive comments only are there to compliment Kiara’s stubbornness.

The doctor told them that their baby is nine weeks old. Meaning that the baby was conceived nine weeks ago. Nine weeks. “I’m just trying to think when the baby was made.”

“Why does it matter?” Kiara snaps.

“It’s just interesting.” JJ shrugs before continuing. “I mean, we used protection. But one of my bad boys must have slipped through and I just find it interested in which time it was.” All Kiara does as a response is roll her eyes making JJ let his lips move to a smile.

As soon as JJ found out that Kiara was pregnant, he made Pope look through all of the different books about pregnancy before telling JJ in words that JJ would actually be able to understand. Apparently, snappiness is all just a massive part of pregnancy. Pope told JJ that stubbornness is also because of pregnancy. But JJ knows that Kiara has always been stubborn. It is what makes Kiara who she is. JJ remembers when Kiara joined the rag tag team of Pogues. It was the small things about Kiara that JJ liked the most about Kiara. Kiara was a real Pogue due to her instant quips to JJ’s jokes where he tried to win but she ended up being victorious. JJ also loved her stubbornness when it came to the safety of her boys. Kiara still has that same persistence about her. JJ remembers the time when Kiara wouldn’t wait a second after hearing a sneeze come from Brownie before she forced JJ to rush Brownie to the vets to make sure that he wasn’t dying. Brownie had a cold. It only makes sense to JJ that this pregnancy has made Kiara even more stubborn than usual. It wouldn’t be Kiara if she didn’t snap at JJ almost every hour of every day.

“Nine weeks.” JJ breathes out making sure to watch Kiara’s reaction. Just like JJ guesses, Kiara lets out a breath of annoyance. Her annoyance just makes him more repetitive. “So, nine weeks ago…”

“JJ.” Kiara warns.

“Kiara Carrera, be nice and quiet. I’m trying to do math.” JJ quips before smirking at the girl in front of him. Kiara just crosses her arms and keeps walking down the dock to the Wreck with JJ on her footsteps. “Nine weeks ago.”

“Nine weeks ago, was your birthday JJ.” Kiara breathes out before she turns around angrily to JJ.

“Oh, so you have thought about it!” A laugh escapes JJ when he sees Kiara begin to smirk. Of course, she had thought about it. Kiara may act all strong that nothing phases her but she is just like JJ- curious about everything. “I knew it Kie. I knew it.”

“Whatever, JJ.” Kiara keeps walking.

“So now, we know that it was during the week of my birthday but we were fucking like bunnies that week…”

“Oh my god JJ! There are people around.”

“We used protection the entire time. So, what was different?”

“Nothing! There was nothing different! Condoms only work like 99% of the time meaning that sometimes it just happens.”

Everything seems to _just happen_ to JJ. From the first moment his dad hit him and then he told everyone that he tripped down the stairs as if it was just something that _just happens_ to the time where the Pogues _just happen_ to run into the a boat at the bottom of the marsh to start the bullshit hunt for a better life. A better life is the only thing that doesn’t seem to _just happen_ to JJ. But maybe this time a baby can be something that _just happens_ to change JJ’s life for the better. All at once. Everything that _just happens_ to JJ seems to end in disaster. JJ won’t let this all be the same.

Walking to the Wreck, JJ keeps mumbling to himself ‘nine weeks’ all whilst Kiara gives him evil eyes. But her evil glare only makes JJ smirk as he keeps mumbling. When they eventually reach the Wreck after JJ’s one hundredth mumble of ‘nine weeks’, JJ notices how Kiara’s expression has changed. The dagger stare has changed to reveal a hidden, innocent smile in which she probably doesn’t think anyone can notice. But JJ can notice. Because that’s just how they are. Ever since Kiara joined the Pogues, she often glares at JJ with disgust and annoyance all for the glares to fall apart when JJ lightens her expression with a joke. JJ notices how her expressions alleviate everything when he tells his stupid jokes. Even now when her pregnant brain is probably telling her to hit him, JJ sees that his stupid mumbling forces a smile to appear on her face.

So, JJ keeps mumbling all the way until they reach the door of the Wreck where Kiara eventually turns to him. “You’re telling my dad.” It’s then that the metaphorical rain clouds open to see the world for what it is. She roped JJ into going to the Wreck in a façade that he would get free food. Now, she tells him that JJ is the one that will break the news. JJ has to tell Kiara’s dad. Mike Carrera the man that doesn’t take news lightly.

“What? He’s your dad Kie!” JJ tries to argue.

“And I had to hear my mom tell me that I was pregnant and then had to break it to Sarah and then to my mom and then to you!”

“Okay…”

“I’m not telling my dad as well.”

“Low blow, Kie. Even for you. And to think you used the idea of free food- my weakness- against me.” JJ jokes as he opens the door, knowing that he will go with whatever Kiara tells him. He opens the door for Kiara to walk in, Kiara smirks gloriously at JJ before walking into the wolf’s den.

The Wreck is filled with Tourons. The usual traffic of people eating and pretending that they have more money than usual just because it’s the middle of summer in Outer Banks. But JJ doesn’t focus on the humming of Tourons mixed with people from the cut. JJ focuses on Mike Carrera himself. The man that is stood behind the till with his eyes glued to JJ. Almost like he already knows what is about to happen.

JJ remembers the first time that he met Kiara’s dad. Kiara had told the group her history. How her mother was a Kook and her dad was from the cut. Mike Carrera was apparently like the Pogues themselves. JJ remembers walking up to Mike and seeing someone that was too good for the cut. Mike was protective of his daughter from day one. Particularly when it came to JJ and Kiara. JJ remembers how the first time he met Mike; Mike had pretty much warned him that Mike would kill JJ if he tried something. Mike apparently didn’t say the same thing to the other Pogues.

The protective side to Mike Carrera only grew after Kiara returned to the Pogues after her Kook year. Mike wouldn’t let the Pogues have Kiara for the entire night nor were they allowed to be left alone anywhere near the Carrera residence. Kiara was daddy’s little girl. JJ worries that Mike’s protectiveness will only grow when he finds out that JJ got her pregnant. “Dad we have something to tell you.” Kiara walks straight to her dad.

_Great. No time to run away. Thanks, Kie._

Kiara pulls her dad and JJ into a quiet nook of the restaurant to avoid the ears of the Tourons. Sure, Tourons don’t gossip as much as the Kooks. But a lot of the Tourons are good friends with Kooks. This would make a good dinner conversation to win over their Kook friends because gossip about a Maybank kid seems to be all they ever care about. JJ always laughs at the gossip. Because when the gossiping Kooks talk about JJ, it just proves that they are all obsessed with him.

Truth. Truth can’t hurt and Mike Carrera has been being nice to JJ as of late. Maybe he won’t even care. No. JJ can’t even pretend to think that Mike Carrera wouldn’t care that a Maybank got his daughter, his _only_ daughter pregnant. Because that will just out that Kiara has been having sex and no dad wants to hear about their daughter’s sex life. Especially when it’s with JJ Maybank. JJ clears his throat before trying to find the words. “Yeah. Kie’s pregnant.”

JJ has never been good with words. So much so that he almost cringes with what he just said. Idiot JJ again just outing the biggest secret ever because he’s so stupid that he can’t find the words to break the news slowly. JJ can’t help but wonder if this news will break Mike the most. That Mike may break his calm nature to hit JJ for doing this to his daughter. He probably thinks that JJ has ruined her life. “How?” Mike mumbles whilst keeping his expression unreadable. JJ remains on the edge, worried that any wrong word will make Mike hide Kiara forever.

“You know.” JJ can’t help but joke. Jokes are JJ’s second nature. “When a boy loves a girl, they like showing their love in a way that is concrete. And then that love can last to choosing to have a child.” Mumbled words escape JJ before he can even stop himself having the birds and the bees conversation with his fiancée’s father.

“I know how but…” Mike finally looks up, his expression still emotionless. “Wait. This was planned?” It’s the first time JJ sees emotion in Mike. Shock. Just the same emotion that has been present on everyone’s faces every time they find out.

“No. I mean we don’t even know what time we made the baby it was a bit of a crazy week.” JJ laughs out before he can even stop himself.

“JJ!” Kiara snaps out, catching the attention of some Tourons.

“Sorry.”

“Dad. I’m sorry. But it’s true. I’m pregnant.” Kiara reaches for his dad. Mike taking her affection straight away, soothing the shock on his face. Kiara has always known how to soothe someone’s emotions.

Mike Carrera is everything that JJ’s dad never was. Mike would protect Kiara every step of the way. Mike would make sure that no one gave Kiara a bad name. Mike would never push Kiara away. He would never make Kiara feel like everything is her fault. That’s why when Mike pulls Kiara in for a hug, all JJ can do is watch and wonder what that must be like. Sure, Big John was like a dad for JJ. But it’s something else to have that dad there for everything. Mike Carrera will always be there for his daughter.

“So, when’s the wedding?” JJ and Kiara both burst into laughter with this question. Because sure, JJ proposed to Kiara. But they had never expected that Kiara would get pregnant only a few weeks later. A wedding hasn’t even been spoken about since the announcement of the baby.

“Oh my god.” Kiara laughs out.

“Serious question, Kiara.” Mike puts plainly.

“Yeah. And I have just found out that I’m pregnant. We’re getting married somewhen and that’s the only thing that is important.” And Kiara is right. JJ and Kiara are together. A wedding can happen at any time. They don’t need to be officially married to know that they love each other and that they are in this together.

“Well, your mother will be planning something big.” Oh, they know. Anna Carrera loves a party.

“And I’ve already told her that I hate parties.” Kiara shrugs.

Two stubborn Carrera girls fight where there will only ever be one champion.

Staying quiet contradicts JJ’s normal persona. But JJ finds it more interesting here in the Wreck to just watch how Mike Carrera makes everything sound positive. How the man that used to be just like JJ himself from the cut makes everything out to be positive, reassuring them that everything is going to be okay. JJ keeps quiet as well to make sure that his idiocy doesn’t break through the father daughter moment. JJ has never been good with words. He finds himself putting everything so bluntly that the other person in the conversation feels too awkward to respond. JJ has to find a joke in every conversation to make sure that he doesn’t blurt something out that is negative or reckless.

JJ is used to having to fill the silence with a joke when it comes to his past with his family. But watching Kiara and Mike Carrera, the need to make a joke is not a necessity.

...

Sarah doesn’t react negatively when she finds out that Kiara is pregnant.

The Pogues don’t react negatively when they find out that Kiara is pregnant.

Her dad doesn’t react negatively.

The boy that has been abused time and time again by his own father doesn’t even react negatively.

Nor does the mother that judges every move that Kiara makes.

They all act as if everything is going to be okay. It confuses Kiara. Kiara is normally the one that has to remind everyone that nothing bad is going to happen. That there is always light at the end of the tunnel even if it is a long journey through darkness. But the news of the pregnancy makes that tunnel seem so dark indeed. Maybe it’s just the pure confusion that everyone else sees the bright side. Maybe it’s the fact that Kiara isn’t the one that has to bring the positive twist to the situation for the first time in her life.

What confuses Kiara more is how open the Pogues are to the idea of a future mini Pogue. Sure, Kiara always knew that John B and Pope wanted children eventually. But Kiara and JJ cared less about the idea. Yet here they are, pregnant and watching how the other Pogues act.

A couple of weeks after JJ and Kiara tell her dad, they come home one day that the chateau has been transformed. The puppy proof of the chateau has been transformed to be both dog proof as well as baby proof. When they walk to the bedrooms, John B’s bedroom door is wide open presenting Kiara and JJ a nursery. Everything is made from wood. From the new cradle to the miniature horse toys on a nicely decorated bookshelf. It doesn’t take Kiara and JJ long to realise what has happened. Sarah.

They find John B and Sarah on the porch wearing giant grins looking pretty proud of everything that they have accomplished. “What’s going on guys?” JJ hesitantly asks first.

“We’re getting out of your hair.” John B answers.

“And John B’s room is the nursery for the baby Pogue.” Sarah grins at the couple in front of them. It makes Kiara skip a beat. Because this is all real. JJ and Kiara have been living together for years. But it’s as if everything has become real all of a sudden. Kiara realises that not only are they having a baby, but they also need to grow up. And they only have nine months to get all their shit together before the baby gets here and makes everything real all over again.

“Well, John B’s bedroom has always been a bit of a baby’s room anyways. No real changes were needed I guess.” JJ jokes.

It’s times like these that Kiara is thankful for JJ. JJ is always there to spin a joke to fill the silence where Kiara can start to see how much her future has changed already. JJ’s jokes remind Kiara that even if their future is extremely different to the one that she had first pictured, they are still the same people. Kiara is always going to be the sensible girl Pogue that tries to keep her boys out of trouble. JJ is always going to be the reckless, laughing boy Pogue that will always need saving from trouble. Maybe a baby and their unknown future won’t change because JJ won’t change. And Kiara doesn’t want him to.

Kiara is twelve weeks pregnant when that unknown future changes all over again. Rafe Cameron finds out his sentence. Rafe Cameron has a life sentence. And for once in the Pogues’ lives, the kids from the cut are not living in a world where the Kooks win over everyone. Justice is finally served.

The chateau is venue for all the Pogues to celebrate the night of good news. Laughter, dancing, storytelling and future guessing find themselves into conversations. Kiara listens to them all as they get to know Zoey a bit more. A medical intern at the hospital? She is literally the girl version to Pope. Kiara can’t help but smile when Zoey tells the group her story all whilst Pope stares at her dreamily. His smile brightens his entire face all whilst he hears stories from Zoey. Zoey is something new to the Pogues. Something different all whilst bringing more to the Pogues that was already there. But Pope deserves happiness. Zoey seems to be happiness.

“I wonder what happened to the gold.” Pope questions the Pogues later that night. The group of Pogues are all lying around on different hammocks. Kiara, JJ and Brownie in one. Pope, Zoey, John B and Sarah all in the other. “I mean. Ward and Rafe are in jail. They can’t have the gold so, where is it?”

“Rafe probably used it all to get high before the cops came for him.” JJ spits out. It has always been JJ versus Rafe. Kiara knew Rafe pretty well back in her Kook year. Rafe was the boy that was always getting high because his dad never cared about him. Kiara can’t help but see some resemblance between JJ and Rafe. But whilst Rafe uses his carelessness for selfish needs, JJ only was reckless for his friends. JJ’s life is no comparison to Rafe’s life but Rafe liked to make sure everyone thought that he was the victim in everything. JJ never told his secret until he was forced to, thinking he was protecting his friends or even his sorry excuse for a dad.

“The gold must be somewhere.” Pope repeats himself.

“Well, it’s not in the Bahamas.” Sarah sits slightly in the hammock which catches Kiara’s attention. Kiara had a hard time believing that they spent their time in the Bahamas looking for the gold. “Or at least it wasn’t in the Bahamas by the time we looked for it.”

“Maybe it never was in the Bahamas in the first place. Maybe it’s been here in Outer Banks this entire time.” John B’s bold statement makes all heads turn to him. John B remains emotionless as he stares at the stars. “Maybe it never left. It could be right under our noses.”

The gold has always been more than a fantasy than a reality for Kiara. The gold hunt was more of a thing that the group needed to do for John B. Something to get their minds off of Big John and the mysteries behind that man. Kiara never thought that they would ever find it. When they did, Kiara remained confused how a group of teenagers found four hundred million dollars after a hunt that took place because they had randomly come across a shipwreck in the marsh. It just seemed to happen. The whirlwind that led to nightmares and heartache all started with finding the fantasy of a beginning to a treasure hunt.

Finding the gold would change all of their lives. But she can’t think of starting that treasure hunt all over again because John B has a hunch. Too much heartache and nightmares came from that storm. “You guys can’t seriously be thinking about going after that gold again?” Kiara asks, scared of what her boys will answer. Because her boys have always had bright dreams of going full Kook even if it is not everything it is made out to be.

“No. No that would be stupid.” JJ chokes out, confusing Kiara completely. JJ pushed for the treasure hunt the first time. “It was stupid when we got involved in it the first time.”

“We were shot at.” Pope adds, agreeing with JJ.

“And we got mixed into a murder investigation.” Kiara says whilst frantically nodding. Maybe they all have grown up more than Kiara had thought.

“It’s all just a dream now.” JJ smiles at Kiara before continuing. “Fuck. It’s a good dream just thinking about what I’d do as a man with money.”

“You’d waste it.” John B jokes out, making the rest of the Pogues laugh along.

“Oh yeah, for sure. But it’s just a dream so I can dream whatever the fuck I want.”

Kiara can imagine a future for herself with money because her family have already lived that lifestyle. Money doesn’t mean anything. The paper that determines everything but doesn’t mean anything in life itself. Rich people fill their lives with consumerism whilst they argue with their other rich friends about who owns the biggest boat or the best car or the biggest house. But money can burn. Money burns people and can turn people sinister merely due to the power that the world has created. The instant need of power is given through the materialistic paper. But when money catches fire, all they are left with is the ashes of who they are that can slip through their fingers. Kiara doesn’t need to think about a future with money because she doesn’t want to become one of those gossiping Kooks. She doesn’t want to be controlled by wealth.

“I don’t want anything to control my future.” Kiara plainly states after a moment to think. She hesitates to look at the rest of the Pogues. But when she does, they are just nod and smile at her. It’s what makes the Pogues forever better than the Kooks. Whilst money is the domineering benefactor of life, the Pogues have little of the wealth that Kooks brag about. Kooks brag about what they have all whilst groaning about how they could still have more. Pogues know that wealth is nothing but a fantasy. Because in reality, wealth is the overarching villain to everybody’s stories. “I like how my future is unpredictable.” Kiara jokes before moving one hand over Brownie all whilst her other hand ghosts past her own stomach where a baby bump will be present in the matter of weeks.

“Ditto.” JJ jokes before grinning at Kiara.

Life should always be unpredictable, where anything is possible. And things just seem to happen.

Conversation leads to how life has already been so unpredictable for the Pogues. Nothing ever seems to be planned when it comes to the Pogues. And if there is a plan (like that treasure hunt) it seems to just blow up in their faces anyways. “Speaking about impulsive decisions, I have plans for your wedding Kie.” Sarah sits up before turning completely to face Kiara. Kiara has worried when Sarah would start planning a massive wedding even when Kiara only wants it to be small.

“Sarah.” Kiara sits up, trying to fight her pregnancy brain from yelling at the fantasy dreams of Sarah Cameron.

“I know the perfect dress for you Kie and I will win you over with it.” Sarah quips before searching through her phone because of course, Sarah goes into detail about everything.

Sarah is a dreamer. She likes to think about everything being perfect and easy. Kiara knows that life is not easy. “You won’t be able to wear a wedding dress for much longer if you’re getting married whilst pregnant.” Zoey the medical intern informs the dreamer in Sarah.

“Why?” Sarah half asks, still looking through her phone.

“Well, the baby begins to show when women are anywhere between twelve and sixteen weeks in most cases.”

“Twelve to sixteen weeks?” This news throws Kiara. She never thought it could be so soon. “I’m twelve weeks.”

“Babies grow, Kie.” Pope adds into the conversation.

“And the bigger you get, the bigger the baby.” John B jokes, making Kiara roll her eyes.

“You’ll be a balloon, Kie.” The two boys keep laughing when Sarah joins in. “And in only a few weeks.”

“Guys…” JJ tries to warn but the laughter from the rest of the Pogues cut through.

“And in less than a year, Brownie will be a big brother.” Laughter gets louder as John B and Pope lean over to fuss the pup on JJ’s lap.

Pregnancy hormones. That is all it is. The hammering feeling of punching them in the face is just her emotions being fucked up because she is pregnant. It must be just the bubbling of her pregnancy anger that is boiling to almost explode. Unless it’s not. Maybe the feeling is there because John B and Pope and JJ are fucking boys. They will never have to go through this. They will never have to be fucking balloons for nine months just for a baby. Tears bubble through Kiara and not even the soothing touches of JJ stroking up and down her arm can stop her heart beating faster whilst her pregnancy emotions build up. They have no idea. _No idea_ what Kiara is going to have to go through.

_A fucking balloon._

_In the matter of weeks._

When Kiara’s heart rate confuses Kiara too much, she is quick to storm into the chateau, ignoring the calls after her from the rest of the Pogues. Her heart rate doesn’t find control until Kiara lays her head down on the pillow of her bed and counts herself to sleep.

...

Kiara doesn’t wake up until she hears a small breathy ‘fuck’ as something falls from the other side of the bedroom. When she opens her eyes, she sees JJ on the floor after obviously falling over a sleeping Brownie. “Brownie really won’t leave your side.” JJ jokes when his eyes meet Kiara’s. The sun is barely shining through the window. Still early enough to be called night.

“Maybe I’m finally his favourite.” Kiara pregnancy snaps out before falling back against the bed. This fucking pregnancy hormones control everything. Even how Kiara even speaks.

“Kie.” The bed moves slightly as JJ sits down. When Kiara sits up, she sees the seriousness in JJ’s eyes confusing her more. Maybe her pregnancy tendencies have finally gotten to him. “They were only messing around.”

“I know.” Her snap this time makes her internally scream. She doesn’t even know why she is snapping. JJ just looks to his hands and nods, almost deflated completely. “Shit. JJ I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a fucking mess but… but I don’t know how to control it.” She shuffles to the end of the bed before sitting next to JJ. Snapping at JJ is the last thing that Kiara wants to do. “I don’t mean to snap your head off every second of the day. I don’t…” Kiara’s helpless mumbling is cut off when JJ connects his lips. A small, sweet kiss that Kiara recognises as the ‘shut up, Kie’ kiss.

They sit there for a moment, JJ kissing her sweetly all whilst his hand caresses her cheek. Kiara kisses back when her pregnancy hormones run out of snapping power. A different pregnancy hormone begins to want power. When JJ leans their foreheads together and disconnects their lips, Kiara has to force her emotions to stay still and not pull JJ back in. “I know it’s just pregnant Kiara, Kie.”

“Pregnant Kiara has a mind of her own.” Kiara laughs out.

“It’s a good thing that I have a thing for both of you then.” She watches as his tongue leave his mouth to lick his lips. Pregnant Kiara wants. Kiara smirks knowing that he will go along with anything, especially when they are connected as one.

Kiara leans forward and reconnects them. Her lips move against his with need. Want for more and need for him. Maybe it’s pregnant Kiara taking charge. But Kiara can’t help but wonder if it is just them. He has a way about him that just draws Kiara in. It’s how they got in this mess in the first place. “I think… pregnant Kiara wants you.” Kiara whispers between kisses.

“Just pregnant Kiara?” JJ smirks all whilst moving his lips to her neck.

“Maybe a bit of the real me as well.” Kiara can’t help but moan when JJ works her neck in the way he knows makes her want more.

They quickly move up the bed before pulling at each other frantically. Maybe Kiara could get to like this type of pregnancy hormone. Maybe she should try and find a way to force the snappy Kiara away by bringing forward this Kiara. JJ skilfully moves Kiara to lay her below himself without landing her. But when Kiara begins to fiddle with JJ’s belt, JJ swiftly moves away. “Shit.” JJ breathes out, looking around the room frantically.

“Dude. Don’t worry about protection.” Kiara breathes impatiently. Wow. Pregnant Kiara is needy.

“I…” The ever-talkative JJ remains still in front of Kiara. “Is this okay? Like are we even allowed to have sex when your pregnant.” This makes Kiara smile. Because of course JJ remains oblivious to everything that comes with pregnancy.

“I thought you said that you read up about this stuff.” Kiara jokes before pulling JJ back on top of her.

“No. I got Pope to read and then he told me in words I understood.” Kiara hates when JJ thinks he’s too dumb for life itself. “And I wasn’t about to ask Pope if I could have sex with you. That would be weird, Kie. Pope used to think he loved you.” To stop his rambling, Kiara kisses him.

“Can we stop talking about Pope?” Kiara smiles before pulling at JJ’s t-shirt. She needs him. His hands move back to the naked skin of her waist but still remains hesitant.

“Yeah. But…”

“Oh my god JJ! We can still have sex!” Kiara snaps out uncontrollably.

“Okay, okay Kie. No need to be needy.” Of course, he is joking around. Of course. Because it’s JJ. Kiara just lets out a slight laugh before running out of patience and connecting them completely.

Pregnant Kiara seems to like being in charge.

And JJ doesn’t seem to be complaining.

...

When pregnant Kiara stops being needy for JJ, her brain instinctively goes back to the pregnancy at hand. _Balloon._ Sarah’s words revolve around Kiara’s head. Because of course, Kiara knows that she will get bigger because she is literally growing a human being in her body. But she never thought it could happen so fast. A balloon. Kiara can’t be a fucking balloon when questions keep circulating about her future.

That is why as soon as Kiara and JJ catch their breaths, Kiara throws on JJ’s sweatshirt and begins pacing in front of the sitting boy. “We should just get married.” Kiara blurts out without even thinking. JJ just looks at her, confusion evident on his face.

“And that’s why I proposed to you, Kie.” A nervous laugh escapes his lips. “Pregnancy brain really making you forget things now, Kie?”

“I mean today.” Kiara puts confidently. If Kiara is about to balloon, she can’t let it ruin their future. “Come on JJ. Neither of us care for that fucking massive wedding. Why can’t we just get married at the beach with Pope or John B officiating and then I won’t be a balloon bride!” Her choice of words just makes JJ laugh.

“You’re not going to be a balloon, Kie.”

“Yes, I will be JJ because I’m pregnant. And that isn’t going to change for nine months.”

Pregnancy brain. Maybe Kiara can blame her words on her hormones. But that wouldn’t be fair. Kiara will never want that fantasy wedding that Sarah loves the idea of. “So, will you marry me today or what?” Her direct tone only makes JJ smile. Kiara knows that he will prefer this anyways. Kiara’s parents can’t get involved and make it a Kook fest and Sarah can’t make it something big that they both hate. Today would be perfect.

“Okay.” JJ smirks which only makes Kiara laugh back.

Because this is JJ and Kiara. Just going with whatever feels perfect. They don’t need a big party. They only need today.

Today will be perfect.


	16. Life Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding at the beach shows Kiara a future that Kiara can believe in. Snippets into the nine months of pregnancy.

Kiara Carrera is a bitch.

That is the only justification Sarah can think of to why Kiara decided to throw a text out there to announce that Kiara and JJ are getting married today. _Today._ Not next week. Not next month. _Today._ So, the only explanation for Kiara to send that text to Sarah is because Kiara is a bitch. And Sarah can’t help but love her anyways.

It’s not Sarah’s fault that she is a hopeless romantic. Before her mother got sick when she was thirteen years old, Sarah and her mother would watch romantic movies all whilst talking about the future and all the hopelessly romantic moments that may happen in that future. Romantic movies are far-fetched. But Sarah likes to believe that they plant ideas that could show up in reality. Being a hopeless romantic is nothing to be ashamed about. Especially after she met John B. It’s not Sarah’s fault for being a hopeless romantic when she is with the prince that Sarah and her mother used to dream in. John B is just as much of a hopeless romantic as Sarah is and that is what makes them perfect.

But John B’s hopeless romantic prospects are what confuses Sarah. They have been dating for six years, living together for almost the same amount of time but JJ and Kiara are the first to get married? Their world is backwards. It’s not like Sarah is even ready for a wedding but she would never have thought that JJ and Kiara would be ready before her. The idea that they are having a baby together all whilst Sarah and John B are still pulling those hopeless romantic clichés from the high school movies almost blows Sarah’s mind. Because whilst Sarah and John B (a couple that seems to know that they will live happily ever after) are fine with playing their favourite moments from the movies, JJ and Kiara (a couple that have never planned anything out in their lives) are growing up. JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera are more mature than Sarah and John B.

_Fuck._

Sarah doesn’t mean to compare her relationship with John B to JJ and Kiara’s relationship but Sarah can’t help herself. Because when the gold hunt was going on, Sarah was sure that the romantic movie was all about how the Kook girl fell in love with the Pogue boy. She was oblivious how her relationship was just the prelude to the main event. Now, Sarah and John B are the secondary romantic story to the most explosive, dramatic and emotional romantic story that Sarah has ever seen. Sarah can’t help but see how her own relationship with John B represents two people that are perfect for one another in every possible way as they make their way through their lives to find utter perfection all whilst JJ and Kiara’s relationship signifies how two seemingly different people have a lot more in common than first predicted.

JJ and Kiara are the romantic movie that Sarah would watch on repeat. And Sarah wonders if this wedding is the end of the movie, or just the end of part one. Maybe there would be a sequel. Because the relationship between Kiara and JJ is so complex that no one would be able to fit their love into a one and half hour film without missing all the small details that make them complete.

**Kiara:** Meet at the beach at 7. We’re getting married today.

_Sent at 9:25am._

**Sarah:** You bitch.

_Sent at 9:27am._

**Kiara:** Today. Sarah. Today.

_Sent at 9:42am_

**Sarah:** I’ll be at the Chateau in five minutes. Kick JJ out!

_Sent at 9:44am._

Maybe it’s JJ that’s the idiot.

A wedding to be planned in only a few hours? It sounds like something JJ would think about. Or not think about in matter of fact. He doesn’t see the bigger picture like Sarah does. How a wedding should represent everything about perfection. From the white dress signifying virtue to the vows that should be every way romantic as well as meaningful. Sarah has watched so many movies that end in the _happily ever after_ wedding that Sarah knows every aspect to making the perfect wedding. And Sarah knows that the wedding is half about the planning that could take months or even years to get right.

Sarah is the pro at weddings. So as soon as she gets that text from Kiara that she is getting married today, Sarah storms to the chateau with the understanding that Sarah won’t let her get away with no preparation whatsoever. For a ten-minute drive to the chateau, Sarah gets there in five minutes, storming through the door hoping that Kiara has actually listened to Sarah to kick JJ out. No way can Sarah let JJ see Kiara hours before getting married. There are certain things that Sarah will not allow.

“Sarah. I told you to meet at the beach this evening.” Kiara snaps before Sarah can fully step into the living area. Sarah guesses it’s just Kiara’s stubbornness or maybe her pregnancy.

“There is no chance that you’re just randomly getting married today.”

“I am, Sarah.” Sarah has always admired how stuck up Kiara has been. It’s the reason why Sarah was never shocked that Kiara called the cops on her back in Kiara’s Kook year. Kiara will never let anything go. “And I should be thanking you for making me realise that I don’t want to be a balloon bride.” Even with how stubborn Kiara is, Sarah knows how to deal with her and not give in like the rest of the Pogues do. Sarah just rolls her eyes and storms them further into the living area.

On the pull-out, Sarah lays out multiple different white dresses that are from her own wardrobe that she has never worn. Perfect time. A white dress for the bride. “I don’t need one of your dresses, Sarah.” Kiara retaliates. “I’m just going to wear the dress I wore to my party.”

“That’s bad luck, Kie. I will never let you get married in an old dress. So, choose one.” Sarah snaps before looking through her bag. She leaves Kiara to look at the dresses as she walks over to where Brownie is eating his breakfast. Everyone has a role in a wedding. When Sarah reaches Brownie, she pulls out the bowtie to put it around Brownie’s neck. If the rest of the Pogues are going to look like slobs, at least Brownie can look his best. And he does. At the feeling of something around his neck, Brownie looks up at Sarah and Sarah can’t help but smile at the pup in a bowtie. Perfect. The black bowtie completes Brownie’s look. The black merging with his brown and white fur. Perfect.

_Everything will be perfection._

Sarah looks around the home that tells the clearly romance story of JJ and Kiara. How they made a fish shack into a home with just the help of a small puppy. Their Brownie. Sarah and John B missed almost five years of their epic love story. Sarah won’t let anyone ruin it ever again. Because it’s one of the only stories that Sarah is invested in. Her own life is fucked up. Her brother and dad in jail. Her step-monster and her sister both believe that there must be more to their story. Sarah is done with the Cameron story. So, she will focus on the story between JJ and Kiara.

Her own thoughts are interrupted when Kiara walks out of the bedroom wearing a long white lace dress. And even if it isn’t a wedding dress, Sarah can’t help but smile at how it fits a beach wedding effortlessly. “I’ve chosen the dress but I still don’t see how it’s that much of a big deal.” Sarah notices how Kiara ignores the mirror. Even if she looks amazing.

“You do realise that weddings are happy moments in life?”

“Yeah. But I don’t care, okay? I just want to get this over and done with.”

“What?”

“It’s just a day.”

“Which is important, Kiara!” Sarah accidentally shouts. “You can be happy about this.” Sarah notices how her eyes fill with tears. Happiness? Sarah’s not sure.

“I need to do this because we are so fucked up and doing everything in the completely wrong order.” Kiara cries out. Sure, Sarah can see where she is coming from. Pregnancy then the wedding may not be the traditional romantic moment but it’s JJ and Kiara. They have never been traditional.

“You and JJ have never done anything in order though!” It’s why their relationship is interesting to Sarah. JJ and Kiara have been friends for years. Then they sleep together but it gets weird. They move in together, raise a puppy together all whilst still being friends. Years go by before their story even begins. “I mean, the only thing you’ve done in any order is how you were friends before you realised that you were in love with each other. Traditional order however would shun you for kissing your two best friends before JJ, Kiara.”

“John B kissed me.”

“And it was weird. And then it was weird with Pope. It wasn’t weird with JJ because you’re both unconventional and you both took a non-traditional way to find each other. Having this baby before marriage would not make you a bad person, Kie.”

A hiccup comes from Kiara as Sarah suspects that Kiara is forcing those tears down. Sarah knows it’s just the mix of emotions from being pregnant all the way to being a normal girl on her wedding day. Sarah stays quiet whilst watching Kiara lean down to Brownie to smile at the bowtie around his neck. “You gave him a bowtie.” Kiara smiles at the pup in front of her.

“Someone needs to wear one.”

“Yeah.” Kiara’s eyes tell a very clear story to Sarah. Confusion. “Maybe this isn’t the right thing to do.” Rushing into a wedding? Sarah definitely won’t ever do it.

“Maybe. Maybe you’re just not ready yet.”

“And what if I’m never ready.” Only then does Kiara look up to Sarah. Kiara’s words make Sarah scoff. Because JJ and Kiara are crazy. They will be ready, even if it isn’t today.

“You’ll know when you’re ready because when you look at him, you’ll see the rest of your life.” Just like how she sees the rest of her life every time she sees John B. But Sarah can’t announce that on Kiara’s day.

Their conversation lasts hours until they realise that it’s 6:30 and time to make a decision. Kiara is physically shaking and Sarah worries. Because Kiara is not normally the Pogue that looks fragile. But the fragile bride stands in front of Sarah as they walk to the beach. The decision is a hesitant one. A decision to put off the wedding indefinitely. Because maybe today isn’t the day for ‘happily ever after.’

When they reach the beach, Sarah wonders if Kiara will just collapse right there on the spot. Because the boys are not stood on the beach.

The boys remain in the car park next to the Twinkie itself. But it’s not the same Twinkie the Pogues travel around in until they pass out in the main part of the van. No. Lights are hung around the frame of the open sliding door. Lights that make the Twinkie like something straight from Pinterest. Pillows and candles fill the base of the van that Sarah can’t help but worry that these boys are a walking fire hazard. Vance Joy is whispering sweet music in the background as the focus of the area is filled with the sounds of waves.

But the Twinkie isn’t the only thing that leaves Sarah speechless. Stood in front of the Twinkie is the three boys- all wearing white shirts and smart trousers. Sure, they are not wearing bowties but Sarah had half expected them to be wearing scruffy t-shirts and the same trunks from their day of surfing. Sarah watches as John B and JJ both stress over the lights on the frame all whilst Pope keeps fluffing the pillows. She wonders if this is all John B’s doing. The hopeless romantic boyfriend of hers that has the same views as Sarah. Neither of them can let JJ and Kiara have a half-wedding. If only they had more time to plan. The place could have been packed with family and friends all whilst Kiara wears an actual wedding dress and JJ wears a tux.

Her romantic movie. With a slightly different looking wedding. But still with the epic couple that Sarah has come to be obsessed with. It’s then that Sarah looks at the once shaking girl. Kiara Carrera. The girl that no longer shakes.

Instead, a massive smile is planted on her face as a tear falls down her cheek. Happiness? Definitely. “I think you’re ready, Kie.” Sarah whispers to her whilst linking their arms together. Sarah just observes how JJ brightens as soon as he turns to face Kiara. Love. Everlasting love. Admittedly, JJ’s smile at Kiara is the same smile he has always had when he looked at Kiara. But unlike when JJ and Kiara were just friends, JJ looks hopeful. And Kiara is just the emotional reflection to JJ.

“I know I am.” Kiara grins, still looking forward to JJ.

When Kiara eventually reaches JJ, Sarah doesn’t listen to their words whilst Pope begins the ceremony. Sarah doesn’t need to hear the words to know that this is everything. Kiara and JJ will never need the big, flashy wedding. Because that’s not them. They could get married in the middle of the dump and it would still be perfect because it would JJ and Kiara staring at each other and understanding each other fully.

The ceremony is nothing like Sarah imagined. Especially as Pope keeps messing up the lines making JJ and Kiara laugh and call him an idiot. Laughter has always been a massive part of the relationship between JJ and Kiara and it’s here today at their own wedding. And laughter continues the entire way through.

That is, until the rings.

Because a day’s notice is not enough time to get rings nor is it enough time to know what to say about the rings. But laughter still breaks down when JJ pulls out a bracelet from his pocket. And Sarah knows exactly what it is before anything is said.

...

A bracelet.

Kiara almost breaks down when JJ pulls a bracelet out of his pocket. To anyone other than the Pogues, a bracelet is simply that. But Kiara knows exactly what this is. It’s the bracelet he made all those years ago to prove that Pogues are for life. Wound together blue, grey, green and red. All colours that Kiara just happened to have at home. To anyone other than the Pogues, just the mere sight of the tatted, old bracelet would make them want to throw it away. But JJ didn’t. Instead, Kiara looks at the bracelet to see how the bracelet has been sewn into a different bracelet entirely.

JJ made the bracelet to mix with the one that Kiara had already made. “I know it’s shitty but I’m not made out of money and I thought, you like your bracelets and everything.” JJ rambles, still looking down at the bracelet. “It’s the one you made us when we were only kids. But I’ve added to it. Because it’s not just you anymore. It’s you and me.” Kiara wonders if anyone else notices the sudden heat in Kiara. “I stole your one this morning to match mine.” With this, JJ pulls out a matching bracelet. Colours mix together. Some of the colours shouldn’t even go together but with how JJ combined them, the colours blend into one.

Of course, the bracelet fits perfectly around Kiara’s wrist. She can’t stop smiling down at the bracelet as her heart jumps head over heels. “You made the bracelet better.” Kiara jokes.

“I’m an excellent crafter, Kie.” JJ smirks. That smirk makes Kiara lean over, forgetting the ceremony entirely. Kiara connects their lips and even goes to deepen the kiss. Kiara goes to deepen the kiss when they are separated by the Pogues clearing their throats.

“Sorry.” Kiara fakes an apology to the rest of the group.

It makes Kiara laugh. Because of course she is ready for JJ. She is ready for anything that life throws at her as long as JJ is by her side. She is indestructible when she is with JJ.

“And Sarah and John B, don’t come after me. I got Kie a ring as well.” JJ jokes before fiddling with his hands. Kiara glances to Sarah and John B who share the same confusion as Kiara. She doesn’t have long before JJ grabs her hand with his own and Kiara looks down. When Kiara looks down, certainty over JJ only continues when she sees JJ take off the ring from his own hand. The ring that JJ has never been seen without. The ring that he takes off only to put on Kiara’s finger. Sure, it’s big. But Kiara flutters just from the idea. This ring is JJ.

Neither of them have ever been great with words. Only really ever saying those three words when having an emotional day. They even stay away from pet names and call each other ‘dude’ and ‘man’ as if they mean something meaningful. But Kiara has always believed that actions speak louder than words. Giving over his ring is a sign that JJ is open to Kiara. “JJ…” Kiara begins even when she is so stunned that she cannot even find the words.

“I know Kie. I actually can be a hopeless romantic.”

“Who knew?” Kiara laughs out making the rest of the Pogues break down in laughter as well.

“JJ fucking Maybank, the romantic type.” John B jokes out.

“Fuck Kie, you have changed this boy.” Pope laughs. But no. Kiara hasn’t changed anything about JJ. It’s the same JJ that she met when she was a kid. The same JJ that used actions to prove his emotions. JJ has always felt the hardest. He has always been capable of everything.

Because JJ is everything.

The smile doesn’t wipe off of Kiara’s face for the rest of the ceremony. The smile doesn’t even disappear when her lips work against his, cementing their new step to their relationship. Kiara can’t stop smiling when JJ grabs her hand and runs towards the beach. Both of them laugh, high off of emotion. It’s then that everything makes sense. The future may be messy and confusing at times. But Kiara will be able to face it if she is with JJ.

They dance on the sand to only the sound of the waves all whilst their pup runs around their feet. Home. Everything will be perfect if she remembers her home. Her family.

“Mrs JJ Maybank.” JJ jokes to her whilst their foreheads are pressed together.

“Mr Kiara Carrera.” Kiara returns the joke, beaming widely.

...

The world falls on its head three months later.

Emotions are strange especially when it comes to a pregnant Kiara. One moment, Kiara runs up to JJ and tackles him to the ground whispering ‘Pregnant Kiara needs you’ all whilst she tugs at his belt. The next moment, Kiara won’t even let JJ sleep in the same room as her. She snaps that ‘I just need to sleep alone.’ But she still wakes up in his arms whether it is because she has gone to find him in the middle of the night or he has made his way to her. Ships in the night. Magnets attracting one another. Finding each other through the waves of pregnant hormones.

And the emotions are only worse when it comes to the rest of the Pogues. Kiara has now cried four times five months to Sarah. Sometimes she cries ‘I’m going to be like my mom.’ Other times Kiara cries ‘JJ’s going to be the favourite parent.’ Kiara finds herself hopeless when it comes to trying to fight away tears. It doesn’t help that Brownie keeps getting on her nerves. Brownie almost knocks her over every other day all whilst barking the house down. Kiara either cries or shouts at Brownie uncontrollably.

John B and Pope are the worst. She knows this. Kiara almost hits them every day due to their comments. From Pope speaking about death one moment then the next moment going into detail about what is in the pregnancy books that JJ forced him to read. It doesn’t help that Pope just moved in with a medical intern that knows even more than he does about all the medical bullshit that the rest of the Pogues don’t care about.

Kiara sometimes wants to kick John B however. With how John B jokes every five minutes about Kiara getting bigger. He keeps joking ‘maybe you’ll have multiples.’ Kiara has to hold herself back from screaming when John B and JJ team up with their unfunny jokes. It’s the small things that get to Kiara. John B saying ‘don’t worry, the bigger you are the better the baby.’ Non-pregnant Kiara would normally be able to ignore the small quips. But it’s the idiot jokes that not any aspect of Kiara can ignore. How both JJ and John B laugh when JJ says ‘Does pregnancy hurt?’ Kiara likes to quip back at that however but snapping ‘I don’t know, maybe you should try it next time.’

The worst thing in this fucking pregnancy however is her parents. Every waking moment, Anna or Mike want to be there. And sure, sometimes Pregnant Kiara rushes to them high on emotion to cry or laugh or just let out her pregnant emotions. But even Pregnant Kiara can’t handle them every time. Anna likes to keep track on Kiara and the baby whilst Mike questions if Kiara is having sex with JJ because Mike hears that sex can be good for the baby.

So, it’s not Kiara’s fault that she can’t control her emotions when everyone in her life is spurring her on.

Like right now as the group of Pogues sit around a bonfire on the beach as they continue their annoying game of ‘girl or boy?’ “Boy. Definitely a boy.” John B determinedly states. “Look at Kie, she is the size of a house which just proves that the boy will be a surfer. Probably the best surfer on Outer Banks.”

“No. I hope it’s a girl.” Sarah adds. “A girl that will try and even out the testosterone in Outer Banks.”

“I’m with Sarah.” Pope looks up from his new book on pregnancy just to answer. They toss around the game as if Kiara isn’t there. JJ just laughs because the Pogues could never do anything that JJ wouldn’t laugh at. The boy loves a laugh.

“Zoey. You’re the expert, tell these idiots that it’s a boy.” John B quips.

“I don’t know, John B. It could be.” Zoey leans onto Pope. “There is a test to determine this though.”

With that, all eyes lock onto Kiara and JJ. Kiara instinctively rolls her eyes because she doesn’t care and has never understood why anyone would care. “Watching you guys play this game is a lot more fun though.” JJ jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn’t work.

“A girl would be so cute. Like Brownie would have a little sister. A boy and a girl.” Sarah speaks dreamily. Probably picturing the story in her head.

“Get the test and put us out of our misery.” John B lays back down.

“No. We don’t need the test.” Kiara finally jumps in.

“Why?” The question comes from Sarah.

“Because I don’t get why it matters. It’s still a baby. A baby that doesn’t even know its own gender. It’s just a baby.”

“Yeah. But you must be slightly intrigued.” Sarah looks at Kiara, confused.

“No, I don’t. And I think I can wait the other four months to find out the baby’s gender. It’s not the end all to the baby.”

It’s moments like these that Kiara just wants to throw them all in the fire to get them to shut up about the baby. Because even thinking about the baby stirs something in Kiara that makes her feel like throwing up or jumping JJ or running away entirely. It all doesn’t make sense to Kiara as to how JJ remains calm when Kiara remains out of control.

The confusion all continues until they are lying in bed that night. It just doesn’t make sense to Kiara that the reckless, normally loopy JJ is calm when everything else feels abnormal. It’s the moment after Kiara cries for something that she doesn’t even understand. “How are you not freaking out that in less than four months, we’re going to be parents?” The question obviously throws JJ off. JJ looks down at Kiara with an unreadable expression. Pregnant Kiara even worries that JJ will announce that he can’t do this anymore and run off right here, right now. But of course, he doesn’t run off.

“Maybank name is like a fucking curse here in Outer Banks. But this baby seems to be hope that comes from the middle of nowhere. I’m not just a broken boy that is destined to become his dad when I think about the baby. I’m the Maybank that is going to break the curse. I’m not scared because I won’t let our kid become me.” A tear is evident in his eye.

“What? JJ there’s nothing wrong with you!”

“Yes, there is Kie. I’ve been beaten and thrown out like trash by my own parents and no kid should have to go through it. I won’t let my kid think they are anything but the greatest thing in life itself.”

JJ Maybank. The boy that everyone thinks is hopeless is the lightest thing in Kiara’s life. When Kiara is in darkness, JJ is there to save her. Always. Even when he has been through so much. JJ Maybank is Kiara’s light. And just the face that he can keep it together when she is breaking makes Kiara know that she can be fixed. That she can find control once more. “This baby- boy or girl- probably helped you save me.” JJ smiles at Kiara all whilst he fiddles with the bracelet on Kiara’s wrist. “And Brownie, of course.”

“Brownie saved us both.” Kiara matches JJ’s smile.

“Yeah, he did.”

Boy or girl. It has never meant anything to Kiara. But maybe this baby could change everything all over again. JJ’s hands move to ghost over the baby bump whilst they both find themselves edging into a calming sleep. “Girl.” Kiara whispers out, not even sure if JJ is awake. “I think it’s a girl.” Kiara continues, more determined this time.

“I think so too.” JJ whispers into her ear, calming her completely.

...

When Kiara reaches the last month of her pregnancy, JJ finds himself walking to the cemetery. It’s after a night with JJ having another nightmare of his dad. A night that was filled with Luke Maybank’s voice telling JJ that he doesn’t deserve anything. Of course, JJ doesn’t believe the words. But he finds himself in the cemetery anyways.

JJ gets to the grave when it is almost dark. Luke Maybank’s gravestone is only here because JJ felt bad one day and brought the headstone when he read that ghosts haunt you if the dead don’t have a place to sleep. The headstone is covered in moss and the words carved into the stone have corroded. But JJ remembers what they read. Luke Maybank. Loving father. Gone but not forgotten. JJ felt like he needed to say that Luke was loving because no one knows the truth about Luke and it’s not right to speak ill of the dead.

But JJ was right to write that Luke will never be forgotten. Because he is still there when JJ can’t control his dreams. It only happens a few times in the month. But when they happen, JJ can’t think of anything other than the nightmare. “Hey dad.” JJ feels his eyes glass over as he almost desperately laughs that he is talking to stone. “It’s JJ. You’re probably not happy to hear my voice but I had to come to tell you something.” JJ needs to let it out. He needs to talk to something. “I got married a few months ago. She’s this amazing girl that I definitely don’t deserve. You probably agree with that.” Another laugh leaves JJ when he feels a tear fall down for a man that doesn’t deserve it. “But that’s not it. Because my wife… fuck. It feels weird saying that out loud. Wife. Not exactly something either of us thought I’d have but here we are. Anyways… my wife is pregnant. Nine months and it could happen at any time…”

_The rest of his life could happen at any time._

“But I’m not here to think about what you would say to that. I am here to say what I should have said to you when mom was still around. Because I am worthy of love. Kie has shown me that life isn’t decided on a fucking surname. And I won’t be like you. I won’t. Because I am everything that you never were. You think you ruined my life dad… but you didn’t. Because if my life was ruined, I wouldn’t be able to have the super-hot, rich hippy chick from Outer Banks. You tried to break me but Kie was there to save me before it got too far. So, maybe I’m just here to say that you lose. And I won’t let your words hurt me anymore.”

The words feel great. Tears are for happiness. The feeling of freedom from the monster in JJ’s darkness. But JJ doesn’t let monsters ruin his life anymore. Ever since Kiara.

When JJ goes to turn around, he finds himself frozen to the spot with the image of Mike Carrera stood near him, smiling and nodding in an almost sign of approval. JJ won’t become his dad and ruin his own child’s life. Because Kiara won’t let him. Kiara grew up with parents that raised her to perfection. Mike raised Kiara to perfection.

...

Nine months. Nine months of Kiara having to deal with people asking if she is pregnant of if she is just fat. Nine months where Kiara can’t control her emotions with anyone, not even the dog. Nine months of wondering why people say that she will miss being pregnant. Nine months all just to wait for a baby.

And the baby is late.

Of course, it’s fucking late. It’s a Maybank after all and JJ has never entered an event on time. Kiara has been extra cranky ever since this baby went over its due date. Because Kiara doesn’t want to be pregnant anymore. Kiara is stubborn. And she can’t control her anger that boils because this baby doesn’t listen to its mother when the mother screams ‘get out of me!’

Anger builds through Kiara until it almost explodes completely when JJ quips something at Kiara that Kiara doesn’t entirely hear. She hears enough to kick JJ out of the chateau so she can be left alone. But Kiara forgets. Being alone is fucking impossible! With it either being her mom or her dad or the rest of the Pogues. They will not leave Kiara alone. On this day, Sarah won’t seem to just leave the pregnant girl alone. And it is driving Kiara insane. Because Sarah is just here to gossip as she does her nails.

_Lucky Sarah, she can reach her fucking toes!_

Kiara is forced to listen to Sarah complain about how John B still hasn’t proposed and about how John B seemingly cares more about his job than Sarah. Because that’s what Kiara wants to listen to right now. Gossip about a relationship that isn’t going through pregnancy. Her pregnant brain can’t help but be jealous that Sarah is still going through an earlier stage of her relationship even if the relationship has been going on for longer. Kiara just stares down at her stomach that is the literal size of a balloon that won’t pop. Just pop! Do anything!

But no. The entire day, Kiara spends her time looking down at her belly to try and encourage the baby to come out just to move the focus away from Sarah’s gossip. But no. The baby is just as stubborn as Kiara. Not even any movement. Nothing! It’s not fair. It’s not fair that babies can be so late to their party but as soon as they arrive, the attention is all on them. Because everything is about babies!

At one point, Kiara loses all patience with Sarah and tries to get away from her. Kiara finds herself in the kitchen, cleaning plates just for something to do. But even washing the dishes seems to be a mission when Kiara is pregnant. Kiara hates feeling useless. She hates that she can’t do everything that non-pregnant Kiara can do. It’s a bit like surfing. Non-pregnant Kiara would find surfing in her boredom and surf the waves until she felt numb. Pregnant Kiara feels numb without the ability to surf. And it’s not fair that whilst Kiara can’t do anything other than wait for the inevitable baby, JJ still can do everything. Boys have it easy and it is not fair!

It’s not fair that a woman has to do all the hard lifting when it comes to pregnancy. Sure, JJ has had to deal with months of angry and stubborn Kiara. But Kiara is always stubborn and JJ is pretty good at maintaining it. He doesn’t have to go through the pain of having a kid. He doesn’t even have to think about the months of uncomfortable nights and painful mornings.

When she goes to grab at another dish, Kiara feels the uncontrollable swoosh of dizziness attack her again. Because that is all pregnancy is, right? An uncomfortable attack.

But this attack is different. The dish makes contact with Kiara’s fingertips before it goes crashing to the floor, smashing into pieces. But Kiara can’t think of the mess as her head begins to swirl. A whirlpool of dizziness fills Kiara as she grabs onto the side of the sink to try and steady herself. A buzzing noise fills Kiara’s head as her legs begin to tremble. The buzzing fills any room for silence and almost blocks out completely the sound of Brownie’s barks. Kiara closes her eyes for a moment to control the rollercoaster happening in her head but the sound of Brownie’s barks makes it hard to concentrate. “B…Brownie. Stop barking.” Kiara struggles to say but Brownie keeps barking louder than he has ever barked in his life.

Barking. Dizziness. Buzzing. Kiara scrunches her eyes shut as she tries to calm everything down. But the intensity keeps building. Keeps building until her entire body begins to shake. When she closes her eyes, Kiara sees herself looking in the mirror- pregnant and scared. Kiara remains scared all over again when her legs begin to give way. She hears dog steps move closer to her as if Brownie is trying to fight away the fear but even Brownie’s whimpers can’t win this war. “Br…” Kiara doesn’t even get to finish her sentence as her legs snap completely, making Kiara fall to the ground.

Where everything goes dark.


	17. In need of an angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ rushes to the hospital to stay with Kiara the entire way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this is a bit late! The weather has been amazing here in the UK and I have been unable to write as much as I wanted but the weather looks shit for the next few days so I should go back to updating frequently. 
> 
> And I am sorry for the name I chose. I hope you guys don't hate the name because it's actually the name that I thought about for them before I even started writing this.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I really want to say thank you for the comments. They literally make my day! You all are so nice and thoughtful and I really hope that you enjoy this chapter!

Staccato beats of white and blue flashes flood the chateau.

Sirens wail to scare away any sign of silence.

A journey that should be fast that drags out all concepts of time.

All to get to the sanitary, white room where the angels can work their magic.

JJ has always hated hospitals. How the pure cleanliness of the rooms tries to hide all the pain and aching that goes on between the rooms. How it’s never certain that someone will make it out alive. How the doctors ask ‘how are you doing?’ every five minutes as if they care. The pain of the eerie, quiet hospital rooms is everything that JJ hates. Because in the entirety of JJ’s life, a hospital has always meant questions, questions, questions. And the truth would always cause him more suffering than the reason why he even went to the hospital in the first place. It’s why JJ has always hidden away and told everyone ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’ll heal’ and ‘I don’t need the hospital.’ Because the angels that could save him are stuck behind his father. The same father that would only show him agony.

Staying away from the questioning doctors kept JJ alive.

The angels are needed now.

He had been kicked out of the chateau for annoying a heavily pregnant Kiara. Strike one. He decided to go to work when he should have stayed with the pregnant Kiara. Strike two. He should have only been gone for an hour tops. Strike Three. JJ’s heart almost exploded when he got back to the chateau to see flashing lights and Sarah freaking out on the porch. All it took was five words for JJ to sink.

_Kie is in the hospital._

JJ has always avoided hospitals. Everything about a hospital has made JJ want to run away. How they are always crowded with people circulating different emotions. How a group of people can celebrate life at one door all whilst another group of people mourn the door that has been shut forevermore. Avoiding hospitals has been JJ’s way of avoiding the mix of raw emotions. JJ can avoid the idea that his mother probably was rushed to the hospital when she took her own life only for the angels to not be able to bring her back. Avoiding hospitals allows JJ to ignore his own wonderings of if he would have been able to save his mom and himself if he answered the questions.

The hospital is where the line between life and death is crossed. And JJ has always avoided seeing that line by not stepping a foot in the hospital more than he needed to. Three times. He has been in the hospital three times. And every single time, the angels were unable to save JJ from the suffering. This is the fourth time that JJ has been in a hospital. But he knows this time is different. Because this time it’s Kiara. And Kiara deserves to be saved by the angels.

It’s not fair on Kiara. Kiara has never done anything wrong. Her nine months of pregnancy have sure been hard and she has been emotional as hell but she doesn’t deserve this. It doesn’t make sense. JJ had been gone for a couple of hours, leaving Kiara alone with Sarah and Brownie. Nothing was meant to happen. But it did. Sarah told JJ that she collapsed, hitting her head on the side of the counter. Blood came from the cut and JJ wasn’t there. No book that JJ made Pope read to him said anything about sudden issues. None of the books said anything about collapsing without a warning. But Kiara collapsed with no warning.

Sitting still has always been hard for JJ. Ever since he was a little boy, JJ has had a nervous tick making it impossible to sit still for any longer than five seconds. The tick made him impatient. He always finds himself fiddling with his ring or tapping his fingertips onto his knee. But JJ gave his ring to Kiara. Instead, JJ finds himself fiddling with the bracelet that he made to match Kiara’s bracelet. The bracelets used as rings for their wedding. He picks at the threadbare edges as his knee jumps up and down. JJ can’t control anything today which makes him even more impatient than normal.

JJ promised Kiara that they would be okay. That everything was going to be okay if they stuck together. He has to keep believing that promise as he sits in the waiting area of the hospital with the rest of the Pogues. John B and Pope arrived at the hospital as soon as Sarah told them what had happened. Pope keeps telling JJ that everything is alright. But he has always been an optimist. John B says nothing. He just keeps smiling sympathetically at JJ. Kiara deserves optimism. JJ has to be like Pope the Optimist for the first time in his life.

JJ the Optimist. The cup is half full. Everything has a positive outcome if we wish for it. Optimism is hard for JJ. But this is for Kiara. And JJ can’t break a promise. Not to Kiara.

His fingers fidget anxiously with the bracelet around his wrist all whilst his leg’s frantic movements become more static. His mind is a whirlwind of what ifs. What if JJ had stayed at the chateau with Kiara? What if he came home earlier? What if he noticed something sooner? The what ifs are irrational but JJ can’t control his brain as it jumbles with the sound of distant machines and chatter amongst the nurses.

The machines create a buzzing that JJ can’t swat away. The buzzing will only get louder and louder. The machines literally telling if someone is alive or dead mixed with the general gossip of nurses whispering about patients and their lives that JJ couldn’t care less about. JJ’s mind is jumbled with the buzzing of the busy hospital that Kiara is having to fight for her life. And the baby’s life that is growing inside of her. Kiara and the unborn baby are depending on those buzzing machines. _JJ_ is counting on those buzzing machines.

“JJ.” A voice echoes through the buzzing but JJ can only concentrate on the machines. The heart beat that is telling JJ that the people near the waiting room are still alive. Those strangers are alive so Kiara must be alright. Irrational. But JJ can’t control his thinking. “JJ.” The voice tries to fight through the buzzing again. But the thing that catches up with JJ is a hand being placed on his shoulder.

The hand makes JJ jump as the buzzing quietens down enough for JJ to look up at the figure of Mike Carrera. His eyes are glassy but JJ thinks his must reflect the same. Neither of them could lose Kiara. “Mr C.” JJ is able to squeak out before turning back to focussing on the noises around the hospital. Mike sits down next to JJ.

“Hospitals suck.” Mike jokes flatly. Maybe it isn’t a joke but JJ is not sure.

“Yeah. Always hated them.” JJ mutters out whilst listening to the beeping of a heart beat from the other room. “But Kiara is strong.” JJ has to believe his own words. He has to remain true to his promise.

“She’s just like her mother.” Mike begins. “Strong and stubborn. It’s probably why she even took you and that pup in with her. She has always remained strong and stubborn for the people that she loves.”

JJ internally cringes at Mike’s indication of something from the past. Because it can’t be over. It just can’t be over. “And she likes to remain strong in front of people that need to be fixed.”

“She likes to fix everything.” JJ lets out a slight laugh.

“Yeah. And she fixed you up pretty well, JJ. Given your dad.” JJ just looks at Mike in confusion. Sure, everyone knows that Maybanks are dirt but still. No one thought JJ was any better than his dad. “Turning up to the Wreck with bruises all over your faces after Kiara told me that you stayed home all day tells me everything that I need to know.”

“I just didn’t want anyone to see what the Kooks did.” JJ lies. He can’t help but continuously find a way to hide his past.

“JJ. You don’t need to lie. I knew your dad and I know you. You don’t have to admit it but I know. I know what he did to you.” JJ can’t help but look down, unable to find any lie to cover his insecurities all over again. “It’s a compliment, JJ. You’re nothing like your father.”

“I know.”

“Good. But Kiara’s not the only saviour in that fishing shack. Without you, Kiara would have grown up to be everything that her mother wanted her to be. You saved her from a future that she never wanted.”

“But this isn’t the future that she wanted either.”

“Everything changes when you become a parent.” Mike remains so sure that it confuses JJ. It’s hard for JJ to remember that Mike Carrera used to be like him. Just a boy from the cut. A boy that never thought he would have a future. “And they’ll both make it out of this because Kiara is tenacious. She wouldn’t let this take her down.”

He wants to believe every word from Mike Carrera. Because Mike Carrera has always been the one that understands every element to JJ and Kiara. But JJ can’t help but feel scared for what demons a hospital can bring.

The conversation between Mike and JJ is cut short when the buzzing from the other room is no longer filled with the consistent beeping from the machine that tells the difference between life and death. JJ watches as the gossiping nurses run towards the room all whilst doctors run into the room with purpose. The beeping becomes a long ringing that only echoes around the small waiting room. The only thudding that JJ can hear is from his own heart as his heart skips a beat at the sound of cries. The pain bought from the hospital that JJ knows so well. Nothing can fight the pain away.

It’s just a stranger. Someone that JJ shouldn’t even care about. JJ should be only focusing on waiting for any news on Kiara and the baby but JJ can’t keep his mind from wondering to those irrational thoughts. What if the same thing is happening to Kiara? What if that is Kiara? When the ringing becomes too much, JJ finds himself storming towards the reception desk, frantically trying to search for answers. He needs to know something. Because listening to the painful buzzing of the strangers around the hospital is too much when Kiara is nowhere nearby.

The buzzing is a consistent nightmare. But he can’t just blink these nightmares away. He can’t just reach out for Kiara because he doesn’t even know where she is. It’s the storm that JJ can’t blink away. He is lost in the waves whilst Kiara has to fight alone. He can’t reach her. JJ can’t reach her in time. No. He won’t let her be taken by the army of waves.

_‘Count with me JJ bean.”_ JJ fights back the tears when his mom’s voice echoes around his head. JJ fights to remain strong. Strong enough to breathe out “Kiara Carrera. What room is she in?” The reception only looks at him, muddled. “It’s not that fucking hard. Just tap on that fucking computer and tell me what’s going on.” JJ chokes out.

“I can’t give information out.”

“I’m her family. I need to know where she is!” Tears manage to break through JJ, soaking his cheeks as he shakes in front of the girl behind the desk.

“JJ.” JJ doesn’t turn when he hears Mike’s voice.

“JJ, come on.” John B’s voice doesn’t even make JJ turn around.

“She’s having my baby and I need to know! I need to know that she is going to be okay!” JJ cries out before feeling arms pull him away from the desk. Shaking, JJ stutters back into Mike and John B. “I need to know! I need to fucking know!” Tears stream down his face as JJ looks around frantically as if trying to work out the room himself.

“She is going to be alright, JJ.” John B tries to soothe JJ but it doesn’t work. _‘Count with me JJ bean.’_ Not even the memory of JJ’s mother can make him stop. Because they’re not Kiara. They don’t know how to stop the revolving thoughts in his own brain. Only Kiara knows. He only needs Kiara.

It’s then that JJ looks into the room where he saw doctors and nurses running into frantically. Confusion floods JJ when he sees the empty room. No machines beeping. No doctors. No nurses. No patients. Nothing. It only makes JJ’s sobs louder. He needs Kiara to remain sane.

His heart skips a beat when he sees a person walk past the door of the room. A person that he recognises thoroughly. But it only creates a deeper feeling inside of JJ. “Count with me, JJ bean.” The person says before turning back to the bed. It’s only then that JJ understands his own insanity. Because that patient in the bed is his own mother. From years ago. The same day that the cops came to tell JJ that his mom was dead. The machines aren’t beeping because it’s all in JJ’s head. What if everything, even Kiara, is all in JJ’s head?

Short breaths leave JJ as he looks back to the group of Pogues. They all wear worried expressions. Worried for JJ? Maybe. Worried for Kiara? Definitely. “She can’t die. I… I… I need her. I can’t… I can’t do this alone.” JJ hiccups out before feeling all arms capture him in a hug. He thinks it starts with Mike Carrera himself but it doesn’t take long for all of the Pogues to join in and JJ can’t hold back any longer. It’s his own cries that fill the buzzing of the hospital and maybe a couple of mixed tears from Sarah and Mike.

“If we can survive that storm, Kie can survive this.” John B muffles into the hug. Burying his head in whoever’s shoulder he can find, JJ lets the tears just fall as he holds onto the Pogues and Mr Carrera for dear life.

The hug breaks apart after a doctor calls JJ’s name. He still needs answers. JJ turns to the rollercoaster of emotions. The doctor that should be saving Kiara. “JJ Maybank.”

“Where’s Kie?” JJ sniffles out.

“She is going to be fine.” As soon as the doctor finishes those words, JJ doesn’t care about anything else. Because the angels are saying Kiara is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. He hasn’t broken his promises to her. “But…” JJ’s celebrations are short-lived. “We’re going to have to perform an emergency c-section to try and save the baby. I’m sorry but the baby may not survive.”

A c-section. JJ remembers Pope saying something about that. It’s a way of giving birth when the ‘normal’ way is not accessible. JJ remembers Pope saying that they are common and safe. But JJ also remembers the horror stories that he read himself when he stole one of the Pogues’ phones to doctor google the complications. It’s not just the baby that could die. Anything could happen to Kiara. JJ’s eyes flicker around the room as if trying to find the answers within the small area of the room. What if he loses both Kiara and the baby in one swoop? It would be just him and Brownie. And what if only the baby survives? JJ is hardly sensible enough to look after Brownie let alone a baby. JJ thought he would be prepared enough through all of the books read by Pope.

But not even the books have all of the answers.

JJ remains numb when he follows the doctor to Kiara. The doctor looks to be speaking to JJ but he can’t hear anything. The buzzing from the machines from the rooms they pass fill JJ’s ears as he focuses on Kiara. JJ thinks he hears the doctor tell him “She is under anaesthesia and won’t be awake” at some point but JJ can only listen to his own heart beating. They walk/run to the speed of his heart, going ahead of the journey that JJ doesn’t understand fully. There should be more books for the dads in the situation. But JJ and Kiara have never followed the orders of a book. They do everything unconventionally. But for the first time, JJ wishes they stuck to the rule book.

The operation room contrasts the white, stillness of the many areas in the hospital. The room is dark and heavy, with lights all shining down on Kiara as if she is being interrogated. Tables of different instruments that JJ has never seen are scattered around the room as if this is something straight out of a fucking movie. But it’s real life. It’s JJ and Kiara and it’s not fair. Kiara has already been through so much that she doesn’t deserve this hell as well. She lays on the bed unconscious and JJ almost collapses in hyperventilating tears just from the mere sight of her.

But Kiara deserves someone that is strong. Someone better than JJ’s recklessness.

The beeping of the machines makes JJ focus on her heart beat when he sits down next to her motionless body. His heart is beating just as fast, not knowing what is going to happen. JJ has never been one to plan something but even this is taking it too far. The future remains uncertain as he sits down next to Kiara all whilst praying of gods in which JJ has never believed in before. Doctors talk but JJ just watches Kiara and listens to the beeping on the machine. He wants her to wake up and assure him that everything is going to be okay. But Kiara can’t wake up without hurting the baby. She can’t wake up without hurting herself.

JJ watches Kiara to calm himself down. Because he has to be strong for her when she has always been strong for him. The doctors say something to JJ but JJ can’t hear them over the beeping of the machines and his own heartbeat that is thumping through his own chest. Staying by her head, JJ is obstructed from seeing the incision made. He is unable to see how the c-section even works but JJ doesn’t care. He needs to be by Kiara’s side the entire time. JJ doesn’t even look up when the doctors pull away from Kiara’s stomach, holding something small in her arms. JJ just keeps looking down at Kiara because he knows her more than anyone else. He will know if something is wrong.

Even laying here on the medical bed, Kiara still looks strong. The strongest Pogue that has gone through hell goes through even more when the doctors move back to assess Kiara. Kiara remains strong through everything and even when she breaks down, she finds a way to fight through her demons all whilst JJ finds himself trapped in with the terrors.

Wails cut through the sounds of the beeping making JJ look up from Kiara. All at once, JJ understands. Because the strongest girl did it. The cries get louder and every book that Pope read to JJ stated that a baby’s cry is a positive after birth. “It’s a girl.” The doctor smiles at JJ, cementing that the angels have done their work. Kiara remains strong as she remains asleep whilst their daughter cries through the room. It makes JJ let out a sigh of relief. Because his promise is still valid.

_Everything is okay._

_..._

Blinding light fills Kiara’s eyes. It makes her struggle to look around the room. White rooms. Loud beeping from the weird looking machine next to her. The drip that is circulating into Kiara’s bloodstream. The whispers from the end of her bed. It doesn’t take Kiara long to realise that she is in a hospital.

It does however take her a couple of moments to look at the state of herself. The last thing Kiara remembers is yelling at the barking dog in the kitchen of the chateau and then the feeling of suffocation as her ears rang and her mind went fuzzy. She remembers Brownie barking being the last sound that Kiara remembers from before everything went dark. Her body is numb as her head begins to ache. It takes a moment for Kiara to realise that she has a bandage over the top of her head. And then she looks at the rest of her body and notices everything. And she can no longer feel anything moving within her.

Stress fills Kiara when questions fill her head. Revolving questions of what happened to the baby? And most importantly, is the baby alive? Nine months. Nine months of a whirlwind of emotions and Kiara doesn’t even know what to think. She can only remember darkness. When she tries to sit up, Kiara’s entire body aches both physically and mentally. Aching for answers. “Kie.” It takes Kiara a moment to realise that JJ is sat next to her in the small armchair. Her breaths return to normal in an instant. “Kie. You’re okay. Everything is okay.” JJ leans forward before reaching for her hand.

When his hand reaches for Kiara, she instinctively pulls her hand away before she even can take in what is going on. Kiara lays her head back against the bed and looks to the ceiling. “The baby.” Kiara manages to say.

“Is a girl.” A girl. Kiara knew it. She knew it was a girl. Everything within Kiara knew that it was going to be a girl but the news doesn’t make Kiara burst with joy. Kiara’s eyes remain glued to the ceiling as she comes to terms that the baby lived. “And she is alive because she is just as strong as you.” JJ jokes but it falls flat on Kiara. Kiara feels too weak to laugh. Or do anything at all. “And stubborn as well.” JJ whispers the last joke.

“So, when can I go home?” She can’t help but snap. But Kiara has always hated hospitals. She wants to get as far away from the hospital as possible.

“I think they need to do some more tests, Kie.”

“Why?”

“Because you just had a c-section.” It makes Kiara roll her eyes. Of course, she fucking knows what has happened now. But it doesn’t change the fact that she wants to get out of there.

“I’m fine. I just want to go home.”

“Kie…”

“Let’s just get the baby and go.” Kiara shakes off any more questions from JJ by sitting up on the bed and looking around for a change of clothes. Kiara ignores the pain that makes her want to cover up into a ball and stay asleep for days.

“Do you want to meet her first?”

That thought scares Kiara the most. Because what kind of parent is Kiara if she can even do birth right? She knows that c-section is common in pregnancy but it still makes Kiara feel sick. Maybe she should have followed the advice to not do anything in the final month of pregnancy. What if she hurt the baby by moving around and then falling, forcing the baby to come into this world early? Kiara isn’t sure that she is ready for any of this.

She knows that she can’t say anything to JJ. JJ would think that she is crazy. So, Kiara just nods and agrees to meet the baby. The baby is crying when it reaches the room. The screams from the baby makes Kiara see how real everything is. An innocent baby in a world full of dragons. Nine months just for a countdown to this day. The day where Kiara meets a baby that literally grew inside of her.

Small fingers. Small feet. Small everything. A girl that Kiara never even thought she would have in her life. A girl that changes everything and there is nothing that Kiara can do to prepare for what the baby will bring. She can’t help but remain emotionless when she looks down at the baby in JJ’s arms. Kiara finds it hard to reflect JJ’s expression as she looks at how hopeful he looks as he looks down at the baby. Their baby. Nothing makes sense. A baby that is so fragile and innocent in the harmful world around them. Kiara wonders in this moment if they will ever be able to keep this innocence in her life. Kiara knows that all innocence will shatter as soon as the baby is called ‘a fucking Pogue’ by the stuck-up Kooks or finds out about JJ’s childhood or finds out about the gold and the Sherriff’s murder or any of the shit that the group of Pogues has been in. No one can remain innocent forever.

When JJ passes the baby over, Kiara panics almost immediately remaining worried that she will break everything straight away. All innocence could disappear in an instant if Kiara holds the baby wrong or breaks her or drops her entirely. Kiara didn’t read the books like JJ did. She doesn’t know what happens now. What she is meant to do now. “I guess we need to name her.” Kiara whispers when the baby is placed into her arms. Kiara avoids looking down at the baby, making sure to keep her eyes on the smiling JJ.

“We don’t have to do that today.” Kiara nods, thankful that JJ is here. The most reckless boy in Outer Banks has become a man that is stronger than anyone. A man that can make everything seem calm. “And anyways, you probably won’t let me call her Pogue.” His smirk makes Kiara laugh.

“I didn’t let you call the pup Pogue so what makes you think she will be called Pogue?” Kiara jokes, almost forgetting entirely about the baby in her arms.

“Because she’s a girl and I can’t call her JJ Junior.”

“Not the only reason why she isn’t JJ Junior, JJ.” His laughter lightens everything. He knows everything about Kiara. He knows what she needs even if she doesn’t understand herself entirely.

Everything is innocent in these small walls on the maternity wing of the hospital. Innocence that Kiara knows will be broken as soon as they return to the real world. But she wants to memorise everything about this moment. How JJ smiles at the baby all whilst the baby stops crying entirely. Kiara already knows that JJ will probably be the favourite parent again. First Brownie, now baby. Not fair. But Kiara just smiles at him when he moves closer to sit beside her on the bed.

JJ leans over and places a light kiss on her forehead before whispering into her hair. “You really did it Kie. You had a baby.” Daunting truth. Daunting reality. Kiara Carrera is a mom. A mom to more than just a dog. And this baby is real and here. “How about Henley?” JJ goes back to looking down to the baby in Kiara’s arms.

“Henley? Where did that come from?” Henley. A name that Kiara has never heard in her life.

“You’ll laugh.” A flush of pink fills his face that only makes Kiara smile widely at the boy.

“JJ. Just tell me.”

“I got it from one of those pregnancy books. Henley was the surname of the writer and I thought it was a good name.”

“You want to name your daughter after an author of a pregnancy book?”

“That writer really helped me out.” JJ laughs with clear embarrassment.

Henley.

Not the worst name that JJ could think of. Definitely better than Pogue. And JJ Junior, for sure. And it’s just a name. It isn’t like it will make anything easier. It’s probably better to go with JJ’s first option before they end up naming her after the first piece of food that she eats. Banana Maybank. Probably not the best name.

It’s then that Kiara looks down at the baby in her arms. The first time she really looks at her own daughter. The baby’s eyes are closed but they flutter to allow Kiara to see the blue shining through. She knows that a lot of babies have blue eyes at birth which then change to another colour but maybe this baby will have her father’s eyes. JJ’s eyes. Crystal blue. Eyes to match her favourite parent. JJ once joked that he was the favourite Pogue, only now does Kiara know that to be true. JJ is lovable and Kiara can’t be mad at it. Of course, this girl will favour JJ. Kiara lightly flutters her finger against the baby’s button nose. The baby just keeps sleeping silently. No tears anymore. Henley Maybank. Kiara can see it.

“Okay. Henley it is.” Kiara keeps looking at the baby, finally finding the smile that mothers like to talk about. Because this is her baby.

“Wow. You have now let me name both our puppy and our baby. You definitely love me.” JJ jokes which makes Kiara lean into his side, not being able to playfully punch him away.

Henley remains fragile in Kiara’s aching arms as Kiara smiles glancing between JJ and Henley. Sure, a lot is going to change but they are a family and that is all that matters.

...

Wake up to Henley’s cries. Feed Henley. Henley goes back to sleep. Kiara tries to sleep. Wake up to Brownie crying to get in. Brownie’s barks wake up Henley, making Henley cry. Let Brownie out. Check Henley. Go back to sleep. Wake up to JJ jolting around the bed. Try and get back to sleep. Wake up to JJ muttering to Brownie. Try and close eyes even if it is just for a moment. Wake up completely when Henley begins to cry.

Every day is the same for Kiara. The same routine that has happened every day for two weeks. For the first two weeks of Henley’s life, Henley has spent her entire time either crying or sleeping. But when Henley is asleep, Brownie is awake. Or even JJ is awake and tapping or making noises that Kiara can’t help but get annoyed at. Annoyance builds within Kiara for two weeks. Two weeks of Kiara trying to sleep whenever she can whilst JJ is out with Brownie or dealing with Henley. But sleep still doesn’t come because her nights are filled with the wails of Henley or the barking of Brownie revolving around her head. And the nights are only getting worse. Two weeks of trying to ignore everything comes crashing down quickly one afternoon.

An afternoon after a constant morning of Henley shouting the chateau down all whilst the weather gets to Brownie. Another storm that Brownie still hasn’t gotten used to. Six years old. Brownie is six years old and he still can’t stay quiet through a storm. When his barking gets louder, Henley’s screams get louder. It’s an afternoon where JJ is at work at the garage and every other Pogue is working which means that Kiara is alone with Henley and Brownie.

Kiara cradles Henley whilst Brownie keeps jumping around her feet, barking at the shadows within the chateau. She hushes the crying baby in her arms all whilst trying to avoid falling over the pup at her feet. “Brownie. Stop.” Kiara almost cries out herself. But not even Kiara can hear her cries over the sheer volume of Brownie’s barks and Henley’s tears. “Brownie. Please just stop!” Kiara shouts into the chateau when another crash of thunder shakes the room scaring the baby as well as the dog.

The storm lasts hours and doesn’t seem to find a way of calming down. Kiara cries with Henley until all seems to give up. Brownie must get bored of barking at the thunder at one point because he lays down on the pull-out giving time for Kiara to soothe Henley to sleep. No one has ever told Kiara what to do during a storm. Outer Banks is filled with storms. Storms that Kiara has become so scared of.

Rain sounds the chateau whilst Kiara puts a sleeping Henley in her crib. They all must have cried themselves to sleep. Even Kiara isn’t strong enough to keep her eyes open as she sinks into the chair next to Henley’s crib. Kiara figures that the storm must have passed, where only rain remains. Rain that signifies that the worst is over. Someone should write a book about having to be a parent in Outer Banks. With the crappy past of parents in Outer Banks, a book with the answers is what is really needed. Kiara could really do with answers right now. Sleep fills Kiara as she listens to the rain hit against the window of the room that used to be John B’s bedroom. A bedroom that had been locked off for almost five years after he disappeared only to be opened up again and made into a nursery. Kiara drifts off to the thought of how the chateau has changed.

The chateau that now has hope for a happy family that Kiara is scared of. Because she doesn’t even know how to look after herself let alone a family. Especially when Kiara has to be strong for JJ sometimes when his past gets too much. Kiara has always had to be the strong one. But the idea of being a happy family scares Kiara to death. She can’t even keep a dog away from the fears of the storms.

Sleep doesn’t last long within the chateau when Kiara is woken up a flash of lightning lighting up the entirety of the nursery. Kiara looks around the room, cringing at the seconds she has to wait for the inevitable. “One, two, three…” Kiara counts the seconds until thunder rumbles the room and a tear escapes Kiara’s eye. She knows what is coming. The rumble wakes up the chateau, with Brownie whining and barking as he runs into the nursery. Just like Kiara predicts, Henley wakes up as soon as Brownie’s barks become too much. “Fuck sakes, Brownie!” Kiara stands and screams at the dog that is still barking at the window that keeps lighting up with lightning as thunder echoes through the room.

Anger fills Kiara as she picks up Henley from the crib and storms into the living area away from the barking dog. Henley cries whilst they move away. She walks back and forth with Henley in her arms whilst Brownie just keeps barking. Kiara scrunches her eyes together, not knowing how to stop either of the wails. The noise mixed with the tiredness overcomes Kiara and she doesn’t even notice when someone else walks into the living area.

The new person in the room rushes to Kiara, stroking her arm making Kiara open her eyes to see a concerned JJ. “Kie, what’s going on?”

“That dog! That fucking dog needs to go.” Kiara spits, giving up with trying to fix the situation and instead succumbs to her own emotions.

“What?”

“I can’t… He won’t let Henley sleep and Henley won’t let me sleep and he is too much JJ. Brownie is too much!”

“We can’t kick Brownie out of the house.” With this, JJ takes Henley into his own arms and moves her to the crib in the living area.

“I didn’t want this! I’m not meant to be stuck in a life that is completely out of my control! I don’t want this!” Kiara screeches.

“Kie…”

“I’m… That dog is ruining my life!” She doesn’t even know if she believes her own words but she can’t stop herself from continuing. “He needs to go or I will go!”

She knows her words are harsh but she can’t control herself. Built up anger mixes with her lack of sleep to create someone that Kiara doesn’t even recognise. JJ just looks at Kiara in annoyance. It’s only then that Kiara realises what she said. Fuck. She cringes at her words. People have always left JJ. His own mother left JJ. And his face tells his story. A story that Kiara knows he is haunted by. “JJ. I didn’t mean…”

“I know.” JJ coughs out, avoiding her eyes. “I’ll take him and Henley and you can get your sleep.” Kiara just watches as JJ shuffles around the living room.

“What?”

“We’ll leave you alone.” Glassy eyes eventually look at Kiara. Kiara wants to scream that she doesn’t mean any of it. She needs them all. But she remains frozen to the spot, watching as JJ picks up Henley and then calls for Brownie.

Kiara just stands there as she watches them leave the chateau.

She thought her emotions would go back to normal after the baby, but now she can’t control anything. And she has lost everything.

...

Hours go by with Kiara being alone in the chateau. She cries until there are no more tears left. She cries until her tears dry on her as she falls to sleep on the pull-out in the middle of the living area.

Her own words haunt her dreams. How could she just kick Brownie out like that? How could she think that she wants anything other than them? She needs JJ. He is her life and nothing else matters.

Her own actions haunt her dreams. How she remained frozen when she watched them all leave. They may have left the chateau but it was all her fault. She spat that she was going to leave them.

Kiara sleeps even when she wants to run out of the chateau to force them to come back because she was in the wrong. But her whole body aches as she falls onto the pull-out and cannot fight the sleep that finds her. Kiara sleeps the entire storm away. The rain dries up whilst her tears keep running. When Kiara wakes, she remains lying on the pull-out in the silent chateau. It’s then that everything feels lonely. No cries fill the chateau. No barks show Kiara that a pup lives here. There are no jokes told by the boy that she loves more than life itself. No family making the chateau a home.

Floods fills her eyes. Floods that Kiara can’t stop because she has ruined everything. Kiara thought it was just her pregnancy brain but now, Kiara wonders if it is her herself. How she can’t control herself when emotions get too high. “I’m so sorry!” Kiara shrieks into the empty room.

Kiara hugs her legs as she hiccups the tears away all until sleep takes her again.

The morning light shines through the window when Kiara eventually wakes up. She wonders if she has slept for days but everything around her signifies that only a day ago, she ruined her life. Kiara thinks about crying again. Succumbing to the emotions and just giving up entirely. But she doesn’t. Because after a few seconds, Kiara realises that she is not alone in the room. Brownie. The pup that she screamed at and wanted out of the house is sat in the corner of the living area watching Kiara.

Brownie came back to her.

Kiara sits up slightly before motioning for Brownie to come closer. He remains hesitant but eventually moves to join Kiara on the pull-out, laying by her side. Kiara strokes the brown and white pup whilst crying into his fur. She could never leave him. He is just as broken as the rest of them. “I’m… I’m sorry.” Kiara hiccups into his fur. “I won’t leave, Brownie. I won’t ever leave.” Kiara watches as Brownie’s eyes turn soft before he licks at her face.

Movement makes Kiara turn to look at the corridor of the chateau. She watches as the bathroom door swings open revealing JJ. It makes her think back to that day where he showed up at the chateau all cut up during the storm. The same storm that bought them together to look after a dog named Brownie. JJ shuffles into the living area but Kiara remains lying down, stroking the fur of Brownie absent-mindedly.

“I dropped Henley off with your mom.” JJ sleeplessly whispers. Neither of them have slept since Henley. But Kiara has been too selfish to see how JJ has been affected.

“I…” Kiara stutters. “I don’t want to leave. I never want to leave.”

“I know.” JJ sits down at the side of the pull-out before moving his attention to Brownie. “You just need time.”

“I don’t know how to do this.” Kiara cries.

“We’ll work it out, Kie. I promised you that we were going to be okay and we are going to be okay.”

“I…”

“Let’s stick together from now on. And we’ll be able to work it out.”

“I know.” Kiara reaches across Brownie to catch JJ’s hand in her own.

Kiara pulls JJ down to lay the other side of Brownie. They remain close as Kiara lets out a sigh in relief. They are in this together. And that is all that matters.


	18. Something Stronger Than Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into how Kiara learns to deal with the changes in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So firstly, I am so so sorry with how the previous chapter was quite deep. It kind of got away from me but I did really want to show how relationships are rollercoasters that have to deal with all the twists and turns. 
> 
> Secondly, as I said a few chapters ago, I am in the midst of planning my next story. The issue is, I have a few different story ideas aha! So, I thought it would be for the best to ask for your opinions of what you would prefer to read about. I will put the three different descriptions in the end card if you want to have a look and give some feedback that would really help me out!
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for your kind words and for just reading this story! I am really enjoying this and am actually quite sad that it will soon come to a close. 
> 
> Anyways, sorry for the long note. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

When Kiara first moved to Outer Banks, she recognised straight away that life was different. The divide between the people working and the people paying was so big that people were given names to divide them even further. It didn’t take the young Kiara long to notice that fitting in was going to be hard.

She was a Kook officially but never understood what other Kooks spoke about. Everything was messy for Kiara when she was younger. She was a girl that liked to hang out on the beach and try (read: fail) to surf whilst all of the other Kooks her age wanted to shop and gossip about life even when they had hardly lived themselves. Everything about Outer Banks made Kiara question herself. Questions revolved around her head: ‘Why am I here?’, ‘Why am I so different to the rest of the girls?’, ‘Why don’t I want to be like them?’ Everything was messy.

Until the Pogues.

Fitting in wasn’t a necessity when Kiara was with the Pogues. The Pogues didn’t care what anyone said and didn’t take shit from anyone. It was a way to avoid emotions and breakdowns. None of them spoke about the serious shit in their lives and everything made sense to Kiara like that. She didn’t need anyone’s help with dealing with her emotions. Kiara could do everything alone and go to the Pogues for a laugh after falling apart by herself.

The Pogues had an unspoken rule along with all with all of those long-winded, pointless rules. The unspoken rule of not pitying each other. Mostly, this was done by the Pogues only having brief words about emotions. One day after Kiara’s parents told her off for forgetting to do her homework, Kiara went to the Pogues to ignore her emotions. One of the boys would say ‘you okay?’ and Kiara would just reply ‘shit day.’ And that would be it. Spending the rest of the day smoking and laughing around with the Pogues was all that was needed to get rid of the mixed emotions entirely.

When they were kids, ignoring mixed emotions was easy. Emotions were always just about small, pity arguments or a teacher giving them hell for not doing homework. Kiara should have known that the unspoken rule of not speaking about emotions would not last forever.

Emotions have changed since Kiara was a kid. From the hunt for gold all the way to her having a baby, hiding emotions and working independently to fight off the demons has become nearly impossible. It makes Kiara understand what all those people say about how change is scary and that change can unexpectedly happen. Never would Kiara have been able to guess that her emotions would create a storm through her being with JJ, married to JJ and then ending up having a baby with JJ. That’s why she doesn’t understand how JJ isn’t sharing the same whirlwind of emotions. How can he stay calm whilst everything changes?

Emotions are Kiara’s demons. And when she became pregnant, those emotions started to attack. They attacked her. They attacked Brownie. They even attacked JJ all whilst JJ stood up tall to fight against the evil. But he still came back after she yelled at him. ‘I’m not meant to be stuck in a life that is completely out of my control!’ Kiara had pretty much insinuated that she didn’t want him in her life. Nor Henley. Nor Brownie. Even when they literally are everything to Kiara.

Kiara Carrera is a bitch. Kiara knows this. Kiara knows that everyone over the last nine months have thought this. How she can’t control anything, not even herself. ‘He needs to go or I will go!’ Her words are something that she could imagine her mom saying- making the person choose between two people when there is nothing wrong with having both. It’s stupid. Kiara regretted the words as soon as she said them because Brownie changed everything.

Brownie created a sense of fitting in when Kiara had thought it must have been impossible.

Brownie is the impossible. A puppy that comes into her life on a random day in which somehow happened to be the same day that Kiara and JJ both needed a sense of home in the chateau. Kiara likes to believe that she found him in his time of need but deep down, Kiara knows that it was fate that bought Brownie to JJ and Kiara when they needed help- help to find the meaning of life when everything has fallen apart entirely.

She could never leave him. She could never leave _them._

They lay on the pull-out for what feels like hours. Kiara cries into the fur coat of Brownie whilst she cries out “I will never leave you.” The normally loud, jittery JJ is laying the other side of Brownie, still and silent as he watches Kiara with Brownie. “I will never leave you.” Kiara cries out again, not knowing if she is talking to Brownie or to JJ or to them both. But she believes her words. For the first time in a long time, Kiara finds control in saying what she wants to say without hurting everyone around her.

When Kiara looks at JJ, she watches as his eyes glass over as he watches Brownie. Brownie saved JJ. Kiara can’t help but sometimes wonder where JJ would be if that puppy didn’t find himself under that porch during that storm four months after John B and Sarah disappeared. How he looked so different to the JJ that she was friends with. How he looked like everything was over- that everything was pointless. Brownie was able to bring the real JJ back into the world. Maybe Kiara can find her true self again through the pup.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kiara’s words this time are all for JJ. JJ needs security. He always has needed security. A secure place to land when his demons became too much. It may be something that Kiara needs now, but JJ could break entirely from it. JJ looks across the Brownie to Kiara. Kiara thinks he’s about to cry or fall apart completely in front of her own eyes, but he doesn’t. A small smile appears on JJ. A smile that Kiara has learned to love just merely from how it contrasts his usual, lovable smirk in which is normally cemented on his face. It’s a small smile that only shows up around his family- around his Pogues- when emotions get too high. “I’ll never leave you, JJ.” Kiara cements.

“I know.” JJ leans over the now sleeping dog to plant a small peck on Kiara’s lips. “This is just fucking up with your emotions. Henley is fucking up your emotions but it won’t be forever.”

Kiara wants to question JJ. How can JJ possibly say that her emotions will return to normal? How does JJ know that everything will be okay? She thinks his words are just suggestions rather than the truth. Words that are hopeful when hope seems so far away. But his smile warms Kiara and makes her believe him absolutely. They’re in this together. So, if JJ believes that everything will be okay, Kiara needs to believe it as well. JJ innocently flutters his hand up and down Kiara’s side and Kiara knows that everything is okay. Because they’ve already been through hell, a new addition to the chateau can’t make them go back to hell all over again. And if the baby does, JJ and Kiara have made it out of hell alive once so they must be able to do it again.

…

The next day, Anna brings Henley back to the chateau. As soon as Kiara sees her mother’s car, Kiara wonders if she is going to break down all over again. Because this baby changes everything that Kiara cannot control. What if she hurts the baby? What if she has already damaged Henley? Kiara’s heart rate goes up when Anna takes Henley out of the car. Luckily, JJ is there to hold Kiara up by wrapping his arm around her waist before Kiara can get lost in her emotions. Having JJ’s arm around Kiara calms her slightly, even if her heartbeat still feels like a storm in her chest.

Henley is asleep when she gets taken into the chateau. It makes Kiara let out a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding. Kiara can’t say the wrong thing whilst Henley is asleep. JJ takes control, leading Henley into the nursery whilst Kiara still remains slightly taken back. Now, Kiara could have never imagined herself being a parent. But she could still imagine herself being a parent before JJ. But here JJ is, the stronger of the two parent Pogues.

JJ and Kiara lean against the crib, just staring down at the sleeping baby. So much innocent in the young blue eyes that could all be destroyed by just one word about the ever-present fight between the Kooks and the Pogues. Innocence breaks quickly in Outer Banks and Kiara can’t help but wonder how long Henley’s innocence will last. “Sleeping like her mother.” JJ quietly laughs out, still looking down at the sleeping Henley.

“Yeah right. Just wait for a sound, she’ll be asleep.” Kiara looks at JJ.

“Ah, so more like me then?” The joke makes Kiara snicker.

“Yeah. Lightest sleeper in Outer Banks.”

“Well, at least I don’t sleep through the fire alarms.” This feels normal for Kiara. Just Kiara and JJ laughing through the chateau. The only difference is that there is a small baby in the same room as them, making them keep their laughter to a hushed volume.

When Henley moves slightly, Kiara misses a breath as she anticipates the wails to come out of Henley’s mouth. But JJ just moves a blanket up Henley which stops her movements entirely. JJ remains strong throughout everything. “How do you do that?” Kiara questions when she sees JJ smiling back to the baby all over again.

“I must have the soothing touch.” JJ just shrugs off how great of a parent he is.

“No. I mean it’s more than that. How do you stay so calm? How have you not lost your cool at me, or Brownie, or Henley?”

“I’m always going to be cool, Kie.”

“JJ. I’m serious.” A sigh escapes Kiara. “How are you so confident that everything is going to work out?”

Kiara watches as JJ’s eyes flicker back and forth between Kiara and Henley, almost as if he is hunting for the words himself. A nervous laugh even escapes JJ at one moment. “I guess I just…” JJ hesitates. “I see what this is all worth.” Kiara can’t help but be confused. “I see a future with a family that is full of love rather than pain.”

“JJ…” Kiara feels a rush of guilt all at once.

“It’s not like this is going to be easy Kie. I mean, I still get nightmares of becoming my dad or making you run away with Henley and Brownie and leaving me alone. But I know they’re just nightmares because I won’t let my fears beat me up anymore. I’m calm because I want to give everything to this. And I don’t want to lose you guys because I’m pretty fond of you.”

“Well…” Kiara smirks down at the sleeping baby. “We’re pretty fond of you as well.”

“Good. Means I didn’t make a bracelet and give you my ring for nothing.” JJ jokes.

“Yeah, that would have been awkward.”

“Exactly.” Laughter represents everything about the real JJ and Kiara. And Kiara remains relieved to see that she hasn’t lost that ability as well.

Whilst Kiara fights the waves building inside her chest, JJ brightens up when he looks down at Henley. JJ has always been a smiley boy. But around Henley, it’s his eyes that lighten up as if he is seeing the purest thing in life itself. It’s as if he found the gold in Henley.

There is only one other person that Kiara has noticed that JJ lights up in front of. Brownie. Just the mere sight of the pup makes JJ get so animated as if it is Christmas day every day. The smile on his face. The glistening in his eyes. All telling the story of hope for JJ Maybank. Hope is the strongest thing in life. Because hope can build and as long as there is hope, there is a fighting chance for happiness in life. Because hope is stronger than fear. Brownie and Henley keep JJ strong. It all makes sense to Kiara. For Kiara to remain strong, she just needs to find hope.

Hope is the overall benefactor to life. Kiara can’t help but laugh at how JJ and the rest of the Pogues are so hopeful for everything even after all the shit that has happened since they were just kids. Kiara can’t stop the laughter from escaping her as JJ turns to her confused but amused. “What’s so funny, Carrera?” JJ smiles at Kiara.

“Just thinking about everything we’ve been through. What the Pogues have been through.”

“And why’s that funny?”

“Because it’s so fucked up how quickly everything changes.”

“Life is full of different routes to take Kie.” JJ mocks what Kiara can imagine Pope saying.

“Wow, nice life lesson there JJ.” The small snicker that JJ lets out lights Kiara up. “But are lives are still fucked up. I mean, imagine if we actually got the gold.”

“Imagine if Peterkin was still alive.”

“Imagine if the Cameron’s weren’t sociopaths.”

“Shit. Our lives would be so different.” JJ says, faking shock.

“We’d be rich Kooks living in Outer Banks with a Sherriff that we can still trust all whilst our neighbours aren’t crazy.” Kiara finishes.

“Boring.” There is no laughter behind JJ’s voice. Because what makes the Pogues perfect is how they don’t care or want to act like the rest of the people of Outer Banks. Just because the Kooks have money doesn’t mean that they are perfect. Money doesn’t equal happiness. The Pogues prove this.

Life would be different if Kiara had taken a different route at any moment of time, but she would have missed out on everything. And another route would not guarantee happiness. She can’t think of the what ifs. She can only look at the what will be.

When Kiara holds Henley, she hesitates but starts to see what JJ is saying about a future. Because life has fucked them up for a reason. Kiara has to believe that. Life has just tested JJ and Kiara to every element possible for this very moment. The moment that only grow for the rest of their lives. Life would be boring if everything was easy. Struggles only show that they can be strong and ready to face anything. For the first time in the entirety of Henley’s life, Kiara looks down at the girl in her arms and sees hope. Kiara sees her daughter.

…

The first five months are the hardest for Kiara. JJ knows this. JJ knows that every time Henley cries, Kiara has to fight the urge to cry along with her. JJ gets better at stopping the tears from appearing. Most of the time, JJ just rubs Kiara’s back or tells her that everything is okay, that everything is normal. Kiara doesn’t get much time to herself in the first five months and it doesn’t help that both Sarah and Anna Carrera like getting involved as if they are better mothers than Kiara.

Kiara cannot be beaten though.

Kiara’s tears just prove to JJ that she cares. Henley cries. Brownie barks. Kiara cries. Repeat. It’s just Kiara’s emotions playing her up mixed with the daunting fact that this is it… this is her daughter right in front of her eyes.

JJ gets most of the snaps. Kiara and JJ have never been great at talking about their emotions in the first place with JJ mostly pulling snarky comments at Kiara which always result in Kiara playfully rolling her eyes. It’s the normal between JJ and Kiara. And neither of them wants anything different. They are not this couple that would buy each other flowers every day all whilst calling each other sickly pet names. No. JJ and Kiara will leave that lovey dovey romantic bull crap to John B and Sarah. So, JJ just laughs off Kiara’s snaps because it’s how they have always been with each other. When Kiara snaps ‘You did this to me’ when talking about her pregnancy, JJ knows that the words just mean ‘Stay with me. I can’t deal with Henley on my own.’

Henley is eight months old when JJ thinks that himself and Kiara have become pros at this whole thing about being parents. Think being the key word. Henley is eight months old when she throws a spanner in the works. Crawling. At eight months old, Henley begins moving meaning that she is harder to track down in the proximities of the chateau.

She crawls through the rooms as if she owns the place. From room to room, hunting down her parents when they have been gone for too long. JJ and Kiara don’t catch a break when they have their secret spy of a daughter crawling to find them before they can find a good enough hiding spot. Just like JJ always does, he laughs it off joking to Kiara that Henley is probably going to be the next superhero.

It also doesn’t help their emotions when Henley easily moves to Brownie and pulls at his fur or tries to eat his food or splashes in the water bowl just for Brownie to join in and dig with her. And Brownie is no better. Brownie has always liked to play up but it’s as if he does it more now that there is a small being for him to entertain. Because whenever Brownie does something naughty, Henley is there to laugh along with him. The entirety of the chateau is filled with either ‘No, Brownie’ or ‘Henley, don’t do that.’ Yet again, JJ just laughs. Because it is as if they have two children when Brownie and Henley act as the misfits with one mission and one mission only- annoy the hell out of JJ and Kiara.

They are pretty good at working together to annoy JJ and Kiara.

The Pogues laugh at the misfits as well which only eggs them on further. With Brownie digging in the garden or Henley throwing her food all over either JJ or Kiara. John B, Pope and Sarah just laugh all whilst Kiara and JJ have to hold back their tongue before screaming the chateau down.

_No Brownie._

_Brownie, put that down._

_Brownie, leave Henley alone._

_Brownie._

_Brownie._

_Brownie._

Brownie’s name often can be heard in the small rooms of the chateau. So, it should come as no surprise that when Henley is fourteen months old, Henley speaks her first (audible) word. ‘Brownie!’ Kiara is not sure that Henley really does say Brownie’s name because it comes out quickly and all jumbled up. But JJ remains sure. Henley’s first word is Brownie.

“She didn’t say Brownie, JJ.”

“I heard her clear as day Kie, Henley said Brownie.”

“No, she didn’t.”

“My daughter is a genius Kie. Just like me.”

“Hah! Yeah right.”

After Henley’s first word, JJ and Kiara become what JJ believes as the best parents in the world. JJ can’t help but smile when Henley learns all the new words from papa to cup to dog. Watching her grow makes JJ smile. Watching Kiara start to gain control of herself makes JJ proud. Because JJ never breaks promises. And everything is going to be okay because JJ promised it would. There are moments where JJ just watches Kiara with Henley whilst Brownie sits at her feet. He mostly watches when Kiara feeds Henley in the high chair all whilst trying to see what other words Henley can say. Kiara won’t admit it but she is an amazing mom. Just as JJ predicted.

Yes, Henley’s sentences still don’t make any sense but JJ knows that she must be the smartest kid in Outer Banks. Kiara laughs every time he says it. There are setbacks to having the smartest kid in Outer Banks. Kiara is quick to become nervous that Henley will begin to pick up bad habits. Bad habits including the language heavily used by the rest of the Pogues. The potty mouth used by the entirety of the Pogues. So, Kiara is quick to enforce the new rule to all of the Pogues. ‘No bad language around Henley.’ The rule makes them all laugh because they all think the rule is going to be easy. JJ thinks it should be fine. Just change a few words and Henley will have no idea what those words are.

Shit becomes slip.

Fuck becomes fudge.

JJ thinks it’s going to be easy. Just find another word with the same number of syllables to fill the gap for the word that is normally in the sentence. JJ thinks everything should be easy. He quickly finds out the truth. 

After a long day at work, JJ comes back to the chateau wanting to just hang out and do nothing else. But Brownie has other plans. It doesn’t take long for JJ to be jumped on by an over-excited Brownie that knocks him off of his feet completely. The sudden shock makes JJ speak before looking around the room to check his surroundings. “Fuck, come on Brownie!” JJ shouts into the thought to be empty living area.

“JJ.” Kiara snaps, making JJ look around the room for the first time since coming home. Just his luck, both Kiara and Henley are sat on the floor by the pull-out.

“Shit, Kie. Fuck, wait no. Shit. No, I mean crap no I mean crab.” JJ manages to say, ignoring the sudden flustered feeling as his entire face goes pink. It’s quick for JJ to know that he will be in the dog house that night.

…

Perfect parents for a perfect child and a perfect dog. JJ is sure of it.

That is why when Henley is eighteen months old, questions start to arise about Kiara and JJ. Questions about baby number two. To be fair, JJ has never questioned this. Sure, it would be pretty cool to give Henley a sibling that isn’t a dog that cannot talk back to her but JJ knows how much Kiara had to go through to find herself after pregnancy. It isn’t JJ’s decision.

The questions come from Sarah. And Pope. And Pope’s girlfriend Zoey. And Kiara’s parents. And John B. And even random people that they walk past when they are out with Henley. Questions of what is the next step for the perfect parents. Kiara is quick with her response whilst JJ stays quiet. “No there is no next step. Henley was the final chapter.”

“But Kie, don’t you want another baby?”

“No, I’m good. I’m okay with just Henley. And anyways I have Brownie and JJ isn’t much better than a toddler anyways.”

“Hey. Actually, I am fully potty trained and can eat my food without throwing it onto the floor for Brownie to hoover up just so you know.” JJ jokes along with Kiara.

“No, you just give Brownie the food directly.”

The questions are all jokes but the questions annoyingly also get asked around Henley. Sure, she doesn’t really understand when people ask her if she wants a brother or a sister but Henley still likes to repeat new words. Her new favourite word being ‘sister.’ JJ laughs every time whilst Kiara rolls her eyes playfully. Another kid. JJ never thought he would be a domestic husband with one kid let alone a domestic husband with two kids. He’s okay with ignoring the questions and JJ is okay with Henley being their one and only. Because he doesn’t want to almost lose Kiara all over again. If she can’t believe that she is a perfect parent, a second kid may not be the answer for Kiara Carrera.

That’s why JJ can’t help but laugh at how consistent Kiara is. For the times where they are all over each other, Kiara always breathes out ‘condom’ before going any further. JJ laughs every time because it’s ironic to him that they used condoms when they got pregnant with Henley, but now Kiara thinks they are the answer. JJ won’t remind Kiara that pregnancy isn’t completely avoidable when using a condom in a fear that she will never touch him again. So, he just nods at Kiara when she breathes the word out against his lips when she is practically grinding down on his lap after Henley has fallen asleep.

The questions only grow however. Even when Kiara and JJ tell everyone that is not going to happen. Questions only grow. And Henley’s consistent ‘sister, sister, sister’ gets louder and louder as if she knows fully well how to annoy Kiara further. The issue is, the more the questions go, the easier it is for JJ to imagine it.

JJ can’t help but imagine how different his life would be. How he could have that big happy family that John B and Sarah always fantasise about. Maybe it’s because it was just JJ and his dad for so long and even before his mother left, it was just JJ and the abusive man towards a woman. Sure, the Pogues are his family. But JJ can only dream what it would be like to have that happily ever after with a big family.

Brownie makes it easy to picture. When Henley is twenty months old, toys are her everything. Whether it be the dolls that her grandma buys or if it’s the miniature surfboards that John B gives her. Henley is obsessed with her toys. And so is Brownie. Brownie loves stealing Henley’s toys when Henley isn’t even looking. It often leads to tears but whilst Kiara deals with a bickering Henley and Brownie, JJ can only imagine that this must be what it is like when two siblings bicker over their favourite toy. How one (Brownie) looks innocent whilst looking at the other (Henley) cry over the absent toy.

If the imagination stopped there, JJ would be able to suppress it. But Brownie and Henley aren’t always bickering. It’s the times where JJ or Kiara catches Henley sharing her toys with the pup whilst she plays with one of the dog toys that makes JJ smile. Because he can imagine the times where two kids come together and learn to share and play together. Where toys are for sharing and are not just for that one kid. Siblings are just another word for first best friend. Brownie is Henley’s first best (dog) friend but JJ can’t help but imagine how Henley could be a great big sister/ best friend to a younger brother or sister.

But Kiara means everything and if she is not ready, nor is ever ready, JJ will never force her. Because she has already had to fight all of her demons already.

…

Kiara is sick of the questions. It is all Sarah’s fault. One day, they are all hanging out at the chateau whilst they were watching Henley sleeping next to Brownie. Sure, they look adorable. The brunette look-a-like of Kiara with eyes just as icy as JJ’s eyes lying next to the brown and white spaniel that now has some grey mixed into his fur. They looked so innocent. But Kiara still blames Sarah for asking the question. “Either another dog or another baby, you two need one more.”

Sarah’s question almost makes Kiara throw up her drink. Kiara can’t be sure if Sarah is joking around but it makes Kiara’s heart race. Because it’s not something that she has ever thought about. One baby is enough. Kiara is an only child and she managed so Henley will manage being an only child. And another dog? Hell no. Not a chance. Too much work. Henley is still only young herself; how could Kiara and JJ be able to manage another change to their dynamic? It wouldn’t be possible.

There’s no way they would manage.

Sarah’s question spurs many other questions from the other Pogues and her own parents. All with the same agenda of seeing if Kiara wants a second baby. JJ remains quiet whenever the question arises which just cements Kiara’s understanding that one baby is enough. JJ doesn’t want to deal with pregnant Kiara again. _Kiara_ doesn’t want to deal with pregnant Kiara again even if the result is worth it in the long run. The thing is, pregnant Kiara lasts longer than the nine months that other mothers deal with. Pregnant Kiara stays around until the baby is about six months old. No one would be able to cope pregnant Kiara again. And they definitely wouldn’t be able to handle pregnant Kiara plus an old pup plus an almost two-year-old girl. Not a chance. They wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Sure, Kiara can imagine it. How Henley would have someone to play with when Brownie, JJ and Kiara gets too tired or how Henley would be completely protective of her younger sister just like how Kiara is protective of the Pogues.

No, having another baby is not a choice. Even the logistics go against the choice to have another baby. The chateau only has two bedrooms. Where would baby number two sleep? Would baby number two have to sleep in with JJ and Kiara until they eventually move out of the chateau? Would baby number two have to sleep in with Henley until Henley gets too annoyed with her sibling? No. The logistics don’t work. A lot would have to change for this all to make sense.

After the questions begin, Kiara makes the decision to be blunt about her decision. No, she can’t have another baby. She doesn’t give a reason. She doesn’t need to give a reason. Kiara has to even remain blunt in front of JJ when he looks like he is about to forget about a condom when they get too touchy feely after Henley goes to sleep. Kiara has to remind him, making sure that they are doing everything to stop pregnancy causing issues with the logistics.

Kiara ignores her mother when Anna becomes insistent on having more than one grandchild. She ignores every message from Sarah when Sarah asks if Kiara wants to. Have another girl or a boy next time. She ignores any discussion of the decision to have another child because Kiara doesn’t know how to answer. The logistics is a pathetic answer but it’s the only thing stopping Kiara from saying yes. She isn’t even scared of her emotions anymore. But that doesn’t mean she should just change everything about herself again by having another kid.

The issue is when Henley is twenty-one months old, it comes crystal clear that JJ wants another child. He tries to hide his want and he’s the only one that doesn’t question it. Even Henley has questioned it by waking up every morning with one work on her lips “Sister?” JJ keeps quiet when the questions float around but Kiara knows JJ too well for him to hide from her. JJ lights up when the questions are asked, as if he is hoping that Kiara is about to change her answer. Kiara never changes her answer.

JJ doesn’t think about the impact of baby number two.

But everything in Kiara’s mind changes when they are down at the beach for Henley’s second birthday.

It’s a normal day where JJ plays fetch with Brownie whilst Henley chases after Brownie and Kiara laughs after them. So, it confuses Kiara when she feels everything change. She watches as Henley waddles after Brownie with JJ close behind. Kiara watches as JJ picks up Henley to help her get closer to the slowing-down pup. When they catch Brownie, JJ falls to the ground throwing Henley on top of him all whilst Brownie jumps around them. Laughter can be heard from the pile of bodies and Henley’s soft word of “Again, daddy again!”

“Go get mommy.” Kiara hears JJ breathlessly say.

Kiara has no time to prepare before Henley knocks the air out of Kiara. Kiara laughs as falls back against the sand, hugging Henley tightly whilst placing small kisses all over her face. “Daddy up to no good again?” Kiara asks, smiling up at JJ.

“Daddy’s the best.” Henley replies. JJ is everyone’s favourite. Henley. Brownie. Even Kiara’s own father from time to time. “He tells me stories about Popes.” Henley nonchalantly says whilst fiddling with Kiara’s bracelet.

“Popes?”

“Pogues.” JJ clarifies. Henley keeps struggling but to be fair, Pope is someone she sees every day and Pogues are what she hears about every day.

“Ah, the story about the gold?”

“Gold, yeah.” Henley manages to say before making her way back to Brownie.

Henley is just like Kiara. In awe with how JJ tells his stories.

They really are the perfect family. Not that Kiara would ever admit it out loud. It’s this moment when she looks to see how JJ glows as he watches Brownie and Henley playing that Kiara forgets about all the minor issues with having baby number two. Because this is what she wants. Kiara wants to spend every day seeing JJ glow with hope for the future. Hope for the big family that neither of them thought they even deserved.

Kiara forgets about all the minor issues with having baby number two. Because this is what she wants. Kiara wants to spend every day seeing JJ glow with hope for the future. Hope for the big family that neither of them thought they even deserved.

“Maybe you could add another Pogue to your stories?” Kiara casually says, looking down at the ring on her finger, hoping he would understand.

“What?” Of course, JJ doesn’t understand.

“What if Henley has someone younger to play with? Maybe a sibling?” She watches as his eyes explode. Kiara never expected to say these words but, in this moment, they all make sense.

“Kiara Carrera, are you preg…”

“No.” Kiara cuts in. “But what if I become pregnant?”

“You said one was enough.”

“People change, JJ.”

“But you hate change.” She knew convincing JJ that she is being serious would be hard.

“Maybe I want to see a future where Henley has a sibling. Neither of us had siblings…”

“Yes we did, we had the Pogues.” Kiara can’t help but roll her eyes at JJ’s words.

“I’m serious JJ. I want to do this.”

“Really? Baby number two?” Kiara just nods.

“Baby number two. And besides, I want to finally have a baby that prefers me.”

“No promises Kie.” JJ laughs, making Kiara laugh as well.

Baby number two. For the first time, that doesn’t scare Kiara.

JJ hastily plants a kiss on Kiara’s cheek before running over to Henley. Kiara can hear his words clear as day. “Henley. Do you want to hear a story about the future Pogues?”

Future Pogues. Kiara loves the sound of that already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I said up above I have three story ideas that I have circulating in my head. I would love to hear what you guys think is the best story to go along with as I love all three of my ideas and don't know what to choose aha.
> 
> 1) A prequel story/slight AU: Probably rated M. Focussing on Kiara moving to Outer Banks and meeting the Pogues and the Kooks. Meeting JJ and starting a secret relationship with the Pogue whilst she is still a Kook. Would be a prequel to the actual show but just a few tweaks with how Kiara met the group. Similar to my one-shot named 'What if (secrets are dug in the best friends' back yard)?
> 
> 2) One-Shots: A collection of prompts with different ratings focussing on JJ and Kiara.
> 
> 3) JJ-centric fic: Probably rated M. Focussing on how John B and Sarah's disappearance affected JJ the most. From JJ going home to being forced to move away from his dad. This fic would focus on the three boys: JJ, Pope and Rafe. JJ's part would focus on how he can find hope in the corners of darkness. Pope's part would focus on him trying to avenge John B and Sarah. Rafe's part would focus on himself falling apart over regret and hopelessness. Would centre heavily over the fight between Kooks and Pogues. JJ/Kiara centric relationship with Kiara saving JJ, Pope/Other Character, John B/Sarah. 
> 
> Also, if you have any other ideas I would love to hear. Thank you so much!!


	19. Maybe... Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara and JJ keep a secret from the rest of the Pogues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, thank you all so much for your help last chapter! Just know that I am still planning on all three and seeing where it takes me but your input has really helped me out! I am looking at doing the one-shot idea anyways alongside a full-lengthed story. That is, if I find enough prompts or think of enough ideas for a long list of one-shots. So, if anyone does have any prompts I am happy to listen to them. I want to have as many prompts as I can find aha!
> 
> And again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. I do hope you enjoy this chapter!

Hope.

It’s an emotion that has never come easy to Kiara.

Sure, Kiara likes to believe that she sees the cup as being half full in comparison to half empty. Kiara likes to believe that she can see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter the situation. But hope itself has always been hidden behind a lack of confidence in the world around her. Hope for the world is a dream for Kiara. A dream that can only come from everyone teaming up together to take down the destruction that is bought onto the world. The world is filled with hopeless people. People that can’t see what Kiara can see. So, how can Kiara be hopeful in a world filled with hopeless people that don’t see the damage that is happening to the world? Kiara can’t remain hopeless when she feels like the only one.

Hope.

JJ Maybank is someone that Kiara likes to describe as a boy that is filled with reckless hope that is more like a laughing fantasy. It’s the hope that the Pogues would become millionaires or the fantasy that JJ would eventually move to Yucatan and live a stress-free life there. Hope is reckless and out of reach for JJ. But Kiara never thought JJ could be filled with rational hope. Hope with meaning. Hope that is in reach for the future in front of him. With the world filled with hopeless people, JJ shines bright, open and confident in the process of hope in front of him.

Hope has filled their lives ever since Brownie came into their lives. Brownie was the hope to finding a way to put broken, out of place pieces together and find a way to create something magnificent. And sure, something magnificent came at them like a fearful wave in the middle of a treacherous storm but the baby that came from something presented a new look for their future that neither of them had expected.

Baby number one changed everything for JJ and Kiara. It only took two years for Kiara to see the sun shining through the dark clouds. Hope. And when hope starts to climb out of its pit, it cannot be stopped. Not by fear. Not by recklessness. Hope is the strongest concept of them all. So, hope keeps building. Hope for a better life- a life that Kiara and JJ deserve.

Maybe destruction can be stopped with a little hope.

Maybe all it takes for one person to make a difference, is hope.

“Maybe you could add another Pogue to your stories?” Kiara asks JJ without even having to think about it. She doesn’t have to worry about the logistics because JJ and Kiara can climb through any storm. They managed to fight away Kiara’s demons when she was pregnant with Henley. Kiara can’t remain scared of even trying to find the future that she deserves. JJ always surprises her. Because JJ doesn’t ever look scared about their future. He remains hopeful through everything that the future has to offer- everything good as well as everything bad.

Maybe Kiara deserves that romantic bullshit of an ending that Sarah always goes on about. Where the prince and the princess end up happily ever after. It has always made Kiara laugh that Sarah sees Kiara as a princess; and even weirder, Sarah sees JJ as a prince. Happily ever after doesn’t exist. Kiara is sure of it. The stories in those movies create the perfect stories that trick everyone into believing that they are the best things in the world. That people shouldn’t settle for anything other than happily ever after. The arch in those stories make people believe that a perfect relationship will only ever have to conquer the one misstep in a relationship. But it’s not reality. And Kiara is happy with that because she believes that the relationships that have to go through hell multiple times do so just to prove how perfect they are for each other.

Kiara is sure that perfection is subjective. Perfection is imperfect in the face of another person.

Kiara knows ‘the epic love story of JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera’ (as Sarah calls it) doesn’t need to be compared to any of those movies. Because realism is more important than trying to live up to any fantasy. JJ and Kiara like to do things their own way and listen to nobody about what should be happening in their lives. It’s why Kiara is great at ignoring every person that tells her that she should have a second baby. Even a few weeks after agreeing with JJ over Baby number two, she doesn’t tell the Pogues or her parents or anyone else in the world because it’s a decision between JJ and Kiara. Baby number two is a personal, rational decision. A decision that they deserve.

Baby number two is a secret that JJ and Kiara keep from the rest of the Pogues. With JJ and Kiara smiling at each other subtly when the rest of the Pogues are not looking or continuing to tease with the Pogues. When Sarah speaks of how Henley looks just like Kiara, Sarah also quips “If you ever listen to us, I bet baby two looks just like JJ.” But Kiara and JJ keep going with their game.

“Never going to happen.”

“Two babies? Yuck no thanks.” Kiara thinks that they should win awards for their acting skills. Because the rest of the Pogues believe them and don’t ask many more questions all whilst JJ and Kiara sneak off to be alone, together and free to do whatever without the restrictions of a condom. It’s a secret that they don’t mind keeping from the Pogues. Because it’s fun and exciting all at once.

Any form of fear for a second kid disappears in the nights at the chateau. Kiara’s breaths remain calm as she watches JJ tell Henley a story to help her fall asleep. His stories always work. Kiara watches from the doorway whilst the story fills the room, JJ not even realising that Kiara is there. “The storm was getting high and the loud rumbles in the sky made the hero Brownie shout the night away all whilst your mommy and daddy try to get him to stay quiet. Brownie shouts the night until mommy calms down and looks at daddy. Mommy calms down to the hero Brownie when he sits at their feet and saves the day.” Kiara just listens. Listens to his words. His words make Kiara know that this is happening. JJ and Kiara are happening. And it’s not something to be fearful of.

“Brownie saved mommy and daddy?” Henley sleepily asks, fussing the fur of Brownie who is leaning against her bed.

“Yeah. Brownie always saves mommy and daddy.” JJ smiles at Henley and Kiara’s butterflies explode.

“Always.” Kiara chokes out, finally catching the attention of JJ and their daughter. When JJ smiles up at Kiara purely, she knows it’s the future that she deserves. He is the future that she deserves. And one more addition will not throw a spanner in the works.

Pure happiness comes from the smallest of hope. Just like this morning, two weeks since they made that decision on baby number two. A morning where Kiara wakes up before Henley, before Brownie and even before JJ. Kiara wakes to hear the birds chirping through her windows. Their morning song promise for a perfect day.

Kiara rolls to face the sleeping JJ. Just this sight of JJ contrasts completely how JJ was only almost nine years ago. The JJ smirk is subtle but it is there, contrasting to how his face used to be scrunched together until his fears woke him up completely. His hands are inadvertently fiddling with Kiara’s curls whilst his other hand remains under his head. In this moment, JJ looks so soft and innocent. Everyone always tells Kiara that Henley looks just like Kiara. But in this moment, the sleeping JJ reminds Kiara completely of their brunette daughter whose eyes sparkle like the sea.

A small laugh leaves Kiara as she hears the soft snore come out of JJ. The normally light-sleeper JJ is in a deep sleep in this moment. Kiara moves closer when JJ accidentally pulls at the ends of a strand of Kiara’s curls. Kiara moves closer so she can see every aspect of JJ’s face. He still looks like that boy from their past. The same boy that was so set on finding the gold and running to Yucatan. JJ is still that boy, even if his hair is shorter and there are no longer the new bruises that scatter his face.

Kiara ghosts her hand up his face, almost as if she is trying to memorise a face that she already knows so well. Kiara ghosts her hand past the cut on his forehead- that last cut that inevitably set him physically free. Kiara moves her hand further up to run through the golden locks that she never thought she would ever love so much. The smell of sea salt mixes with the smell of vanilla. JJ. The new JJ that doesn’t fill the darkness with weed and alcohol. Because JJ has found a new way to fight his demons. A way that is working.

Man, Kiara loves him.

Every aspect of JJ makes Kiara’s heart skip and see the future that he is offering. A future of happiness. Kiara moves even closer, closing any space between the two sleepy bodies. JJ’s eyes remain closed, making Kiara wonder what sweet dream he is thinking about.

Stroking becomes boring for Kiara. It feels like she has been watching JJ sleeping for hours and becomes bored. Normally, she would wake up after him to the smell of burning pancakes or the smell of coffee that JJ has delivered to her especially. Kiara finds herself moving in JJ’s grip to lay kisses along his jaw, moving up to his ear in the way that she knows he likes. She strokes her hand through his hair whilst continuing to kiss underneath his ear, trying to wake him up in the best way possible.

She feels his hand start to work its way up her sleep shirt as Kiara sucks lightly on JJ’s jaw. His hands flutter to only make Kiara want more. But JJ’s eyes remain shut. Almost like he is trying to play a dangerous game. But Kiara is not a loser. Not when it comes to JJ. “Fine. Keep sleeping and I’ll just finish myself off.” Kiara whispers seductively into his ear. Just like Kiara predicts, JJ’s eyes snap open as he flips them over so he hovers over Kiara. Kiara just laughs when JJ catches her in a searing kiss.

“I definitely can help with that.” JJ smirks when he moves his hands lower.

“Are you up for the job?” Kiara unknowingly arches her back, making sure that there is no space between the two of them.

“Definitely.”

“Then get on and make a baby, Maybank.”

JJ’s eyes darken when he moves to take off her sleep shirt. JJ’s lips reattach to Kiara’s neck and she is sure that she is already seeing stars. Stars that don’t seem to go away when she is around JJ. Adrenaline fills Kiara when JJ moves above her, urging her for more and more. JJ is about to pull at her underwear when the door slams open.

They quickly rush to hide themselves under the covers before they even think about looking at who the intruder is. Kiara grunts angrily when she turns to the door, expecting to see one of the Pogues smirking at them. So close. Kiara was so close in starting something glorious this morning. And the intruder is about to pay the price. Kiara opens her eyes at the door but it’s not one of the Pogues looking back at her. Instead, Kiara’s eyes explode when she sees Henley sleepily make her way into the room.

_Great. Interrupted by a fucking two-year old. Just great._

Henley moves to the bed before climbing up between Kiara and JJ. Kiara freezes entirely, not sure what to do. If it was anyone other than Henley, Kiara would either throw the intruder out of the room or take JJ by his wrist and find privacy in the bathroom. But even Kiara knows that she can’t throw a naïve two-year old out of the room. When Henley moves to sit closer to JJ, Kiara can’t help but laugh at the obvious pain that JJ is in. JJ lets out a small grunt that almost makes Kiara jump him anyways but she holds herself back and focuses on their daughter.

...

Interruptions seem to be the game that Kiara and JJ get good at. Because for the next three months, someone is always there to ruin their moment. Whether it be Henley who is having a nightmare or if it is Brownie crying the night away. JJ and Kiara cannot catch a break. And thee Pogues are no better. The last few months, it’s as if the Pogues try to keep Kiara from JJ. It frustrates Kiara the most.

The dynamic changes quickly when news travels around the Pogues that John B is going to propose to Sarah. When they find out, Pope, Kiara and JJ just let out a breath of relief. “Fucking finally.” JJ jokes out.

“Get on and do it because I am bored of Sarah moaning that she isn’t married whilst I am.” Kiara adds to the joke.

Kiara doesn’t fully understand why John B worries about asking Sarah. Their relationship is made for the movies. Perfection whilst they don’t even have to try. It’s the classic story that ends in a massive wedding. A wedding that Kiara knows Sarah has been wishing on for years. The Pogues can’t hold back laughter when they watch John B pacing back and forth whilst trying to find the best way to propose.

“Dude, why don’t you just propose like I did.” JJ quips in.

“I don’t want to propose during sex, JJ.” John B keeps pacing.

“Hey, just because you’re not the best in bed doesn’t mean the proposal will be bad.”

“JJ.” Kiara jokingly warns.

“I mean, I’m the best in bed. Anyone would have said yes to me when it’s during sex.” JJ mumbles on, incoherently.

“JJ!” Kiara warns a little louder, still hoping her words come out as a joke.

“Come on Kie, you know that I’m a fucking romantic.” Strangely, Kiara does know this. Even if JJ doesn’t think of himself as the hopeless romantic.

“JJ Maybank- the romantic. Who knew?” Pope laughs out.

“Kiara here obviously knew.” JJ’s smirk only makes Kiara miss a breath, whilst the other Pogues smirk at her.

“Just ask her, John B. She has literally been waiting for this since you started going out. All you need to do is find the perfect opportunity to ask her.” Kiara thinks her words are perfect. Perfect for John B and Sarah.

“God, you’re such a girl Kie.” JJ jokes, making Kiara roll her eyes. “Perfect opportunity? You really love the romance movies, don’t you?”

“Definitely.” Pope adds.

“Yep.” John B follows suit.

“You guys are pigs. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl.” Kiara argues.

“Nothing wrong with pigs either, Kie.” John B argues back.

“They do make great bacon.” JJ joins sides with the rest of the boys.

“I’m just thinking like Sarah.” Kiara tries to counteract their laughter. But it doesn’t work. The three boys keep laughing at Kiara.

_Just like the old days._

Of course, John B’s jitteriness is for nothing. Because a few days after John B tells the Pogues, John B invites the entire group out for a nice meal where he ends up dropping to one knee and asking his soulmate to marry him. And of course, Sarah cries yes. It’s the fairytale proposal that suits John B and Sarah completely. And Kiara can only smile at their happiness.

Because they deserve happiness.

They all deserve happiness.

Texts from Sarah fly through her phone the entire time JJ and Kiara travel back to Figure Eight to pick up Henley and Brownie from Kiara’s parent’s house.

**Sarah:** Tomorrow morning. 8 sharp. We need to start planning.

_Sent at 11:27pm._

**Kiara:** I won’t be awake at 8, Sarah.

_Sent at 11:47pm._

**Sarah:** Yes, you will be because I will be forcing you out of bed otherwise.

_Sent at 11:50pm._

Kiara knows that she should have expected the texts. Kiara should have expected that Sarah would never settle for anything other than the wedding that you see in the Disney movies. Sarah will probably even ask for a wedding dress made by mice at this rate. Kiara should expect the unexpected when it comes to Sarah Cameron.

Kiara knows that she should also expect the unexpected when it comes to her own parents.

When JJ and Kiara walk into the Carrera household in Figure Eight, they remain shocked with the sight of the living area. The living area has been made into a den. The cushions are on the floor whilst a white blanket and a duvet surround them creating a canopy above the den. Fairy lights are scattered around the room. Kiara remains frozen at this sight. Because Anna Carrera has never let any mess happen in her living area. Nothing is ever meant to ruin the show home of the Carrera household. But this living room looks homey. As if Anna Carrera has gone crazy.

And maybe Anna Carrera has gone crazy. Because not only is her living room a mess, Anna has let Brownie into a carpeted room and has actually let Henley lay down on the floor with a bag of cookies still in her hands. Food in the living area? Not even a young Kiara was allowed food in this room. Kiara looks into the den to freeze completely. Because not only is Henley and Brownie asleep on the floor, surrounded by pillows and pages of colouring, but Kiara’s own mother is in between Henley and Brownie sleeping soundly. With no care in the world.

Yeah, Anna Carrera must be crazy.

Kiara looks at JJ as if to ask a silent ‘what the fuck?’ without waking the three campers. JJ must hear the silent words because he just shrugs and smirks down at the sight of the three sleepers. Anna Carrera has actually let the old pup sleep on her. Anna Carrera has actually let Henley have fun and be a kid when Kiara was never given that opportunity.

They make their way further into the house before bursting into laughter. “My mom has actually lost her mind.”

“Yeah. Looks like it.”

“She probably would even let you hug her.” Kiara jokes into the room.

“Oh my god, a seal of approval.”

“You can stay here tonight.” Kiara almost jumps at the voice of her dad. She turns around to face him, confusion filling her. “Your mom has changed a lot but I know she will be mad if she found out that you came to pick up Henley and didn’t bother to speak to her.” His words make sense. So, she just nods not feeling the need to argue.

Her bedroom is exactly as she remembers. Even her wardrobe is still filled with the midsummer dresses that she hated. Her bed is still covered with the plush toys that Mike always brought her on her birthday. Her childhood still echoes around Kiara’s old room. But she feels like a stranger in her own room nowadays. Kiara sits on the bed before watching JJ look around the room, taking in every element of the room. “What are you doing, JJ?” Kiara ends up asking.

“I’ve never been in your room, Kie. Just having a look.” JJ jokes.

“It’s just a room.”

“It’s your bedroom Kie. You obviously don’t have my mind.” Kiara just playfully rolls her eyes before laying down flat on her old bed.

When the bed moves, Kiara lifts her head to see JJ sitting on the end of the bed wearing a confusing expression. “JJ?” Kiara asks, concern filling her.

“Would you have liked that?”

“Liked what?”

“That proposal?” Finally, JJ looks at Kiara, still with a hooded expression. “You know, something special like a meal out or something?”

“JJ…”

“Did you want the movies?”

“No.” Kiara puts plainly before sitting up next to JJ. “No, I didn’t want the fucking movies JJ because I had you. We’re not the movies.”

“I know…”

“And that’s a good thing. Because we’re real. And I need something real in my life.” Kiara can’t help but move her hand to cup his cheek, forcing JJ to look at her. “And anyways, planning is boring. I think it’s hot that you asked when you were ready.”

“You thought it was hot?” It’s then that his smirk reappears as his hand flickers against her bare leg.

“Definitely.” Kiara unintentionally begins to move closer to JJ. “And I know what else could be hot right now? Something that people keep walking in on.”

“And what if your parents walk in?” JJ moves closer to lean and breathe the words into her ear.

“I don’t know if I will be able to stop anyways.” No more words are needed. As JJ leans forward and kisses Kiara deeply. So deep in fact that Kiara is pushed down onto her bed, JJ moving to straddle her.

Kiara and JJ know every aspect of each other when they come together. But that doesn’t stop JJ from asking along the way. Making sure that Kiara is comfortable every step of the way. When JJ asks “Are you sure?” Kiara wonders if it is him asking if she is sure about sex, or if she is sure about baby number two. But it doesn’t matter to Kiara. Because Kiara is sure about everything.

And it’s safe to say, it’s a good thing that nobody interrupted them on this night.

...

Everything is different this time around. From the fact that Kiara doesn’t find out about her pregnancy from her mother to the fact that Kiara isn’t scared to tell JJ the truth. Because this time, Kiara waits to do the tests with JJ.

Same triggers. Different intensities. Kiara starts throwing up about a week after John B proposed to Sarah. But this sickness doesn’t make Kiara throw JJ in the dog house. Instead, Kiara remains hopeful that this is one of the signs. A week later, the mixed hormones begin to appear. Especially when it comes to Henley being fussy with her food or when Brownie tries to jump to steal the food straight from the two-year old’s hands. But when her anger seems endless, inside Kiara is smiling. Because it’s another sign her mother noticed when it was all about Henley.

She waits one more week after the signs before buying the pregnancy tests. Kiara buys multiple tests to make sure that they are reliable. But instead of hoping for a negative, this time Kiara wants them to be positive. To be hopeful that maybe their dreams are coming true.

Waiting those minutes for those tests to be ready is a nightmare. Kiara’s heart is thudding and Kiara can’t help but wonder if JJ is feeling the same as he sits next to Kiara on the pull-out. In this moment, Kiara is thankful that Sarah has taken Henley dress shopping and that Brownie has been sleeping a lot more recently. Interruption now would be awkward, saying that JJ and Kiara have still not told anyone about trying for baby number two. “So, we just wait?”

“That’s what I did last time.”

“Well, I am a virgin at this. Sorry for asking questions.”

“We just wait JJ.”  
  


Hearts thud for a completely different reason this time. First of all, this time Kiara doesn’t have her head in a toilet in a wedding dress shop whilst she waits for the pregnancy test. Secondly, Kiara doesn’t feel the guilt or the nerves or anything bad about this possibility. Sure, it’s going to be hard having to deal with Pregnant Kiara all over again but the result is worth it. Kiara thinks. No. Kiara knows.

So, they wait for the tests in silence. Kiara’s heart thudding for the future all whilst JJ keeps tapping his fingers against his knees. Nerves? Maybe. Anticipation? Definitely. When the timer beeps to indicate that the tests are ready, Kiara can hear JJ’s gulp before he even speaks. “I guess that means it’s time.” JJ puts plainly.

“Yeah.” A deep breath escapes them both when Kiara leans over to the tests and looks at the result.

_Positive… Positive… Positive…_

All of the tests read positive. Just like they did the first time. Same triggers. Same signs. Different emotions. But the same results. Pregnant Kiara will return.

“You’re pregnant, Kie.” JJ smiles at Kiara before running his hands through his hair as he stands up. It’s like Christmas all over again for JJ. Kiara just watches amazed as JJ jumps up and down with a Cheshire cat smile plastered onto his face. “Oh my god, we’re pregnant! Again!”

“Yeah.” Kiara eventually smiles, liking the excitement from the boy in front of her. Kiara even stands up as she feels her smile grow.

“Henley’s going to have a brother or a sister!”

“Yeah.”

“Brownie’s going to have another baby to play with!”

“Yeah, JJ! Yes.” Kiara laughs as she joins in jumping around with JJ. JJ’s excitement eventually gets the better of him when he pulls Kiara into a tight hug, leaving Kiara no real room to breathe. “JJ!” Kiara manages to laugh out.

In a sudden, JJ lets go of Kiara completely. “Shit. Don’t want to squash my baby now, do I?” Kiara can only manage to smile at his excitement as she watches JJ fall to the ground in front of her.

“What are you doing?” Kiara asks, intrigued. She watches as JJ lifts up the bottom of Kiara’s t-shirt, letting her stomach go cold. Goosebumps form on her body as she feels her cheeks warm up just from JJ’s touches.

“I’m going to be your daddy, baby number two.” JJ whispers into her stomach before laying a small kiss onto Kiara. Kiara can’t even wipe the smile from her face. Because this is it. This is the pure happiness that hope can bring.

Jaws fall to the ground when the truth comes out. “Wait. Why are you not drinking?” John B obliviously asks after the silence gets boring.

“Oh my god.” Pope reacts.

“You guys…” Sarah’s jaw is still to the ground which only makes Kiara and JJ snicker.

“Oh my god.” Pope repeats, voice getting stressed with shock.

“What? What’s going on?” John B looks around the rest of the group, confusion plastered on his face.

“Wait. Did we not tell you guys that we were trying?” JJ smirks to the rest of the group as they look around each other, shock keeps building. It’s then that John B’s jaw falls, obviously finally working it out for himself.

“You’re pregnant?” John B practically screams, only making the rest of the Pogues laugh and Henley look up to her parents, confused.

“Yeah.” JJ puts plainly.

“Yep. Henley is going to have a baby brother or sister.”

“Sister!” Henley insists.

...

Pregnancy number two feels different for Kiara. From how the baby won’t stop kissing to how the baby will not stop making her stomach turn. Sure, Pregnancy Kiara has been easier to keep at bay, but Kiara feels even more irritated with herself. Waking up in the middle of the night either because the baby is pushing her buttons or the baby is making her run to the bathroom. Kiara is only four months pregnant when she starts to get bored of being pregnant all over again.

After throwing up or turning over for the millionth time that night, Kiara makes sure she wakes up JJ to let him know what she is going through. When he laughs, Kiara has to fight the urge to lightly hit him “You try carrying this baby.”

“Maybe the next one.” JJ jokes.

“Not a chance.” Kiara doesn’t even bother to think about how it’s just a joke. “No more babies.”

“That’s what you said about baby number two.”

“JJ.” Kiara just warns.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” With that, he plants a peck to her cheek to try and fight away the pains from baby number two.

It doesn’t help that the times where Kiara is not having to fight off the pregnancy hormones or Kiara has to deal with a fussy Henley or a fussy Brownie, Kiara has to deal with the bridezilla that is Sarah Cameron. Kiara should have expected it. Because Sarah has always reached for the best and will not settle for anything lower than the best. But it gets on Kiara’s nerves that she is the maid of honour and has to deal with all the meltdowns.

Kiara should be the one having a meltdown, not Sarah. Because bringing a baby into this world is a lot more difficult than having a stupid wedding. Not that she would tell Sarah that. But Kiara just goes along with Sarah’s crazy antiques. Because Sarah has had to put up with not one Pregnant Kiara, but two. And they will always be crazy best friends that will fight through anything together.

The wedding comes around quickly. But Kiara can’t stop smiling about how perfect the wedding is for John B and Sarah. It’s not as big as what Kiara had imagined. Just a small ceremony at the abandoned church that apparently is important to Sarah and John B before making their way to the Wreck for food and drink and music and festivities. Everything is white. Everything is perfect. From the flowers that make the Wreck look a lot Kookier than expected, to the soft touches of money bouquets that bring the subtle Pogueness to the wedding. Their wedding is Kook meets Pogue. Representing John B and Sarah perfectly.

Romeo and Juliet. Kook and Pogue. A story for the ages. But this story cannot end in tragedy when it’s John B and Sarah.

Henley dances for the entire night. Grabbing anyone that she can to force them to move with her. Kiara and JJ dance with her every other song before she grabs one of her favourite uncles and forces them to dance. Every few songs, Henley runs to Kiara and cries “I want Brownie to be here.” Kiara has to try and explain to an almost three-year old that Brownie is having a sleepover with grandma.

Henley moans around the dancefloor after hearing that Brownie gets a sleepover and she doesn’t. It’s moments like these that Kiara only sees JJ in Henley. Always moaning about the small things that Kiara can’t help but laugh at. Kiara ends up watching as Henley dances around with some of the other kids at the wedding. Two boys and another girl. The sight makes Kiara almost cry. Maybe it’s her hormones. But Kiara thinks it’s the sight of Henley finding her own Pogues to fight away the Kook demons.

The baby in her stomach is not her friend at this wedding. Just the thought of food makes Kiara think about running to the bathroom even though she would much prefer to watch JJ dance with Henley. “Your daughter’s the best.” Sarah drunkenly mutters when she sits next to Kiara.

“Yeah, she is.” Kiara smiles at Henley. God, that girl loves to dance.

Kiara finds herself mesmerised as she watches Henley twirl around in her bridesmaid dress. A smile plays on Kiara’s lips as she watches her future in front of her.


	20. Home is Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Kiara’s pregnancy and the years that follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two chapters to go! Oh my god thank you all so much for your comments and kudos! It means the world! That's all I have to say other than, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Logistics. Kiara can’t help but think about the logistics of having another baby. And these logistics are hard to ignore when Kiara is two thirds of the way through her pregnancy. The logistics of where the baby will live, what the baby will need, how Brownie and Henley will react to the baby. Logistics that Kiara was an idiot to not think about when she told JJ that she was ready for another baby. Mentally? Yes, Kiara was ready. Physically? Hell no, Kiara was not ready. And neither was JJ. But JJ likes to just smile and skip around the chateau when the matter is bought up. He doesn’t think of what changes need to be made for another baby.

At six months, the logistics haunt Kiara.

So much so that she ends up thinking about talking about moving in with her mother. Kiara cringes when she asks because sure, Anna has become a lot more bearable since Henley; but Kiara is still not sure how Anna Carrera would deal with letting Kiara, Henley, Brownie and JJ move in with her. Because sure, Anna likes to act like the perfect grandparent to Henley and the perfect parent to Kiara but JJ is a different matter. Kiara laughs at the thought of Anna even thinking about letting the Pogue Maybank into her house until they sort another house out.

Maybe it’s just her pregnant brain that is trying to find anything to stress over because the actual baby itself isn’t stressing Kiara out. Maybe it’s the stubborn part of her brain clashing with the recklessness in JJ. Kiara likes to see sense in a situation and the baby can’t come into a world that has not been planned at all.

At six months, Kiara finds herself desperate for a plan of attack. Even if that means moving into the Carrera residence purely for more space.

So, it’s decided. Kiara practically runs to the chateau to tell JJ the plan after a long day at working at the Wreck. Excitement fills Kiara because it all makes sense. And at the Carrera’s house, there would be more people to help to make sure that Kiara doesn’t freak again like she did with Henley. JJ wouldn’t have to deal with Kiara alone. JJ wouldn’t have to live with an emotional Kiara alone.

Kiara runs into the fish shack that over the years has become their home. Kiara doesn’t even know what to say, she kind of just hopes the words roll out of her when she sees JJ. But JJ is not in the living area of the chateau. Nor is he in either bedrooms. Nor the kitchen. Not even the bathroom. Kiara looks around confused, knowing that Henley was out with John B and Sarah for the day. But there is no sign of Brownie either.

“JJ?” Kiara calls into the empty chateau, still trying to catch her breath and find words in her jumbled-up mind. Maybe he went for a run with Brownie? Or down to the beach? Kiara scrunches her eyebrows together before walking towards the front door.

For years now, Kiara and JJ have a rule: always tell each other where the other is. And neither of them have ever broken this rule. So, it confuses Kiara when she looks around the chateau to see no JJ, when he said he would be here all day. A bark catches Kiara’s attention when she walks to the front door. When she looks out of the door, there they are. JJ and Brownie. Coming back from who knows where. “JJ.” Kiara breathes out.

“Hello to you too.” JJ smirks before kissing her cheek and opening the chateau’s door completely.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay. That doesn’t sound good.” JJ half-jokes, but Kiara can see the concern through his awkward, nervous laugh.

“It’s about our plan.” Her words only make JJ roll his eyes because JJ has always hated plans. Structure is a swear word to JJ.

“No.”

“JJ…”

“We can talk about whatever, lovely plan you have for us later, but right now? Right now, you are following me.”

“What?”

“Kiara Carrera, follow me.”

Kiara doesn’t find any more words before JJ is pushing her into the chateau. Kiara wants to question further or scoff at whatever game he is playing. But no words come out of Kiara as JJ pushes her through their home. No words come out of Kiara, even when he stops suddenly outside the door to the office. Big John’s office. The office they haven’t really been in since moving into the chateau.

“What’s going on, Maybank?” Kiara asks, half intrigued but also half concerned. Has JJ lost his mind? Has he gone crazy all whilst Kiara was worried that it would be herself going crazy?

“I want to show you something.” He motions to the door of the office.

“It’s Big John’s office.” Kiara can’t help but smile and continue whatever game he is playing with her. “I know what this room is JJ. I mean, we did almost get killed in it.”

“Okay but…” JJ rolls his eyes which only makes Kiara laugh. But all laughter dies down when he opens the door. Because it’s not an office anymore. It’s just a plain, simple room. No furniture. Nothing. “What if it’s not an office anymore?”

Speechless.

Kiara remains speechless whilst she walks into the empty room. Her jaw hangs open as she looks around. Big John’s office. The same office that the thugs beat down to try and get to John B and take the compass. The room was cluttered back then. All walls covered in treasure maps and proof to help Big John find the gold. But this is not that room any longer. Same walls in which are no longer cluttered but provide room for a new adventure. A blank canvas for the new future. “JJ.” Kiara manages to say, still completely shocked.

“I know. I’m sorry for not running it past you.”

“What did you do with the stuff?”

“I gave it to John B. But I can probably get it back if you hate it.” Oh boy, JJ can be a pessimist most of the time. “I just thought, it is probably a good idea if baby number two actually gets to have his or her own room.” Maybe JJ does think of the logistics after all. “But yeah, I can get it all back. I was just being a bit stupid. Baby number two can stay in our room or with Henley or in the living area or even…”

Without listening to JJ’s mumbling, Kiara steps forward and finds a way to stop him talking without saying anything. Kiara grabs his neck and pulls JJ to her, connecting their lips in one movement. And it works. JJ shuts up instantly and gives as much as he is being given by grabbing a hold of Kiara’s waist and pulling her so they are flush up against each other. JJ always likes to try to deepen the kiss and Kiara can’t help but smile when she feels his tongue graze her lips. Kiara is about to let him continue but is suddenly pushed back unexpectedly.

She looks up to see JJ looking around the empty room. “So, this can stay the office and we will find another place to let baby number two sleep.”

“Oh my god JJ. You’re an idiot.”

“Wow. Just when I thought I was doing something nice.” JJ puts plainly, not catching onto Kiara’s playfulness. Sometimes, JJ can be a real idiot.

“I like this! Actually, I love this and we’re keeping it.” Kiara thinks that should do it, that JJ should understand. But JJ scrunches his eyebrows together and waits for Kiara to spell it out for him. “This room will be baby number two’s bedroom.”

“Oh.” A soft smile shines on JJ’s face.

“You did great, JJ.” Kiara laughs. “I can’t believe you thought I’d hate it.” Reaching out for JJ, Kiara pushes him back slightly, laughter filling her up completely.

“Did you just push me?” JJ laughs with Kiara, playing along with her game. Kiara just nods and playfully pushes JJ again.

With that, they act like children all over again. With laughter filling the chateau, JJ chases after Kiara through all of the rooms before they circle around and end up back in the newly-emptied room. When JJ catches Kiara, he softly lays her onto the floor and remains at her side until they both find a way to reach their normal breathing patterns again. They lay on the floor in silence, listen to the other catching their breath all over again.

After breathing returns, JJ sits up before moving to Kiara’s stomach. He lightly lifts up the material covering the baby bump before leaning in closely. Kiara can feel his warm breath ghosting her, making her have to bite her lip to avoid moaning out his name. She just watches him, teeth focusing on her own bottom lip. “Only three more months to go baby number two. And this is going to be your bedroom. Don’t worry. We’ll put some furniture in here before you come out of your comfy bedroom that you’re in at the moment.” His hands flicker over Kiara’s baby bump. “Just three months to go.”

_Just three months._

_..._

And the three months drag. They even drag for JJ. He can only imagine how badly these three months drag for the girl that is literally carrying a baby in her stomach. Again. Somehow, JJ had actually found a way to get Kiara to want to do all of this again. Sure, it has definitely been easier than when she was pregnant with Henley. JJ has only found himself being kicked out of the main bedroom two or three times in six months.

It definitely helps that they kind of have an idea of what is to come. And Kiara’s pregnancy brain made her extremely stubborn and angry the first time she was pregnant. So, JJ likes to think that he knows what is the worst that could happen.

Henley herself has made everything easier. At three years old, Henley is a copy-cat. Copying everything that comes out of JJ or Kiara’s mouth. JJ can remember the first time she repeated ‘shit’ whilst she smiled harmlessly up at Kiara. JJ had laughed at their brunette daughter. Kiara had given JJ death stares. But being the biggest copy-cat that JJ knows, JJ can’t help but smile when Henley intensely listens to his stories about the Pogues and then the next day, tells Brownie or Kiara’s pregnant belly pretty much the same story. And JJ won’t deny, Henley definitely tells the stories better than he does.

“Once upon a time… Pogues went against the storms. They even fought the waves until the waves gave up and let the Pogues win! The waves used to be villains. But Daddy and Mommy and Uncle Pope and Uncle Johnny and Auntie Sarah made the waves good again. So, we can swim with the waves again. Pogues always win! The end.” Henley likes to tell the stories to her teddies whilst Brownie chews at one of her toy bunny’s ears, JJ likes to listen in.

It makes JJ laugh when people ask how JJ can understand every word that Henley says. Because sure, her words often all mumble into one syllable. But JJ is strong and can work through the mumbles to understand every word. Just like Kiara does with Henley. Kiara likes to joke that she has to do the same thing whenever JJ talks.

It is three months of Henley getting better at telling the stories that JJ has told her over and over again. All of the stories end in happily ever after. And JJ tries to not think about how he will eventually have to tell Henley all of his stories. Because JJ can’t hide from the future, inevitable questions about why Henley only knows her grandparents from Kiara’s side. That day will come, but JJ tries to not think about that. He tries not to think about how his past will eventually come to light in stories told to Henley and future baby number two.

The three months are hard for them all. Well, that’s not true. The three months are hard for everyone other than Sarah and John B. Because they seem to be living on a cloud that looks like Outer Banks, but sounds nothing like the Outer Banks that the rest of the Pogues are living in. Three long months of Kiara being uncomfortable and counting down the days until the baby that is prodding and poking at her from the inside, will be prodding and poking at her from the outside. Three months of JJ making the office look like a bedroom all whilst keeping Henley and Brownie calm and trying to not let them jump all over Kiara. But the three months seem to be different for Sarah and John B.

Even when it should all be the same.

Kiara is seven months pregnant when Sarah and John B announce their own pregnancy. When the words are said, JJ can’t help but laugh as he looks at Kiara who is also smiling. Because finally! Someone to see that pregnancy is not easy. Sarah and John B will go through hell just like Kiara and JJ did with baby number one and may go through again with baby number two.

If only…

If only it worked like that. But because it is Sarah and John B, it looks as if they are made for pregnancy. As soon as Sarah finds out, JJ and Kiara can’t help themselves from asking questions. “So, how long have you been throwing up?” Kiara asks, smiling widely at their probable pain.

“Dude, is Sarah getting all emotional and horny as fuck yet?” JJ turns to John B, intrigued to see if it is just Kiara. If JJ is just lucky to have someone like Kiara. Kiara doesn’t see the interest in the same way JJ notices when he feels her punch at his side. JJ thinks about joking around with Kiara and asking her if the punching is only because she is horny from her pregnancy, but the look in Kiara’s eyes makes JJ know. Kiara is not ready to play around.

If only there was something to joke about when it came to Sarah and John B’s pregnancy. But it quickly becomes evident how perfect they are. “I haven’t had any pain, and I haven’t been throwing up.” Sarah rubs at her non-existent bump whilst looking up at John B with such love. JJ remembers clearly when Kiara was first pregnant. JJ remembers vividly that Kiara was more likely to try to tear JJ’s head off than look at him like he was the purest thing on earth.

“No throwing up? How did you know you were pregnant?” JJ has to hold back his laughter when he watches Kiara’s enjoyment turn dark. Kiara’s fake smile remains planted on her face.

“I don’t know. We just decided to start trying and I took a test like every other day until it showed up pregnant.”

“Well… congratulations.” To anyone else, Kiara’s words may sound genuine. But JJ knows Kiara. JJ knows that she is mentally rolling her eyes whilst glaring daggers into Sarah.

“And now I can suffer through pregnancy with you.” Kiara just scoffs at Sarah’s words. Man, JJ knows that Kiara is about to snap. If Kiara wasn’t seven months pregnant and best friends with Sarah, JJ knows that she would attack. Because Sarah makes everything look easy, and it’s obvious that it annoys Kiara completely.

So it comes to no surprise to JJ that as soon as Sarah and John B leave, Kiara lets her emotions show. “What the fuck!” Kiara’s voice echoes around the chateau, both of them hoping that her language doesn’t wake up their copy-cat daughter.

“What?” JJ says, sitting down on the pull-out.

“How is this fair that Sarah gets everything? She gets the fucking easy pregnancy. That shit isn’t real and she acts like she is from a fucking fairytale.”

“Henley’s in the other room Kie.”

“Well I’m too pissed off to think about that right now, JJ.” JJ holds back a snicker from her snap. Because this is just like Sarah and Kiara. Best friends that bicker like kids. It’s as if they are those kids from Kiara’s Kook year, stupidly arguing over a party. “I mean, she is pretending that her pregnancy is just another day in her little Kook life. Whilst I keep feeling the real pain of pregnancy.”

“Maybe it just hasn’t come to her yet.” JJ shrugs whilst watching Kiara burst into angered laughter.

“Yeah right. She is Sarah Cameron. Queen of the Kooks and perfect in every single way. Her nightmares are that she is forced to spend almost five years in the Bahamas. The world will never let their precious Sarah Cameron suffer.”

“Kie…”

“No. I am right here! Sarah Cameron gets given everything on a fucking silver plate!”

“I’m not sure about that.” JJ is also not sure if this is just Pregnant Kiara, or it is something deeper in Kiara coming to the light.

“Well, I am sure.” Kiara snaps.

“She’s still your best friend, Kie.” Kiara Carrera has always been the hardest to break down when it came to her angered side. But JJ likes to believe that he can sometimes find a way through.

“Yeah, she is. But that doesn’t mean that she isn’t a bitch.”

Kiara Carrera versus Sarah Cameron. An epic fight that comes and goes. Last time, they trapped them on the boat to make them sort out their differences. But JJ knows that trapping two pregnant, fierce girls in a room will only end in tears and maybe even a bit of blood.

...

Sarah Cameron. Queen of Pregnancy. It’s not fucking fair. Especially when Kiara receives message after message from Sarah asking if they want to go to pregnant Pilates together or if they want to shop for clothes for their little future babies together. It comes to no surprise that Sarah makes a big deal about the gender of her baby. Even to this day, Kiara doesn’t understand why people make such a big deal over a baby’s gender. Because a baby is a baby. Different genders but they still do all the same stuff. They cry. They shit. They sleep. They eat. And then eventually they also bite and laugh and throw tantrums. But it doesn’t have anything to do with their gender.

But Kiara just smiles through, fighting away Pregnant Kiara to keep all of her thoughts in her own mind. But it’s hard. It’s extremely hard when Sarah throws a party that is even bigger than Sarah and John B’s wedding just for a baby that isn’t even born yet. And it’s all just to find out if they will be buying their future baby the stereotypical blue for a boy or pink for a girl.

It doesn’t surprise Kiara when Sarah finds out that she is having a girl. Kiara finds it really hard to imagine Sarah having a boy. A girl fits perfectly into their perfect life. Their fucking perfect lives. But Sarah still has the decency to try her quip at laughter by dryly joking ‘I thought you said pregnancy was hard?’

Bitch. A fucking, perfect bitch that doesn’t get it. Doesn’t get what life really is like.

Maybe it is Kiara’s own pregnancy that makes her judgemental when it comes to Sarah. Kiara is eight months pregnant and is over this feeling. Pregnancy has been a bitch to Kiara so it is inevitable that Kiara will be jealous that Sarah seems to be taking everything so well. Without a worry in the world.

But everything seems to change when Kiara receives multiple texts from Sarah.

**Sarah:** Kie. Can you come over?

_Sent at 11:00am._

**Sarah:** Kie. Please I am literally freaking out.

_Sent at 11:15am._

**Sarah:** Please John B isn’t home and I don’t know who else to ask!  
 _Sent at 11:25am._

Texts flood Kiara’s phone. Texts that only get more stressed as another comes through. Texts that Kiara cannot ignore for long. So, Kiara finds herself running over to Sarah and John B’s apartment to see what is stressing Sarah out this time.

Kiara finds Sarah on the floor of her bedroom, crying her eyes out. Shit. What if something really bad happened? Maybe Kiara is the bitch after all. “Sarah. Oh my god, what happened?” Kiara breathes out, predicting the worst. But when Sarah turns around, Kiara thinks about storming over to the crying girl and slapping her on the face. Because in front of Sarah lays two different dresses for her baby. Two dresses that literally look the same but obviously mean the world to Sarah.

“I don’t know what dress to pick.” Sarah whimpers through the tears.

“What?”

“I… I don’t know why I’m crying. I just… I didn’t know what dress to pick out and then all of a sudden, I found myself crying over the dresses.”

“Over dresses?” Kiara mentally rolls her eyes.

“Oh my god, Kie. Yes. Dresses.” Sarah snaps out at Kiara. “Now, sit down next to me and help me out.”

She wants to laugh. Or to scoff. Or to fight the other pregnant girl in the room. But Kiara finds herself sitting down next to her best friend anyways. Because something deep in Kiara knows what this is all about, and it definitely has nothing to do with dresses. Sarah hiccups through her tears whilst Kiara just watches. “This isn’t about dresses, Sarah.” Kiara breaks the silence eventually.

“What?” Sarah pretty much snaps out.

“This is the pregnancy. It’s making you cry uncontrollably.”

“Over fucking dresses?”

“Definitely.”

“So, I’m not just overreacting?”

“I mean, yes. But it’s not just that. It’s also that baby in your stomach is pushing your buttons and controlling your emotions.” Since when is Kiara apparently the pro at pregnancy? Since now, apparently.

“Oh.” Sarah keeps crying.

Sarah’s tears only make Kiara smile. Because it proves that Kiara isn’t terrible at this pregnancy thing. Everything is fine if everything falls apart. So, Kiara just stays silence as she fiddles with the material of the dresses in front of her whilst listening to Sarah’s sobs. This is what Kiara wanted. Someone that has also seen what it means to be out of control whilst pregnant.

“I can’t believe you’re actually crying.”

“Thanks, Kie. Kick me whilst I’m down. I’m sorry I’m weak.” Kiara watches as Sarah rolls her eyes.

“No. I mean, it’s just nice to see that you don’t keep it together all the time.”

“Well, this is hard.”

“Yeah. But through everything, you somehow don’t fall apart and I’ve never understood it.” How can someone keep strong through everything? Kiara has always felt weak when she is around Sarah. Up until this moment, that is. “I mean, how have you kept it together for an entire month of being pregnant? How have you not fallen apart when thinking about what is to come?”

“You think I’ve kept it together?”

“Yeah. You’re Sarah Cameron after all.”

“Exactly.” This only confuses Kiara. “I’m a Cameron. Daughter of a mother that lives in New York and doesn’t care about her family. Daughter of a literal murderer. Sister of a murderer as well. And let’s not forget Rose. That bitch definitely found some of the gold and is living her best, materialistic life.” They both laugh at this. “Of course, I have worried that there is something in my genetics that will make my children materialistic monsters in the future. But I ignore my doubt by remembering how I will have control over my own future. And I will not let their reputation ruin my child’s life. But don’t think for a moment that this pregnancy hasn’t made me doubt everything.”

Kiara knows it’s the truth. That Sarah has been struggling a hell lot more than Kiara could ever have expected. Sarah is in the same boat as Kiara entirely. Kiara bursts into laughter, remembering her conversation with JJ from the other day. Man, Kiara is a bitch just by calling Sarah a bitch without knowing the truth. “Why are you laughing?” Sarah wipes away her tears, obviously finding it deep inside herself to fight away the emotions.

“I bitched about you to JJ the other day.” Kiara laughs out.

“What?”

“Well, I called you a bitch for not falling apart. And here you are.” Kiara motions to the dresses, laughing even louder. “Falling apart over dresses.” It works, Kiara’s laughter spurs Sarah into hysterics.

“Oh my god. I literally just cried over dresses.”

“It’s these baby hormones, Sarah.” They are both laughing, rolling around the floor as much as they can without getting uncomfortable from their bumps.

“I’m so done with these hormones! And it’s even worse that the boys don’t get it!”

“Literally. I can’t even count how many times JJ has asked me if sleeping with a baby bump is uncomfortable.”

“Oh god.” Sarah laughs. “Well at least you don’t have John B asking if pregnancy hurts!”

“No. JJ asked me that when I was pregnant with Henley.”

"Fucking boys.”

“They have no clue.”

“Nope.”

Maybe Kiara could get used to this. Maybe being pregnant whilst Sarah is also pregnant is not the worst thing in the world. And maybe they both are bitches. Only now, Sarah and Kiara can bitch about their boys instead of each other.

...

Pregnancy is long. Especially when there is a three-year-old that likes asking questions and always being around Kiara and when Brownie the pup likes laying near Kiara, almost making sure that she is okay. But pregnancy also is quick. Nine months are not that long when Kiara has JJ by her side, making sure that she is okay every step of the way. Pregnancy is short when it is just the countdown to another change in their hopeful future.

The second pregnancy for Kiara is a lot smoother than the first. From her hormones to the last month of her pregnancy going to plan. She doesn’t collapse when it’s time. She just lets it happen and remains hopeful for everything.

Because with her family, how can Kiara not be hopeful anymore?  
  


Sixteen hours of waiting. But time is only a concept and those hours are just the countdown to her pregnancy finally being over. JJ stays by her side. Henley, Brownie and her parents facetime. Sarah sits by her side as well, telling Kiara that her future daughter Izabelle is going to be best friends with Kiara’s son or daughter. Everything remains hopeful. And even the couple of times in those sixteen hours where Kiara starts to breathe out of time or when her hand clenches onto JJ’s hand, JJ just whispers ‘Count with me, Kie.’ And they count. And everything is okay. Everything is always okay.

And everything is okay for all the steps along the way.

Sixteen hours.

The longest countdown that Kiara counts every second for.

But it’s worth it. Because on the seventeenth hour, baby number two is ready. Baby number two is born. The baby that comes out screaming, telling the world that they are there. That they are ready for whatever life has to offer. All of those people that say that pregnancy hurts but is bearable can go to hell. Because Kiara is sure that she screams louder than any baby in the entire world. Kiara finds herself shocked that she even is able to do it- that her emotions don’t freak her out and tell her that she can’t do this.

Pregnancy is hard. But the award is worth it. Baby number two is worth it. No, her baby boy is worth it. A son and a daughter? Kiara can’t help but cringe at how cliché It is. Because, a boy and a girl seem to be what happens in every story. So, maybe Sarah is right after all. Maybe their story is just one big story.

Henley and Sawyer Maybank. The new story of Pogues.

...

Sawyer Maybank. The boy of the family. The boisterous boy of the family. Something that Kiara and JJ never knew about before Sawyer. Because early on in the first year of Sawyer’s life, Kiara quickly notices that Sawyer likes to throw things. At Kiara. At Brownie. At Henley. Even at Izabelle when Sarah brings her over. A definite mini JJ in the flesh.

Sawyer also likes to cry when he is not getting his way. Sure, Henley liked to cry as a baby but Sawyer is on another level. His tears are endless and Kiara thinks that she may drown in them every day that she tries to stop them. Maybe a bit of Kiara? Sure, Sawyer gets his emotions from Kiara.

But Kiara knows that Sawyer is almost all JJ. And the one-year-old is already flirting. His smile lights up every time a girl is near him. JJ jokes “Sawyer is going to be a player”

“No, Sawyer is going to be Izabelle’s soulmate.” Sarah smiles. “Opposites attract and I will put money on Sawyer marrying Izabelle one day.” Sarah Cameron. The only girl in Outer Banks that plans her new romance story when their children are only one years old.

When Sawyer likes to scream the chateau down, he does so through the night as well. The only thing that ever seems to get Sawyer to sleep is when Brownie sits at the side of his cot whilst JJ whispers the stories to the sleepy boy. JJ Maybank yet again is just a dream. Someone that Kiara will never understand fully. JJ is perfect.

After they get Sawyer to sleep, JJ and Kiara just watch his chest move up and down as he sleeps soundly. Soundly sleeping as if he hasn’t been a monster throughout the day. It makes Kiara laugh. Because they have been through much and JJ and Kiara are still succeeding with whatever life has to throw at them. “I didn’t tell you but… when you made this room a bedroom, I had planned on telling you that we were moving in with my parents until we found enough room.” Kiara whispers, watching as JJ playfully opens his jaw in shock.

“Are you telling me that I could have had the chance to live in the Carrera residence?”

“No. I think my mom would have probably kicked you out in the first week.” Kiara jokes, smiling up at him.

“Probably.” JJ laughs back. Brownie moves slightly before laying down at the end of the crib. Kiara can’t deny it. Brownie is getting slower. “It would have been just me and Brownie.” JJ smiles at the pup, obviously not seeing what Kiara is seeing.

“He’s getting slower, JJ.”

“So? I’m getting slower as well. But we can still take on the world.”

“JJ, I’m serious.” It’s then that JJ looks at her, confusion spread on his face. “Brownie is getting slower, JJ. And in a few more years, we’re going to see him get so slow that he can’t move any longer.”

It’s the reality of having a dog. The unfair reality of the world itself. She notices a tear flutter down his cheek as if Kiara has just broken him entirely. Shit. She’s a bitch. But she knows it’s true. Kiara looks to the pup to see how the brown of his fur is mixed with the grey of time.

“Then I guess we’ll just need to make these years count.” JJ says more to himself than to Kiara. Hope even in the darkness itself.

...

The next years can be told through a list of birthdays. Because birthdays don’t seem to go to plan when it comes to JJ and the rest of his family. Hell seems to happen on birthdays.

It all starts on Sawyer’s first birthday when Sawyer cries the entire day away. It’s after Brownie or Henley or Izabelle (to be honest, JJ has no clue who) steals his toy and he keeps crying even when he gets the toy back. Sawyer can’t fight the tears away even when he is playing on his own with his toy car that he got so emotional over only a few moments ago. They had planned on having a nice day at the beach and then a nice afternoon in the chateau. Kiara even made this beautiful cake. But Sawyer is in a mood. Henley also is snappy. And then to top everything off, Brownie jumps at the cake that Kiara made- eating the cake before anyone can even sing happy birthday.

JJ laughs it off. Kiara does not.

Someone always seems to be sick on a birthday. Henley is sick on her fourth birthday. Kiara is sick on JJ’s birthday. Brownie is sick on Kiara’s birthday. It is a never-ending journey of terrible birthdays.

That is why JJ is determined on Henley’s fifth birthday. Because no one is sick for the first year. Henley even seems to be smiling and Sawyer seems to be in a loving mood, hugging up to Kiara especially. So, JJ is determined to break the curse of the birthdays for the Maybanks. And it all starts with waffles. Waffles that JJ is determined to not burn.

Henley is an early riser just like JJ so it doesn’t surprise JJ to see Henley sitting at the table, fussing Brownie whilst he finishes with the waffles. JJ keeps his concentration on the waffles, because he cannot start the morning with burnt waffles. JJ does however listen to Henley talking to Brownie about her new friends and her birthday and the excitement for the day ahead of her. Excitement always makes Henley bright and smiley and so unlike the negativism that used to come from JJ. It makes JJ smile. Smile wider than ever before.

And whilst he listens to the excitement from the birthday girl, JJ keeps his promise to himself of not burning the waffles. Hey, maybe people should start calling him the head chef from now on.

So far, so good. And that is all that matters.

And everything should be good. That is, until Henley, JJ and Kiara are sat around the table eating the perfect waffles when Henley sparks up, in the middle of a massive bite of pancake. “Can people haunt you?”

“Yes.” JJ answers, plainly.

“What? No!” Kiara snaps at JJ before turning back to Henley. This confuses JJ. Because JJ has always believed in being haunted, what was the problem? “You don’t need to be scared Henley.” Kiara turns soft for their daughter.

“Then why did daddy say that haunting is real?”

“Because…” JJ smirks at Kiara’s loss of words.

“Because you can get haunted but you don’t have to always be afraid of it.” JJ speaks before Kiara can stop him again. “The monsters in the shadows are only there when you are scared of them. Nothing can haunt you if you learn to not be afraid of those shadows.”

It took JJ years to learn from his shadows, he doesn’t want Henley to have to be afraid for as long as he was. Henley can be stronger than JJ was. Henley will be stronger.

The morning goes on without a bump in the road. For once. Henley opens her presents with that smile that never really seems to leave her face whilst Sawyer clings onto either JJ or Kiara or Brownie because Sawyer really is the loving kid. By the time the afternoon swings around, the chateau is filled with kids running around indoors and outdoors whilst Sarah and John B watch over their daughter Izabelle playing with Sawyer on the porch.

Henley runs around with her friends and seems happy in an instant. Everyone seems happy in an instant. Even Kiara’s mother isn’t trying to run as far away from the chateau as she possibly can. The cake that Kiara makes for Henley isn’t destroyed by Brownie. But that is only because Brownie is sleeping by the hammocks outside. It’s a different type of party that the chateau is used to. A kegger is swapped out for a popcorn machine and beer bottles are swapped for capri-suns. JJ won’t admit it, but capri-suns are just as addictive as beer. It’s a party that JJ never expected happening in the chateau. But it’s just the proof that the chateau has finally been made into a home.

Home is where they live. Happily. Excited for the future. Hopeful.

Even Kiara finds it in herself to not stress about the small parts of the party. JJ watches as Kiara talks to everyone at the party before moving to where JJ is stood in the kitchen. “Five years old.”

“And we’re both still here.” JJ jokes. Of course, they will always be here.

“Always and forever.”

“Definitely.”

It’s moments like these that JJ is reminded that they are still those young kids that fell in love whilst looking after a puppy together. Sure, they have come a long way but deep down, they’re still young at heart. When Kiara’s eyes lock with his eyes, JJ is sure that he is burning inside. Just the sight of Kiara’s eyes makes JJ fall into the palms of her hands. And Kiara must feel it as well because it doesn’t take much for Kiara to be pulling JJ into the direction of their deserted bedroom.

JJ still laughs when Kiara pins him against the wall, lust filling her quickly. Because it’s the same lust that has always been there in between JJ and Kiara. JJ can’t help but wonder if that same lust will still be around when they are eighty years old and weak to their knees. “Kie. What are we doing?” JJ breathes against her lips when he feels her hands on the button of his shirt.

“What does it look like, JJ?” Kiara’s lips move to his neck and JJ really does wonder if he will be able to resist.

“We’re at Henley’s fifth birthday party.” JJ tries.

“Yeah. And you’ve made it amazing so it’s time for us to have fun.”

“There are kids around.” He really does try.

“Henley is running around with her friends whilst Sarah looks after Sawyer. They won’t notice anything.” Her eyes are dark and filled with desire. Desire for him. It still makes JJ’s heart jump at that thought.

And he can’t help himself. He really can’t. His smirk fills his face before he pulls Kiara in for a searing kiss until they fight for dominance. Clawing at each other until they eventually realise that they are still in the hallway in the open. So, JJ just shuffles them closer to their bedroom whispering “I love you” before shutting the door on the party to have his own party with Kiara.

...

Henley likes telling everyone that she is a Pogue. Pogue through and through, Henley likes to believe. Just like her mommy and daddy. Because Pogues are the best people in Outer Banks. No. The best people in the world. Henley doesn’t need to be told that. So, she just tells everyone else that she is a Pogue and if she is a Pogue, her best friends need to be Pogues as well.

Brownie is her best friend, of course. But then she likes to believe that she has a close group of friends in Josh, Trey and Quinn. They are the four Pogues that will live up to be just like her parents. She is sure of that. So, that’s why the stories come out especially here on her birthday.

“We’re the Pogues and we need to get in out Pogue-mobile and drive through the waves to save Sawyer and Izzy from the storm!” Henley shouts to her group of Pogues before running around the garden towards Sawyer and Izabelle. Just like good Pogues, her best friends listen to her. They fight through the waves of Uncle Johnny and Auntie Sarah until they save Sawyer and Izabelle from leaving them.

They win! Because Pogues always win!

But the story doesn’t end there. Henley shouts out to her Pogues “Oh no! One of the waves took Brownie! Look! We need to save Brownie!” Henley points to where the sleepy dog is laying. Without even looking at the rest of the Pogues, Henley runs straight for Brownie, hugging him as soon as she reaches her pup. “We saved you, Brownie! We did it!” Henley hugs Brownie tightly and lets Brownie lick her face. Because they’re best friends and Henley doesn’t know what she would do without him. “Okay Brownie. Let’s go.” Henley stands up and waits for Brownie to move.

Brownie stiffly stands up and Henley smiles down at him. Brownie is the fifth Pogue to her group and he is the most important Pogue. He saved Henley’s mommy and daddy, now Henley must save Brownie.

“Okay, Pogues! Let’s go on another adventure!” Henley shouts at her friends before running around again. Josh, Trey and Quinn laugh and run around with her. But Brownie just lays back down. But it’s okay. Brownie likes to sleep at the moment.


	21. Daunting Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brownie is getting older and Kiara starts to wonder if she is the only one that notices the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad times now. Because this is the penultimate chapter. I hope that you are all enjoying this story and enjoy this chapter. Only one more to go but I am already planning my next story because I can't seem to stop writing for this couple aha! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!

Henley turns five years old. For Henley, it’s just a number meaning that she will be able to do more in her life because she is ‘five now and not a baby’. Henley reminds everyone that she is not a baby any longer for the entirety of her fifth birthday. At five years old, Henley is on top of the world because for the next few months, Henley will be three years older than her brother Sawyer. Not two years older like she is for the rest of the year. Henley is three years more mature than Sawyer and Henley likes to tell everyone that. Henley likes being older than she was only a few days ago.

For Kiara, Henley’s birthday is just a reminder that she has managed to go five years without breaking down and messing everything up. Five years of being a mother to a girl that smiles so wide that it is impossible to not smile along with her. Five years of seeing how JJ is so much better than Kiara is in every way possible. JJ is the better parent which shocks everyone every day. JJ is the one that always knows what to do and makes it so easy to see how a future can grow with not one child, but two. JJ is the one that keeps everything calm when it comes to Henley, when it comes to Sawyer and most importantly, when it comes to Kiara.

But not even JJ can remain calm and collected forever.

Birthdays are the pinpoints in someone’s life showing how age becomes them. How people mature and grow with the times, in ways that may even seem incontrollable. Growing up and learning how to deal with the world is a positive part of life. But growing up is inevitable and there is no way of stopping what is to come.

For Brownie, he has past his eleventh birthday. If Brownie was a human, they would be celebrating the child that has just reached double digits. But Brownie isn’t a child. He is eighty-six in dog years. And getting older. Kiara sees how his fur is lightening up with every passing day. Kiara notices how Brownie can no longer run around like that young puppy that skipped around the chateau with a chewed-up toy hanging from his mouth. It makes Kiara hate herself that she is noticing how Brownie is aging whilst JJ just looks at Brownie as if he is still the same puppy that won over their lives eleven years ago.

But Brownie is not that same puppy anymore. Henley likes to ask why Brownie isn’t chasing her around the garden or why Brownie isn’t allowed on long days down at the beach anymore. And Kiara doesn’t know what to say. So, she just tells Henley that Brownie needs his sleep or Brownie didn’t sleep well the night before so is making up for lost time. Brownie is just tired. That is all Henley needs to know. For now. The issue is, JJ seems to believe Kiara’s words as well. Brownie just needs to sleep. Kiara can’t bring herself to tell JJ what she really thinks.

Because what Kiara really thinks will break the only person in the chateau that has been strong throughout Kiara’s pregnancy and even longer than that. JJ had found a way to stay strong and Kiara doesn’t want for that to all fall apart by the truth that is staring them right in the face.

Life has never been fair. But this is beyond cruel. Because how can Kiara be the person that breaks everything when she used to be the one that had to sew everything together?

“Can I have a boat?” Henley’s question interrupts Kiara’s thoughts as she looks around the living area to see Henley fussing the sleeping pup whilst fiddling with the toy boat in her hands.

“A what?” Kiara asks, not one hundred percent sure that she heard her daughter.

“I want a boat.” It makes Kiara snicker. “I am five years old now and I will have to start going on adventures on my boat with my Pogues just like you and daddy did.”

“We were a lot older when we met.”

“I can start earlier.” Henley has a determination when it comes to adventures. Recklessness? Definitely an attribute from JJ. Henley likes to climb whatever she can just to see what people cannot see from the ground. Henley finds a way to see the world in a different way. A brighter, clearer world that you cannot see from the ground. Henley would go on an adventure to anywhere. It’s Henley that makes Kiara see how similar Kiara and JJ are. Because Henley gets her adventurous attributes from both the boy that never plans but just does, and the girl that wants to find a way for life to fair and better for everyone. Adventures mean seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And adventures come from anywhere.

“You’re not getting a boat, Henley.” Kiara ends up saying, just for Henley to start the water works and plead to Kiara. But it won’t work. Not that they can even afford to buy a boat for a five-year-old anyways.

“Brownie wants a boat.” She gets this from JJ- using Brownie to try and get her way. It normally always works.

“Brownie wants a lot of things that he cannot have. And you can’t have it either.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Yeah well, life is not fair.” Henley will only see that as a joke, but something in Kiara knows that her words are the truth.

“I’ll just ask daddy.” Henley shrugs and snarls at Kiara, knowing too well that JJ would try and find a way to keep the smile on Henley’s face. Kiara internally rolls her eyes before turning back to the kitchen. It’s bad cop, good cop when it comes to Kiara and JJ. Deep down, Kiara likes to think that things will be different for Sawyer- that Kiara will be the good cop and that JJ will have to be the strict parent. But Kiara knows that there is no way that JJ will be able to be strict with anyone without feeling terrible. JJ can be the good cop if it means that the smile doesn’t disappear from his face.

And Henley holds onto her words and makes sure to run to JJ as soon as he comes home from work. She hugs him tightly and Kiara almost laughs that Henley’s hug is just her manipulative way to try and get what she wants. But Kiara can’t be mad at Henley, because she is stubborn. And Kiara is the queen of stubborn. So, Kiara holds back hr tongue to avoid snarking at Henley whilst she is clutching onto JJ, pleading for him to get her a boat. A boat for Henley and Brownie. It doesn’t surprise Kiara when she watches JJ pick up Henley and agree to get Henley a boat because JJ would never say no to the five-year-old.

When Henley runs away to play on the floor with Sawyer, JJ turns to Kiara smiling widely probably proud of what he has just done. “You do realise that we can’t get a boat, right?” Kiara rolls her eyes playfully at JJ. Because she could never be mad at him when all he is trying to do is provide Henley with a hopeful smile.

“Relax Kie…”

“No, I’m serious JJ.”

“I know. And so am I.” A smirk appears on JJ’s face- a smirk that Kiara doesn’t know if she can trust. “And I am getting Henley a boat.”

“What?”

“Henley will get a boat, Kie. If it’s the last thing that I do.” Kiara wants to argue with him. She really wants to understand what JJ is thinking. Because he can’t be thinking about _stealing_ a boat for a five-year-old. Not even JJ is that reckless. But Kiara can’t find the words as she remains speechless, watching as JJ makes his way to Henley and Sawyer who are busy building a lighthouse out of Lego.

Kiara wants to smile at the three of them. She wants to join in as they build a town that looks a lot like Outer Banks. But her smile disappears when Sawyer picks up the Lego characters and sticks them onto a house that looks just like the chateau. Four characters. The four of them. JJ, Kiara, Henley and Sawyer. A family. Tears appear when Sawyer picks up the fifth character. A dog. Brownie. It makes Kiara looks down at a sleepy Brownie that is lying on the pull-out. Sawyer hugs the mini figurine before placing it with the rest of the family in the Lego chateau.

Guilt fills Kiara because at this moment, she feels like she is keeping a massive secret from the rest of her family. A secret about Brownie that will crash into them too soon to handle.

...

JJ Maybank has a five-year-old. Nobody would have thought that was even possible. But it is. JJ Maybank is a dad to not just a five-year-old but also a two-year-old. People would have laughed if they had heard that about JJ. Past JJ would have told them that they were lying because there is no way that somebody would let him become a dad. But here he is- with a family that will never run away from him.

And it is mostly because of Brownie.

Brownie the Spaniel that jumps around the storms to save the rest of the Pogues. Brownie the pup that doesn’t listen when he is asked to and makes a mess when Kiara or JJ are cleaning up. He is the Pogue that they didn’t see coming but Brownie still saved their lives and made sure that they stuck together to become a family.

Even the Pogues are obsessed with him. Sure, Brownie didn’t have the best start with John B and Sarah. But Brownie only ever growled at John B and Sarah because they were having an argument with Kiara and JJ. And Brownie always sticks up for Kiara and JJ. Brownie has learnt to jump around John B and Sarah’s feet until they give in and fuss his belly. And Brownie loves the kisses from their daughter Izabelle. Izabelle is just like Henley and Sawyer. Izabelle hangs off of Brownie’s ears whilst she laughs and Brownie just lets her have fun. Pope used to think that Zoey would only go out with him if he bought Brownie along to their dates. That always made JJ laugh because it was as if the most educated Pogue all of a sudden believed in magic- that Brownie was the magic that let Pope win the girl.

But maybe Brownie is magic. He is able to put out the flames of a fight before they spiral out of control and burn down the entire chateau. Brownie finds the magic that can calm everything and keep JJ strong when everyone else seems to be falling apart.

Just looking at Brownie makes everything feel better. Like right now, after Henley asks JJ if she can have a boat and JJ doesn’t want to break her by telling her the annoying truth that they can’t afford a boat and they will probably never be able to afford a boat. But looking at Brownie, the boy that has been so sleepy as of late, JJ knows that he will find a way because everything will be alright. If Brownie is magic, that magic will find a way through to help Henley out.

“When I get my boat, me and my Pogues are going to find an island and we are going to find gold on the island and live happily ever after just like you and mommy. The boat will take us on our adventure and Brownie will be there to find the island with us.” Henley mumbles on as JJ tucks her into her bed.

“Well, you’re going to need to name the boat.” JJ goes along with her adventurous stories.

“Okay. I will daddy. I will name the boat.” Henley nods to herself as she lays down onto her bed. “I’ll find the best name ever.”

“Good.” JJ laughs before taking for her door.

“Where’s Brownie?” Henley frantically looks around the floor of her room. Brownie normally likes to stay by Henley or Sawyer’s side. But he is not in the room. Strange.

“I don’t know.” JJ shrugs at her.

“He’s just really sleepy, Henley.” JJ turns to the door to see Kiara smiling into the room. Brownie really has been sleeping a lot lately.

They walk out of Henley’s bedroom to see Brownie lying by the door, looking out onto the porch. JJ only laughs at how peaceful he looks. The normally hyperactive pup has found a corner to be peaceful in their hectic lives. Brownie is just as relaxed as the rest of the family, knowing that they have made it. They have been through the storm and made it out the other side alive. “We can’t get her a boat, JJ.”  
“Yes. I will find a way.” JJ turns to Kiara, knowing that he will have to make her see his way of looking at things.

“How?” Kiara puts her hands onto her hips, stubborn as ever.

“Maybe we could save up for her sixth birthday?” JJ just shrugs at her because he knows that he will need to find a way.

“Boats are expensive.”

“I know but I can save the money up. I can do that for her. And we’re not saving up for anything else at the moment.”

“Are you sure about that?” Kiara looks past JJ, making JJ turn around to see that she is looking straight at the pup that is staring back, eyes half closed. “He’s going to be expensive.”

“What?” JJ asks, completely confused. Brownie could never be more expensive than he is already.

“JJ. Look at Brownie.” JJ does. All he sees is the pup, relaxed and sleepy. “Vet bills are expensive.” It’s then that JJ catches onto her words.

“Brownie doesn’t need a vet.” JJ shakes his head frantically.

“JJ…”

“No Kie. Brownie doesn’t need a vet.” Brownie is fine. Brownie has always been fine.

Brownie will _always_ be fine.

...

It’s hard being the bad guy. Kiara hates it. But when it comes to JJ, Henley and Sawyer, she has no choice but be the bad guy. So, she has to see the reality of their family. The reality that is Brownie. But Kiara doesn’t want to break them yet. So, she just goes on with the rest of the family when it comes to the naivety of the future. She decides to look the other way when Brownie falls asleep in the garden or when Brownie stiffly walks into the living area after his nap on the porch. Kiara ignores the signs of aging due to the fear of breaking the truth to the world.

But the truth remains evident. Because it only gets worse in the next few months. It gets to the point that Kiara doesn’t know how to keep it together in front of everyone else.

“Brownie is just sleepy.”

“Brownie can’t come out to play together, he has a headache.”

“Brownie wants to sleep in this room today because it is so comfortable.”

Kiara feels herself rear closer to breaking point when it comes to finding ways to keep the truth from the never-ending questions from Henley and the ‘why?’ questions from the learning Sawyer. It gets harder and harder to keep herself from shouting out the truth and facing the reality of having a pet.

Everything boils over one day when JJ decides to tell Henley the _secret_ recipe for Brownie’s brownies. Henley and JJ spend hours in the kitchen mixing the ingredients together and working to make sure that they don’t burn the house down. But Kiara doesn’t want to get involved. Kiara sits in the next room and listens into their hard-work. Kiara hears the directions JJ gives Henley and how every time, Henley just replies “Check daddy!” Kiara listens to Henley mumbling a song whilst JJ hums along with her. Two people with the same mannerisms. She hears Sawyer’s laughter as he laughs along with whatever funny adventure they are going on in the kitchen. But Kiara can’t laugh with them. Because her eyes are glued to the old dog that is struggling to walk over to his water bowl.

It’s not fair on any of them.

Brownie makes a mess as he slobbers all over the floor as he drinks up the water whilst sitting down to drink. Kiara can’t take her eyes off of him, worried that he may fall down at any time. But he doesn’t. Brownie just drinks his water before moving back to his spot on the pull-out and falling asleep painfully. The truth needs to come out. Kiara knows that it has to come out before it hurts Brownie too much.

The laughter from the kitchen contrasts the storm that is swirling in Kiara’s head. Because it’s not fair that she is the only one that sees what is going on with Brownie. It almost makes Kiara tear up at the sight of Brownie. Just a few months ago, Brownie would have been jumping around JJ’s feet as he made the doggy brownies that Brownie has fallen in love with. Now, Brownie only stays in the living area, not really even understanding what is happening in the kitchen. Everything has changed for Brownie in the last few months and it seems that Kiara is the only one that notices.

And Kiara remains the only one that notices when Henley skips out of the kitchen holding one of the famous doggy brownies. “Brownie! I made you a brownie.” Henley sings into the room. Brownie doesn’t even look up to his name. “Here you go.” Henley leans onto the pull-out and presses the brownie into the dog’s nose. But Brownie still doesn’t respond. When JJ joins them in the living area, Kiara just looks at him to see if he is finally seeing what she sees. But JJ just smiles at Henley and Brownie whilst holding Sawyer. That pure smile that Kiara is going to have to break. “He’s not eating the brownie!” Henley cries out. Kiara thinks about waiting for JJ to say something, but he doesn’t.

“Maybe Brownie isn’t hungry.” Kiara fills in.

“But he loves brownies.”

“And maybe he’s just waiting to eat it later.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Henley scrunches her eyebrows together as she watches Brownie’s slow blinking. It is as if Brownie is having a hard time even keeping his eyes open.

Kiara tries to remain positive. Because everyone else seems to find it easy. Positivity when it comes to Brownie. Kiara can do that. “Maybe he just needs to sleep it off.” Kiara tries to make herself believe her own words. “We should go to the beach and let Brownie sleep it off, okay?” Sleep and alone time. Maybe that is all Brownie needs. Maybe he just needs a break from being Henley and Sawyer’s play thing.

The beach is Kiara’s way of ignoring the daunting future. Because if she is the only one that sees it, maybe it’s just her own imagination. Kiara’s imagination always has gone in directions that differ from the expected. Maybe that is all this is. Kiara’s imagination taking flight and coming up with a way to try and reason for why Brownie is so tired. If there was anything seriously wrong with Brownie, she wouldn’t be the only one to notice. So, she ignores her own mind and runs down the beach with Henley whilst JJ runs alongside her whilst holding Sawyer on his back. Family is key and Kiara won’t break that apart with her irrational fears.

Henley spends the early evening running back and forth in the small waves. Because of course she is going to, she is going to be the best surfer in Outer Banks when she is older. Kiara is sure of that. Kiara watches as Sawyer plays in the sand with his eyes glued on his sister, laughing at her as Henley over-exaggerates falling into the water. “Man. We finally did it.” JJ breathes out, plopping down to Kiara’s position.

“What?” Kiara smiles at him.

“We finally made it.” JJ motions over to their perfect children.

“They’re the best.”

“Of course, they are. They’re ours.” JJ laughs out.

“Yeah. Definitely.” Kiara joins into his laughter, leaning into his touches.

Almost everything feels right in this moment. Almost. Because there is something missing that Kiara cannot ignore no matter how hard she tries. Because for the last eleven years, Brownie has been strong as he stands by Kiara as she watches the waves grow. And the feeling of guilt returns because what if Brownie never gets to come to the beach again? What if Kiara is right about Brownie? And, most importantly, what if she is hurting Brownie by keeping his secret from the world?

“We should probably talk about Brownie.” Kiara breathes into JJ’s neck.

“It’s fine Kie. He just didn’t feel like eating my brownies today. I don’t hate him for that, you know?” JJ laughs. But this is not a joking matter. Kiara needs to make him see.

“It’s not just the brownies though JJ.”

“Brownie is just as determined as you are Kie. When he wants something, he will make sure to make us know it.” JJ just shrugs, obviously trying to ignore this conversation. “Brownie will eventually want my brownies and I will not throw them away.”

“Can you seriously not see it?” Kiara almost snaps, getting annoyed that she is the only one facing the reality. But JJ just looks at her, confusion filling his face. He doesn’t get it. And he is forcing Kiara to tell him straight. “He’s getting older JJ. He’s not eating his food, he’s sleeping all hours of the day, he’s aching and not running around like he usually does. I can’t be the only one seeing this.”

Her words only make JJ shuffle away from her as his eyes remain glued on the waves. But Kiara can’t stop now. “He’s old, JJ. And I don’t know what to do if you keep acting like everything is fine with him.” JJ only shuffles further away, before standing to his feet entirely. He stutters up, avoiding Kiara’s eyes completely.

“I’m going to see if Sawyer’s okay.” JJ stutters out, making Kiara roll her eyes.

“Did you not hear what I just said?”

“I just… I just need to see if Sawyer’s okay.” Kiara can’t get another word in as she watches JJ run down the beach towards their two children.

Hours go by but Kiara finds herself playing with the kids or laughing along to JJ’s idiocies instead of diving into her own brain to see what is the other side. Kiara doesn’t bring up Brownie again. She doesn’t bring him up out of fear of how JJ will react. Maybe JJ isn’t as oblivious as Kiara believes. Maybe JJ really does see everything that Kiara sees but will not believe the words. Because the words hurt too much for them to be said aloud. And Kiara is okay with JJ ignoring the words. The words are painful and they are words that can wait a little longer before being said to the world.

Henley and Sawyer are fast asleep when they decide to go back to the chateau. JJ carries their daughter whilst Kiara has the easier job of carrying Sawyer. But saying that, Sawyer still remains squirmy as he sleeps in her arms. JJ and Kiara hush each other as they smile down at their heavy sleepers when they walk into the chateau.

Only a few months ago, JJ and Kiara would come home to Brownie running to their feet to greet his parents at the door. But on this night, Brownie remains sat down, drinking from his water bowl. It’s then that Kiara is sure that Brownie doesn’t even hear them. Brownie doesn’t hear them as JJ whispers his name into the room. Brownie just keeps drinking from his bowl. “Shit.” JJ whispers a little in front of Kiara. Kiara just cringes as she looks down at Sawyer to make sure that the boy in his arms is still asleep. Thankfully, Sawyer remains asleep.

“What is it?” Kiara whispers after JJ.

“Mind where you’re stepping, it’s wet here.”

_Brownie._

Kiara walks around the puddle and has to hold back the sudden need to cry because it’s just another sign for Kiara. Another sign of Brownie getting older. It’s something that they cannot avoid. But now, Brownie can’t even control himself to make sure that he goes outside. Brownie has no control over himself at all.

And it’s not fair on Brownie. Because if there is a problem, waiting it out will only cause more pain for the pup. Kiara has to face her fears in order to make sure that she is not hurting him further. Kiara and JJ make Brownie move into the garden to try and get him to go to the toilet outside. But all Brownie wants to do is sit down and ignore Kiara and JJ. It’s nearly time. And it’s time for JJ to stop ignoring the inevitable. “JJ.”

“He already went to the toilet inside Kie, he probably doesn’t need to go now.” JJ murmurs into the hot summer sky.

“JJ you know what this is!” Kiara doesn’t mean to yell. But she needs to get through to him. She needs this because Brownie deserves this. “We need to do what is right for Brownie.”

“Brownie is fine, Kie.”

“No, he’s not, JJ! Oh my god, open your eyes and fucking look at him. Brownie is not fine anymore.” JJ knits his eyebrows together and keeps watching Brownie.

“It’s not his time yet.” He just shakes his head frantically.

“JJ…”

“He’s just having an off day. And we all deserve an off day.” A harsh laugh escapes JJ as Kiara notices his eyes begin to glass over.

“Please JJ. I can’t play the bad guy any longer.” Kiara tries to step forward to show JJ that they are in this together.

“He’s not ready to go yet!” JJ screeches out, a tear falling down JJ’s cheek as he looks up to see Kiara. “No. No. Brownie will be jumping around the room all over again tomorrow. Just you wait and see.”

“He’s in pain.”

It’s then that Brownie painfully moves towards Kiara and JJ, almost as if he senses his own name. But JJ keeps shaking his head, looking anywhere to try and fight back the tears. Brownie brushes up against them, making them move to stroke his head. “He’s got to be okay.” JJ breathes out, uncontrollably crying into the silence. “He’s got to be okay because we all are going to be okay.”

“We are all going to be okay, JJ. But Brownie is dying.” There it is. The truth that Kiara has been avoiding saying. The truth that Kiara can’t ignore forever because Brownie doesn’t have forever. Kiara hears JJ hiccup through his tears and she knows she is getting to him. Probably breaking him down completely. But it has to be done.

“No! He’s not dying. He can’t be dying. He can’t be going. He… he… he can’t.” JJ struggles to speak past his tears. It makes Kiara wrap her arms around him tightly and let him cry into her hair. His tears only set her own off. She tries to cry silently- to remain the strong one for the first time in eleven years. But neither of them can hold it back. “He can’t be dying.” JJ squeaks out against her shoulder.

“I know. I know.” Kiara runs her hand through his head, making him pull her closer as if she is the only thing keeping him from falling over. She needs to be strong for JJ. “But.”

“Stop saying it Kie!” JJ pushes her back slightly before leaning down to give his full attention to Brownie. “Just… it… it’s not time yet. It’s not Brownie’s time yet!” JJ hugs the pup in front of him and cries into his fur. And for the first time, Brownie can’t find the light for JJ and Kiara. Because they are going to have to face this battle without him. Kiara goes to their level and hugs the pup as well. It’s just JJ and Kiara in this now and they are going to have to find a way to deal with this together.

It’s a night filled with tears as Kiara and JJ just lay on their bed with Brownie in the middle. Kiara listens to JJ’s tears but doesn’t say anything further. Kiara tries to soothe JJ by fluttering her hand up and down his arm but his hiccups keep coming. JJ hugs Brownie for the entire night and Kiara just watches him until sleep finally takes them both.

...

Brownie is the light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, Kiara was the one that had found him during the storm four months after John B and Sarah disappeared, but Brownie made JJ see that the world isn’t still filled with darkness. That JJ’s life matters and that he did have the ability to not fuck everything up. Brownie made JJ strong.

It’s why Kiara’s words open JJ’s emotions completely. Because of course JJ has noticed that Brownie has gotten slower- that Brownie no longer jumps around like the puppy he used to be. But the reality is that JJ doesn’t know how handle losing Brownie. Because how can JJ handle losing one of the only things that keeps him strong? So, JJ ignores his thoughts and tries to quickly change the conversation when Brownie comes up. Because JJ cannot face the truth. Not when the truth is too painful to think about.

But the truth does come out and JJ finds it even harder to ignore. He cries when the words come out of Kiara’s mouth. He just cries louder than he has ever cried before. And Kiara just lets him cry. JJ doesn’t stop crying that night.

For the next couple of days, JJ ignores Kiara’s words- trying to find any light that shows that it is not time for Brownie. Brownie cannot be dying when life has finally started to make sense for JJ and Kiara. They have their family and they can’t lose Brownie now. So, JJ ignores every hint that Brownie is there. JJ has to remain the optimist in this situation and just shrug for the times that Henley asks why Brownie is getting slower. Being strong never used to come easy to JJ. That is, until Brownie. Brownie made it obvious to JJ that if he remained strong, the world will somehow make sense.

Maybe it has been Brownie all along. Maybe JJ has only been able to not get scared because Brownie shows him that life is important. Maybe Brownie is the one that showed JJ what it meant to have a family- what it meant to belong to someone and make a home that is safe and secure.

Not even JJ can ignore the truth forever.

JJ is at work when the truth comes smashing into reality. JJ is at work when Kiara calls him, her frantic voice breaking through him. And JJ cannot control himself. JJ wonders if he is about to fall to the ground and not be able to move. JJ wonders if he will ever be able to be strong again. Because Kiara’s words are not expected. Even if JJ has started to understand the truth. “Brownie is missing.” Kiara cries through the phone.

He runs back to the chateau that day, completely forgetting about his job. Completely forgetting about everything other than his family. His family is more important than any job and Brownie is also his family. And he is missing. As soon as he sees Kiara, she launches herself into his arms. Her tears wet through his t-shirt but JJ doesn’t care. Because Brownie is missing. “I was… I was at the… the beach with Sarah and the kids and then… and then I came back but Brownie wasn’t here. Brownie’s not here.” Kiara hiccups out. She holds him tight and cries into him all whilst JJ tries to work things out.

Brownie has never disappeared before. Never. Kiara keeps crying whilst JJ looks around the grass to see if Brownie has just gone to lay down nearby. But no success. “Where is Sawyer and Henley?” JJ whispers to Kiara, trying to keep his calm for Kiara.

“With Sarah.”

“Okay. We’ll find him.” Optimism. That is all JJ needs.

The sun is scorching down as Kiara sniffles around the grass whilst JJ looks around, still trying to work out what is going on. Because Brownie doesn’t run away. And then all of a sudden, he is gone with no reason other than he is getting older. Both JJ and Kiara call his name into the emptiness of the outdoors. But Brownie doesn’t listen. Thoughts fills JJ’s mind, thoughts that he wants to keep away. What if Brownie never comes back? What if he is gone forever? What will Henley and Sawyer think? No. JJ needs to stay positive.

JJ keeps looking around the porch and onto the garden, calling Brownie’s name frantically. Because he needs to be here somewhere. He needs to still be at the chateau. “Brownie!” JJ shouts out, willing himself to keep looking and not give up. JJ cannot give up today. JJ walks to the stairs of the porch before feeling his eyes begin to sting, tears inevitably appearing.

A small whimper makes JJ jump. It makes him look around the porch before hearing the whimper again. This time, JJ is quick to realise where the whimpering is coming from. JJ leans down to look under the stairs of the porch. And there he is. Brownie lays under the stairs, scrunched into a ball with his head against the wall. Brownie’s eyes flicker whilst JJ’s tears create a river down his cheeks. “Kie!” JJ calls out to a frantic Kiara. Kiara quickly runs over and kneels down next to JJ.

“Is he stuck?” Kiara breathes out.

“I don’t know.” He clears his throat before stretching his hand out to try and motion for Brownie to come closer. “Come here, Brownie.” But Brownie doesn’t move closer. Brownie just moves to lay completely down, leaning his head onto the floor. “I don’t think he’s stuck, Kie.”

“No.” JJ hears Kiara take a deep breath before moving even closer, assessing the pup in front of them. “What do we do, JJ?” Kiara cries out.

“He’s in pain.” The truth comes out of JJ’s mouth, making his tears flood his eyes. Because it’s unfair on Brownie. JJ needs to see the truth and stay strong for Brownie this time. “It’s time isn’t it?” JJ turns to look at Kiara’s glassed eyes.

“It’s time.” Kiara leans her hand against his cheek, drying the tears away.

With that, Brownie moves out of his hiding spot and lays at their feet. His eyes are soft as they keep flickering. They have to do what is best for Brownie. And the truth is daunting.

It’s time for them to face reality.


	22. Life As We Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter where the Pogues have to say goodbye to Brownie and learn to live with his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is... the longest chapter for the last chapter. I am so thankful for all of you guys. Literally, I was never expecting that a small idea that I had a dream of after watching Outer Banks could turn into a fully fledged story that doesn't just sound good in my head. 
> 
> Literally, I don't think I could ever thank you guys enough for your amazing comments and kudos. You guys are the best and I am just getting emotional thinking that you guys even took your time to read my first ever (published) story. 
> 
> I will be back with another Jiara story but it may take a week or so of me just getting my ideas together. Please though, if you have any prompts for One-shots or ideas for stories or if you just want to say something, I do have a Tumblr that I literally only use for messages. So, feel free to message me there if you want. 
> 
> I also am really intrigued about what you guys prefer reading. E.g. would you want more smut in the next chapter? More violence? Do you guys prefer reading m rated stories or t rated stories. Because I am really new at this and I really want to know what everyone prefers in the first place.
> 
> Sorry about this long note and I'm sorry that it was mostly about me but I really just wanted to say thank you ever so much and... I hope you enjoy this final chapter.

“Brownie!” Kiara shouts after the puppy as the six-month Brownie runs around the chateau with a sock hanging from his mouth. All Kiara wanted from the day was peace. She wasn’t expecting to have to chase the puppy around. But here she is. “Brownie. Give me the sock!” No use. Brownie keeps running around the chateau. “Sit down, Brownie.” Running around, Brownie doesn’t even stop to listen to Kiara.

That sock is a goner. It has to be because there is no way that the six-month old puppy will ever listen to a word that comes out of Kiara’s mouth. The only way to get Brownie to do anything is to win him over with food. So, that is exactly what Kiara does. Sure, she tells JJ off every time he gives any food to Brownie, but it’s the only way to stop Brownie from indulging in socks for breakfast. “Here Brownie, chicken!” Kiara crouches down to his level, innocently smiling to try and trick the pup.

“Chicken is on the list, Kie.” JJ struts out of the kitchen, holding a bottle of water.

The list was created as a way for Kiara to be sure that JJ wouldn’t give the dog anything poisonous. Because Kiara is not entirely sure that her best friend will know how to look after anything other than himself.

“Yeah, I know.” Kiara shrugs into his direction but keeps her eyes on the stubborn Brownie. “I am going to trick him. He will drop the sock thinking that he is going to get the chicken.”

“Mean. That is too mean, Kie.”

“Well, I can’t give him chicken, JJ.” Kiara stands up to face JJ, giving up entirely on the puppy. “As you said, it is on the list of forbidden foods.”

“Just let him have the sock then.” He chuckles into his drink. Classic move from the nineteen-year-old Pogue.

“He can’t have the sock!”

“Then get him to give you the sock.”

“No! Brownie doesn’t listen to me unless I have food in my hands.” Her anger only boils as his laughter grows. His stupid laughter. JJ loves to laugh and it makes Kiara boil every time. Because it’s JJ that is always trying to get a reaction from Kiara and now it’s only them two Pogues left. JJ’s laughter and Kiara’s boiling has only grown over the past few months.

Kiara rolls her eyes at JJ’s laughter, just like she has always reacted. Sometimes, Kiara wonders how things would have turned out if she didn’t find Brownie on the same day that JJ returned to the chateau. Would they even be friends? Or would they still ignore each other, avoiding the awkwardness from sleeping with each other? Kiara is thankful for Brownie. Because it’s Brownie that has kept them together and let them see that the awkwardness was only there because they both knew that sleeping together was a stupid, reckless idea. Never to be repeated.

Her own thoughts are interrupted when the spaniel runs to Kiara, reaching and jumping at her hand, knocking the piece of chicken from her hands. “Shit!” Kiara shouts, reaching down to try and pull the chicken from Brownie’s mouth.

“Go on Kie, get some food and make him drop the chicken.”

“Shut up, JJ.” Kiara snaps whilst losing out to the puppy that quickly swallows the piece of chicken. Kiara rolls her eyes when Brownie starts wagging his tail. The fucking dog won. That _puppy_ won.

“Hey, at least Brownie dropped the sock!” JJ jokes. But Kiara doesn’t find it funny. Not even slightly.

It is as if it is Brownie and JJ against Kiara. Maybe it’s because they are together through every second of every day whilst Kiara is forced to go home and sleep in her own bed. Maybe it could all be different if Kiara just moved into the chateau with them. But Kiara is sure that if she moved in here, everything would change. Kiara and JJ would change.

It’s hard to see a future where Brownie is trained and dropping the socks for Kiara or JJ. It’s even harder to see the future where Kiara and JJ make everything work out- provide a home that Brownie deserves. But in this moment as JJ fusses Brownie whilst Brownie sniffs around the floor as if looking for more chicken, Kiara knows that they can give it a try. They can try to give Brownie everything that he deserves, even if it goes against the list of foods that Brownie is allowed/not allowed to have.

...

“Brownie boy.” Kiara cries out to the old pup that is laying at their feet. His eyes flicker from his obvious pain. They know it’s time. It’s the inevitability in life that neither Kiara nor JJ can ignore. “Let’s just go inside.” Kiara manages to squeak out. JJ just rubs her back as if he is trying to soothe her in any way possible. Pain fills them both. The pain that they have to do this to avoid Brownie being in pain. Because they will go through hell for this pup if it means that Brownie stays safe and comfortable. If they leave it for a few more weeks, anything could happen to Brownie.

“Kie…” JJ stutters through his heavy breaths.

“Everything is going to be okay.” She doesn’t know who she is talking to. But they all need to hear those words.

When Brownie tries to walk with them onto the porch, his stiff legs don’t let him move. His grunt breaks Kiara’s heart making her almost break down into more tears. JJ must notice as well because JJ just goes to Brownie’s level and scoops the pup into his arms. He cradles Brownie as if he is scared that Brownie will break. Kiara hears JJ sniffle before they move Brownie into the chateau to find any sense of comfort.

JJ gently places Brownie onto the pull-out before laying down with him. Kiara lays the other side, both of them sniffling as they stroke Brownie’s back. “So, how does this work?” JJ breaks the silence first. “I never got Pope to read those pages.”

“We get an appointment, take Brownie and they put him to sleep.” _Sleep._ It’s then that Kiara thinks about Henley and Sawyer because for the last few months, sleep has been the reason why Brownie is never playing with them. Sleep. The daunting reality that he will be put to sleep for the final time and that Henley and Sawyer will never see Brownie again. None of them will see Brownie again after their appointment with the vet.

Kiara knows it’s inevitable. And it’s how life works. But now it all feels so real. Kiara is no longer looking at the last few months or weeks or even days with Brownie, she may be looking at the last few hours with him.

“Henley wanted to go on adventures with him.” JJ cries out whilst turning to look at the ceiling.

“I know.”

“And she wanted the fucking boat to sail with Brownie.” He adds, tears running down his face. “And now they may not even get to say goodbye.” Kiara doesn’t even want to think about that. She doesn’t want to think about how they will have to break Henley’s heart by telling the truth that Brownie is not coming home. That Brownie is gone. “All she ever wanted was to go on one fucking adventure with her best friend.”

Tears bubble in Kiara’s eyes because she can picture it- she can picture Henley and Sawyer running around on a treasure hunt with a dog following their every step. They would sail around Outer Banks and understand what it means to be a Pogue. Pogues bring light when there is nothing left. Sure, Pogues have little to no money, but Pogues will always have each other. Kiara can picture it all. Kiara can imagine Henley driving the boat into the sunset whilst Brownie hangs his tongue out of his mouth to try and catch the clouds. Because neither of them are scared of the growing waves. It would be an adventure where fear is just a word.

But that adventure can never come. It’s too late for another adventure for Brownie.

And Kiara and JJ will have to work together to break their daughter’s heart. Just the words will make the fearless Henley see what happens in life. The cruel life that they have to live because they can’t change what needs to happen. They can’t freeze time to go on another adventure and sail around the entirety of Outer Banks. “No.” JJ breathes out, making Kiara turn to face him. Kiara just watches as JJ stands to his feet whilst looking around the room frantically.

“Where are you going?” Kiara sits to watch JJ move closer to the door.

“Henley and Sawyer come home in the morning. They deserve the chance to say goodbye.”

“JJ…”

“They need this Kie!” Kiara knows JJ too well to understand the words between the lines _I need this Kie._ “Just let me have until the morning, okay?”

Loss. It has never come easy to JJ. Kiara knows that JJ has never really ever been given the opportunity to say goodbye to anyone. JJ’s mom left without a word. And when it came to JJ’s dad, JJ was better off never seeing his face again. The storm that they thought to have taken John B and Sarah made sure that they never were able to say goodbye. Even when Kiara bolted from the Pogues to the Kooks, Kiara didn’t even say goodbye. Maybe JJ needs this more than Kiara even knows. Maybe JJ needs the closure of a farewell to Brownie.

“Okay.” Kiara nods when she sees the desperation in his eyes. She expects him to say something or to thank Kiara or to just sit back down on the bed and hug up to Kiara and Brownie on the pull-out. But JJ doesn’t break down. JJ just walks out of the door like a man on a mission. He doesn’t even look back to Kiara to tell her where he is going.

...

“Brownie I am sorry.” JJ jokes out to the two-year-old pup whilst Brownie sits on the ground in front of Kiara. “I am sorry that Kie is a monster that loves to torture you.”

“Oh my god, JJ.” Kiara just rolls her eyes, knowing that this is just a joke to JJ.

“Look at him, Kie. He is hating every waking second of this.”

“Well, at least he doesn’t groan as much as you do.”

“You just love to see our pup in pain.”

“What?”

“You better not hurt my boy.”

“Oh my god! It’s just a haircut JJ.” Kiara shakes her head before focussing again on the job at hand.

Brownie’s hair has become so long that it is beginning to mat into his eyes. Kiara needed to do this haircut before Brownie lost any sense of vision. So, Kiara made up her mind and decided that Brownie needed the haircut. Today. Brownie’s tail remains still as Kiara concentrates on the scissors in her hands.

“It’s not just a haircut though Kie. This is a cut of his manliness. His hair made him who he was and you are cutting that away.” JJ mocks whilst circling around the chair that Kiara is perched on behind Brownie.

“His hair was matted and needed a cut!” Kiara tries to argue against his mocking.

“She really is mean isn’t she, Brownie.” Kiara can’t help but roll her eyes, even if his smirk is plastered onto his face.

“Well, whatever JJ.” Snip at Brownie’s hair as Kiara ignores the mumbling from the two-year-old pup. “Just know that you are next.” When Kiara smiles up at JJ, she notices how his smirk has slipped from his face. His face is flustered with fear. But Kiara will win this. JJ needs a haircut just as much as Brownie does. “You do trust me, right?” Kiara snatches his smirk to wear it on her own face.

Trust has been the name of the game ever since Kiara and JJ started dating a month ago. Trust in each other and the understanding that neither of them are going to run away. Trust has never been easy for neither Kiara nor JJ. But it’s what they need to get good at if they are to ignore the awkwardness that could fill the silence.

“Trust you?” Kiara almost chuckles when JJ’s eyebrows knit together, as if they are working their hardest to find the joke in the situation. “Only been dating for a month and I trust you enough to tie me up and make me the sub to your dom. Because well, you really hate those stereotypical bullshit gender norms.” JJ laughs, only making Kiara breathe out impatiently.

“JJ.” Kiara warns.  
“But I will never trust you with my hair, Carrera.”

“You’re such an idiot. Now just sit down.” Kiara pushes Brownie away and can see how his tail starts moving as soon as the scissors move away from his fur. “It’s your turn.”

“No. Never. You can’t torture me as well. Brownie, get her. Stop her from taking me!” JJ moves to jokingly hide behind the dog.

“Oh my god, stop being such a baby. You need a haircut, okay?”

“No. You’re not cutting my hair.” JJ stretches back up, showing off how serious he is. But Kiara is not backing down.

“Fine. Then I won’t sleep with you again.” Kiara crosses her arms and waits for the inevitable. It’s as if she can read straight into his mind because it doesn’t take long before JJ sighs in annoyance before plopping down onto the floor in front of her.

“You play dirty.”

“I wasn’t about to lose out to you, Maybank.”

“Just remember that you want it just as much as I do.”

“Only in your dreams, JJ.” Kiara laughs out before taking the scissors to his hair.

“Always in my dreams Kie.” She rolls her eyes and concentrates on his hair. She knows JJ so well that she doesn’t need to look at his face to know that his iconic smirk is back. “You’re always wearing my pelican sweatshirt that you steal from me leaving me half naked. And then you get on your knees in front of me and plead for what I know you want the most. I know exactly what you want and I know exactly what you need.”  
  


His words make Kiara stutter because JJ knows Kiara too well. They have only been together for a month and JJ knows every aspect of Kiara already. It’s as if they have fast-tracked every honeymoon stage of getting to know each other and have landed straight on being perfect for one another.

...

“Brownie, where did he go?” Kiara breathes into Brownie’s fur as soon as JJ leaves the chateau. He will probably only be gone for a couple of hours. This is probably all just becoming too much for JJ. The truth is too much for JJ. JJ is a kid at heart. He always has been. So, it shouldn’t shock Kiara that JJ will need a lot longer to understand that saying goodbye to Brownie is the only way to make sure that Brownie is comfortable.

Life has a way of taking people into crazy directions. Just looking around the chateau proves this. Because the chateau shows the story of how life brings two people together to create something that is out of the ordinary for two normal Pogues.

Kiara doesn’t follow JJ into the darkness settling outside. She just stays on the pull-out, stroking Brownie’s fur. This may be one of the last moments Kiara has to properly say goodbye to the pup that changed her life for the better. So, Kiara smiles at the pup whilst looking around the chateau. Kiara smiles at the toddler gate that is still separating the kitchen from the living area. She almost laughs at the memory of JJ trying to work out how to unlock the gate the first time they had put it up only a few days of Brownie being in their lives. JJ had sworn the chateau down whilst getting his fingers caught in the contraption and Kiara couldn’t help but laugh at him. It’s the gate that Brownie had found a way to climb over when Kiara and JJ weren’t looking. He kept climbing it over and over again until JJ and Kiara had decided to give up and keep it open. It’s the gate that stayed open every day until Henley came into their lives. But it didn’t take long for Brownie to start teaching Henley all of his tricks.

The rug catches Kiara’s attention next. Because it is the rug that has been in the chateau for as long as she knows. The rug that she can imagine Big John buying so that the damp floor doesn’t make John B and the rest of the Pogues cold. Kiara remembers the days in the chateau where the Pogues remained gathered around the laptop watching some crappy movie. Kiara and Pope always ended up on the floor where Kiara fiddled with the ends of the material. But it’s not Kiara that had destroyed the rug entirely. No. The loose threads pulling out of the destroyed blanket are the signs that someone has been in a destructive mood. And Kiara can’t even tell who it was. Brownie always loved rolling around on the rug but Henley’s blanket always finds its way onto the rug. Either of them could be guilty. But Kiara can only smile into Brownie because it’s just another sign that the chateau is a home.

It’s a fish shack. A place for people to hang out when it is raining. A temporary living space for people that really need a roof over their heads. Everyone around Outer Banks would see the chateau as a dump. But it’s Kiara and JJ and Brownie that have made it so much more than that fish shack that John B and Big John lived in.

Just looking around the chateau shows everything to Kiara and makes Kiara focus on the good memories with Brownie rather than focus on the truth of the next few days. The chateau will never be clean, even if Kiara spends hours upon hours trying to clean it. And it’s not their fault. A dirty home shows a happy family. With toddler toys mixed in with dog toys that are scattered on the floor. The remains of fluff from one of Henley’s toys that she innocently let Brownie play with only a few months ago. Clothes are hanging haphazardly on the chairs from when the family came running in from the rain. It’s the mess that can never go away. Not when every part of the mess came from fun.

But it’s not just the obvious signs around the chateau that show positive memories of becoming a family. Kiara likes to focus in on the details. Like how their fridge is now scattered with Henley and Sawyer’s drawings and the photographs from Sarah and John B’s wedding that Sarah forced Kiara to be in. And it’s in the corridor where pictures used to show the story of John B and Big John. There even used to be a photograph of John B’s mom. But those photos are not there any longer. The corridor walls are scattered with memories. From the first time they took the pup Brownie on a walk where he was introduced to the waves to the first time Sawyer met Brownie. Brownie is a predominant part to what makes the chateau a home.

The little signs around the chateau would not be possible without Brownie being there with them.

As Kiara looks around the living areas, she sees how these little memories also show the world that you don’t have to be perfect to find perfection. It’s the pull-out itself that makes Kiara’s heart flutter in every possible way. Because here on this pull-out was where JJ and Kiara first came together after they thought John B and Sarah were dead. Here on this very pull-out where they spent hours trying to get Brownie to know his own name. On this pull-out is where JJ and Kiara have been put through hell because Kiara can’t forget that time where JJ found his gun or the times where Kiara was scared shitless over her endless months of being pregnant. Her heart beats even louder when Kiara looks out onto the porch to see the bench that Kiara and JJ had spent hours sat side by side counting until they found a way to silence the nightmares.

There are two common factors with all these little memories that makes Kiara smile. The first one being that Kiara was never alone. Whether JJ and Kiara were just awkward friends, or in the middle ground of something else, or dating, or even married to the matter of fact; Kiara always had JJ by her side to make the memories sweet. The other common is Brownie. Brownie has always been by Kiara’s side even when she yelled at him for just being a dog. Brownie makes the memories what they are and that is what Kiara has to hold onto. Because if they had never found that pup underneath the porch, the photographs hanging in the corridors would looks completely different. And Kiara is very fond with the present photographs.

And even when new photographs are hung onto the wall to show off the new, sweet, little memories, Kiara will always look back at Brownie and know that it was all worth it.

...

“Brownie. Here you go.” A four-year-old Henley shouts out as she skips over to the pup that is sat down pleading at Henley. For the last few minutes. No. Hours, Brownie has been begging and begging for the opportunity to play with Henley’s favourite turtle toy. He shows his sad eyes to Henley and Henley knows that she will give in eventually and give the toy to Brownie. She is just like her mom like that. She will give into anyone that looks sad. “Your turn to play with Ocean.” Henley sits down next to Brownie before giving Brownie Ocean the turtle over to the pup.

His eyes glow as he tugs at the toy, playing by shaking his head in excitement with the turtle hanging from his mouth. But Henley knows, dogs use their mouths to show when they love something. And Brownie really does love her turtle. And Henley loves Brownie so of course Henley will share her toys with him.

If Henley and Brownie are going to go on a big adventure together, they are going to have to learn to trust each other. Henley’s dad always says that trust is really important. And Henley trusts Brownie with her toy in this moment. Brownie gallops around Henley’s bedroom with the toy hanging from his mouth and his tail wagging back and forth- another thing that Henley knows is a sign that Brownie loves the turtle. Henley stands up and jumps up and down whilst laughing at the pup in front of her. Brownie always finds a way to make Henley laugh.

“You’ve got to look after Ocean, okay?” Henley tells Brownie as soon as he stops running around her room. Henley goes to his level to make sure that he understands. Henley thinks he understands.

“Henley.” Henley’s mom calls when she walks into the room. “Why does Brownie have Ocean?”

“Daddy always tells me to share my toys.” Henley shrugs, remembering her dad’s words. Because it is really important to share- especially when it came to her friends or her baby brother.

“Yeah, share your toys with Sawyer. Not the dog.” Henley watches as Kiara goes to the dog’s level to take the toy away.

“He won’t hurt Ocean. He just loves Ocean.”

“Yes, but he may destroy your toys.” Henley just shrugs at her mother’s words. Because Henley isn’t sure she would stop Brownie even if he did try to pull apart her toys in the same way he has done so with so many other toys. Her bunny rabbit toy lost her ears the first week after Christmas when Henley got the toy from Father Christmas himself. Henley’s doggie toy lost his tail but Henley can’t blame Brownie for playing with a toy that looks just like him. Henley has always had to be really careful when it came to her toys with either Sawyer steals the toys or Brownie chews them limb from limb. But this turtle is different. Henley can tell that Brownie is going to be really careful.

Brownie is always careful when it comes to Henley. And Brownie knows that the turtle toy is really important. Henley knows that Brownie would never do anything to make Henley cry. Because Brownie hates tears. Brownie is the one that always finds a way to keep away the tears and keep Henley happy. Happiness comes from Brownie. And Henley knows that wherever Brownie goes, she will always follow.

So, Henley argues and argues until Kiara finally backs down and lets Brownie share Ocean with Henley. Because sharing is important and even if it may be hard to share with Sawyer, Henley finds it easy to share with the pup.

...

Brownie is lying on the porch when Kiara and JJ come back to the chateau after picking up Henley and Sawyer. Neither of them can hold anything back when they see him. JJ listens to Kiara’s breathing speed up as she tries to keep back the tears. And JJ is no better. His eyes sting but he knows he has to be strong. Because it all comes down to this. Because it’s time for them all to say goodbye to their saviour- their pup. No. Their Brownie.

Just like she always does when she sees Brownie, Henley skips over to him before jumping and hugging him tightly. Her face remains bright when she nuzzles into his fur. JJ’s mouth threatens to show a smile but something stops him. Instead, JJ turns to look at Kiara who is looking back at him. It’s something that Kiara and JJ have become really good at- silent conversations. He knows what her eyes are saying and all JJ can do is let out a stuttered breath and nod at her silent words.

_‘We need to tell them.’_

JJ goes to their level whilst scrunching his eyes together to try and stop any uncertain emotions from exploding. “We all need to talk.” JJ softly speaks.

“Okay.” Henley’s innocent voice makes JJ let a tear roll down his face. Because it’s the innocence that JJ never wants to break. But the future is inevitable and JJ can no longer keep it silent, keep it locked inside him for it never to escape into reality.

A ringing makes JJ feel sick but he pushes through, standing strong with Kiara by his side. He doesn’t even know what he says himself, he just can feel his mouth moving and can see how the light on Henley’s face gets darker. It’s the ringing of the truth. The ringing that doesn’t go away even when he looks at Kiara’s mouth moving whilst she strokes the pup that is in the middle of this conversation. JJ just watches with his ears ringing, making sure that JJ doesn’t hear any word that comes out of their mouths. He watches as Kiara hiccups through her tears and tries to fight the storm to remain strong in front of Henley and Sawyer. Kiara has always been strong- even if JJ is the only one that can see it. It’s the mix of Brownie and Kiara that make JJ strong but here on this day, they need more than strength.

Brownie rests his head in Henley’s lap whilst Henley keeps her eyes down on the pup in front of her. Sounds jumble together which makes JJ wonder if the ringing is just in his own ears. Maybe the ringing is real. Maybe the ringing is the way to try and block out any feelings. But feelings win overall. JJ cries with them and he can’t hold back when Henley eventually looks up, her eyes puffy and red. “No. Brownie is just sleepy. Brownie likes to sleep.” Henley shakes her head ferociously, just like JJ did when he tried to ignore the thumping of the truth.

“We need to learn how to say goodbye Henley.” JJ tries to back Kiara up, but his words hardly come out at all. Tears beat words.

“Goodbye for today but not goodbye forever!” Henley shouts out with the same stubbornness as Kiara.

“Henley. It’s time for us to say goodbye.” Kiara tries this time.

“No!” Tears flood Henley and it’s times like these that JJ feels the pain. Because she is only five years old. She is hardly old enough to understand what life really means but here she is, trying to understand what happens when life comes to an end. “I don’t want to.” She clutches at Brownie- the pup that has always just let Henley jump on him at any time.

“Brownie boy!” Sawyer laughs out, obviously not understanding like Henley.

They are too young. They are too young to see the darkness that life has to bring. It’s not fair for them to see what happens and it is not fair that they have to learn to be okay with whatever life throws at them. Death is so depressing. JJ has never been able to say goodbye or to even look back on their lives with fond memories. But death can’t be as depressing for Henley and Sawyer. They don’t deserve to feel the pain that life threw at JJ before Brownie and Kiara found him.

Death will not destroy their innocence.

When JJ stands up, he can feel Kiara’s confusion burning into him. But he is a man with no plan, just like usual. This time however, he needs to find the light that he has been so bad at finding for himself. “JJ?” Kiara questions, wiping away her tears.

“One more walk on the beach. Brownie always loves to swim. So, we should say goodbye where Brownie feels content. Should we take Brownie to the beach, Hen?” JJ tries to smile at his daughter just to try and fight that war with her tears.

“He’s not strong…” Kiara starts.

“He’s a Pogue. So, we’ll find a way to make him strong.”

Dog. Pogue. Saviour. Destructive bastard. Best friend… Family. Brownie deserves everything even if life wants to throw him down and kick him.

It’s the same beach that they first took Brownie to all those years ago. The beach that is too far away for any of the stuck-up Kooks and too quiet for all the Tourons. It’s the beach of the Pogues. It’s the perfect beach for Brownie.

On a normal day, Henley would take either Kiara or JJ’s hand and pull them towards the sea completely forgetting about sunscreen or to check where the other parent is setting up. But this day is completely out of the ordinary. Because Kiara keeps a hand on Brownie’s back as JJ carries him onto the beach before letting Kiara set up camp. Sniffles can be heard from them all. JJ isn’t sure if it is him or Kiara or Henley or even Brownie himself. But as soon as the blanket is laying on the sand, they all lay down together and watch Brownie’s movements for every breath.

“Why can’t we say goodbye to Brownie some other time?” Henley stutters out as she lays down next to the pup.

“Because we want Brownie to be comfortable when we say goodbye.” Kiara manages to explain, keeping her tone calm but strong. It’s the Kiara that JJ knows well- the Kiara that is soft but tough for all the storms that they face.

Henley and Sawyer both keep asking ‘why?’ every five seconds before JJ notices that tears are still flooding their eyes when all JJ wants to do is remember the good times and not think about death. “I left something in the car.” JJ announces before making his way up the beach to avoid any more negativity that will make JJ reckless. JJ walks away from them even when Henley calls after him or when Kiara asks him where he is going.

Not on Brownie’s last day will JJ allow his entire family to fall apart. Brownie brings happiness and the possibility of more adventures so JJ can’t let their emotions break them here on this day. Their last chance to say goodbye.

...

“Brownie boy.” Henley cries into his fur as they lay on the beach towel together. Kiara watches them to try and fight the urge to run after JJ. Because it’s JJ that Kiara can’t lose in this moment. Because it’s JJ that has never been given this opportunity before- to say goodbye. So, it makes sense for JJ to keep running away from them. There is something deep in Kiara that worries about what their life is going to be like after they say goodbye to the pup. Will JJ lose all of his control that is telling him to stay? Will he run away? JJ has been running away from Kiara for the past few days, always finding an excuse to leave and not follow up with more information when he gets back.

Promises go out of the window when JJ loses control. So, what is JJ loses the control to see his worth? To see that he deserves all of this and more. He deserves to have a family and to be loved. It’s not something to run away with. They are a team that can take on anything now that they have already been through hell. So, they will have to remain a team through loss.

Sniffling makes Kiara focus on Henley. She focuses on her daughter even when she hears the footsteps coming back down the beach. Old JJ would disappear for a couple of hours and then return with a new bruise or his eyes red from being high. But it’s not old JJ anymore. Because when they look up, JJ is stood by them with a bodyboard in his hands. A bodyboard with white plastic stapled to the side. A boat. And it all comes crashing into Kiara because it’s the realisation that JJ didn’t disappear because he lost all hope in their future, he disappeared to create a positive future for Henley.

Because Henley wanted a boat. A boat that JJ made for her.

“I know it’s not like a fancy yacht nor is it even fancy enough to be compared to the Pogue. But I needed to get you a boat.” JJ joins them, placing the boat next to Henley. Henley and Kiara wear identical expressions. Surprise mixed with joy when the world around them seems like it is falling apart. “Brownie wants to go on one last adventure, Hen. Maybe you could be the captain.”

“Captain Henley. That does sound pretty great.” Kiara smiles along with them. Because JJ always finds a way to surprise them and find the joy in their last breaths. Even Brownie lifts his head to check out the bodyboard boat that is connected to a string.

Laughter erupts them all for the first time in a while. Because Henley jumps up from the sand and sits down in the boat to let JJ drag her around. JJ runs around the sand with Henley being thrown around and Sawyer running after them. Kiara should yell after them to be careful but Kiara can’t fight the laughter as she watches Brownie stand up and walk after them. It makes Kiara stand up herself and chase them as well. Adventures come from anywhere as long as we have a strong enough imagination. “Captain Henley’s boat races towards the water, she has her second hand man Brownie running close behind to fight away the sea creatures!” JJ tells the story whilst pulling the boat along.

“Oh no! Brownie, mommy has been taken by the sea creatures!” Henley’s imagination continues when she points to Kiara making Kiara learn to play along.

“Help!” Kiara acts.

“Help mommy, Brownie!” Henley instructs Brownie and sure be it, Brownie walks towards Kiara. In this moment, no one thinks of what is to come. They only focus on the now. Even Brownie likes to play along with their adventures.

JJ eventually gets to the water and lets the bodyboard boat float on the water. Kiara watches as she sits down next to Brownie on the sand. She watches JJ help Sawyer into the boat with Henley. She watches how the boat stays afloat, keeping Henley and Sawyer dry from the water. And Kiara can hear everything from the shore. She can hear the laughter coming from the three of them and she even laughs along with them. “You’re going to have to name your boat, Henley.” Kiara hears JJ say.

“Okay daddy, I will think about it.”

“Go fast!” Sawyer laughs out before JJ nods and moves around the water, throwing the children back and forth.

Kiara is bought back to her own thoughts when she feels Brownie lean up against her. The dog just looks up at her, comfortable for the first time this week. “You saved all of us, Brownie. But we’re going to be okay. I know we’re going to be okay.” With that, Kiara smiles at her family- the pup laying on her legs and the husband that has bought so much joy to her life and the children that find the sun through the clouds.

They enjoy the day with JJ running back and forth with the boat in his hands. Henley laughs when the waves threat to come over the sides of the bodyboard and Sawyer just keeps asking for more. Brownie joins in from time to time and makes sure to give kisses to the children’s faces. All is happy in this moment and everything just seems to take a pause. They stay at the beach until the sun starts to set and sleep becomes Henley and Sawyer. Sleep is battling with Kiara whilst she lays her head on JJ’s shoulder as they watch the stars begin to appear. “It’s going to rain.” JJ sleepily informs Kiara.

“I know, I believe you.”

“John B taught me well.” She can feel the smirk appear on his face but Kiara feels no need to shake that smirk away. “We should probably head back before the rain hits.” When he goes to sit up, Kiara just forces him back down.

“Don’t worry, I’m not afraid of a little bit of rain.”

Kiara wants to freeze time- to stay in the moment with Brownie sleeping soundly on their legs whilst their two children dream of adventures on their new boat. JJ made all of that happen. JJ found a way to remain strong in front of the storm. No rain has ever scared Kiara away before. But in this moment, rain seems soothing because it’s the pattering drops of rain that tells them that they are here- they are alive.

...

Rain patters down on the car where JJ and Kiara are sat waiting for it to back down. It’s the night after Kiara found enough courage to tell her dad that she is now with JJ. Romantically. Dating. JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera. Sure, Mike had laughed when the words left Kiara’s mouth, but JJ made sure that Mike saw the positive side to the story. Kiara hates that the stamp of approval has made her heart beat faster than ever before. So hard in fact that Kiara doesn’t know if she can wait to get into the chateau to jump on JJ and show him how much he means to her.

She knows he is feeling it as well. Because when Kiara looks over at JJ, his leg is jumping up and down as he fiddles with his hair. A clear sign for JJ Maybank. They have only been together for a few months but Kiara can’t control herself when she is around JJ. Because he always finds a way to surprise her.

Legs bounce up and down to the timing of the pouring rain hitting the windows. Kiara fiddles with the fabric of the chair, forcing herself to not lean over to the driver’s side of the car. She fiddles with her hair and the fabric of her wet top and the glove compartment in front of her. Anything to keep herself from touching JJ. Just the memory of his words to her dad make her jittery ‘I am in this with Kie through and through. Mr C I won’t run away from her.’ A promise to Kiara’s dad? Kiara cannot control her mind from wondering to what they could be doing in this car or on the front porch or (if they could make it) the bedroom itself. But JJ made sure to tell Kiara that there would be no _funny business_ until they checked on Brownie.

But she can’t help it. She can never help it when she is with JJ.

She is about to say something but is quickly cut off by JJ’s sudden intake of breath “Fuck this.” JJ breathes out before opening the door into the rain. Kiara just watches JJ in confusion as he storms to her side of the car. JJ opens the door with so much intensity that Kiara wonders if she is dreaming. Because seconds later, JJ is picking Kiara up into his arms and storming into the chateau. Neither of them cares about the rain when they are together.

They don’t even look around the chateau to check on Brownie before heading to the bedroom. But the bedroom is so far away and Kiara needs his lips on her right now. So, Kiara just pushes JJ against the wall and pushes herself against him, connecting their lips to ignite the flame. Hands roam over wet bodies whilst tongues fight for dominance.

It’s sloppy.

It’s Kiara and JJ.

Their intensity keeps growing whilst they peel each other from the rain-wet clothes as they crash into their bedroom. Kiara needs this. She needs JJ in every way possible. And it’s the first time that JJ doesn’t worry every five seconds that he is hurting Kiara because JJ could never hurt her. His lips find her pulse-point and suck hard as their bodies move together. Everything is perfect. Everything is Kiara and JJ.

But when JJ goes to reach for his belt, reality sinks in. Howls from their pup fill the chateau and Kiara almost yells out to Brownie to be quiet because she knows what is about to happen. Brownie’s whining keeps growing from the living area, getting so loud that they can’t ignore it. “Just… we’ll check him after.” Kiara pleads impatiently but she knows it’s too late. Her body aches when JJ stands up from her.

“Sorry Kie. Brownie needs me.” His smirk should not make Kiara want him more.

“What?” Kiara leans up onto her arms, trying to make him realise that Brownie can wait.

“See you in a bit.” With that, JJ leaves the bedroom to find the attention-seeking pup.

Jealous of a dog? Hell yes, Kiara is jealous. Because Brownie can just make the smallest sound and JJ would go running. Sure, it’s the same for Kiara. Kiara would do anything for the pup just like JJ.

Kiara waits it out, hoping that JJ will come skipping back into the room at any time. But he doesn’t. Kiara ends up groaning as she stands up and makes her way into the living area. That boy is dead. Standing up his girlfriend for a dog? JJ is dead.

But JJ isn’t dead. He can’t be dead when Kiara stops at the sight of Brownie playing tug of war with the boy in question. Brownie’s tail moves back and forth whilst JJ smiles brightly at the pup. It’s this moment that Kiara doesn’t mind being second best to the dog. She can wait for JJ because this is real. It’s Kiara and JJ for the future and they will have all the time in the world to make up for lost time. So, Kiara is okay taking a seat to let Brownie be the centre of attention whenever the pup wants to be.

Kiara and Brownie will just have to learn to share JJ’s attention.

...

Brownie sleeps on the floor by their bed for his last night. Kiara wonders if he is going to join them on the bed but Brownie doesn’t. Brownie just sleeps, hopefully dreaming of today’s adventures with his family.

But Kiara finds herself tossing and turning. Because it’s the last night with the third body snoring into the room. She can feel JJ’s hand brushing up and down her spine as if he can sense her uneasiness. It makes Kiara turn to face him. Innocence is all she sees staring back at her. Life is cruel to everyone. There are no winners when it comes to life. Kiara knows that she just has to find the sweetness in all the sour. “Can you tell me a story?” Kiara asks. She needs anything to loosen her mind.

“Sure.” JJ just smiles at her before moving to rest his hand on her shoulder.

“Once upon a time there was this group of Pogues. Pogues that knew that they could never fit into this world. But together, they would find a way. The Pogues loved adventures. On the day that they met Kiara Carrera, they were on an adventure to see who could climb the highest wave. JJ Maybank was the victor. Whilst their lives grew, adventures kept finding the Pogues. One adventure made two of the Pogues leave their home and left the three remaining Pogues behind. Two of these Pogues found each other- JJ Maybank and Kiara Carrera. It wasn’t the best start but an angel finally found them and fixed every piece of their adventures. Brownie the pup found his way to the two Pogues that needed some guidance.”

JJ’s story is interrupted by the pattering of small feet hitting the wooden floor. They turn to see both Henley and Sawyer stood by the door. JJ and Kiara just move slightly to allow their two children to lay down on the bed with them. Henley leans into Kiara whilst Sawyer sits in the middle of his parents.

“Brownie showed our two heroes what it meant to belong. Because quickly the heroes found that home was wherever the puppy lived. Brownie bought happiness to the chateau but he also taught the heroes everything about life. He taught them that home is wherever there is love and determination. The girl’s stubbornness made them determined and the boy’s recklessness made sure that their lives remained an adventure. Together, they found that the skeleton of the chateau still had room for life. And the story is nowhere near finished.”

Kiara just smiles at JJ, loving the ending to all of his stories. His stories make Sawyer and Henley drift off by their sides. Their own little, happy family that all came from finding the pup under the porch. With that, Kiara remains surprised when she feels the end of the bed move. When she looks, she sees the brown and white pup climb onto the bed before moving to lay at their stomachs. His tail moves back and forth. An image that makes Kiara smile, smile so widely that sleep eventually takes her where she dreams of the memories of Brownie.

...

It’s a morning of goodbyes. But it has to be done. JJ keeps telling himself that. It’s time for Brownie to say goodbye- goodbye for now. The hard discussion between Kiara and JJ comes to an end with Kiara forcing JJ to be the one to take him to the vets. His heart doesn’t stop beating quickly when the time comes to take him to the car.

“Okay.” JJ cries out into the living area where Kiara, Henley and Sawyer are all hugging the pup. “We need to say goodbye.”

“I’ll come with you to the car.” Kiara manages to say in between her tears. “Hen…”

“I know.” Henley cries. “I love you so, so much Brownie. But it’s time for you to go have your own adventures. And here, you can take Ocean my turtle, he will keep you safe.” She hugs the pup one more time before standing and hugging into Kiara. “Daddy said that haunting was real and I shouldn’t be scared of it. Brownie, you can haunt me whenever you want to, okay?” Her sobs fill the room but JJ can only wonder how Henley can keep it together. A five-year-old that understands life more that JJ and Kiara combined.

“Sawyer, do you want to say goodbye?” Kiara asks their two-year-old. Sawyer just hugs Brownie tightly before speaking.

“Bye Brownie, see you tomorrow!” A tear falls from JJ’s face before he can catch it. He hears Kiara hiccup out her tears as she hugs their son. It won’t make sense to Sawyer yet. Nothing really makes sense to Sawyer yet.

When JJ carries Brownie out of the chateau, he overhears Henley’s screeches of tears. Saying goodbye is never easy but it’s the only way to give Brownie everything. And when they walk towards the car, Brownie gets the goodbye that he deserves.

Lined up to the car are the Pogues. All have glassy eyes as they watch JJ carry Brownie to the car. Because it’s not just JJ and Kiara’s lives that Brownie has changed. Every Pogue has been affected by Brownie.

Pope cries for Brownie because it is Brownie that worked as a buffer to finally get the girl of his dreams. Brownie helped Pope see that he is worth it. He is worth someone.

John B cries for Brownie because Brownie is the one that made John B grow up. Brownie is the one that growled at John B until he realised that he needed to stop being a baby and see a future.

Sarah cries for Brownie because Brownie gave Sarah the happiness that she always wanted. Brownie gave Sarah the romance story from the movies.

Even Kiara’s parents are stood in the line with just as glassy eyes. Because it’s Brownie that made Anna Carrera see that there is more to life than the gossiping Kooks. It’s Brownie that made them the loving parents that JJ always knew them to be.

They make it to the car and JJ finds himself keeping it together just for Brownie. Because Brownie doesn’t want them to be depressed on his final day. Kiara helps Brownie into the boot before kissing his forehead and crying into his fur. “I’ll never forget you, Brownie.” Her tears keep coming. “I hope I wasn’t too much of a bitch to you.” Kiara cries whilst JJ leans a hand against her back. Kiara just keeps crying. “We’ll… I’ll see you in the future though. Because you’re my pup, Brownie. And I am so happy that I found you on the porch.” Kiara eventually leans away from Brownie.

“Kie…” JJ tries to soothe her tears but it is hard when his own eyes are filled up.

“I know.” Kiara sniffles before hugging against JJ. “We’re doing the right thing.”

“Yeah.” JJ breathes into her neck whilst holding her tightly. “We’re doing this for Brownie.” They do everything for Brownie.

The salt of tears can be tasted when Kiara kisses him sweetly before kissing the pup once more before moving away from the car. JJ has to take a deep breath when Kiara smiles at him through her tears. JJ has to control himself. He has to do that for Brownie.

So, JJ gets into the car and doesn’t look at the rest of the Pogues when he drives away from the chateau. He doesn’t look back at Brownie until they get to the vets. Vets are too much like hospitals. The white cleanliness of the waiting area that contradicts Outer Banks completely. Sat in the waiting area are the Kooks that can actually afford a pet. But when JJ looks down at Brownie, he can’t help but smile. Because Brownie is a Pogue through and through. He would probably snap off any of these Kook’s heads off. Brownie is what has kept JJ from listening to the words of the Kooks. When JJ is around Brownie, the Kooks don’t even matter. But it’s not Brownie himself. No. Brownie has found the ability to teach JJ to ignore what the Kooks have to say because JJ is better than the gossip. JJ is more than the gossip.

Breaths come short when they get to the room. JJ doesn’t know what to do with himself as he looks down at Brownie who has Henley’s favourite toy by his side. It’s the only toy that Brownie hasn’t destroyed as if Henley and Brownie have made a deal to keep this toy safe. Ocean the turtle has been kept safe from Brownie for the past five years. Maybe it’s time for Ocean to keep Brownie safe in return.

When the vet takes off Brownie’s collar, JJ tears up at the sight of his name. “You know Brownie, we almost called you Pogue.” Brownie looks up at the teary JJ almost as if he is listening “But Kiara wouldn’t let me call you Pogue. She said that it wasn’t a real dog name. But hey! She’s one to judge saying that she let me call you Brownie.” JJ laughs at his memory, finding the light. “Brownie isn’t a real dog name either. She also wouldn’t let me call you JJ Junior but I kind of understand where she is coming from with that one.”

Looking back, JJ understands what it means to have a pup in a family. Because of all the years, Brownie has always found a way to make the painful memories painless. He radiates happiness- happiness that JJ cannot let go of. “It’s time.” The vet speaks up.

“Will it hurt him?” He doesn’t take his eyes off of Brownie.

“No. It will just make him sleepy and he will drift off comfortably. I promise you that.” JJ just nods at the doctor whilst taking Brownie’s paw into his hand.

“I’m going to stay with you Brownie, right to the end.” JJ sniffles out, determined to be what Brownie needs him to be.

JJ doesn’t look at the vet when the drug gets entered into the tube. JJ just looks into Brownie’s eyes and knows that he can stay strong because of Brownie. Brownie has showed JJ everything. And even if there are tears in his eyes at this moment, JJ knows that the clouds will eventually go away to show off a beautiful sunrise. Because JJ has fought his demons and he will keep fighting those clouds even if they keep trying to block the view.

“It’s okay Brownie. You’ve made me strong when I thought that I was broken. You and Kie stayed by my side even when there didn’t seem to be a bright future ahead of me. You showed me what it means to have a family- to be loved. Brownie, you made sure that I didn’t run away.” Brownie’s eyes begin to flicker but JJ keeps talking. “And it’s okay Brownie because I will never run away again. I promise you that I will stay by Kie’s side and go on adventure after adventure with Henley. I will tell stories to Sawyer to make sure that you are not forgotten. Because you are my hero. You saved me from myself and showed me that I can do this on my own. So, it’s okay Brownie. You can go. You can go knowing that I will keep making memories and stories of how the Pogues win. Because the Pogues will always deserve to win.” JJ sniffles into his fur when Brownie’s eyes close. JJ nods against the pup when the pup’s eyes close.

When his eyes close for the last time.

...

It’s a week of tears. A week of crying whenever someone says his name. A week where none of them can sleep without JJ telling them a story. It’s a long week where they have to find a way to move forward and live the life that Brownie would have wanted for them.

A week after it happens, Kiara decides that they should have a memorial for Brownie. Because Brownie is a part of the family and they can’t just move on with their lives without a place to rest Brownie. So, they all find themselves standing outside the chateau when their tears finally dry up enough for them to tell the stories of Brownie. Because Brownie bought joy to them all and they can’t let their tears win.

“Brownie JJ Maybank.” JJ smirks through his tears only to make Kiara roll her eyes. “The pup that was always up to no good.”

“And eating way too much.” Kiara adds.

“And chewing up all of his toys.” JJ jokes.

“And mine!” Henley completes.

“I don’t even know where my life would be if Brownie never came into our lives. But I know that he taught me how to live a normal future. A future that is filled with adventure as long as I have my family by my side.” JJ looks at the man-made headstone that Kiara thought they needed. “That future is only possible because of you, Brownie.”

“He loved running around and finding places to hide.” Kiara starts. “Brownie was a Pogue at heart. From the moment I found him, he was just like the rest of the boys. Caring, reckless, loving. But that is what the Pogues needed. Another Pogue that could make sure that the adventure didn’t end in disaster.”

“I wanted to go on adventures with Brownie.” Henley tears up.

“Yes, but isn’t life just one big adventure?” Kiara hugs into her daughter.

“Definitely is for us Pogues.” JJ jokes.

“Exactly. And there is nothing wrong with being Pogues.” Smiles light up their faces as they look at the headstone.

“I think I know what I am going to name my boat.” Henley keeps her eyes on the headstone. “Brownie. So that he will always go on my adventures with me. I can’t leave Brownie behind from my adventures.”

Brownie will always be a part of their lives. He is definitely watching over their every move.

When they begin to walk inside, Kiara is filled with a sense of excitement. Because their future is not written in stone. Brownie proves this. Brownie was thrown into their lives when no one could expect it. But through all the battles and the fighting and the making up, life seems to find a way to keep JJ and Kiara hopeful. Brownie showed them what it meant to have hope. And now that hope will lead them into their futures as a family of Pogues. “What do you think is going to happen now?” Kiara asks when JJ wraps his arm around her.

“I’m not psychic Kie. I can’t predict shit like that.” JJ jokes, only making Kiara roll her eyes.

“Oh my god JJ. You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah but you’re stuck with me.” Kiara should playfully fight him back but Kiara knows that it is a fight that she doesn’t want to win. Because she wants to be stuck with him and find their way through life unpredictably. Their lives have never been planned and Kiara is okay with that. Because that’s life. Life is just one big adventure where the heroes have to work out what step to take next.

“Yeah, I am.” Kiara leans up to kiss JJ because she is ready for whatever life has to throw at her next. Because she is home. They are home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, thank you so much! If you want to message me ideas etc my Tumblr is TiggerUsername (Same as on here aha).

**Author's Note:**

> The puppy will come soon.


End file.
